Everybody Loves Yaya
by Useful Oxymoron
Summary: YayaxTsubomi When Yaya is offered to be in the Spica foreign exchange program to the US, she jumps at the opportunity and takes Tsubomi along with her. Insanity and wackiness abound. Contains Shoujoai, of course.
1. Chapter 1 : Destination Quahog!

Hey everyone,

This story is meant to tide me over until I finish the sequel to Endless Love, but I have to be honest with you, I had doubts on if this particular story should ever see the light of day. In this story, I'm having Yaya and Tsubomi play the role of foreign exchange students and sent them to Quahog for 6 months of insanity. Almost next to nothing in this story is to be taken seriously, my mad mind having indulged itself quite nicely. I'm definitely a bit self-conscious about it, though.

Originally, I came up with this idea after watching an episode of Strawberry Panic and an episode of Family Guy back to back (Warning: This is something one should never do!) and the original plan was that it would star Shizuma and Nagisa. I came to my senses, however and abandoned the story before it could take off. But everything came back the moment a friend (who shall remain nameless) challenged to build a story around this plot-bunny: Yaya buys a monster truck. So the story's main stars are Yaya and Tsubomi, but practically all main Strawberry Panic characters will be making an appearance in this tale.

This is also the first time I wrote for Yaya. I hope I did her justice. Thanks go to my friend Alphamonkey, sage of all things Family Guy, for going over the story and providing valuable feedback. Hope you'll enjoy it.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Strawberry Panic or Family Guy. If I did, I'd be in a huge house with a big bag of money, having a bit of a laugh. But I'm not, so I don't. Contains Shoujoai, naturally.

Also, we have characters talking in Japanese and English. When a character is speaking in Japanese, her line is displayed thusly : -"..."- I wanted other, less obtrusive symbols, but it seems like FF won't allow it.

* * *

**Everybody loves Yaya!**

**Chapter 1 : Destination Quahog**

Nanto Yaya was counting the seconds until the plane she was on would land. She was surprisingly active after a gruelling 14 hour travel time, but that was due to the pure excitement. Her traveling companion and girlfriend Okuwaka Tsubomi, who sat beside her, was still sleeping soundly. Yaya smiled: Tsubomi looked so cute when she was sleeping, her head tilted to one side and a gentle smile on her delicate features. The raven-haired girl took a moment to gently push some of Tsubomi's pink hair from her cheeks before sinking back in her seat.

Yaya closed her eyes and basked in the idea of a sixth month adventure in the States. When Spica made available a number of places for a foreign exchange student program, Yaya jumped at the opportunity and months of hard work had paid off. She had won one the places in the program and could bring along a companion of her choice. And Tsubomi was only too happy to join her.

After Hikari and Amane had become Etoiles, Yaya and Tsubomi's friendship had developed to a more romantic entanglement until they became a full-fledged couple. Still, as Yaya had entered her fourth year at Spica, it was still hard for her to see Hikari with Amane. She loved Tsubomi, that was not in question, though she had certainly never expected to fall for her. But still, living in the same dorm room as Hikari, with Amane dropping by at least five times a day kept reminding her of what could have been.

A six month adventure alone with Tsubomi, exploring a foreign culture, was exactly what she needed to break with the past and start looking towards the future.

A brief yawn next to her alerted Yaya to Tsubomi's awakening.

-"Good morning, sleepy head,"- Yaya smiled. -"Or should I say snory-head?"-

-"Hey!"- Tsubomi protested groggily. -"I do NOT snore."-

-"Seriously, it's like sitting next to a saw-mill. A seriously cute saw-mill, but a saw-mill nonetheless."-

Tsubomi scoffed and looked away angrily.

-"You're so cute when you're angry,"- Yaya shook her head and picked up the guidebook again. They'd had their first taste of America when they had to transfer planes at LAX. They weren't allowed to leave the airport, but at least they had their first American fast food on American soil. It had been rather amazing to see such a small girl like Tsubomi ravenously consuming an American sized slurpee soda. Yaya'd been seriously worried about Tsubomi's blood sugar level when they embarked on the second plane.

-"The children of our guest-family should be arriving at Spica right now. I wonder how they're doing. Spica's very strict after all. I hope they're ready for it."-

-"I'm more worried about us,"- Tsubomi said. -"I'm not really all that good at English."-

-"My English is well enough. I'll help you. Do you still have that phrasebook I bought you?"- Yaya asked.

Tsubomi took out the book. -"Yes. I have a feeling this book'll be my lifeline."-

-"Don't worry, you'll pick it up soon enough. Just let me do the talking when we get to the airport. I'll be happy to translate for you,"- Yaya smiled as Tsubomi flipped through the phrasebook.

"Good... morning. I am... Insert Name. How... are you? I... am fine, thank you... for asking," Tsubomi droned monotonously, while Yaya giggled. Needless to say, that earned Yaya another scowl.

The PA system crackled before the captain's voice came through it. "Good morning, this is your captain speaking. We'll be landing at our final destination of Quahog in a few minutes. Please fasten your seatbelts."

"Yes!" Yaya exclaimed in English. "Quahog, here we come!"

-"What does Quahog mean, anyway?"- Tsubomi asked as she and her girlfriend Yaya were waiting for their luggage to appear on the conveyer belt.

-"Uh, hold on,"- Yaya said and rummaged through her backpack for her notepad. Yaya had done meticulous research on the city of Quahog prior to leaving and had jotted down many relevant things. -"Ah, here it is. A Quahog is a sort of hard-shelled clam. The town was founded by one Myles 'Chatterbox' Musket. Musket-san was a sailor from the colony of Rhode Island boat and was thrown overboard for talking too much and too loudly. According to legend, a magical clam rescued him and brought him ashore, and together they founded the town named Quahog."-

Tsubomi, who had already spotted their suitcases and dragged them off the belt, shook her head. -"That sounds a bit silly to me. Then again, local legends are usually silly. Part of their charm, I guess."-

Together, Tsubomi and Yaya walked past customs and into the meeting hall. Yaya had dressed for the occasion: she was wearing a red tank-top which left her midriff bare, a denim pair of short pants and a black cap which had the word 'FBI' embroidered on it. Tsubomi had chosen for a more conservative look: wooly sweater and plaid skirt.

-"Look, a welcoming committee,"- Tsubomi pointed at a delegation being headed by an elderly man with gray hair and a blue suit, who was hanging shells on a ribbon around the necks of the tourists visiting Quahog. Yaya and Tsubomi decided it would be an appropriate start of their foreign adventure.

"Let your stay in our fair city of Quahog be a fruitful one. Enjoy our culture and hospitality by day, and our hookers and scenic dope-dealers by night. Don't worry, we all know why you're here," the elderly man laughed while the tourist quickly moved on. The elderly man then smiled at the two girls, who bowed politely. "Greetings, and welcome to our fair city of Quahog. I am Mayor Adam West, here to personally see to your very own welcoming ceremony."

-"Wow,"- whispered Yaya as Mayor West hung a clam-encrusted purple ribbon around her neck. -"He's the mayor!"-

-"No way!"- Tsubomi gasped and immediately bowed deeper to show her respect as she also received a clam on a piece of string. -"Hey, wait a minute. These clams are **real**... And very smelly."-

"Konichiwa, honorable Mayor West," Yaya greeted with a smile. "I am Nan... Uh, I mean, Yaya Nanto and this is my girlfriend Tsubomi Okuwaka. We are from Japan. We are grateful for your greeting and well-wishes."

At the instant that Yaya had mentioned they were from Japan, Adam West's expression changed from kindly to god-inspired fearfulness. "I... Japan? But... Oh, no. You must be from some island where you've been since World War 2, aren't you? The war is over, my girl! OVER! Just..." he got on his knees and begged. "Just give peace a chance! A CHANCE! AAAAHHH!" he suddenly belted for the exit. "Run! It's an all-out invasion! They're evil ninja's! RUUUNNNNNN FOR YOUR LIVVVVESSSSSSSSS!"

Tsubomi blinked. And so did Yaya.

-"Uhm, what did he say, Yaya-chan?"-

-"I... I have no idea."-

-"I thought Yaya-sempai said she was such a genius at English."-

-"I AM good at English, but what Mayor West said just didn't make any sense. Besides, he was probably scared by your perpetual scowl, Tsubomi-chan."-

-"HMPF!"-

Though the experience was incredibly weird, Yaya and Tsubomi continued on their way through the meeting hall, looking for their guest family.

-"I think that's them,"- Tsubomi pointed at a sign being held up in the distance.

-"How can you tell?"- Yaya asked as the two girls navigated their baggage carrier around the gathered people.

-"Well, for one thing, there's Kanji on that sign. And also, they're holding it upside down."-

Finally, they saw their guest family. Standing in front of them was an overweight middle-aged male with glasses, a lovely red-headed woman wearing a bluish-green shirt, a dubious looking baby wearing red dungarees and a white dog walking on two legs.

Being very excited, Yaya bowed politely. Tsubomi, of course, did the same. "Greetings," Yaya spoke. "I am Yaya Nanto and this is Tsubomi Okuwaka. We are grateful that you will allow us to stay at your lovely home."

The overweight man stepped forward. "Me Peter," he said. "You new Peter kids. You stay Peter house."

Yaya blinked for a moment. "Uhm. I do speak English, Griffin-san. I apologize if you find my pronunciation inadequate."

"Me... Pe...Ter. Pe...Ter... is... me," Peter spoke slowly. "You... foreign chick."

The dog slapped a paw against his forehead and stepped forward. "Way to make a good first impression there, Peter," he said, before turning to Yaya. "Hi, my name is Brian. Please don't mind Peter here. Your English is wonderful, miss Nanto."

-"Uh, Yaya-chan?"- Tsubomi whispered at Yaya. -"Is that... a talking dog?"-

-"I think he's probably one of those really advanced robot-pets. Like the ones they have in Tokyo. I didn't realize the Americans had technology this advanced. I mean, I've read most of them can't even program their VCRs."-

"Hi," greeted the red-haired woman. "I'm Lois and I guess I'll be your surrogate mom for the next six months. I'm sure we'll learn a lot from each other and'll have a lot of fun together. Tonight I'll be cooking you a traditional American meal: french fries with ketchup!"

"Aw, Lois, tonight is Taco-night!" Peter protested. "There's nothing more American than Tacos and Burritos."

Tsubomi eyed the baby in Lois' arms. "Oh, kawaii," Tsubomi smiled.

"Goodbye?" Peter frowned. "Well, that was a short six months. Don't tell me we've fallen into a time-warp again, cause the last time that happened..."

"No, Peter," the dog interrupted. "Kawaii is Japanese for 'cute'. I think she means Stewie, though for the life of me I can't imagine why."

"Would you like to hold Stewie, Tsubomi?" Lois asked and handed the indignant baby to Tsubomi.

"Hey, what the deuce?!" Stewie uttered when the pink-haired girl pressed the baby to her and cooed some (to him) incomprehensible Japanese words. No one was more surprised than Tsubomi when Stewie punched her in the face. Tsubomi yelped as she fell backwards and landed on her posterior.

"What do you think you're doing, manhandling me? And why the pink-hair, that's so last year. Seriously, it makes you look like a reject from the barbie-factory with your pink-colored mop and a broken voice box. 'Math is hard, let's go Seppuku!' Please!" Stewie spat.

A stricken Yaya helped her embarrassed lover to her feet. -"Are you alright, Tsubomi-chan?"-

-"Did you see that, Yaya-chan?! That baby punched me in the face! He did that on purpose!"-

-"How could he? He's only one year old. Maybe you just scared him. It wouldn't be the first time you scared a small child."-

"Stewie!" Lois admonished as she picked up the baby. "What's gotten into you? I'm so sorry, Tsubomi."

"Oh, you've just gotten rid of the other two morons and already you're skirting around these two Pokemon rejects to replace them. And here I was hoping for some peace and quiet!"

* * *

Thankfully, the trip to 31 Spooner Street was uneventful. Yaya spent most of the time asking questions about America and life in Quahog. Peter mostly answered with nonsensical anecdotes about family members, while Brian kept correcting those with proper information afterwards. Tsubomi tried her best to make small talk, but was still having a lot of trouble with the language and kept flipping through the phrasebook and a small dictionary during conversation. Thankfully, Yaya was able to help her out where needed.

The Griffin residence was a lovely house of suburbian build, and both girls were eager to explore their new temporary home. As soon as the two girls entered the house, they removed their shoes and put them on the mat next to the door. They were surprised, however, to see that Peter and Stewie just strolled past them still wearing their streetshoes. Not finding any slippers waiting for them, the girls took their own from their backpacks. Outside, Lois was still struggling with the girl's suitcases.

"Hey, Lois!" Peter shouted out the door. "Hurry with those suitcases, will ya? We're already inside here, Lois."

Yaya watched on in a mixture of fascination and good humor when Lois growled at Peter and unceremoniously dumped the suitcases on the floor.

"Peter, 'helping' is not an ugly word," Lois challenged.

"Yeah, but it's not a beautiful word either, like 'Shapoopi', 'beer' or 'side-boob'," Peter crossed his arms.

Yaya removed something from her backpack. "Ahum. Peter-san? Lois-san? In Japan, it's custom to present the kind hosts with a small gift of appreciation. Tsumaranai mono desu ga."

Yaya handed Peter and Lois a small box which was filled with several Onigiri. "Oh, that's SWEET!" Peter exclaimed. "A gift of food, Lois. They gave us food! Our own kids never gave us anything but blood, sweat, tears and other assorted crap."

"I... brought for you a gift of," Tsubomi struggled with English and kept flipping through her phrasebook. "Maneki Neko. With left paw raised to attract companionship."

Lois gently took the brightly colored ceramic kitten and bowed slightly to show respect.

"Sweeeeet!" Peter exclaimed again. "First food, now a tribal sex-charm! This is getting better and better by the second, Lois!"

"Thank you very much, Tsubomi" Lois said as Tsubomi bowed politely. "Now let's get you up to your room."

Peter led them to their room upstairs, leaving Lois to drag the suitcases up the stairs behind them. Peter brought them to a room that was about the same size as a room at the strawberry dorms. There were two beds on either side of the room, ample closet space to store their clothes and two windows with a lovely view.

"We kinda heard from the agency that you girls are used to sleeping in one room, so we moved all of Chris' useless crap into Meg's room and put Meg's bed in here," Peter said.

"Correction," said Lois as she entered the room with the girls' suitcases. She took a moment to rub her back and panted deeply. "_I_ moved Chris' useless crap and Meg's bed."

"Sure, take all the credit, Lois," Peter scoffed. "Rob me of my good graces like you always do. Like the time Buzz Aldrin Griffin could have been the first man on the first man on the moon."

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." sounded at the Cape Canaveral control post. "We have lift-off!"

On the viewscreen, the Apollo 11 rocket carrying the astronauts and the lunar lander shot up into the sky. And while the rocket scientists all cheered to their hearts' content, a portly man in an astronaut-suit stepped out of the bathroom.

"Ah, geez," said Buzz Aldrin Griffin. "I was only on the can for like five minutes. Couldn't you have waited?!"

"Sorry, Buzz," spoke the commander. "I mean, we are on a tight schedule here."

"Well, if you're on a tight schedule, I would think you'd have the cafeteria scratch bean-dip off the menu."

Yaya and Tsubomi bowed deeply in appreciation. "We thank you for your kindness and hospitality. And for your consideration."

Yaya took Tsubomi's hand and squeezed it slightly. Tsubomi blushed and gently pressed against Yaya. It took Tsubomi a few moments to realize what she was doing in front of her hosts and started slightly before pulling away from Yaya and excusing herself to the hosts with a gentle bow.

Peter blinked... then blinked again. He took a deep breath when it finally hit him what the display in front of him meant exactly. "This... is... AWESOME! Lois, we've got the full package deal here!"

"Well, uh," Lois blinked. "Far be it for us to be judgmental. We're all different here, to each her own."

In the background, a grumbling Stewie handed a grinning Brian a ten-dollar bill.

"We'll leave you girls to get settled then," Lois said. "But we want to hear lots of things about Japan later."

"Yeah," Peter said. "Especially about those square watermelons. How the hell do you grow those things anyway? Do you use square seeds or somethin' or do you just grow 'em in a box?"

* * *

As their host family closed the door, Yaya got to work on putting their clothes and other personal belongings into the closet while Tsubomi lay down on the left bed. -"This is nice. The two of us finally sharing a room,"- she yawned, still tired from the long planeride.

-"They're such nice people too, if a little weird,"- Yaya told Tsubomi. -"It's going to be fun staying with them. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait to explore Quahog! I can't wait to go to school here!"-

Tsubomi offered Yaya a smile. It's been a long time since she'd seen Yaya this excited and care-free, and she hoped it would last. Tsubomi suppressed a yawn, but frowned when she heard what sounded like an explosion coming from the yard.

-"Hm? Did something happen,"- she asked a stunned Yaya who was looking out the window.

-"I, uh, think I just saw Stewie-kun trying to kill Lois-sama with a stinger missile launcher. I don't think Lois-sama even noticed."-

-"Yaya-sempai shouldn't make up silly stories,"- Tsubomi sighed and rolled to her side.

-"No, it's true. I really saw him shooting at Lois-sama with a..."-

-"Come on, how old are you? Stop trying to fool me with silly stories."-

-"But..."-

At that moment, a second stinger missile flew through the open window in the left wall and went straight out the open window in the right wall, right over Tsubomi's head. It apparently landed in the front yard where it exploded with a loud bang.

Yaya crossed her arms and looked smug. -"And what's that, then? A mosquito?"-

Tsubomi blinked. Once. Twice. -"I did not see anything at all,"- she gulped.

-"Look,"- Yaya stressed. -"Relax, we're going to have so much fun. This is our great adventure! All we have to do is to stay out of the path of any explosive ordinance and we'll be fine."-

Tsubomi grumbled. Yaya smiled and sat down on her knees next to Tsubomi's bed, placing her chin and elbows on the mattrass, close to Tsubomi's face. -"Come on. Kiss me,"- she demanded playfully. -"It'll make it all feel better."-

-"Huh?"- Tsubomi frowned. -"But..."-

-"Kiss me,"- Yaya demanded again, with a lopsided smile.

Tsubomi relented. After their lips touched and Tsubomi was once again overwhelmed with Yaya's passion, she did indeed feel better.

* * *

The first few day were spent having a 'getting to know you' between the girls and their host family. Again, Brian was the one who asked the most poignant questions and gave the most useful answers. Lois' questions mostly focused on food and culture. Stewie was mostly asking strange questions of the state of Japanese weapon technology, while Peter was mostly focused on Godzilla, ninja's, seizure bots and tentacle monsters.

The first day of school at James Woods High was an event that Yaya would never forget. It was so strange to be able to wear her regular clothing to school, but she greatly enjoyed it. The lessons were fun, the classmates were interesting and she found herself the center of attention. Tsubomi was having more trouble with school, but that was mostly a communication issue. Yaya was sure Tsubomi'd pick up more English soon if only she would bring up enough self-confidence, but in the meantime Yaya would stick close to her. Everything was different and new and she knew she was going to love every minute of the six months in Quahog.

One week later, the girls had gotten somewhat more acclimatized to their new surroundings and were enjoying freedoms they never had at the Strawberry Dorms. For one thing, there was no curfew. They could stay up as long as they pleased and the Griffins had no objections to midnight tea parties. In fact, Brain-sama, Peter-sama and Lois-sama often even joined in. Though Yaya decided to stop with the midnight tea parties when an irate Stewie-kun had thrown the red-hot tea at Tsubomi and the poor girl ended up having to be rushed to the hospital. The girls also enjoyed being involved in the Griffin family game night. Although Peter-sama slipped once during Twister and fell, which unfortunately meant a second trip to the hospital for poor Tsubomi, the two girls regarded that as an incident.

After having come home from school one day, Tsubomi was dusting off some of Lois-sama's vases. Though Lois-sama had told her that she was a guest and wouldn't have to do chores, Tsubomi felt it was a matter of honor to be doing her bit in the Griffin household.

"BOOO!" sounded behind her while two hands grabbed her sides.

"IYAAAAAAAA!" shouted Tsubomi. To her horror, she knocked over an antique vase with her duster and tried frantically to catch it. She missed once... twice... and in an act of sheer desperation, she kicked out and miraculously caught the vase by balancing it on her foot.

Tsubomi sighed a breath of relief as she gently put down the vase. Yaya, in the meantime, hugged Tsubomi tightly and kissed the nape of her neck.

-"I realize Yaya-sempai missed me while she was at school, but..."- Tsubomi scowled. -"WHY SCARE ME LIKE THAT?!"-

-"Because I'd love to see Tsubomi-chan's various cute expressions,"- Yaya chuckled.

-"Yaya-sempai has been stealing material..."-

-"Yes, I have,"- Yaya smiled. Tsubomi tried to retain her anger, but all her resolve was shot to hell the moment Yaya started to nibble on her earlobe. -"Oh, look, there's Peter-sama,"- Yaya winked at Tsubomi.

Indeed, Peter was sitting on the couch enjoying a rerun of Hogan's Heroes. Yaya grinned mischievously at Tsubomi and snuck up to him from the back. Tsubomi shook her head when Yaya got into position.

"BOO!" Yaya shouted and laid both hands on Peter's shoulders.

"AAAH!" Peter shouted and jumped from the couch. Unexpectedly, however, he started running around through the living room like a headless chicken while screaming his lungs out. He crushed the coffee-table, accidentally ripped paintings off the wall, knocked over the stereo, ripped the curtains off the wall and ended up jumping through the window.

Yaya was flabbergasted as she stood in the mess of glass shards, wood splinters and fallen paintings and flowers. Outside, Peter sat on the lawn, apparently having hit his knee, he held it and hissed through his teeth. "Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah! Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah! Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah! Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah! Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah! Hsssssss! Aaaaaaah!"

-"Geez,"- Yaya sweat-dropped. -"I wasn't expecting that. I, uh, I guess I'd better go apologize."-

Tsubomi sighed. -"As well you should. Seriously, Yaya-chan, you can be _such_ a child!"-

The pink-haired girl watched as an apologetic Yaya went out the front door and sat down next to Peter-sama on the driveway and wondered if Yaya would ever learn.

'Probably not', was her conclusion. But that didn't mean she loved Yaya any less.

* * *

Next chapter: We catch up with the girls after one month in Quahog with their temporary family.


	2. Chapter 2 : Giggity!

More crackish humor and silliness in this chapter. A certain sex-obsessed neighbor comes to play in this chapter.

Oh, btw, I still don't own either Strawberry Panic or Family Guy. Darn...

Again, any dialogue appearing in this form -"..."- means they're speaking in Japanese. I hope you'll enjoy the story.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 2 : Giggity**

Tsubomi was very excited. She was the very last to expect that her English would improve this much so quickly. And only in one month, no less. She had had plenty of English classes at Spica, but she also had some real difficulty actually using what she had learned in class out in the field. It had taken her some tries, but everything seemed to go so smoothly now, which was very encouraging to her. Communicating with Peter-sama, Brian-sama and Lois-sama went better and better each day. She hardly even needed to check her phrasebook anymore and really started to enjoy meeting new people.

She'd spent most of the morning baking cookies with Lois-sama, but she had some time to kill while the cookies were cooling off on the window-sill. Just as well, as today a neighbor and good friend of Peter-sama had returned from a long trip and Tsubomi had decided to greet him. The man was quite enthusiastic as she approached. He was thin, had a strangely shaped chin, wore a red hawaiian shirt and craned his neck ever so often.

"Good day, sir," Tsubomi greeted merrily. "I am Tsubomi Okuwaka. I am from Japan and I am 15 years old. Might I have the honor of knowing your name?"

"Say, you're a cutie, aren't you? Name's Quagmire. Glenn Quagmire. But most of the ladies just call me 'oh god, oh god, OH GOD!!' Heh, heh," the man called Quagmire replied with a sly grin. Tsubomi didn't quite follow him, since she still had a bit of a language gap to cross. But judging from what little she understood, it seemed like he was a very happy and rather religious fellow.

"I am pleased to meet you, Quagmire-san," Tsubomi continued. "How are you today?"

"Fifteen, huh? I got a better question for you, cutie," Quagmire said. "In which way would _you_ like you lose your virginity today? Heh, giggety!"

Tsubomi was confused. She hadn't heard this greeting yet and was a bit miffed. She'd expected better of herself after practising for a month. "Uh, forgiveness, please," Tsubomi said as she took out her phrasebook and started looking for what that particular invitation meant.

"Tsubomi!" the voice of Lois-sama interrupted Tsubomi's frantic search as the red-head rushed from the kitchen and quickly grabbed Tsubomi by the shoulders.

"Lois-sama?"

"Back away into the house slowly and don't make eye-contact!" Lois said as she was dragging a rather confused Tsubomi back into the house.

"But... he was just giving a greeting. Wasn't he?" Tsubomi asked Lois.

Outside, Quagmire-san could still be heard laughing. "Heh, heh, alllrrrright."

Getting ready for a Sunday picnic, Yaya and Tsubomi had just dressed and were getting ready to join the rest of the family in the car when Brian and Stewie knocked on the door.

"Are you decent?" Brian asked carefully, still remembering the 'Walking-into-Yaya-while-showering-and-then-having-been-threatened-to-be-fixed'-incident.

"Come on in, Brian-sama!" Yaya called over.

"Are you ready to go?" Brian asked.

"Ready as we'll ever be," Yaya said as she put on her cap and while Tsubomi strapped on her backpack.

Stewie seemed pensive as he stepped forward. "Okay, let's take a look at the two fashion victims here. Hm, Yaya, Yaya, Yaya. Tsk, tsk. Look at you. Wearing those ripped jeans even though society demands jeans of the non-ripped variety. Oh, you rebel, you. Go make trouble for the establishment," he rolled his eyes. "Hm, Tsubomi, Tsubomi, Tsubomi. Once again wearing that saggy old burlap sack you pretend is a sweater. Take a hint girl, nobody's fooled. And that Hello Kitty backpack. How old are you? Five? Oh, I'm wasting my breath here," he said as he walked out the door.

-"Hm..."- Yaya frowned. -"Well, it seems we've just been burned."-

-"He's gonna be one hell of a jerk when he grows up!"- Tsubomi scowled.

The trip to the park was uneventful. It had taken the Griffins some time, but they had found a nice spot under the shade of big oak. After unfolding the blanket, the Griffins and their two Japanese guests set up the food. Not much later, the six of them were enjoying the food.

It was a nice sunny day and it was quite busy in the park, so it had taken them some time to find a peaceful spot. Most children were flying kites, and those could be seen overhead all around them.

"Look at this, Tsubomi-chan!" Yaya spoke in English. "Cheese from a spraycan! That's awesome! We don't have things like this in Japan!"

-"Gee, I wonder why,"- Tsubomi frowned as Yaya liberally sprayed her sandwich with orange chemical-laden goop-cheese.

"And if you like that," Lois said and handed Yaya a tube.

"Whoa," Yaya whistled. -"Tsubomi-chan, it's caviar from a tube! Is there anything the Americans can't put in a can or a tube? I wonder if they have sushi in a tube. Or Ramen!"-

Tsubomi was looking a bit green about the gills when she saw the state of Yaya's spraycheese and caviar sandwich and was close to discharge when Yaya added some pastrami for good measure.

-"Are you actually going to eat that?!"-

-"Sure. Why not?"-

-"And to think I kiss that mouth of yours."-

-"And you love it!"- Yaya winked.

-"Yaya-sempai certainly is sure of herself,"- Tsubomi scowled.

Peter smiled as Yaya took a bite. "Yeah, take a bite out of American culture there, Yaya. It's the best we have to offer."

"Peter-sama," Tsubomi corrected. "Yaya-chan's name is pronounced 'Yah-Yah', not 'Yeah-Yeah'."

"Yeah-Yeah."

"No, Yah-Yah."

"Yeah-Yeah."

"No. Yah-Yah. Yah... Yah..."

"Yeah-Yeah. Yeah... Yeah..."

"Yah-Yah! Listen to me, Peter-sama. Yaya-chan is called 'YAH-YAH'!"

"Yeah-Yeah-Sean?"

"NO! It's Yah.. Yah.. Repeat after me, Yah-Yah. YAH-YAH!"

"Yeah-Yeah. YEAH-YEAH!"

"No, it's..."

"I think you'll find I distinctly said 'Yeah-Yeah'," Peter glowered and crossed his arms defiantly.

"Oh, I give up," Tsubomi sweat-dropped.

"W-what the hell is that?" Peter blinked.

Tsubomi scowled. "What the hell is what?"

"That big glob of sweat that's hanging in your hair," Peter said. "What's up with that?!"

Tsubomi bit her lip for a moment. "Huh? Don't you get those?"

"I think would know when there's a big glob of sweat hanging from the side of my head, Tsubomi."

"It just shows up whenever I'm embarrassed, annoyed or hear a bad pun," Tsubomi shrugged. "I thought everybody gets them. Everybody does where I live. Uh? Hey, hey, HEY! Stop poking at my sweat-drop!!"

"Heheheheheh," Peter giggled when he poked it again for good measure. "Look at that sweat-drop jiggle! Hm, bad puns, ey? Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, 'I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger'."

A second sweat-drop appeared on the side of Tsubomi's head. "Hey, stop it!" she protested.

"Heheheheheh, that's gross," Peter giggled. "Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!"

A third sweat-drop appeared, much to Tsubomi's consternation. -"Oh, come on, I didn't even understand that one,"- she scowled.

In the background, Stewie seemed to be feeding his bear Rupert. "Come now, Rupert. You simply must taste some of that Creme Framboise. It's absolutely exquisitely fabulous and melts on the tongue. In goes the airplane. Ah, you got some on your nose there. Open your mouth. Open... I SAID OPEN! DAMN YOU!"

"Hm," Yaya asked Lois. "What is it with scary kids and their bears?"

Lois shrugged. "Oh, Stewie's just playing. He's going through his possessive playful phase. I read all about in Mother BiMonthly. They say it's a form of expression..."

"We have a scary kid with a bear back home too," Yaya said. "I think she'd get along fine with Stewie."

After dinner had been finished, Yaya felt like doing something fun. She rummaged through Tsubomi's backpack and fished out a red frisbee with the word 'Banzai' written on it in Kanji. "Hey, Brian-sama," Yaya held out the frisbee in front of his nose. "Let's go play with the frisbee. Want me to throw it so you can catch it with your mouth?"

Brian put down his newspaper and regarded Yaya for a moment. "What?" he asked with an undignified tone of voice.

Yaya kept smiling. "Frisbee. Me. You. Play?"

"Uh, you know, Yaya," Brian kept his expression neutral. "I might be a dog, but not all dogs like to play with a frisbee. I might like to have a conversation about the works of Proust, play a game of chess or discuss current political issues. Ever consider that?"

Yaya raised an eyebrow. "I was just wondering if you wanted to play with the frisbee. I see dogs playing with frisbees all the time. Isn't it something all dogs like?"

"Oh. Oh, I see. All dogs are alike. Is that what you're saying to me?"

"Well. Yeah," Yaya shrugged. "Aren't you?"

"That's... that's just racist, Yaya. That's an ignorant remark! I mean, what's next? A leash? Oh, no, let's go all out. Frisbee, leash and dog whistles," Brain replied angrily.

"Look, all I wanted was to ask you to play..."

"You know what? This conversation is over," Brian picked up the newspaper again and ignored Yaya further.

"Well, excuse me all to pieces," Yaya shook her head.

"I'll play!" Peter stood up and ran off. "I'll be the doggie! I'll be the doggie!"

When Yaya threw the frisbee, Peter caught it expertly in his mouth and threw it back to Yaya who caught it deftly and carefully avoided the spit on the frisbee before throwing it again. Yaya was having a great time running all through the park with Peter, throwing the frisbee back and forth. So many interesting people, like a singing boy called Sneakers O'Toole or that greased up deaf guy that kept popping up everywhere. Unfortunately, Yaya got distracted when she saw a weird boy walking around with a deep scowl. The scowl itself wasn't unusual, she got quite enough of that from Tsubomi. However, the fact that his entire face was upside-down was unusual. It was a glorious trainwreck situation for Yaya. On the one hand, she didn't want to be caught staring. On the other, she simply couldn't look away. As a result, she threw the frisbee quite poorly and it overshot Peter. It landed on the other side of a grassy knoll, but not before colliding against someone's head.

"AH! What the hell?!" sounded from the other side of the knoll.

"Gomen nasai!" Yaya spoke as she ran over the grassy knoll "Yurushite kuremasen ka?" she asked for forgiveness, but skidded to a halt as soon as she saw the man on the other side... literally the man on the other side.

The man sitting in the grass was a living skeleton wearing a black robe that covered all of his features. A large scythe lay by his side.

-"I... I hope you're a cosplayer,"- Yaya paled sightly as the implications of this surreal meeting started to sink in.

"Oh, hey Death," greeted Peter. Yaya was acutely startled by Peter's apparent familiarity with the very personification of death. "What are you doing here?"

"What does it look I'm doing here, Peter?" Death replied angrily. "I get off one day all year. One day of not having to collect the souls of you mortal losers, and what happens? Some jerk throws a frisbee at me. Do you know how quickly my skull bruises?! When I get my hands on the jerk that threw that frisbee, I'm gonna shove my scythe right up his ass and drag his screaming soul straight to hell, wether he belongs there or not!"

Yaya gulped. "Yeah, uh, I saw him go that way. Really big guy, two meters tall. With tattoos. And a beard! Uh, over there on the other side of the park. Really, I saw him go there."

Death sighed and picked up his gameboy again. "Ugh, it's not worth giving up my precious free time for. Dammit, Mario, jump. JUMP!"

"See ya, Death!" As Peter and Yaya quickly ran off, Death yawned and relaxed underneath the sun. That is, until a guy from one of the offices on the other side of the street at the edge of the park suddenly emerged from one of the top windows and prepared to jump.

"I'M GONNA JUMP."

Death sighed and picked up his scythe. "Hey, you! Yeah, you up there! The loud-mouth jerk on top of that building. Go on. Jump. Yeah. I dare you, jump. Cause this is my day off, you see? And if you lay there like a pavement pizza with your guts hanging out, you're gonna have to keep on living for at least another 14 hours, because I'm not sacrificing my free time for you. So yeah, go ahead. Jump. Do a flip. Have fun. See ya in 14 hours."

The would-be jumper looked rather dejected and headed back inside the building.

"Yeah, I thought so too," Death muttered while he returned to his gameboy. "Jerk..."

* * *

"I'm lieutenant Columbo, homicide," Yaya rasped as she changed her voice to sound like Peter Falk while strutting around in a mangy-looking raincoat. "One more thing, sir."

"Heheheheheh," Peter-sama replied. "Now me, now me!" he said, and emerged from the bathroom in a Power Ranger costume that was easily three sizes too small. "Nehnehnehnehnehnehneh POWER RANGER! Nehnehnehnehnehnehneh POWER RANGER! Power Ranger! Power Ranger! Power Ranger!"

"Hey, Tsubomi, wanna play too?" Peter called over. An old chest sold at an auction as a 'mystery chest' had been purchased by Peter-chama and once they got it home, it turned out to be filled with old Halloween costumes, prompting a spontaneous cosplay session.

"Yeah, you'd look great in this Tinkerbell costume, Tsubomi-chan."

Tsubomi sighed heavily and put down her book. "No. I am going to spend my time doing more worthwhile things. Like reading my book." As Yaya was already rummaging around in the chest for something else to wear, Tsubomi decided to let the children play and left the room.

"Geez, what's with the stick up her ass?" Peter wondered.

"Don't ask me. I didn't put it there," Yaya replied. "Hm, there's a Robocop costume here."

"Oh... my... god... DIBS! Half man, half machine, all Peter!"

Tsubomi closed the door behind her as she stepped into the backyard. She sat down in one of the chairs and opened her book again to continue reading about the adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. She frowned, however, when she saw Peter-sama's neighbor Quagmire-san standing in his own backyard, holding a pair of binoculars, seemingly looking at the Griffin residence... and at her.

"Good day, Quagmire-san," Tsubomi greeted as she rose from her chair and put down her book. Quagmire was startled and quickly pointed the binoculars to the sky.

"Oh, uh, hey cutie. Heh. heh," he replied. "I was, uh, just, um... bird-watching! Yes. Oh, look there, it's a Speckle-feathered Titpecker! OH!"

Tsubomi looked at the sky but couldn't see a single bird.

"So, uh, how can I do you today? Uh, I mean, what can I do for you today? Heh. Heh," he craned his neck.

Tsubomi shrugged. "Nothing. I just wanted to go out for some air."

"Can I interest you in some gagoogity?" Quagmire flashed a lecherous smile. "I would love to gashmoigitie your gaflavity with my googis."

Tsubomi blinked. "Uh, excuse me," she said, looking for her phrasebook and getting annoyed when she couldn't find it. It had been a while since she had needed it, after all.

Quagmire fished a book from his pocket and handed it to Tsubomi. "I think you dropped this earlier. Been meaning to give it back to you. Heh."

"Ah, arigato, Quagmire-san," Tsubomi said, flipping through the book to find out what a gagoogity was. Oddly enough, it seemed that someone had put stickers all over the English translations. And it was all the same phrase.

"I, Okuwaka Tsubomi, super hot young asian lesbian and my super hot girlfriend Nanto Yaya, would love to have a steamy hot threesome with you, Quagmire Glenn?!" Tsubomi blinked after incredulously reading the phrase from one of the stickers.

"HAH! That was consent! Oh, that was so consent!" Quagmire jumped in the air. "Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo! Alllriiggght!"

"IIIYAAAAAAAAAA!" Tsubomi tossed the booklet and belted right back into the house.

Quagmire watched her for a moment, until she had moved out of sight. He produced a small taperecorder from his inside pocket and pressed play.

"IIIYAAAAAAAAAA!" sounded from the taperecorder.

Quagmire smiled and pocketed it again. "Giggity."

* * *

Next chapter, we'll see how the girls are faring two months into their exchange program.


	3. Chapter 3 : Chicken Guy wa shinanakya na

Hello everyone. A part is ready to be released to the public. Alas, I still don't own either show.

Btw, the song used in the story is by the B-52's. Peter actually sang it once on the show.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya!**

**Chapter 3 : Chicken Guy wa shinanakya naoranai**

Yaya was whistling a tune while she raced through Spooner Street on her bike. Part of the exchange program was to adopt certain elements of life from the person she had been exchanged with, which meant Yaya had to take over Chris Griffin's paper route. During the two months she had now spent in America, she'd become a bit of an expert at being a papergirl. Yaya flipped the papers from the bag while speeding on her bike and threw them at the doors of her subscribers.

She felt the need to stop in front of one of the houses, though. Yaya took one of the papers and stepped up to the front door. After ringing the doorbell, an elderly man with a walker, and wearing a bathrobe, appeared. From day one, the man had been intensely hostile towards her, and she had no idea what she had done wrong. She'd tried to approach him before, but she had had very little success. Hoping that maybe today, she'd find out how she had offended him, and gaining the opportunity to possibly apologize for it, she greeted him.

"Uh, Konichiwa Mr. Herbert-san," Yaya started and bowed deeply to show respect. "I just wanted to personally give you your paper. And, uh..."

"Oh, hello, paper**girl**," Mr. Herbert spat. "Girls aren't allowed to suck on the popsicles in my basement. Come back after you get a sex-change operation and cut that hair, ya hippie."

Yaya blinked. "I, uh, feel we've gotten off on the wrong foot here, so I'm here to make a peace offering. I realize you must miss your regular paperboy Chris-san, but I'll be taking his place for another four months. There's no reason we couldn't get along during..."

"Get off my property, you perverted opposite-gender-person!" Yaya suddenly found herself staring right into the business end of a double-barreled shotgun. She gulped and slowly, very slowly backed away from the would-be shooter. Needless to say, she let out a sigh of relief when the door slammed shut.

-"Yikes, let's not do that again,"- Yaya wiped the sweat from her brow. She jumped on her bike and finished her paper-route without further incident (and met with plenty of much kinder people along the way) and returned home. She parked her bike in the garage and stepped into the living room after first going to the kitchen to grab herself a can of coca cola.

In her days in America, Peter-chama had been an invaluable sensei of American Life to her. When she left Japan, she had vowed she would live six months as a true American. So, just like Peter-chama had taught her, she followed the example of a legendary American idol called Al Bundy: Yaya cracked the can, slouched herself on the couch, switched on the TV and let one hand disappear partly underneath the hem of her jeans. Immediately, she was confronted with Captain Kirk fighting a guy in a green lizard suit. Yaya shrugged... she'd missed the first part of the show, but she probably had some time to relax still.

Two months in America had been so wonderful. So much to see, so much to so, so many fast food to eat, so many George W. Bush jokes to make... Life was good. Tsubomi seemed to be enjoying herself as well, delving into American history as she did. Plus, her english was improving a lot. She hardly needed to use the phrasebook anymore, which was a good thing because she had lost it and wouldn't tell Yaya what had happened to it.

Still, she and Tsubomi had a different way of seeing this trip. While Yaya was mostly interested in enjoying herself and doing as the Romans do, Tsubomi mostly kept some distance from American culture and preferred to read about it more than actually participating. Of course, it also didn't help that Tsubomi was of opinion that Star Trek was stupid.

"Hey Tsubomi!" sounded Peter upstairs. "Have you seen my pants?!"

"IYAAAAAAAA!" Tsubomi kept her eyes shut as she ran down the stairs. She belted for the bathroom and locked the door.

-"Are you okay, Tsubomi-chan?"- Yaya asked.

-"NO!! My eyes... MY EYES!! I swear, I could see my own reflection!"-

Yaya chuckled and focused her attention on the screen again. The lizardsuitman was doing quite a number on Captain Kirk.

"Oh, never mind, Tsubomi. I already found them!" Peter said and stepped down the stairs a few moments later.

"Aloha, Peter-chama," Yaya greeted.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?" Peter said and sat down next to Yaya on the couch. "Oh, Star Trek! I love this one. Captain Kirk fighting the Gorn on Cestus III. Ah, sitting on the couch in front of the TV watching Star Trek while sippin' a coke. You really are living the American Dream, Yaya."

"I never thought TV could be this much fun," Yaya said. "Well, my folks have a TV at home, but we don't have one at Astraea Hill."

Peter gasped. "No TV? Geez, what the hell do you do all day?"

"Well," Yaya shrugged. "Spica's a very prestigious school and there are plenty of worthwhile things to do, Peter-chama. There's choir-practice, plenty of time to devote to studies, wholesome clubs with friends, sports, a beautiful green forest to explore and a huge library with plenty of fascinating literature from all over the world."

"Yeah," Peter shuddered. "You must be really happy we proud and cultured Americans have rescued you from that backwards TV-less Hellhole you came from, and introduced you to the many wonders of sassy sitcom and in-your-face reality TV."

Yaya giggled for a moment and resumed watching the lizardsuit man kicking the living crap out of Captain Kirk. "I know. 'When Animals Attack'. The Fox Network should start taping at Spica. 'When First-Years Pounce'. It'd be a spectacular show."

"Hey, Yaya," Peter smiled and held up his guitar. "How about when Star Trek is over, we sing that song again?"

"It's a deal, Peter-chama!"

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Tsubomi was recovering from her frightful shock by drinking a glass of water and ever so often shot glares at Peter-sama and Yaya-chan in the living room. At least Yaya looked happy... she just wished she could say the same about herself.

Her relative period of rest was disturbed when Stewie-kun, Brian-sama and Brain's moronic blonde girlfriend Gillian stepped through the kitchen door. She said nothing but bowed her head slightly.

"Oh, hi there," bubbled Gillian. "Who are you?"

"Uh, Gilly-bean?" Brain sighed. "She's one of the Japanese exchange students who are staying with us? Something I have been mentioning to you every day for the last two months, including half an hour ago?"

"Oh, Japan! I saw that on Star Trek once. That's the planet Captain Picard is from, right?" Gillian bubbled. "Now I remember. Aww, you're so cute, Tsunami."

Tsubomi trembled with rage, and if it had been physically possible for steam to shoot from her ears, it would have happened at that very moment. -"One more time, you blond anorexic bimbo! My name is **TSUBOMI!** TSU-BO-MI! Get that through your thick idiotic skull already!!"-

"Awww," Gillian cooed. "Truthishly, I have no idea what you just said, Tsunami, but I bet it was really cute, just like you are. Hey, wasn't there another one?"

Tsubomi took a few breaths to calm down. "Yes," she hissed through clenched teeth. "Yaya-chan is in the living room."

"Jackie Chan?! OH... MY... GOD! I love Jackie Chan! Do you think I could get his autograph?!"

"Uh, yes, Gilly-bean," Brian sighed. "He's, uh, waiting for you at your apartment. Better catch him before he leaves."

As Tsubomi watched Gillian race out of the door, she took a seat at the kitchen table and sighed heavily. "Arigato, Brian-sama."

Brain took the seat next to her and placed a paw on her shoulder. "You okay there, sport? We've been kinda noticing that you've not been looking too well lately."

"Yeah, no kidding," Stewie spoke up. "You could be a glamorous heroin addict in one of those United Colors of Benneton ads. With those sunken eyes, and the frazzy pink hair, and the apparent eating disorder... All you need to complete the picture is a blood-soaked bathtub and a nice double set of slashed wrists."

"Stewie!" Brain narrowed his eyes at him before turning back to the brooding Japanese girl. "Tsubomi? Are you okay?"

Tsubomi shook her head. "No. No, I'm not okay. It's just that... It's just that..."

"Yes?"

Tsubomi shook her head. "I can't... It would be impolite for me to say such rude things to the kind hosts who has take us in their home. My parents would scold me if they knew..."

"Hm, so if rudeness is a reason to scold you, your parents must be very busy little bees there. Hintedy-hint-hint," Stewie said deadpan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tsubomi narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"My clever barbs are wasted on this pink-haired simpleton," Stewie shook his head. "Take over from here, Brian. This loli's all yours."

Brain tried to offer Tsubomi an encouraging smile. "Come on, Tsubomi, you can talk to us about everything that bothers you. I promise we won't be offended."

Tsubomi seemed uncertain, but Brain's honest smile and wagging tail were slowly starting to win her over. "It's just that..." she said softly.

"Yes?" Brian asked.

"Well, it's just that I..." she said, still a little uncertain.

"Oh, come on, man!" Stewie pressed. "Spit it out already."

"I... I..." she closed her eyes. "I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY AND TOTALLY HATE EVERYTHING THERE IS TO HATE ABOUT QUAHOG!"

Stewie blinked. "No, don't keep it all in, let it all out," he said. "Oh, this should be fun."

Tsubomi was close to tears. "I... I hate everything here. I hate the shallowness, I hate the weirdness. I hate how every single time you pick up a milk carton in the super market, a greased up deaf-guy drops down on the floor. I hate 'Weenie and the Butt' on the radio. I hate how Mayor West-san is always saying stupid things. I hate how Quagmire-san keeps looking at my butt with a pair of binoculars, even when I'm two feet away from him. I hate how Peter-sama keeps calling me 'Improved Meg'. And I really don't like that Yaya-chan is spending so much time with Peter-sama lately."

At that moment, the sound of a guitar came from the living room. And soon enough, Peter and Yaya were singing a duet.

_"We were at the beach..._

_Everybody had... matching towels_

_Somebody went... under a dock_

_And there they saw... a rock_

_But it wasn't a rock..._

_It was a rock...lobster"_

"Ugh," Stewie grimaced. "There's something entirely unwholesome about that entire performance."

_"Rock lobster!_

_ROCK LOBSTAR!"_

"And I also really, really hate how Yaya is wasting her wonderful talent on singing those stupid pop-songs with Peter-sama," Tsubomi sighed.

"But why didn't you say anything, Tsubomi?" Brian said. "We could have helped you."

"Or put you out of your misery by act of merciful euthanasia, whichever you prefer," Stewie added. "I know which I'd prefer if I could pick for you."

"STEWIE!" Brian admonished.

"What?" Stewie shrugged. "I could have picked 'helping her'. Maybe... Perhaps... You know, when icicles hang from Satan's nostrils, but still, I could have picked 'helping her'. Don't just judge prematurely, Brian."

Tsubomi sniffed for a moment. "It's just that... you have no idea how good this trip is for Yaya-chan. I mean, I've told you about Amane-sama and Hikari-sempai, right? Well, Yaya-chan's still sharing a dormroom with Hikari-sempai and Amane-sama goes there all the time. Even after she and I became a couple, she still sees them together everywhere she goes. She can never hide from it. And that hurts her. It hurts her bad. Even when she would be with me, she still sometimes cried herself to sleep. But ever since she's been here in Quahog, she hasn't spoken about Hikari-sempai even once. And she sleeps peacefully at night. This is important to Yaya-chan. Have you seen her? She hasn't been this happy in a long time. It would be selfish of me ruin this for her. I... I'm sorry, I've already said too much."

"Well, you Japanese girls certainly have self-sacrifice down to a fault," Brian told Tsubomi.

Stewie rolled his eyes. "Country of masochists. Sadists too, judging from certain Japanese cartoon productions," Stewie grabbed his sippy-cup and bashed Tsubomi over the head with it. "You've got to think about yourself, woman! You're in America now, dammit, so be all the selfish shallow bitch that you can be! It's your constitutional duty!"

"Stewie, stop that!" Brian admonished while Tsubomi rubbed her head and glared daggers at Stewie.

Tsubomi let it go and ran both hands through her long pink hair. "I'm sorry. This place... It's just all so damn weird... And sometimes it makes just so little sense to me. Trust Yaya-chan to fit right in."

"Look, Tsubomi, Quahog can get to a person. Believe me, I know," Brain said. "There's a better way. Just say the word and we'll take you to places in Quahog that you would like to go to. And New York is right around the corner if you want to get out of Quahog for a while. The three of us could just have some fun, keep your mind of things. You're important too, Tsubomi. Don't forget that."

Tsubomi bowed slightly. Of all the people in Quahog, Stewie-kun and Brian-sama were the most sane. And for a hyper-intelligent sociopathic baby and a talking dog with the habit of eating his own vomit, that was saying a lot.

Of course, Brian-sama was right: she'd be grateful to get out of Quahog for a couple of days soon. She'd hate to admit it, but this trip was also important to her. Maybe, just maybe, it would help Tsubomi shake the feeling that she was just Yaya's second choice: A placeholder for Hikari.

"Hey, Brian, Stewie, Improved Meg," Peter greeted as he and Yaya entered the kitchen. Tsubomi noticed Yaya was holding a ball and a big leather glove. "Yaya and I are going to the yard to play catch for a while."

"Peter-chama and I will be back before lunch," Yaya added.

Brian and Stewie watched them for a while through the kitchen window as they started playing in the yard. "Well, you're right. Peter and Yaya have been bonding a lot lately. I've never seen him so involved, and certainly not with Chris or Meg."

"Hey, Tsubomi," Stewie grinned. "I just thought of something that would solve all your problems. Picture this. Hikari. Amane. A stack of sandwiches contaminated with a cornucopious mixture of bird-flu, anthrax and ebola. Intrigued yet?"

Tsubomi didn't know what was more frightening: the fact that Stewie suggested murdering Hikari- and Amane-sempai in such a horrible way, or the fact that she was, indeed, intrigued.

* * *

-"I got it!"- Yaya yelled in her native tongue as she jumped into the air to catch the ball in her glove. -"I got it!"-

Yaya caught the ball, but lost her footing. She tumbled forward into the warm grass and slammed into the ground, getting the wind knocked out of her. "I'm fine!" she called as he picked herself up, adjusted her baseball cap and dusted off her t-shirt.

"You're a better catch than Chris," Peter said as he sat down in the grass next to Yaya. "A lot less broken windows and the lynch-mobs that follow. Takin' a break here. I'm too fat to keep this up. I'm pretty amazed you like hanging out with a stupid fat guy, Yaya."

"Come on, Peter-chama, you're not stupid," Yaya said. "You're teaching me everything I need to know about being an American girl. Things like how to hold a hamburger that's too big take a bite out without having all the sauce dripping on your shirt. And... hm..."

"What?" Peter asked.

Yaya pointed at the clothesline. "I just noticed. Tsubomi-chan did a wash earlier today," she said, looking at the skirts, shirts and sweaters that were hanging on the line. "She had a full hamper, but that would mean there'd have to be more clothes on the line than there are hanging on now. I wonder where the rest of her clothes went."

"Maybe they blew off in a storm or something?" Peter suggested.

"I don't know," Yaya replied. "Puzzling..."

"**Ggiggg, gggiggg, giggety**," sounded softly from the other side of the fence.

Peter and Yaya decided to let it go for now. Instead, Peter felt he had something to say to Yaya. "Yaya, you're pretty young, so let me give you some fatherly advice," Peter said.

Yaya looked at Peter. "Go ahead, Peter-chama. What do you have to tell me?"

Peter's gaze seemed far away for a moment. "Yaya. It won't be tomorrow and it probably won't be next year, but it WILL happen. One day, you're going to meet someone you really like and start a family. Which, I guess you already did. But that'll all be in jeopardy when the giant mutated cockroaches will start to take over the Earth! So you and Tsubomi need to defend yourself and your home! Remember that the only thing that can kill giant mutated cockroaches are giant laser cannons that can slice through their thick goo-oozing armors!"

Yaya blinked for a moment. "Uh, so your advice for my future is to buy a giant laser cannon so I can shoot giant cockroaches?"

"Well, they're not for sale yet, and believe me I've checked," Peter replied. "I just hope the world will wake up when they realize that the cockroaches are starting to grow. Everybody's all worried about the crap about the Greenhouse effect, but you never hear mister high-and-mighty Al Gore talking about goo-oozing giant armored mutant killer cockroaches! But don't forget who you heard this from, Yaya. Think back of ole Peter when you're killing those roaches with your giant lasergun!"

Yaya shook her head. Peter something said things that she couldn't quite figure out, but he was a kind man who had grown quite fond of her. In turn, she found him to be wacky and impulsive, and Yaya genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him. Not only as a teacher of all things American, but also as a friend.

"Wow, I've given fatherly advice. I finally know what it feels like to be a real dad," Peter said. "Yaya, you're the super-cool cute asian lesbian kid I've never had but always wanted."

Yaya bowed and blushed slightly. "I'm honored, Peter-chama."

"Too bad you're not a ninja cyborg with super-powers too. Because that would have been SWEET!"

"Huh?"

Just as Peter was about to reply, his eyes narrowed as he looked past Yaya. Interested in seeing what was going on, Yaya turned around to see a giant yellow rooster with a vicious sneer on his beak looking directly at Peter. "Oh, crap," Peter uttered and prepared for combat. Yaya was startled to see the weird creature jump over the fence and move to attack Peter.

Yaya looked on incredulously when Peter and the Chicken Guy, with whom Peter seemed to be acquainted, started exchanging blows. She watched on with horrified facination when the Chicken Guy picked up the barbecue and threw it at Peter, which he narrowly avoided. The two continued fighting each other with fist and foot as they both climbed the rainpipe and ended up on the roof. Yaya blinked when Peter and the Chicken Guy started picking up loose roofing tiles and threw them at each other, wincing when the Chicken Guy hit Peter square in the forehead. Peter retaliated by grabbing the Chicken Guy by the neck and slamming his beak against the chimney repeatedly.

Peter and the Chicken Guy kept punching as they fell off the roof and crashed onto the lawn. The two exchanged more punches for a bit, but by now it was more that obvious to Yaya that Peter was in danger. Especially when the giant chicken picked up a two-by-four. Yaya decided she had to act.

"HAAAAIIIIIYAH!" sounded from Yaya, startling both Peter and the Chicken Guy. The Chicken Guy had absolutely no chance to react as Yaya buried her foot in his stomach. She twisted around her axis and followed up her initial attack with a vicious chop to the back of the neck. The Chicken Guy let out a mournful cluck and collapsed to the ground unconscious.

Peter blinked. "Yaya," he started. "That was AWESOME! Where'd you learn how to do that?!"

"Are you alright, Peter-chama?" Yaya panted as she asked, adrenalin souring through her body. "Looks like all those hours I've spent at Spica's Karate club haven't been in vain."

"Sweet merciful crap, you're a ninja?! We usually destroy half the town before the Chicken Guy gets killed off."

And that moment, both Peter and Yaya shared a warm father/daughterly smile. Together, Yaya and Peter walked along the pavement off into the setting sun.

Meanwhile, back in the yard, the downed Chicken Guy's fist balled angrily as he swore revenge on Peter. For the Chicken Guy would come back. He always came back. For Peter, and now also for his new powerful surrogate daughter Yaya.

* * *

Next time, we'll see how Chris and Meg are doing at Spica. :)


	4. Chapter 4 : Meanwhile, at Spica

Hello everyone. A new chapter, this time taking a look at Chris and Meg at Spica, as well as several other characters. A major role in this chapter is for our resident Miss Awesome, aka Chikaru. I know I said in the introduction of 'pining for the fjords' that the ChikaruxShion pairing was a oneshot, but I liked the pairing so much I decided to give them a second go. :) I hope you'll like it.

Also, due to popular request, the Evil Monkey will be having a bit part as well. :)

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 4 : Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse at Spica...**

-"Ahum,"- Shion, the perpetually scowling Spica student council president opened the meeting. Of course, the entire council consisted only of herself, Kaname and Momomi, both of whom were quite pissed at having been disturbed during a rather private moment to attend this meeting. -"I've called you all to this emergency student council meeting to discuss an urgent matter. As you all know, we have two foreign guests staying with us and, as all of us has found out, they are far below Spica standards. Due to their efforts, or rather lack thereof, Spica's grade averages have plummeted, and due to their actions, Spica has had to endure many embarrassments. The bird-bath incident shall never be wiped from our minds."-

The whole council, again consisting only of Kaname and Momomi, collectively shuddered at the mention of the word 'bird-bath'.

-"Yes, well,"- Momomi spoke up. -"I still don't understand why we've allowed a boy to enter a girl's school. It's completely unprecedented in the history of Astraea Hill!"-

Shion sighed heavily, rose from her seat to dramatically stare out the window in Alfred Hitchcock style. -"I've told you, remember? And if you had bothered to keep attendance and actually read the minutes of our meetings you'd know too."-

Momomi gritted her teeth at the accusation while Shion continued. -"Once more, just for you, then. A mix-up at the principal's office is to blame. The secretary thought 'Chris' was a girl's name, and when they finally caught on, he was already here. The Sister decided we couldn't let him pay the price for our principal's incompetence and leave him to fend for himself in a strange country for six months. I very reluctantly agreed at the time, but if I had known what would happen, I'd have kicked his fat useless ass out in the street without remorse myself and kicked his sister out too for good measure."-

Kaname scraped her throat. -"So what do you expect us to do about it? The Griffins are our responsibility now. The Sister made that quite clear."-

-"Miator is nipping at our heels!"- Shion slammed her fist on the table. -"And Spica will not bear any more embarrassments, I will not allow it! I shall speak with Chris Griffin to point out his duties to the school and warn him that he shall face the consequences if he does not comply. Kaname, I want you to use your 'special talent' to break Meg Griffin. To bring her in line. Redirect her attention to you and manipulate her to excel, Kaname. If the sister excels, the brother shall follow."-

-"But... it's Meg-san."-

-"Do it! For honor! For SPICA!"-

-"But... it's MEG!"- Kaname shuddered.

Momomi was quick to comfort her love. -"It'll be okay. I'll be waiting for you with a hot bath standing by. We'll get through this. "

-"It's Meg... I don't want to."- Kaname sighed. -"They don't make water hot enough to scrub off MEG! "

* * *

As Meg entered her room, she was surprised to hear whiny Violin solo's floating through the air. It was odd, because she was sure she'd turned off the radio. She was alone in her room, because for some strange reason, the girl she dormed with had inexplicably jumped off a nearby cliff five minutes after meeting her and the principal was reluctant to dorm another girl with her after reading the dead girl's as-of-yet undisclosed suicide note. Something about suddenly having lost all will to live...

She found a stately, gorgeous girl with short black hair staring intently at her. She recognized her as an elder student called Kaname.

"Yes?" Meg asked. "Hey! Oh... My... God... You're Kaname!"

"Meg-san," said Kaname as she took a step closer. "You shouldn't leave your door unlocked. Such is dangerous. As my love is dangerous. As I am dangerous." She grinned and flipped her hair in a semi-evil yet incredibly sexy fashion.

Meg found herself transfixed under Kaname's piercing gaze. "Meg-san," Kaname narrowed her eyes as she pressed Meg against the wall with both arms and her face hovered so close to Meg's that their noses all but touched. "Let me tell you the story of Abraham Lincoln. Now, Abraham Lincoln was faced with a difficult decision. He was voted into office as a representative to all Americans, but the abolishionist course he was supporting was quickly tearing the nation apart. But he did the only thing he could do despite..."

Suddenly there was an acute change in Kaname's mood. Revulsion was evident on her features as she turned away from Meg and supported herself against the wall. -"Oh, god, I can't do this. I can't do this. Not even for Spica."-

"I was wondering when it was my turn," Meg husked. "I've been hearing the stories from the other girls, and if even half of those are true... Rrrrowllll..."

Kaname gulped when Meg locked the door behind her. "Come and molest me, Kaname-bear!"

Her incredible sense of dignity finally shattering, Kaname screamed like a little girl and, without any hesitation at all, ran to the window and jumped out. She landed with a thud and a spash one floor below. Her body ached but at least she was safe.

_-'Figures'-, _Kaname thought as she regarded her soiled uniform. _-'One mud puddle on the entire compound and I happen to land it in. Great...'-_

She sat down near a rosebed and let out a deep breath. She'd certainly be stiff and sore in the morning, but at least she was away from that... Meg.

Or was she?

Kaname gulped when she heard something land in the mud-puddle behind her. Remembering a scene from an old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie called 'Predator' which she'd watched with Momomi this summer holiday, she pressed her back into the dirt of the rosebed and kept completely still, letting her unwanted mud camouflage do the rest.

"Kaname?" Meg-san spoke as she looked around. "Where are you? Here, Kaname, Kaname, kaname..."

Kaname almost let out a whimper when Meg looked in her general direction. _-'Momomi,'- _Kaname was overcome with a sense of deep regret. _-'I never told you that I love you.'-_

Meg seemed disappointed and slowly stomped off, apparently looking for her. As soon as Meg was out of earshot, Kaname finally dared to breathe again. _-'Oh, god, that was awful. So awful. Momomi... I gotta find Momomi... Gotta get cleaned up and get the hell away from...'-_

"Oh, there you are!"

"Tonzura koite!" Kaname screamed, cursing inwardly for making out with Momomi during most of the movie. If she had paid more attention at the time, she'd know what to do now to get rid of Meg. Instead, she just ran for dear life.

* * *

Chikaru made her way to the cafetaria of the Strawberry Dorms. Today was strawberry cake night, and she was sure to run into Nagisa-chan and Tamao-chan. They had a lot to discuss, as Nagisa was preparing a surprise birthday party for Shizuma at the summer home. And because Shizuma no longer lived in the Strawberry Dorms, they wouldn't have to worry about Shizuma accidentally finding out, so they could discuss the details in public.

Just as she rounded about the corner, she saw Chris Griffin standing in the hallway, looking dopey as he usually did. Chikaru shook her head. When Chris and Meg had come to the Strawberry Dorms two months ago, everybody was shocked to learn that Chris was actually a boy. This was completely unprecedented, but considering 99.99 of the student body wasn't interested in boys, he was considered harmless. Still, he was a social pariah. Almost all of Spica loathed him, almost all of Miator avoided him like the plague and even Lulim students were generally stand-offish.

Chikaru shook her head. This was usually how Astraea Hill dealt with problems: they were swept under the rug and ignored until the problem had grown so large in size they were forced to deal with it. It was like putting a lot of girls in a tent with an elephant, while all the girls blissfully ignored the elephant right up until the moment it would start to stampede all over them.

Shion had been very negligent, in Chikaru's opinion, in doing her duty as school council president to take care of Chris. As a result Chikaru had taken it upon herself to take Chris under her wing to help him in this strange land, often explaining things, helping him with homework and translating for him when needed. She also kept involving him with Lulim's club life so that he wouldn't get lonely. In fact, she had even founded the 'Cheer Up Chris'-club at Lulim, and even though Kizuna, Remon and Kagome had been quite wary about allowing him into their social circle, they found out he was silly enough to fit right into their quirky little group.

"Good day, Chris-kun," Chikaru greeted. "Are you having a good time today?"

"Oh hi, Chicky," Chris greeted the person who might be his only true friend at the Strawberry Dorms. "Yeah, I think I'm okay. I was just thinking about stuff."

"What's that, Chris-kun?"

"We're in Japan-land, right? And people here all speak Japanese, right? And this textbook is about French, right?"

"Uh, right," Chikaru said. "I follow you."

"So, if all these people speak Japanese. And this book is in French, then why's the word 'French' printed on it in English?"

Chikaru took the book. Indeed, the French book had an English title even though the only languages within it were French and Japanese. "Hm," she said. "You know, that _is _weird. I shall submit this to the Secrets Club and find out all about it!"

"Maybe it was evil English aliens, like that guy Scorpius. Or Dr. Doom!"

Chikaru smiled. Even though she didn't quite understand what made Chris tick, he was quite endearing. One of his more fun habit was to Americanise the names of many of the Japanese girls here. Tamao-chan was 'Tammy', Nagisa-chan was 'Natalie', Kizuna-chan was 'Kelly', Kagome-chan was 'Kathy', Remon-chan was 'Remona' and Shion had been renamed 'Sharon'.

Chikaru shook her head. It was ridiculous that Shion made Chris follow tradition and made him wear the Spica school uniform. At least, it would have been nice for all parties involved if pants could have been added to the uniform.

"Oh," Chris said. "Yeah, it's still a bit windy around the legs. But I don't mind."

"Far away from home, strange environment, only boy at a girl's school and loathed by Shion-sama," Chikaru shook her head. "I don't know how you cope, Chris-kun."

Chris shrugged. "Oh, it's okay, Chicky. At least I'm away from the Evil Monkey that lives in my closet."

Chikaru frowned as the two of them started to walk to the dining hall. "Excuse me, Chris-kun? Forgive me, I think something was lost in translation."

At that moment, a mud-covered Kaname came running down the hallway, screaming bloody murder. In close pursuit was Chris' sister Meg. "You coward!" Meg shouted after Kaname. "Come back and finish what you started! Can't handle a real woman, can you?!"

Chikaru and Chris looked on for a moment, shrugged and then walked on. "Chris-kun," Chikaru started. "Maybe you can help us plan Nagisa's party for Shizuma."

"Oh, I know!" Chris exclaimed. "Natalie could jump out of a giant cake! Cause Natalie likes cake and Shitzu likes Natalie. So if Natalie jumped out of the cake, they'd have something they both like."

Chikaru nodded. "That's a fun idea, Chris-kun. You should tell Nagisa when we meet with her. Oh, but, if you want to come to the party, you really should stop calling Shizuma-sama 'Shitzu'."

* * *

Back in Quahog, two tired girls were ready to go to sleep. Tsubomi was in her bed with a small nightlight on, sitting up and reading her book. Yaya was standing in front of the mirror brushing her hair, dressed in pajama's. When she finished brushing, she walked towards the bed while briefly singing a tune:

_"Fighting evil by moonlight_

_Winning love by daylight_

_Never running from a real fight_

_She is the one named Sailor Moon..."_

-"That dub is so stupid,"- Tsubomi shook her head. -"Mind if I read a bit more, Yaya-chan? I'll keep the light on for a little bit."-

-"Okay. Kiss,"- Yaya smiled. The two girls brushed lips for a moment. -"Good night, Tsubomi-chan."-

-"Good night,"- Tsubomi said while Yaya crawled into bed and rolled on her side so she wouldn't be bothered by Tsubomi's reading light.

Two pages later, Tsubomi heard some stumbling from the closet. She sighed and put away her book. Soon enough, the closet door flew open, and out came the Evil Monkey, a snarl already etched on his primate features.

Tsubomi gritted her teeth and pointed directly at him, sheer intensity in her eyes. Severely beaten to the punch, the Evil Monkey pouted heavily and withdrew back into the closet.

-"Yeah, I thought so too,"- Tsubomi scowled and turned off her reading light before lying down and passing into peaceful slumber.

* * *

Amane and Hikari stepped into the cafetaria, hoping to find some of the strawberry cakes had been left over. The two of them had spent more time in the greenhouse than expected and taking care of flowers was hungry work. When they had finally managed to tear themselves away from the greenhouse to go to the cafetaria, they found only one piece left, which they decided to share.

-"Nagisa-kun seems animated today,"- Amane said as she regarded Nagisa, Chikaru, Tamao, Chiyo and Chris Griffin sitting in a booth talking.

-"Oh, haven't you heard?"- Hikari asked. -"Nagisa-chan's planning a surprise birthday party for Shizuma-sama. I think they're brainstorming for ideas."-

-"Hm,"- Amane said as she heard Chris Griffin suggesting hiring Motorhead as the band. -"Isn't Shizuma-sama's birthday in another month?"-

Hikari took a sip from her tea. -"Yes, but Nagisa-chan wants to prepare it well in advance. I understand that. She doesn't want anything to go wrong. But, uhm, knowing Nagisa-chan, everything will go wrong anyway."-

Hikari's thoughts drifted to the big blown up photograph hanging on the bulletin board. On the photograph, Tsubomi and Yaya posed with their guest family. Yaya was smiling broadly and was giving the peace-sign. She looked to be very laid-back, with her cap back to front and wearing baggy trousers and a red tank-top. Behind her and smiling just as broadly was an overweight man with glasses, who had also placed his hands on Yaya's shoulders. Tsubomi stood to his right, scowling (as usual) at the man, but despite of this, she seemed content. Oddly enough, a white dog standing on two legs had his paw on Tsubomi's shoulder. A friendly red-haired woman holding a rather dangerous looking baby finished the scene.

-"Thinking about Yaya-san?"- Amane asked.

Hikari smiled back. -"Look at her, Amane. Yaya-chan looks so happy. I miss her terribly, yes, but I'm so glad for her too. I never meant to, but we were making her unhappy."-

-"I know,"- Amane sighed. -"Is that why you recommended her to represent Spica in the foreign exchange program? It wasn't hard to figure out."-

Hikari seemed startled for a moment. -"Please, never tell Yaya-chan! I... I just thought it would be good for her to get some distance and... I feel guilty for making Yaya-chan so unhappy. And it also gives a chance for love between Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan to blossom."-

-"Hm, yes. Those two. Nobody fights as much as those two do without ulterior motives,"- Amane shook her head. -"I hope everything works out for them. Hm..."-

-"Something wrong, Amane?"-

-"Maybe it's just me, but if you look closely at the tree in the background, you can see a man with a strangely deformed chin looking in at Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan with a pair of binoculars."-

-"Really? I don't see it,"- Hikari replied.

Amane turned to the photograph. -"You sorta have to squint your eyes and look past the picture, like with those colored pictures in which you can see a spaceship if you look carefully."-

-"You know, I never do see the spaceship in those pictures. Anyway, I'm more concerned about the revolver that the baby is pointing at his mother's chest."-

-"Hm. Is Quahog in Texas by any chance?"-

* * *

Later that day, Shion walked into the cathedral, eager to give Chris Griffin a piece of her mind about his below average grades at school. Though he was a Gaijin, surely he had to understand that with his lack of performance he shamed not only himself but the entirety of Spica as well. And if he wouldn't understand, she would MAKE him understand.

Shion stomped across the isle, where she already saw the ridiculous display of Chris Griffin trying to sing with the choir. He stuck out like a sore thumb between the elegant girls of the choir, and his voice was akin to a cheese-grater rasping over the surface of a zinc bucket.

Oh, who was she trying to kid, the guy was a blithering idiot. It was incomprehensible to Shion. He'd been in Japan for two months straight and the only Japanese he'd picked up was 'Goku Dragonball', one of which wasn't even a japanese word to begin with.

Already, the angelic voices of St. Spica choir could be heard echoing through the cathedral. Shion was loathe to think that Chris Griffin had taken Yaya's place in the choir for all of six months. His voice was certainly jarring enough to break glass.

_"Kedakaki yuri no shiro no gotoku_

_Fushigi bara no rei ni gotoku_

_Aoba no nobe no midori no gotoku_

_ten no kisaki wa uruwashiki emu"_

Just as Shion approached, Chris Griffin got into the singing mood and jumped out of formation for an impromptu metal solo:

_"Evil monkey holds the key._

_Evil monkey's gonna get me!_

_I'm hiding underneath my sheets,_

_For fear he'll point and shout at me!_

_Evil, Evil Monkey!"_

Chris finished his solo and, much to the consternation of the already confused choir, decided to make a stage-dive.

Shion barely had time to whisper 'mommy' when the tiny girl was faced with the bulk of Chris Griffin barreling towards her.

* * *

Chikaru lay in bed, hugging her beloved girlfriend from behind. She was quite grateful that council presidents were offered private rooms, because it meant that the two lovers could meet often in the privacy of their own bedrooms.

The raven-haired girl decided to have a little fun. She fished a red ribbon from her hair and gently tied to in the hair of her drowsy girlfriend.

-"Nh, whacha doin'?"- Shion mumbled in her state of near-sleep. Chikaru giggled when she saw the end result of her cheeky prank. Shion's blonde hair was now decorated with a red ribbon, tied to the side of her head.

Shion stretched slightly and yawned briefly. Chikaru pulled up the duvet and neatly covered the both of them, while Shion took the opportunity to curl up against her beloved as she was about to drift off to dreamland.

Earlier today, the unconscious Shion had been rushed to the nurse's office after Chris-kun had 'accidentally' landed on top of her. Thankfully, the Spican president had come out of the ordeal with only a few angry bruises and a sprained ankle. Though Chikaru felt very sorry for her beloved Shion, the bruises did put her in an excellent position to 'kiss it and make it better' during their lovemaking.

-"Feel better?"- Chikaru asked in between kissing a trail along the other girl's neck.

-"Much,"- Shion's face was beautified by a blissful smile.

-"There's something I wanted to talk to you about, Shion-koi,"- Chikaru asked carefully.

-"Hm?"-

-"About Chris Griffin."-

Shion stiffened for a moment. And then she was wide awake. -"You want to talk about him, _NOW_?! Nice timing, Chikaru!"-

-"I had to catch you in a good mood,"- Chikaru chuckled. Stupendously good lovemaking usually put Shion in a good mood. -"I want you to transfer him to Lulim."-

-"What? Why?!"-

-"I feel Spica isn't really his kind of school. I think he'll be happier in the laid-back environment of Lulim. He might not be the smartest person in the world, but he certainly does not deserve to become involved in the rivalry between Spica and Miator."-

Shion sighed and shook her head. She rolled to her other side to look Chikaru in the eyes as both girls lay their heads down on the pillow.

-"You keep sticking your neck out for students in trouble. You know what your problem is?"- she smirked. -"Your heart is just too damn big."-

-"Hey, there's room for you in there, after all, Shion-koi,"- Chikaru kissed the tip of Shion's nose.

-"You want him? You got him,"- Shion sighed. -"We will keep his sister Meg in Spica, though. We will lose face if both our transfer students leave us for another school. Seriously, Sweetness, you're always looking out for a stray."-

-"Chris-kun is harmless."-

-"Harmless?!"- Shion blinked. -"Will you look at me?! He was like a low IQ torpedo slamming into my fragile frame!"-

-"He didn't mean to do that. Admit it. And he carried you to the nurse's office all by himself."-

Shion sighed heavily. -"Alright. He's your responsibility now. May Lulim survive Chris Griffin."-

Chikaru traced Shion's lips with her fingertips before leaning in for a kiss. Though Chikaru had indeed been looking out for Chris, she had to admit to an ulterior motive behind this transfer. Shion had been so stressed out lately that Chikaru had been getting most worried about her. More than anything, Shion loathed losing. And if Spica was losing ground to Miator, Shion'd do anything in her power to turn the tide, even at the cost of her own peace of mind and health. Hopefully, Spica's grade averages would rise again and Chikaru could stop worrying... both about her friend Chris and her beloved Shion.

The two girls held each other for a moment, before both drifted off to blissful sleep.

* * *

Two days later, Kaname was on the prowl.

She carefully looked about the corner of the dorms and found the hallway empty. Her many sources had informed her that Meg was in PE-class at the moment and thus away from her bedroom.

After her fateful escape, she had found out that she had lost the bowtie of her school uniform. She and Momomi had been looking everywhere for it, but came to the conclusion that she might have lost it while jumping out of the window and that it might still be in Meg's room.

She had already been scolded once by the Sister about her missing bowtie and she had decided she'd be buggered before she'd allow Meg to have anything that was hers, and had decided to take it back.

Kaname crept to the door with a carefully crafted skeleton key. She had made it herself in her second year after lifting the key from the groundskeeper and pressing it into a bar of soap. Some experimentation in arts class had fielded her with the key that could unlock every single door at Astraea Hill. She'd go in, look for her bowtie, get out and re-lock the door before anyone would notice she was even here.

Not surprisingly, she found Meg's door locked, but the lock quickly fell to Kaname's cunning. She entered the room... only to wish that she hadn't mere seconds later. Some things were best left to blissful ignorance, as Kaname found out.

Kaname let the key fall from her hands as she started with open mouth. There was a good reason that the door had been locked: all around her hung pictures taken of her. Kaname at the tennis court, in class, in the locker room, in the forest, at the Kendo club, at the library, at the lake... everywhere. There were also pictures of her with Momomi, but apparently Meg had snipped her own head from photos and crudely pasted them over Momomi's head.

Perhaps the most disturbing was when she had found her bow-tie: right on top of a makeshift shrine, complete with burning candles and a radio which played the 'William Tell Overture'. Most disturbing was a large blown-up picture of herself and Kaname. Meg had written the word 'love' several times all over the image of Kaname, and the word 'Die' many more times over the image of Momomi. Furthermore, the image of Momomi seemed to have been done over with an icepick.

-"Oh, shit,"- Kaname whispered with a tiny voice. -"I'm in trouble..."-

* * *

Next time, we head back to Quahog for more of Peter's shenanigans, now with a new partner in crime called Yaya. :)


	5. Chapter 5 : Aishiteru

Hello everyone,

Today's chapter is a bit longer that expected, but I couldn't find a good place to break it up and still have it be coherent. In any case, this story contains a little more ShionxChikaru, some swearing (including some self-censorhip) for comedic effect and some limey stuff, nothing above Teen rating, I think.

Not to mention a whole lot of Amane-bashing done by people who never met her and don't even know what she looks like (and expressing opinions which I do not necessarily share, mind you. :D). All for the sake of comedy, no less.

* * *

**Everybody loves Yaya**

**Chapter 5 : Aishiteru**

"Hey, Lois," said Peter as he crossed out the date on the calender in the kitchen. Today marked exactly three months after Yaya and Tsubomi had arrived in America. In another three months, she would be returning home. "I just thought of something."

"Hm?" Lois asked as she was doing the dishes and Peter took a seat at the kitchen table. On the fridge hung a blown up picture of Chris enjoying himself at what was the (after Yaya had translated the Japanese on the sign) Lulim Heavy Metal Club. Chris was apparently doing the vocals along with an older girl called Chikaru, while two other girls called Remon and Kizuna were playing guitar. An young girl with a sleepy look in her eyes called Kagome was drumming in the background. Above the stage hung a teddybear, fixed up with fake plastic devil-horns and a plastic trident.

Peter took a moment to glance into the living room to see that Yaya was still watching TV. "How much do think it would cost to have Yaya's birth parents killed so we can adopt her?"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, come on, Lois, with Yaya and Improved Meg, we finally have a chance to have a perfect family! You gotta make a little investment for that, Lois. How much for a hitman? And I don't mean just any hitman. He's gotta be all cool and hard like Budd from Kill Bill, not a dork like that guy from Crying Freeman. So what, he cuts someone's head off and then goes like 'Weeehhhh, I'm sad about stuff'. I mean, what the hell is up with that?"

"You can't do that Peter! Besides, what about Chris and Meg?"

"Pft, those are just losers, Lois. And you know how I think about losers. But... if we have her parents killed, Yaya'd... she'd probably cry, right?" Peter spoke with a long face, his eyes downcast. "Yeah, she'd probably cry. Bad idea, then."

Peter then scribbled something on a notepad. "Hey, Lois, what do you think about this letter?

_'Dear Yaya,_

_We decided we don't love you anymore, so you can stay with Peter and Lois forever and be really happy._

_Yours Truly,_

_Yaya's parents'._ "

"Peter..." Lois sighed. "Yaya's not stupid."

"Oh!" Peter scribbled something more. "What about this:

_'P.S. This letter was NOT written by Peter Griffin or anyone who looks like Peter Griffin. Not even a Peter Griffin shaped robot from an alternative future sent back into the past to write this letter.'. _

Heheheheheh. Flawless..."

Lois shook her head. "Oh, come on, Peter, that's not gonna fool anyone. Look, I like Yaya and Tsubomi too, but they're guests and one day they will go home. No matter how much they like it here or we like to have them here, they have family and lives in Japan."

Peter glared at Lois. "Come on, Lois, admit it. With Yaya and Improved Meg here with us, we've never had a better family. It's... it's like Boba Fett and Mr. T joining the crew of the Enterprise at the same time, Lois!"

_"Alright," said Captain Kirk as he paced around the bridge of the Enterprise. "We'll be... meeting the... Gorn delegation... in... 15... minutes. The landing... party... will consist... of... myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Ensign Fett and Ensign T. And... remember: no... desintegrations!"_

_Boba Fett sighed heavily. "As you wish."_

_"I pity the foo wearin' the red shirt!"_

_"That's you, ensign T," Boba pointed out._

_"Watchit, sucka!"_

Lois sighed. "I know how you feel. I have so much mother/daughter fun with Tsubomi. Meg never wants to go shopping with her mom. Meg never wants to go to the ballet with her mom. Meg never wanted to bake cookies with her mom. And... it's just fun to have her around." Lois sighed as she put away the dishes. "Look, I don't like it either, but in three months Yaya and Tsubomi will be going back home. We're just going to have to get used it."

"Oh, it stinks," Peter pouted. "Our super cool asian kids will by replaced our own American loser kids. The world just ain't fair anymore. Just think how much fun our family bowling nights would be!"

_"YEAH!" Peter shouted as he knocked over all twelve pins with an expert throw. As the machine reset the pins and the ball was being transported back to the start of the lane, the gathered audience cheered in appreciation of a well executed strike._

_"Next up for family Griffin," the annoucer, well, announced, obviously. "Improved Meg Griffin."_

_The pink-haired Tsubomi stoically stepped up to the start of the lane. The audience hushed and they could have heard a pin drop. Tsubomi loosened up the muscles of her shoulders and cracked her knuckles for good measure before picking up the ball._

_She stood still and watched the pins in the distance. Suddenly, a halo of energy started to form around her body, growing in intensity, until..._

_"KAME!" she shouted as she held the ball in front of her. "HAME!" she added for dramatic effect as the energy started to focus around the ball. "STRIKE!"_

_The ball shot from her hand, propelled by a beam of gathered ki-energy. The Kame-Hame-Strike-wave impacted with the pins, shattering them into toothpicks. Again for dramatic effect, Tsubomi turned towards the audience and took a heroic pose just as the entire lane exploded behind her._

_Applause and cheers followed._

_"YES!" the announcer again announced. "And now, last but certainly not least, YAYA GRIFFIN!"_

_Yaya sprang from the audience, carrying on her shoulder a huge over-sized bazooka with a bowling ball attached to the end. "YAYA GRIFFIN BIG BITCHIN' BOWLING BALL BAZOOKA BANZAI BLITZKRIEG __**SPECIAL ATTACK**__!" she shouted and took aim._

_She fired the explosive bowling ball into the air where it impacted with the back of the bowling alley, shattering every pin in the building and utter atomizing the back wall entirely. The explosion blasted out, not only destroying the road beyond, but also taking out the local IRS-headquarters and completely obliterating the town supplier of Jack Chick Tracts._

_"YEAH!" Peter griffin shouted as he lifted both his daughters to his shoulders. Yaya and Tsubomi smiled as they held on to the massive 'best bowlers in the Universe'-trophy. "You're the best daughters ever!"_

_"We love you, dad!" Yaya and Tsubomi said in unison. "And because we're both adopted and not biologically related, it's still okay for us to be super-hot lesbian lovers too!"_

_"Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!" sounded Quagmire from the background._

Peter drifted out of his dreamworld for a moment. "Heheheheheheheh," he chuckled to himself. "Sweeeet."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the living room, Yaya was blissfully unaware of the conversation going on in the kitchen and was enjoying the interplay between Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons of the Quahog news. For the past few days, Yaya had been alone in her room as Tsubomi-chan had gone out of town for a bit and she would come home today. Today also marked the passing of half of her foreign trip: in three months she would return to Japan. But Yaya didn't want to think about that yet. There was still so much to see and so much to do here.

"In other news," Tom Tucker said. "Mayor Adam West has just founded the First City Army of Quahog. We go live to asian reporter Trisha Takinawa at the scene."

On the TV, Mayor Adam West wearing combat fatigues and wielding a huge rambo-knife, stood next to Trisha as she pointed her microphone at him.

"Thank you, Tom," she said. "I'm standing here in a field behind city hall where the First City Army of Quahog has gathered under the banner of General Adam West. General West, why have you decided to found this unprecedented local army?"

-"Hmm,"- frowned Yaya as she looked at herself in a small make-up mirror and then at Trisha again. -"Asian? She doesn't look like me at all! What's up with her eyes?!"-

"Well, Trisha," Mayor West said. "For three months now, Quahog has been infiltrated by two members of the Japanese horde, possibly a vanguard for a huge technologically skilled invasion army of evil super-trained ninja's riding their giant war-suzuki's. I've seen you around!" he spoke in the camera. "You know who you are! I know who you are! I... don't quite know who I am, though. I still have my people working on finding that out."

The camera zoomed out, showing that Mayor West was standing in the midst of several battalions of tiny green and tan plastic army men. "I only need to give the word, and I'll have my vicious army of plastic minions flank them from the left and the right. Trust me, those two Japanese spies won't stand a chance. Hah! Who knew that you could buy an entire army of merciless warriors in the toy store in a cardboard bucket for 19.95?! And I also have..." Mayor West started as he produced four action figures. "... the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! But I'm saving them for if all else fails and there is no more hope."

-"Geez, how did this guy ever get elected?!"- Yaya pressed the off button on the remote. Just then, she heard a car stopping in front of the house. Tsubomi-chan, Brain-sama and Stewie-kun had returned from their five-day trip to New York. Laughter was abuzz outside. A few moments later, the chuckling trio entered the house, all three of them wearing Mets baseball caps. Tsubomi was also looking like the adorable tourist in her jeans, baseball jacket, I heart NY T-shirt and her digital camera hanging around her neck.

-"YAYA-CHAN!"- Tsubomi squealed and jumped into Yaya's arms just as she rose from the couch. Yaya hugged her back tightly before Tsubomi jumped away again. -"Oh, it was so wonderful in New York, Yaya-chan. We went to the top of the Empire State Building, we went to see baseball, and the Guggenheim! We picnicked in Central Park, we almost got mugged by a filthy hobo and we went to Broadway. Hm,"- she turned to Stewie. "Stewie-kun, what was that play called again?"

"Spamalot," Stewie replied. "Oh, the beloved Python routines are performed with relish but little in the way of fresh insight. Though it's always worth the time to see Tim Curry singing and jumping around in tights. Oh, my god! Curtains up!"

"Gay," Brian coughed. "But yeah, we had some fun and exciting times. You should have heard Tsubomi after she got into a fight with a cabbie after he short-changed us. It was touch and go for a while, but he was really startled by Tsubomi's intensity."

Yaya grinned. "I bet he was."

"Hmpf," Tsubomi scowled. "Someone has to stand up to nasty persons like him."

"He really backed down after Tsubomi called him a 'major league asshole', though," Brian smiled.

Yaya frowned. Then blinked. Then looked at Tsubomi incredulously. -"You called him an 'asshole'?"-

-"Yes. Why?"-

-"Just a question. Merely curious. Do you actually know what that word means?"-

Tsubomi seemed worried for a moment. -"Uh, let's say for a moment that I don't. Then... what would that word mean?"-

Yaya leaned in and whispered some Japanese words into Tsubomi's ear. Immediately, Tsubomi's face grew red as a beet. Then, she turned red with anger. "Stewie-kun!" she challenged. "You told me that word meant 'nasty person'!"

Stewie chuckled evilly. "But it does. You can't say that it doesn't."

"But... what about those other words I called the poor man? xxxsxcker, mxtherxxxxxx, monkeyxxxx and xxxxxxbag," Tsubomi gulped. "Words you whispered in my ear, mind you! Do those words mean 'nasty person' too?"

"In various degrees, yes," Stewie grinned. "Oh, this is fun, nah?" In the background, Brian sighed.

Tsubomi looked away, being extremely embarrassed. She took a few deep breaths to center herself before turning back to Yaya. -"Of, forget it. Not even Stewie-kun is able to ruin my good mood right now. Yaya-chan, I have all kinds of stories to tell you about my trip! I wanna show you all the pictures I've taken! Yaya, I..."-

"Hey, Yaya!" sounded Peter from the kitchen. "Are you ready to go?"

"Be right there, Peter-chama!" Yaya shouted back. -"Gotta go now, Tsubomi-chan. I promised Peter-chama I'd join him and his friends today. I'll be back a little later and you can tell me all about your trip."-

-"But... But... I took pictures. I really wanted to show you..."- Tsubomi pouted as Yaya kissed her on the forehead. She watched her beloved step into the kitchen as she and Peter prepared to leave.

Though Brian and Stewie couldn't follow the actual language, it was easy to see that Tsubomi was crestfallen that Yaya was leaving just like that. Everybody could see that. Everybody but Yaya, it seemed.

Tsubomi's shoulders started to shake slightly as she stood with her back to Brian and Stewie, trying her best to keep her sobs from showing. She was silent as a stone as she took her camera and luggage, and slowly, very slowly, walked up the stairs to her room.

"Ouch," Brian said when they heard the door to Tsubomi's room slamming shut. "Awkward..."

"You can say that again. Reminds me of the time the Fat Man held a light-your-fart contest at the cremation of Lois' aunt Helen."

_"Oh, yeah, that one looked like an iraqi oilwell-fire! Let's write that one off to grandma's excellent curry bean-dip, eh? Eh? Oh, come on, people, laugh a little. What is this, a funeral?!"_

_"YES!" sounded from the gathered and shocked family._

_"Wrong! It's a cremation, genius! Heheheheheheh. Shows what you know, sucker!"_

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, Momomi was making her way to the cathedral, wearing her dress uniform. She was running late for the ceremony, due to some rather unforseen circumstances and a series of bizarre accidents. Just as she wanted to step into the tub, a radio dropped into the water. She managed to unplug it, but didn't really care much for a bath after that. Instead, she opted for the shower.

Oddly enough, the floor in the shower was very slippery. She barely managed to keep her footing and noticed the floor had been befouled with green soap. And then, when she tried to blowdry her hair, her dryer exploded as soon as she had turned it on. She'd been lucky she hadn't aimed it at herself yet, or she'd be in the hospital right now with a hairless scalp.

So many strange things had been happening to her today. She almost fell down the stairs when one of the boards in the stairwell snapped right underneath her foot. She'd almost lost her head when the fan in the cafetaria right over her usual table snapped loose. All very weird.

Momomi frowned when she suddenly saw a strange shadow right above her. She instinctively took a step back and almost immediately, a heavy anvil dropped in front of her feet. Momomi blinked and then looked up. -"Hey!"- she shouted to the room with the open window at the Dorms from which she suspected it had fallen. -"You girls! Be careful with your stuff! I could have been hurt! Bring that back to the Arts and Crafts class!"-

No response, except for the swaying of a pulley above the window.

-"Bloody first-years,"- Momomi muttered as she continued on her way. She started walking a little faster now, as she noticed the clock in the distance. Kaname was already at the Cathedral and she didn't want to keep her waiting.

"RRRRAAAAARRGGGH!" sounded from her side. Momomi skidded to a halt and a shadow shot past her. The shadow slammed into the side of the dorm and Momomi soon saw that the shadow was Meg Griffin holding a spear which was now neatly embedded into the side of the Strawberry Dorms.

"Griffin-san?" Momomi crossed her arms. "What are you doing here."

"Oh, uh, hi, Momomi," Meg grinned uneasily. "Uh, nice day out here, isn't it?"

Momomi narrowed her eyes. "You may address me as Kiyashiki-san and nothing else," she replied harshly. "What are you doing out here?"

"Uhm, I, uh... I was just doing track and field."

Momomi blinked. "Track and field. But, uh, the track is on the other side of the compound."

"I got lost."

"And you're wearing your school uniform."

"I lost my kit in an, uhm, Earthquake?"

"And PE-class was yesterday."

"Uhm, extra practise?"

"I thought all students were supposed to be at the cathedral," Momomi frowned. "Don't try to hide your laziness and make your way there. This is an important day for Spica."

"Uh, yes, Kiyashiki-san," Meg sighed.

"That's the problem with you Americans, you're oblivious to what's happening around you," Momomi shook her head as she continued on her way. "And stay away from Kaname! She's mine!"

* * *

To say that Shion was nervous was the understatement of the year. Today would be the day of either an important victory or a crushing defeat for Spica. A few rows in front of her sat the Canadian ambassador to Japan, next to the Sister and Amane in her capacity of Etoile. He was visiting Astraea Hill for two simple reasons: one, he was accompanying a group of dignitaries from a Canadian all-girls school on an official visit. Two, he was married to a Japanese woman and their daughter would soon be old enough to go to school at Astraea Hill. Needless to say, having the daughter of an ambassador among the student-body would be a great honor.

To that effect, both Miator and Spica had been actively wooing the ambassador and were showing the best of what they had to offer. Without exceptions, all Spica and Miator students were all dressed prim and proper in dress uniforms. Maitor had pulled out all the stops, but Shion was certain that Spica would win. They had a secret weapon, after all: the angelic voices of the St. Spica Choir.

Of course, Lulim couldn't care less for this competition and all Lulim students simply wore their neat clothes.

Normally, Shion would scoff at such a breach of etiquette, where it not for the vision of loveliness that was her date sitting beside her. Chikaru was still wearing her tell-tale red ribbons in her hair, but she also wore a black evening gown, which was tight-fitting enough to show off all of Chikaru's nice curves. Chikaru blushed slightly as she noticed Shion's eyes were roaming over her body and, in turn, Shion blushed for having been caught.

They actually had a rather romantic evening planned. Built around the promise Chikaru had made to her when she had first seen her in the gown: the promise that Shion'd be the one to take that gown _off_ her tonight.

Shion almost dreamed away thinking of what was to come. Chikaru had the groundskeeper smuggle a bottle of excellent wine onto School Grounds, and had been preparing a dinner with her friends. It would be just lovely. Shion could already hear Chikaru's voice... '_Shion-koi... aishiteru..._' following it up with one of her heavenly kisses. Shion smiled to herself, she's start with feeding Chikaru grapes after dinner and then, when she'd roll to her stomach, she'd agonisingly slowly unzip the back of her dress. She'd start off with a gentle backrub, to pay Chikaru back for all those times she had rubbed her shoulders after a stressful day and after that...

-"Shion-koi?"- Chikaru smiled at her, bringing her back to reality. Shion smiled when she found that Chikaru was gently holding her hand, rubbing her thumb along the back of her hand very gently. -"Are you alright?"-

-"I'm fine, Sweetness,"- Shion smiled gently. This year, the both of them would graduate and leave Astraea Hill. And they had already decided that they would leave together. Shion and Chikaru were having so much fun making plans for their future. Their future together. And Shion promised herself that there was absolutely no way in Hell anything or anyone would ever come between her and her beloved Chikaru.

-"Argh, get a room,"- sounded from Kaname beside her. Shion shot Kaname a dirty glare, but found that Kaname was already looking around nervously. Shion reflected that Kaname had gotted a lot more paranoid the past couple of weeks. Luckily, Momomi was there too to calm her down somewhat.

The student-body hushed when the choir stepped forward and the music started playing and Hikari, now the head of the choir, stepped forward to give her solo.

-"This'll be great"- Shion whispered to Kaname. -"There's no way Spica will lose now. Did you find the proper Canadian anthem?"-

Kaname bit her lip. -"We had some problems finding the right song. But I asked Chris Griffin-san for advice and he picked a nice song for us to work with."-

Shion gasped. -"What... What did you just say?"-

Kaname shrugged. -"Chris Griffin-san picked the song. Why not? Makes sense to me. He lives a lot closer to Canada than any of us."-

On stage Hikari took a deep breath and let loose her angelic voice:

_"Our country reeks of trees _

_Our Yaks are really large _

_And they smell like rotting beef carcasses..."_

Shion let out a strangled croak.

-"The choir's been practising a lot. They're not used to singing in English, but we've taught them to sing the song phonetically,"- Kaname whispered.

On stage, more girls of the choir started to join Hikari's solo.

_"And we have to clean up after them_

_And our saddle sores are the best _

_We proudly wear women's clothing _

_As searing sand blows up our skirts..."_

-"Oh, god... Oh, god... We have to stop the show!"- Shion whispered with a quivering lip.

-"Why?"- Kaname asked. -"They're doing fine."-

-"I... you... I entrusted you to the execution of this ceremony! How could you of all people be so naive?!"-

_"And the buzzards, they soar overhead _

_And poisonous snakes will devour us whole _

_Our bones will bleach in the sun..."_

-"Wha... what is this?! Where did this come from?! These lyrics are foul and insulting!"- Shion stammered.

-"Really?"- Chikaru replied. -"I think it's kinda funny. And the girls sing it so well."-

-"I... I know that, but... Ooohhh, I have a headache..."- Shion sniffed.

_"And we will probably go to Hell_

_And that is our great reward _

_For being the-uh Roo-ooy-allll Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!"_

-"Oh, it's over... It's finally over..."- Shion buried her head in her hands.

-"Nope,"- Kaname smirked. -"It's just beginning."-

And on stage, the entire choir sang with all the passion in their young hearts, making their voices echo loudly through the entire cathedral.

_"Our country reeks of trees _

_Our Yaks are really large _

_And they smell like rotting beef carcasses_

_And we have to clean up after them_

_And our saddle sores are the best _

_We proudly wear women's clothing _

_As searing sand blows up our skirts..."_

"Kill,"- Shion trembled in rage. -"Kill. I will KILL Chris Griffin! No... No, no. I will take one of the swords from the Kendo class and first I will go to you and cut your head off, Kaname, for allowing this travesty to happen! And then... I will disemboweled Chris Griffin... in the name of Spica and all that is Holy. And then I will chop up his body, put it in little plastic bags and throw them in the ocean so that he will never again befoul our pristine Japanese soil."-

-"Whoa,"- Chikaru smiled and instantly started massaging Shion's shoulders. Shion instantly relaxed and melted like putty in Chikaru's hands. -"Calm down, Shion-koi. Easy. Don't say such things. They don't befit you, my Shion."-

_"And the buzzards, they soar overhead _

_And poisonous snakes will devour us whole _

_Our bones will bleach in the sun_

_And we will probably go to Hell_

_And that is our great reward _

_For being the-uh Roo-ooy-allll Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!"_

And finally, it was over. The audience hushed and a long silence fell. Finally, the ambassador slowly rose from his seat.

Shion trembled with rage and embarrassment. Already, she could feel the spiteful eyes of the Miator student council boring in her skull. They were chuckling... they were laughing at her, and worse... at Spica. If it weren't for Chikaru holding her back, she'd probably fly into a fit of rage. Chikaru, luckily, had become a calming influence on her.

"Oh, my god," the Canadian ambassador spoke in English, and Shion stoically stood at the ready to face the music. "I... _**LOVE**_ Ren and Stimpy! How did you girls know?!"

Nobody was more surprised that Shion when the Ambassador started to applaud, leading the way for the entire student body to put their hands together for Hikari and the choir.

Next to her, Kaname chuckled. -"Hey,"- she told Shion. -"Trust Kaname. She does do her homework, after all. I probably know more about the ambassador than he does himself."-

-"See?"- Chikaru whispered. -"Everything turned out alright."-

Shion took a moment to give the Miator student council a smug look. It was almost certain that the Ambassador's daughter would be joining Spica, after all. But then, all her attention was turned to the gentle soul sitting next to her. And all her thoughts were suddenly focused on one thing: celebrating the victory with Chikaru, in the form of passionate lovemaking that would last till the crack of dawn.

* * *

"So, yeah, that's how it happened," Yaya sighed as she sat with Peter-chama and his friends Cleveland-san, Swanson-san and Quagmire-san at the Drunken Clam. It had been a fun evening with Peter and his friends, though they were a little wacky. Cleveland was a little hard to follow with his slow drawl, but he had some fun stories. Swanson-san was a paraplegic cop with a zest for life and his job that was inspiring, and he told many stories of amazing busts during his long career in law-enforcement. And Quagmire-san... his sex-life was something that beyond the imagination of even the most perverted Japanese hentai artists. When it was Yaya's turn to share a story, she'd told them about life at the Strawberry Dorms at first, but the conversation soon drifted towards romances and lost love. Such as her unrequited love for a certain blond third-year.

"Pfft, women," Joe Swanson shook his head. "They just don't know what they want, Yaya."

"Yeah, I mean," Peter started. "She picked some gal on a horse over someone like you. I mean, she's gotta be one dumb broad if she picked the horse-chick over you."

"Yes," Cleveland spoke slowly. "This Anemone girl is probably only riding that horse to overcome some severe short-comings. Overcompensation and all that."

"Yeah, only the really talentless people become professional riders," Swanson added. "Sure, if you come in for a job interview and all you can say is 'well, I can ride a horse pretty well', you're gonna get kicked out on your ass. Jockeys are meant to be small, and she's pretty tall from what you've told. Trust me... she's gonna crash and burn..."

Quagmire giggitied in. "Hey, we all know why girls like horses, right? Don't we? Eh? Come on, do I have to spell it out for you? That Hikari-chick's in for the shock of her life when she finds Anemone doing weird and very heterosexual things to that horse in the stables when she thinks nobody's watching. HAH!"

"I just don't get it," Peter said. "How could this Hickey pick the horse-chick over cool Yaya. I mean, even though I don't know them and even though I've never met either of them, I don't care: they're both bitches with really bad taste in women."

Yaya blushed slightly. "Thank you, but... it's no matter. Hikari-chan is happy with Amane-sempai. And I have Tsubomi-chan now. Everything's worked out for the best."

Quagmire craned his neck rythmically. "One word I swear by, Yaya... Rohypnal. Feed it to Hikari and the horse-chick, and you can have EVERYONE! OH!"

Yaya frowned. "No, that's more Kaname's style."

The chatter was interrupted by the bartender Horace who came to bring everybody their beers. He also put down a mug of frothing beer in front of Yaya, who looked at it quizzically. "Hey," Horace turned to Peter. "Is she over 21?"

"No," Peter replied simply.

"Oh, okay," Horace shrugged and walked back to the bar. Yaya took the mug of beer, sniffed it, then wisely decided to give it to Peter instead.

"Uh, excuse me?" she called over to Horace. "Could I have some tea, please?"

Horace returned to the table and looked at Yaya incredulously. "Tea?"

"Yes. Please, Horace-san."

"You're turning down beer for tea?"

"Uh, yes. Is something wrong with that?"

"Are you sure you're a teenager?" Horace asked.

"Last time I looked, I was nearly seventeen," Yaya replied. Horace shrugged and went off to fix Yaya a cup of tea.

Quagmire leered at Yaya for a moment. "I'm still stunned that there's this magical place in Japan where there's loads of young girls all behind bars in a catholic school. And they're all gay! Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!"

Yaya frowned. "Well, we're not exactly behind bars, Quagmire-san. It's just a rather strict school and..."

"So, if you've been a naughty girl, Yaya, do the nuns spank you? They do, don't they? OH!"

"Well, uh, no. We don't really have corporal punishment..."

"But you have to!" Quagmire narrowed his eyes. "It's part of the rules! Bad girls get their buttocks spanked with long wooden rulers by very turned on horny sexually suppressed nuns! It's like that in every catholic school!"

Yaya frowned again. "Well, uh, not at Astraea Hill. The Sister has other punishments. Cleaning the stairs in the clock-tower, for example."

"Ah, but AFTER you cleaned the clock-tower, she must take you to a room and spank you with rulers, right? Right?!"

Yaya was getting slightly worried at the look in Quagmire's eyes. "Uhm. No... No, when we've cleaned the stairs we usually just go about our business. I can honestly say I have never been spanked by the Sister."

"Oh, the world doesn't make sense anymore," Quagmire moped. "Stop ruining my fantasies, dammit!"

"Here's your tea," Horace said.

Yaya took and sniffed at the tea. "Uhm, Horace-san?" Yaya asked. "Do you have a plant I can pour this tea in?"

* * *

Later, just before midnight, Yaya and a more-than-slightly inebriated Peter made their way back home to Spooner street. However, when they came home, they found the lights turned on, and an impatient, tired and angry Lois and Tsubomi waiting for them on the couch in the living room.

"Ssssh," hiccuped Peter. "We... We gosha snhneak in, or Loish'll killsh ush."

"Uh, Peter-chama?" Yaya bit her lip and pointed at a rather fuming Lois sitting on the couch.

"Hehehehe," Peter chuckled. "Loish's got no ideash I'm drunks and shneaking in. Heheheheheh."

"Alright, Peter, time to get upstairs," Lois growled, grabbed Peter by the ear and dragged him up the stairs, leaving Yaya sitting on the chair opposite to Tsubomi.

Tsubomi avoided looking at Yaya, but she could tell that the pink-haired girl was torn between anger and sadness.

-"Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya started.

-"Did Yaya-sempai enjoy herself? Did Yaya-sempai like being out all evening with Peter-chama and his friends? Does Yaya-sempai so enjoy worrying Tsubomi?"- Tsubomi challenged. Yaya knew she was in trouble: Tsubomi only called Yaya Yaya-sempai these days when she was either sarcastic or very angry with her. It was not hard to guess that the latter applied here. -"'Oh, Tsubomi-chan',"- Tsubomi mimicked. -"'I'm so happy you're back. Did you have fun in New York? Did you take pictures? Oh, why don't you tell me everything about it? I missed you, Tsubomi-chan'."-

Tsubomi looked away sadly for a moment. -"Tsubomi-chan certainly missed Yaya-sempai."-

Yaya sighed. As much as she wanted to give a harsh retort, her anger mixed with regret as she started to feel like an utter heel. Tsubomi was right... she'd just ran off and left her girlfriend standing here in this very room, all alone. She couldn't meet Tsubomi's eyes and looked away to her side.

-"Does Yaya-sempai enjoy smelling like cigarettes, cheap beer and stale pretzels?!"- Tsubomi challenged. -"Is this what our future is going to be like?"-

-"Oh, that was below the belt, you impertinent kouhai!"-. Her anger kindled now, Yaya snapped her head to Tsubomi and narrowed her eyes .

Tsubomi directed an angry scowl at Yaya. -"So,"- she started. -"We're back to that level again, aren't we?"-

-"Okay, I did eat the pretzels, but I don't smoke and I did not have even a single drop of swill! You know me better than that!"- Yaya retorted.

-"I... feel like I don't know you at all anymore,"- Tsubomi sniffed. Tears started to roll over Tsubomi's cheeks now, making Yaya's anger melt like snow in the sun. Yaya felt her heart constrict with regret as she sat down next to Tsubomi, who was now sobbing. -"I'm sorry,"- Tsubomi said when Yaya wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against her. -"I... I know you're really happy here in America, and I don't want to ruin it, but... we've spent so little time together. If... If you don't want to be with me anymore, just say so and get it over with, Yaya-chan. It's not fair if you keep stringing me along."-

-"Tsubomi,"- Yaya spoke softly. -"I... I'm sorry..."-

Tsubomi looked at her with sad eyes and tear-stained cheeks. -"S-sorry? Y-you're sorry? D-does that mean... you're breaking up with me?"-

-"No, no,"- Yaya said quickly while she cupped Tsubomi's chin and wiped away her tears with her thumb. -"It's not like that all! It's..."- Yaya locked eyes with Tsubomi for a moment. -"I'm not breaking up with you. I just wanted to say that... I'm the one who's sorry. I've ignoring you lately, haven't I?"-

Tsubomi nodded. -"Tsubomi-chan exists. A fact which Yaya-sempai sometimes seems to forget."-

_-'Damn,'- _Yaya cringed, -_'How does keep finding all those ways to ram that sledgehammer right into my soul?'_-

-"Look,"- Yaya replied. -"I've been a real idiot, okay?"-

-"Yes, you were,"- Tsubomi replied sharply.

-"Hey!"- Yaya's frown turned into a smirk. -"Does Tsubomi-chan really need to be this direct?"-

Tsubomi's resolve crumbled somewhat, causing a brief smile to appear. But after that Tsubomi nodded sadly again. -"I didn't want to say anything about it. But, I feel we've been growing apart."-

-"Let's do something about it, then,"- Yaya winked as she stood up and took Tsubomi by the hand. -"Come on, let's go out!"-.

Tsubomi frowned. -"What? Now?!"-

-"Sure, the night's still young!"- Yaya smiled gently at Tsubomi. -"No time like the present. Bring your camera!"-

Tsubomi gasped when Yaya literally pulled her into the garage. And so Yaya and Tsubomi hit the town of Quahog. Tsubomi gathered her camera, while Yaya got her bike. With Tsubomi holding on to her, Yaya cycled through the streets of Quahog searching for adventure. Their first destination was a midnight club. They snuck in through the open bathroom window and Yaya led her to the dance floor just inside. The DJ was doing a wonderful job, and Yaya and Tsubomi found themselves dancing to the wild stylings of DJ Zaxxon until they were eventually discovered by the security staff about a half an hour later, which led to a mad dash outside to their bike, all the while bickering that if Tsubomi hadn't been acting like a total loli, they wouldn't have been caught as underage girls in an overage club.

After racing away, Yaya and Tsubomi looked for a restaurant that was still open. They found nothing fancy, only an old diner at the edge of town. But they had fun anyway, eating their hotdogs and swapping stories about New York and Quahog respectively. After their dinner, they want to the pier, where they sat on a bench overlooking the ocean. Tsubomi held an arm around Yaya's waist while they looked at the digital camera together. Tsubomi had taken so many photos and every photo had a story attached to it. Yaya kept her promise, and really took the time to listen to Tsubomi's stories and tales. Tales of Brian and Stewie's antics, tales of Tsubomi's adventures... She smiled genuinely when she heard Tsubomi rave about standing on top of the Empire State Building and looking over the city of New York.

It was still night when the couple returned home. Yaya used her keys to open the door and snuck inside to their room, with more success than Peter had had earlier today. Once in their own room, Yaya gently kissed Tsubomi. Tsubomi held on to Yaya and deepened the kiss. The two girls fell to one of beds where the kiss continued on for a while. In the end, the two girls lay on their side and gazed into each others' eyes.

-"Thank you, Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi smiled. -"I've had so much fun tonight. It's been so long since we kissed."-

-"It wasn't that long,"- Yaya replied softly. -"Was it?"-

Tsubomi nodded briefly. -"Three weeks, two days..."-

-"Really?!"-

-"Really..."-

-"I'm so sorry to have neglected you, Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya replied. -"You deserve to be loved. I guess, I took you for granted. So many things have happened... I'm sorry, Tsubomi. Things'll be different from now on, I swear it."-

-"I'm glad you want to be with me after all. Even though I'm not Hikari-sempai,"- Tsubomi said softly.

Yaya frowned. Then it hit her. -"Tsubomi-chan. Do you think you're my... second choice?"-

Tsubomi didn't answer, but looked away slightly. That was enough of an answer for Yaya.

-"Tsubomi-chan. Don't you ever think that you're my second choice."-

-"But... you loved Hikari-sempai so much. How could I ever compare to..."-

-"Don't compare yourself to Hikari-chan. You don't have to. You're right, I love**d** Hikari. But please don't think I don't love you any less truly because of that. This whole trip, it helped me realize that I... can leave my love for Hikari in the past now, that I can move on. I'll always love her as a friend, and I hope she'll be happy. But this trip, Peter-chama's antics, but most of all you helped me get over my grief. You're the most important person in my life, Tsubomi-chan. I never have more fun than when I'm talking with you. Or arguing with you, more like."-

Tsubomi sniffed again, tears of a different kind this time. -"Yaya-chan..."-

-"I love you, Tsubomi. I never thought I would, but I fell for you. Hard."-

-"I love you too, Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi sniffed and pulled Yaya in an embrace. Their lips met, a chaste brush at first, which soon developed into a passionate kiss. The two girls embraced and Yaya could feel Tsubomi's hands roaming over her back, until her lover's hand was gently cupping one of Yaya's breasts through her clothes.

Yaya saw pure desire in Tsubomi's eyes, leaving very little to the imagination as to what Tsubomi wanted to do next. Up until now, Yaya and Tsubomi hadn't gone further than kissing, hugging and the occasional fondle. But it seemed Tsubomi was ready for the next step.

-"This is your first time. Right?"- Yaya asked gently. Tsubomi said nothing as she blushed deeply. She barely managed to give a brief nod. -"Are you sure you're ready?"- Tsubomi gave another nod and blushed even deeper.

-"Y-you?"- Tsubomi managed to stammer.

-"There were other girls, when I was a second year. Not many, though."- Yaya blushed slightly herself now. Yaya still didn't feel all that comfortable talking about her previous romantic encounters. -"Just let me lead. And if there's anything you don't like, we'll stop. Okay?"-

Tsubomi nodded again and left herself in Yaya's capable hands. Yaya embraced her gently, caressing her cheek before capturing her lips. She let one hand slide underneath Tsubomi's sweater, making the other girl shudder slightly. Yaya pressed her body against her lover's, feeling Tsubomi's warmth and getting rather aroused herself. Tsubomi stiffened when Yaya started to lift her own shirt over her head.

Tsubomi's heart skipped a beat after Yaya had removed her bra as well. Yaya was lay exposed in front of her, and the older girl was inviting her girlfriend to explore her body. For once in her lifetime, Tsubomi found herself completely unable to utter even a single word.

**Ggggig-gig-gig-gig**.

-"Hm, did you hear something?"- Yaya asked while Tsubomi was gently kissing Yaya's collarbone and let a hand run over Yaya's belly.

-"Don't tease, Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi pleaded. -"Please..."-

Yaya smiled and let the other girl continue her exploration. -"Your skin is so soft..."- Tsubomi was slowly starting to dare more, but had yet to come even near Yaya's breasts... even though, judging from the look in Tsubomi's eyes, she really wanted to.

-"They don't bite, Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya smirked. -"At least, I don't think they do."-

Tsubomi took the invitation and slowly let her fingertips slide across the upper slope of Yaya's left breast. Soon enough, she found herself cupping it like she did earlier. Tsubomi did blush almost impossibly deeply, though. -"So soft..."- Tsubomi whispered.

**Ggggggggig-gig-gig-gig-gig-gig-giggety**.

-"Hm? What was that?"- Yaya listened for a while, but heard nothing more. She turned her attention to Tsubomi again and smirked. -"Why, this isn't fair, now is it? I'm all nude, but you're still fully clothed. We should do something about that."-

Tsubomi gasped but allowed Yaya to undress her. She mostly just lay there and let it all happen, but at the moment supreme, Tsubomi quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest and rolled to her other side, facing away from Yaya and trembling slightly.

Yaya gently let her fingers slide over Tsubomi's shoulder. -"Are you sure you're okay?"- she whispered. -"Are you sure you want to..."-

But when Tsubomi looked over her shoulder and shot Yaya a scowl which seemed to be saying 'Yaya-sempai, if you stop now, I will take this alarmclock and beat you over the head with it', she knew Tsubomi had no intention of stopping. Tsubomi slowly rolled towards Yaya, to lay in front of her girlfriend with her arms still crossed in front of her chest, but soon enough trusted Yaya enough to expose herself to her.

-"You're so beautiful, Tsubomi,"- Yaya smiled genuinely. -"You don't have to be embarrassed."-

Tsubomi trembled slightly when Yaya embraced her and led a trail of kisses from her cheek, slowly downward.

**Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity.**

-"I hear bells,"- Tsubomi whispered through her lust and love induced haze while Yaya continued her delicious torture. Now both naked, the barriers between them had dropped and Tsubomi felt safe and secure in Yaya's hands. Yaya was delighted when Tsubomi started to kiss her back with great enthusiasm.

-"Just relax,"- Yaya whispered. -"Relax and enjoy what's going to happen to you."-

Tsubomi ran her fingers through Yaya's long soft hair as the raven-haired girl moved slightly downward with every kiss and flick of the tongue, suckling on Tsubomi's collarbone. Yaya was going to make certain Tsubomi's experience would be a long and memorable one.

**GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GOO!!**

Now seriously alerted, the two girls turned to look into the direction of the strange sound. And then they saw him: Glenn Quagmire was looking in on their lovemaking through the window, standing on a ladder.

"IIYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shouted the girls as they desperately tried to cover themselves up. "HENTAI! HENTAI!"

Quagmire was startled by this sudden turn of events and quickly lost balance. He and the ladder spun around wildly until it started to topple, right towards the big tree just outside the window.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Quagmire shouted as he crashed into the tree. "Oh, hey, this tree has a knothole in exactly the right place. OH! Hey, wait, this isn't a knothole. It's a squirrel's nest! Get off, get off, GET OFF!" And Quagmire dropped down to the pavement below with a smack. "Heh, heh, alllright."

A severely embarrassed Yaya and Tsubomi scrambled for their clothes, any romantic thoughts soundly destroyed by the unwelcome peeping tom.

Unfortunately for them, it was just then that Peter stormed in holding a fire extinguisher. "Alright, where's the fire?!" he said while instantly spraying cold foam into the room.

"AAAAAH!" cried the girls again as they were now not only naked and embarrassed, but also covered from head to toe with ice-cold fire-killing foam.

Peter bit his lip for a moment. "Holy crap," he whistled. "This is hot."

* * *

I didn't want to ruin the surprise, but the song used is, of course, from Ren and Stimpy. If you'd like to see this song in all its full glory, you can visit youtube and type in 'Canadian kilted yaksmen' as your search term.

Next chapter, the aftermath of Quagmire's, ahum, little action.


	6. Chapter 6 : Quagmire no hekireki

Hello Everyone,

This is the conclusion of this arc of the story. Originally, I'd planned to end the story here, but I'm having way too much fun with it. :) I'll be going on holidays for twelve days, though, so I apologize in advance if I am a little later with replying to your reviews.

Btw, I still don't own Yaya or Peter Griffin. A pity. They'd both look great in my living room. ;)

Oh, before I forget, something happens in the story that is not fun in real life, but in this case does contain a certain amount of poetic justic.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 6 : Quagmire no heki-reki**

At the Strawberry Dorms, Amane and Hikari were making their way through the Spica dorms each holding a big stack of papers.

-"So, I wonder how many paper airplanes worth of reports we'll be signing today,"- Amane whistled. -"Shion sure has it in for us."-

Hikari giggled. -"She sure was mad when she found out when we'd 'generously donated' all our paperwork to Chikaru-sama's origami club last week."-

-"Bad luck. Shion just HAD to drop by Chikaru-kun's club to visit her girlfriend and just happened to spot our paperwork there. I don't think we can get away with that a second time. How about Star Bride?"-

-"No, she still has a stomach ache from all the papers we fed her last time."-

-"Wasn't Remon-chan taking about starting a papier-mache art club?"-

-"Bingo! Good idea, Hikari-chan!"-

Just as they rounded about the corner, they noticed some commotion in the hallway. Hikari and Amane shared a look, then quickly dumped their paperwork in the nearest plant pot and rushed to see what was going on.

Some girls were gathered around the room belonging to Kaname and Momomi.

-"Etoile-sama's!"- greeted Megumi, a spunky Spica first-year. -"Have you heard?"-

Amane looked over her shoulder and saw that Kaname was pacing up and down the room, looking very agitated. A very worried Momomi constantly tried to embrace her and guide her to a chair, but Kaname kept rebuffing her efforts, which only served to make Momomi even more worried. Amane pushed past the other girls and stood in Kaname's path.

-"Do you mind?!"- Kaname spat.

-"Sit down,"- Amane spoke softly.

-"Who are you to tell me..."-

-"SIT down,"- Amane said more forcefully. For a moment it seemed as if Kaname might challenge Amane's command, but after a few tense moments, she relented and sat down on the bed, next to Momomi. Momomi finally managed to embrace Kaname and it suddenly appeared that Kaname was very, very tired.

-"What happened?"- she asked gently. Sure, both of them might have made life difficult for her and Hikari, but it was clear that something terrible had happened and it was her duty as Etoile to take care of the students. Besides, Amane was human too and right now another human being was obviously in pain, even though she denied it.

-"I came to our room to pick up some books for class,"- Momomi sniffed. -"And then I found all those girls here and my poor Kaname like this. Kaname, it's going to be okay, baby. It's going to be okay."-

-"Will you stop it?!"- Kaname snarled. -"I am fine. I am telling you that I am FINE!"-

-"No,"- Momomi stated matter of factly. -"You're not. I know you better than that, Kaname."-

-"I won't have you mothering me, Momomi! I won't!"-

Amane sat down next to Kaname. -"Why don't you start at the beginning. What happened?"-

Kaname glared at Amane for a moment. -"If... If you really must know. She... she just came in and... she touched me. I couldn't do anything,"- Kaname gritted her teeth.

Megumi stepped forward. -"We heard Kenjou-sempai's panicked screams..."-

-"I did NOT scream!"- Kaname shouted at Megumi. -"I NEVER scream!"-

Megumi froze slightly. -"Forgive me, Kenjou-sama... but you did scream. We rushed in to find that American girl, Meg-san, on top of Kenjou-sempai. Nothing happened, we managed to rush in before anything could happen, thankfully. Meg-san ran off somewhere. That girl is a sexual predator, I swear."-

Hikari had remained standing in the doorway. After all that had happened between them in the past, Hikari was still more than a little afraid of Kaname. But it was then that Kaname noticed Hikari standing there. The younger Etoile yelped in surprise when Kaname suddenly spotted her, and stood up. Her expression hardened, she surprised both Amane and Momomi by slowly walking towards Hikari.

Hikari was torn between running and standing her ground. Since she had become Etoile, she had gained a lot more confidence, but to keep standing there while Kaname, the woman who had tried to force herself upon her on numerous occasions, taxed that confidence to its maximum limit.

Kaname stood still in front of her for a moment, looking her directly in the eye.

-"Hikari,"- Kaname spoke, transfixing Hikari underneath her powerful gaze. -"I'm sorry."-

-"Eh?"- was a flabbergasted Hikari's response.

-"I'm so very sorry,"- Kaname said again, and pride demanded of her that she'd look away from Hikari, but she still had that same steeled expression on her face. It was easy to see that this well-meant yet somehow forced apology had taken a lot out of her.

Hikari was too stunned to reply at first, not to mention the rest of the girls in the room. A genuine smile crossed her features for a moment as she gently grabbed hold of Kaname's wrist for a moment. Kaname, in turn, offered Hikari the tiniest hint of a smile in the very corner of her mouth.

An unspoken understanding formed between the two of them right there and then, until the prideful Kaname could stand no more and returned to the bed, where she sat down and allowed Momomi to embrace her.

Amane returned to Hikari. -"Are you alright?"- she asked.

-"Better than I have been in a long while,"- Hikari smiled. -"But what about Meg-san? We can't let this slide."-

-"Leave her to me!"- Momomi replied with sheer malice in her voice.

* * *

Back in Quahog, two very cold and frightened girls sat in the Griffin family kitchen. Both were wearing fluffy bathrobes, had hot waterbottles strapped against their backs and had their feet in a large kiddy bath filled with warm water.

"I'm so sorry, you two," Peter said sadly while Lois put two cups of hot cocoa in front of Yaya and Tsubomi. "Didn't mean to walk in on you like that, with you being all naked and sweaty and all hot and lesbian-y."

"It's okay, Peter-chama," Yaya still trembled while she picked up the hot cocoa and took a small sip. "You thought we were in danger and came to help."

Beside her, Tsubomi sat trembling like a leaf. Her eyes were unfocused and she was very pale. Yaya carefully picked up her cocoa and put it to Tsubomi's mouth. The younger girl seemed to relax somewhat when the warm liquid passed her lips. Yaya wrapped her blanket around Tsubomi, pulled her towards her and kissed the top of her head to try to calm her down.

"Peter," Brian said. "Quagmire has really gone too far this time. Something has to be done."

"Well, you know, he's Quagmire. It's what he does," Peter said. "Remember the time he chased that all-girl marching band buck-naked? I've never seen a marching band run that fast while carrying heavy instruments."

"Peter," Lois started. "Brian's right. For the last two months Quagmire has been hanging around our house with a pair of binoculars and a camera with a zoom-lens. And I've been noticing the girls' underwear has been disappearing from the hamper."

"Pfft," Peter shook his head. "Quagmire's harmless. He's... he's Quagmire!"

"Look, I know Quagmire's your buddy, but look at Tsubomi," Brian said as he pointed at the shivering girl.

-"Giggity... giggity. He's everywhere. I see him everywhere. Giggity. Giggity. He might be there. In the closet. Or over there. In the toilet bowl. But... how could he fit in the toilet bowl? The dimensions are all wrong for that! But... he's there. I know he's there. I can sense it. Giggity. Giggity. Giggity. Giggity. Always Giggity."- Tsubomi trembled while Yaya tried to calm her down again.

"You call that harmless? She's close to a nervous breakdown and probably scarred for life. You've got to tell Quagmire to back off. I mean, Yaya and Tsubomi are guests in our country. What must they think of us? Of America?" Brain stressed.

Peter took a look at Yaya while she held and comforted her girlfriend. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe Quagmire has gone too far."

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" sounded from Tsubomi as she found herself dripping wet.

"Stewie!" Lois admonished while the footy-jammy clad Stewie glared at Tsubomi and Yaya after he had thrown the contents of a small plastic bucket of water at them. Yaya looked about ready to commit murder.

"Will you Pokemon rejects leave a baby to sleep?! I'm still growing here! DAMN YOU ALL!"

Tsubomi started sobbing again. "I hate America," she sniffed. -"I wanna go home!"-

"See?" Brian stressed.

Peter sighed dejectedly. "Yeah, I'll go have a talk with Quagmire. Yeah... yeah, you know what?" he spoke more forcefully. "I'm gonna tell Quagmire to leave my super cool asian kids alone from now on. How's that, huh? Yeah, it's Peter-time!"

Yaya smiled gently. Tsubomi was finally sleeping.

The younger girl lay in Peter-chama's bed on Lois-sama's side, a peaceful expression on her face. She'd never seen Tsubomi this shaken up ever before. When she and Lois-sama had helped her upstairs, she was trembling so terribly she had almost slipped from their grasp. They had dressed her in a warm pair of pajama's and laid her in bed after feeding her two tablets of valium to help her calm down. It turned out that Lois-sama always kept a supply of valium tablets around in case of Peter-chama's many shenanigans.

Yaya'd sat by Tsubomi's side and held her hand until the younger girl finally slipped into peaceful slumber. Hopefully, she'd feel better tomorrow.

But now that she had her hands free, burning anger took hold of Yaya's spirit, directed at only one person: Glenn Quagmire. Herself and her beloved Tsubomi had been humiliated by this pervert, and the tender moment that would have been their first time together had been utterly ruined. And she swore, on her name, that he would pay the price for that insult. She'd tell him off, let him know that Nanto Yaya was not someone to mess with.

-"Sleep, my sweet Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya whispered. -"Don't worry. I'll be back soon and I'll stay with you all night. But there's something I have to do now. For both of us."-

Yaya took a moment to gently kiss the sleeping girl on the cheek and with grim determination etched on her face, she set to her task. She strode down the stairs and stepped out the front door, destination: Glenn Quagmire's house.

Or at least, that would be her destination if she wasn't suddenly confronted by Mayor Adam West, dressed in a flight suit and holding two plastic F-16 airplanes. On the lawn stood a carefully set up group of battalions made up from inch-tall plastic army men.

"Ah, I've got you now, evil ninja," Adam West grinned. "Quick, Battalion Charlie, launch bazookas! Battalion Jimmy Smits, use your flamethrowers! Battalion Clint Eastwood, flank her with heavy machineguns! Battalion Richard Simmons, storm her with your combat knives and go in for the kill! Come on, shake the butter off those buns!"

Yaya looked incredulously at the 'army' and then at Adam West. "Oh, I am SO not in the mood for this right now!" she glowered, brushed right through the gathered 'army', past Adam West and headed straight towards Quagmire's house.

"Well," Adam West whispered to her behind her back. "You might have defeated my unbeatable army. But I still have... the special edition action figures to fall back on. This isn't over, evil ninja. Quahog will be safe!"

* * *

Two minutes earlier, Peter had already made his way to Quagmire's house and knocked on the door.

"Oh, hey Peter," Quagmire greeted as he let Peter into his den of iniquity, a house furnished in a decor which was a mix of lame seventies romance that could be re-assembled for all sorts of romance (both legal and illegal) with the press of a button. Literally every piece of furniture in his house could be turned into a bed in less than a second.

"Uh, hey Quagmire," Peter sighed as he was let into his friend's house. It might have been Peter-time at home, but as soon as he saw Quagmire standing in the door-opening, his resolve had crumbled somewhat. "I, uh, wanted to talk to you about Yaya and Tsubomi and what happened today."

"Just a second, Peter," Quagmire leapt to his computer, which stood on a desk in the back of his living room. Three monitors stood next to each other, all playing grainy scenes from what looked to be stationary cameras.

Grateful for an icebreaker before what was bound to be a difficult conversation, Peter jumped to the opportunity. Also, he recognized the bathroom he saw on one of the screens.

"Hey, is that my bathroom?" Peter frowned.

Quagmire bit his lip. "Uh, no. I mean, come on, no! This is, uhm, from a live webcam site filming somewhere around here. You know how all the houses in the suburbs look alike," he gulped.

Peter took another look at the screen. "Oh, you're right. Wow, look! This guy also has a collection of Boba Fett refridgerator magnets, and he also keeps them in the bathroom! What is the chance of that happening, huh? Hm, I wonder where this guy lives, maybe we could meet up and swap a couple of magnets. That would be SWEET! Hm, oh, no, it looks like he has exactly the same magnets I have. That's a shame."

"Yeah, uh, what are the chances of that happening, huh?" Quagmire said. "I swear, it has nothing to do with three hidden webcams I secretly placed in certain rooms of your house."

"Uh, what?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Quagmire said as he quickly switched off his computer. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about, Peter?"

A harsh knock on the door suddenly interrupted the would-be conversation. "Quagmire-san! Open up! Quagmire-san!" sounded an irate Yaya from the other side of the door. "Open up, you baka yaro!"

Apparently, the door wasn't opened quickly enough. Indicative of that was the fact that a log was hurled through the window and, after carefully yet quickly moving some of the glass shards, Yaya hopped into the house with a look of pure murder in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, what the hell?" Quagmire spoke. "I just had those windows cleaned."

Yaya stood there, glaring at him and balling her fists. "Quagmire-san! You broke my girlfriend's brain! I won't forgive you for that! I... I want you to stay away from us from now on, or... or... there will be consequences, Quagmire-san!"

"You know," Quagmire chuckled. "You're kinda high-strung for someone who wears Hello Kitty panties."

"I'll... huh? How do you know that?!" Yaya blushed slightly.

"Oh, uh, I swear it has nothing to do with me accidentally uploading a secret webcam movie of you getting dressed to Youtube," Quagmire whistled innocently.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Strawberry Dorms, the nurses were having a very busy day. The sickbay was clogged to the brim, so girls had been taken out into the hallways to be seated and, eventually, treated. Some of the students had been drafted to help take care of the affected girls.

Hikari came rushing from outside to find the battlefield. She found Chikaru, Kagome, Remon, Kizuna and Chris Griffin running back and forth with cloths and cotton to help the many girls who came in to have their nosebleeds treated.

-"What happened?"- Hikari asked Chikaru with worry in her voice. -"How did all these girls get hurt?"-

-"Oh,"- Chikaru replied while handing Hikari a stack of cotton. -"Help Mai here, would you?"-

Hikari nodded and wiped off a Lulim student named Mai's nose with a piece of wet cloth and clogged her nose with a bit of cotton.

-"Apparently this all started when one of the first years was helping out at the principal's office. She got bored and snuck behind the secretary's computer and found a clip of Yaya on youtube... topless and walking around in Hello Kitty panties, from what I hear."-

-"Oh, my god!"- Hikari gasped. -"Poor Yaya!"-

-"Poor first and second years, more like,"- Chikaru chuckled. -"Whole classes started to sneak into the principal's office to look at that clip. I swear, there haven't been this much spontaneous nosebleeds since the time Shizuma-sama had that wardrobe malfunction during opening ceremonies two years ago."-

Hikari shook her head. -"Oh, my god, Yaya. She'll be so embarrassed when she gets back. God, what are those yanks doing to her? It's all my fault..."-

-"Don't worry about it,"- Chikaru smiled. -"Knowing Yaya, she'll probably enjoy the attention she'll be getting when she gets back. Well, except from all the Spica first years, of course."-

At that moment, Shion rounded about the corner, holding a bloody hankerchief against her nose and took a seat to await her turn.

-"Shion-koi?"- Chikaru crossed her arms and frowned. -"You too?"-

It took Shion a few moments to realize just what Chikaru was suspecting.

-"No! No, dear god, no,"- Shion replied. -"I walked into a door! Or rather, a door slammed into me!"-

Chikaru raised an eyebrow.

-"No, really!"-

"Sorry!" said Chris as he rounded about the same corner holding fresh medical cotton. "Sorry I hit you when I came out of the storeroom, Sharon. I didn't see you coming cause the door was in the way."

Chikaru's frown turned into a smile. -"Sorry I doubted you, Shion-koi,"- she said. "Chris-kun, please take that cotton to the nurse."

"Okidoki, Chicky!"

Shion grumbled. -"Stupid, fat, son of a bitch..."-

* * *

Back in Quahog, the girl who made noses bleed all over Astraea Hill, had finally had enough. She readied to hurl herself as Quagmire and intimately introduce him to every painful Karate technique she had learned the past two years. "I'm sorry, Peter-chama, I know he is your friend, but I cannot let this go. I must avenge my beloved Tsubomi-chan! HAAAIIIIYYAA..."

"Yaya, wait!" Brian spoke as he jumped through the window and caught Yaya by the arm before she could pounce on Quagmire. "I know you want to bash his skull in right now, but there are better ways to deal with this."

"Let go of me, Brian-sama!" Yaya replied.

"Look at him," Brian replied as he held on to Yaya's arm. "He'll probably find it sexually arousing if you beat him up!"

"Giggity!" replied Quagmire with a grin. "Giggity-giggity-goo!"

Yaya shook her head. "Ugh," she said as she calmed down and Brian let go of her arm.

"We're in America here, Yaya," Brian said. "Let's deal with this the American way."

"You want me to buy a shotgun?" Yaya asked.

"No," Brian said. "I'm thinking of something even more vicious and heartless..."

* * *

-"I hope I'm doing the right thing,"- Yaya whispered to Tsubomi. Tsubomi was still sleeping peacefully on Lois side of the bed and Yaya had been preparing to sleep on Peter's side. It had been decided that Lois-sama would be keeping an eye on them by sleeping in a sleeping bed in the room with them, while Peter would sleep on the couch.

Brian was there too, lying down on the footend of the bed already quite asleep. As much has Yaya hated to admit it, what she needed at the moment was to feel safe. Oh, she certainly still enjoyed her stay in America, and she still trusted the Griffins, but what had happened tonight definitely wasn't one of the highlights of her visits. But she had one more interesting story to tell when she'd get back to the Strawberry Dorms. Not that Tsubomi'd be happy with that, of course.

At least Tsubomi was alright. Yaya hoped she'd feel better in the morning.

Yaya brushed some of the pink hair off Tsubomi's cheek. -"Trust me, Tsubomi,"- Yaya smiled. -"As soon as we get another opportunity, I'm going to make love to you with so much passion that you'll forget all about tonight."-

"PETER!" sounded from behind the door. "I thought we decided that I'd be the one to keep an eye on the girls tonight."

"Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak," Peter said as he stepped into the room and slammed the door shut. "I'm busy."

"Peter-chama?" Yaya asked.

"Hey, Yaya," Peter said. "Don't worry about me, I'll watch you and Improved Meg like a hawk, just like my uncle Jumping Jack-ass Griffin. He used to be a body-guard for president Kennedy, you know?"

_"Don't you worry, Mr. President," Jumping Jack-ass Griffin, dressed in a snazzy Secret Service Suit, said, as he sat next to president Kennedy while the motorcade moved slowly through the streets of Dallas. "Yep, there'll be no crimes on my watch and OH MY GOD! STOP THE MOTORCADE!"_

_Jumping Jack-ass Griffin jumped out of the car and ran to a small child, who had tossed a gum-wrapper on the pristine streets of Dallas. "No! No! That is LITTERING! Pick that up right now."_

_"NO!" the little kid retorted._

_Jumping Jack-ass Griffin prompted pulled his gun. "Pick it up! Pick it up! I'm not kidding here, you oily little perp!"_

_As the child picked up the wrapper Jumping Jack-ass Griffin turned back to president Kennedy. "Don't worry, Mr. President. This crime is solved," he said, just as a loud gunshot sounded from the distance._

_"Ah, god this is awkward," Jumping Jack-ass Griffin sighed. "I, uh, I suppose you can't fix that with a brain-transplant, right? Or, uh, couldn't you just stuff that blood and brainmatter back in and see if it starts working again? Oh, well... back to the old unemployment line."_

Yaya smiled. "I want to thank you for trying to help us, Peter-chama. It's inexcusable what he did, but Quagmire-san is still your friend. It must have been hard to tell him off."

"Yeah," Peter replied. "I also wanna thank you for not pounding the crap out of him. Are you really gonna go through with Brian's plan?"

Yaya nodded. "There's a saying here that goes 'When in Rome...'. I think it would be appropriate. I could always pound the living crap out of him later, as you put it."

Yaya smiled gently when the sleeping Tsubomi curled up against her and murmured something about the softness of Yaya's hair... and the size and softness of Yaya's breasts. Even though Tsubomi had spoken in Japanese, that had still be awkward with Peter and Brian in the room.

* * *

"And that's why we've decided to sue mister Glenn Quagmire for 100 million dollars in damages," Brian said as he approached the bench, wearing his best tuxedo and tie. "Your honor, we will offer evidence that accused has been stalking miss Nanto Yaya and miss Okuwaka Tsubomi for a period of two months. I should also point out to the court that due to his actions, the accused interfered during miss Okuwaka's first time. What was supposed to be a magical moment of pure love shared with her beloved girlfriend miss Nanto, turned out to be ruined by mister Quagmire's heinous act of voyeurism."

From the bench, Tsubomi directed her saddest pout and her saddest chibi-eyes at the jury. And then at the judge.

"Awwwwww..." the jury sighed sympathetically in complete unison.

"Guilty!" shouted the judge as he slammed down his hammer. "GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!"

"Hey, come on!" Quagmire protested. "The trial hasn't even started yet! Uh, oh, hey," he turned his attention to the leggy blonde bailiff sitting next to the bench. "Hi, honey. What time do you get off? And I don't mean off work. OH!"

* * *

Meg Griffin woke up with a dull throb in the back of her head. She blinked and slowly opened her eyes, only to find out that she had been tied up and that she was... being put into a sack? What had happened? She remembered being asked by her rival Momomi to follow her into a darkened shed at the edge of school grounds. Obviously, the other girl had started to realize that Meg was the only right person for Kaname and had decided to give up Kaname to her... until Meg had been clonked over the head with a heavy object.

When the light finally started to withdraw from her vision, she was startled to see Momomi standing over her holding a baseball bat, and a very maniacal grin on her face.

"Kiyashiki-san?" Meg asked. But then noticed there was duct tape over her mouth. The horror continued when she noticed she was in the Astraea Hill mailroom. And that the 'sack' was actually a Stars and Strips. And that there was an address written on a sticker on the flag which read:

_Mr. O. bin Laden_

_Taliban Controlled Territory_

_Afghanistan._

"Yes," Momomi chuckled. "The Japanese mail services have a talent for finding their man. They always do."

Meg tried to scream when Momomi tied the sack close.

"Meg-san," Momomi said calmly. "Sayonara."

And then she whacked the sack with the baseball bat for good measure.

-"That one was for my Kaname."-

* * *

About a week later, Tsubomi was in her room preparing her suitcase and she was so excited. Two whole weeks alone with Yaya outside of Quahog. It would be perfect. After all which had happened the last couple of days, she was quite eager to get out of town for a week or two, with Yaya by her side. She was only packing what she really needed and would left the rest behind for now.

"Tsubomi?" asked Brian as he entered the room. "There's someone here who has something to say to you."

Tsubomi was startled to see Quagmire slowly stepping through the doorway and she instinctively took a few steps back before recovering and shooting the man a murderous scowl. "I'll be right outside if you need me, Tsubomi," Brian said and left the room.

"Uhm, first of all," Quagmire started to scratch the back of his head. "I wanna thank you and your girlfriend for taking the out-of-court settlement so I can keep my house. Heh. Heh."

Tsubomi didn't answer. Instead, she simply kept packing, while never taking an eye of him.

"Look, uh," Quagmire sighed and sat down on the bed. Understandably, Tsubomi kept her distance. "When you have sex as much and in as many different ways, positions and dimensions as I have, you kinda forget about the importance of the first time. It's supposed to be fun and magical and opening up your world to all kinda new experiences, thoughts, ideas and positions. And I ruined yours. And I do really feel bad about that."

Tsubomi frowned for a while, and stared at Quagmire. Without saying a word, she gave Quagmire a curt bow.

"Look everything worked out for the best. You going away with Yaya on a romantic holiday with the settlement money, and I have a hot date tonight with that leggy bailiff. HAH! Heh. Heh." Quagmire grinned.

Tsubomi rolled her eyes.

"I mean, you're pretty lucky, Tsubomi," Quagmire winked. "Have you ever seen Yaya working her cellphone? She's got the nimblest and fastest fingers I've ever seen on a girl her age. Do you know what that means? Huh? Do you? OH!"

Tsubomi's resultant blush made her face take on the color of a boiled lobster, and that was Quagmire's cue to leave. Quagmire stepped back into the hallway, where he found Brian waiting for him.

"Well, that went well," Quagmire said. "I feel kinda better now. Better get out of here, Brian, the judge told me I can't be in a 500 mile radius of Tsubomi. This was something I really wanted to tell her, though. And it helped that the raven-haired one wasn't on patrol today. She threatened to chop off my googis with a rusty breadknife if I'd even think of going near Tsubomi. That... sexy... young... gorgeous... Tsubomi. Oh, god... Oh, god... Think of something else, Glenn."

"I hope you learned your lesson, but I doubt it," Brian said as they walked down the stairs.

"I do feel bad about ruining her first time," Quagmire sighed. "Important time in a girl's life, you know and... hey, what's this?"

Quagmire picked up a small colorful booklet from the coffee table. It was a small glossy folder with plenty of pictures and text in Japanese, English and French. The title on the cover was: 'Astraea Hill. Prestigious Catholic School for Girls'. On the back of a booklet was a personal greeting from one of the students, a gorgeous young girl with lusciously long silver hair, to the perspective new students of the school.

"Check out the boobs on that silver-haired girl," Quagmire said. "Now that's one girl I'd love to find tied up in the back of my trunk! OH!"

"Oh, that's just an old promotional booklet that Yaya brought to show us what life at her school is like," Brian said.

"You mean... this is the magical place on Earth where all girls are lesbians and the nuns are all horny?"

"I wouldn't know about the nuns, but you're right about the girls," Brian shrugged as he walked into the kitchen.

Quagmire quickly scanned the folder and found what he was looking for. He grinned to himself and pocketed the folder. "Heh. Heh. Allllright..."

Tsubomi stood in the front yard wearing her best clothing and her prettiest sunhat, waiting for Yaya to pick her up. Behind her, the gathered Griffins fidgeted with her suitcases. Yaya had been gone for quite some time, and Tsubomi was getting quite impatient.

A low rumbling sound could suddenly heard from the far side of the street. Tsubomi was suddenly a bit nervous. "Peter-sama?" she asked. "Is that an earthquake?"

"Nah, around here we only get earthquakes when the giant Armadillo that's carrying the world on his back farts. I think Japan gets more Earthquakes because it's closer to the Armadillo's anus."

Tsubomi blinked. And then promptly pretended she hadn't heard a thing Peter had said.

But soon enough, the source of the rumbling became apparent. Yaya had said she would take care of transportation, and she had: a monster truck with four massive wheels stopped right in front of the house.

"Awesome," Peter breathed. Tsubomi paled and gasped.

"I bought a monster-truck!" Yaya shouted from the cab, which was about six feet off the ground. "Happening every Sunday!"

"Suuuuuuuuundaaaaaaaaaaaay," Peter finished. "Look Lois, that could be OUR daughter up there. See? Our cool daughter with cool ninja superpowers!"

Brian slapped his forehead. "She's clearly been hanging around you too long, Peter."

Tsubomi had her own things to say to Yaya. -"Y-yaya... Why can't Yaya-sempai act more like normal people do! Are you insane?! What is that thing?!"-

"Car-zilla!" Yaya said, pointing at the red lettering on the side of the truck. -"See? Wow, I finally know what piloting a Gundam is like."-

-"H-how do I even get up there?! Why didn't you just buy a Toyota?!"-

"Pfft, that's boring," Yaya rolled her eyes. -"Come on, wait till you see the hotel I booked!"-

After Brian and Peter had tossed the suitcases in the back of the truck, and Tsubomi had managed to get up into the cab without breaking any limbs, Yaya popped out of the cab one more time. "See you in two weeks, Peter-chama."

"Wow," Peter waved at Yaya as she drove off. "Our super cool asian surrogate daughter is taking her lesbian lover on a two week romantic road trip in a super cool ginormous monster truck. There isn't one part of that sentence that I didn't like, Lois."

"Hm," Lois replied. "I was just wondering. Does Yaya actually have a driver's license?"

"Judging from the trail of broken mailboxes and trashed lawns she's leaving behind in her wake," Brian said. "I'm guessing 'no'."

A few hundred yards from them, behind a bush, sat Mayor West, getting ready to strike.

"Alright," he grinned evilly as he prepared his final plan to get rid of the evil ninja's that had infiltrated his peaceful town. The monster truck raced ever closer and closer. "Wait for it. Wait for it. Yes. Yes... MOVE IN FOR THE KILL!"

Mayor West jumped up and heroically threw all four Ninja Turtle action figures right in front of the monster truck. But his triumphant smile soon faded when the delicate plastic was crushed underneath the merciless wheels of the monster truck.

"Turtles! No!" he sobbed when he stood over the crushed plastic action figures, then watched the monster truck drive off into the distance with narrowed eyes.

"Well, evil ninja's," Adam West sighed. "You won the war. But... Adam West is not defeated!"

He fished two more action figures from his pocket. "Come on, Megatron and Starscream. We shall go into hiding to plot our revenge! Mwhahah!"

* * *

It was quarter to midnight when Shizuma drove her car over the empty road, destination Astrea Hill and the Strawberry Dorms. It had been almost a week since she'd seen Nagisa. Even though the university she attended was in the nearest city, travel times were still rather long and because she had a couple of tough mid-terms to pass, she opted to stay with friends for the week rather than to travel back and forth between university and the summer home. The upside was that she had plenty of time to study. The downside was, of course, being away from her beloved Nagisa for a week. And leaving just after that romantic night after her birthday just felt wrong.

She punched Nagisa's number on her cellphone and waited. It had been difficult to smuggle a cellphone onto campus, since they were forbidden, but she had pulled it off. She wondered just how long Nagisa would manage to keep it hidden from the Sister.

-"Shizuma?!"-

-"Who else?"- Shizuma smirked. -"Are you expecting a call from another girl?"-

-"Huh? Uh, no, no! It's so good to hear your voice, Shizuma."-

-"I love you, sweetie,"- Shizuma said. -"I just wanted to tell you that. I'm on my way to the Dorms now."-

-"Will you make it to the midnight tea party?"-

-"Wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Shizuma said. -"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly after my birthday party."-

-"It's okay, I knew you had to."-

-"Nagisa, I never properly thanked you for planning that party. It was one of the most wonderful things anybody has ever done for me,"- Shizuma smiled as she could almost hear Nagisa blush on the other end of the line. And she meant it. It was enormously fun to come home after a long ride and a hard day at university and then to find all her friends there ready to surprise her and shower her with gifts and love. Nagisa, with help from Chikaru, Tamao, Chiyo and that odd boy Chris that kept calling her 'Shitzu', had managed to get everybody together at the same time and in the same room... even her father, who cancelled several board-meetings in order to make it to the party.

-"It's what anybody would do for the person they love the most in the world,"- Nagisa spoke with unnecessary modesty. -"I hope you enjoyed your present."-

-"I really enjoyed _unwrapping_ my present,"- Shizuma smirked when she remembered that, after all the guests had gone home, she'd found her beloved Nagisa on the bed dressed in a red ribbon and a lovely negligee. -"I missed you."-

-"I missed you too. And I'm glad you're home. I really want to get away from the Dorms for a while."-

-"Oh, why's that? Has Kaname been on the prowl again?"-

-"No, no, it's just that... strange things have been happening here."-

-"Like what?"- Shizuma asked, knowing that Nagisa could be scared of her own shadow sometimes.

Nagisa remained silent for a while. -"Well,"- she said -"There's been some strange noises in the Dorms late at night. I've heard Shion-sama and Chikaru-chan talking about it, and they say it sorta sounds like English."-

Shizuma frowned when Nagisa tried to mimic the strange sounds.

"Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo?" Shizuma frowned. -"That doesn't sound like any English I know."-

-"Yes, I asked Chris-kun about it, but he just laughed and told me I shouldn't worry about it. And that 'he's harmless'."-

-"Weird."-

-"That's not all. The past couple of days, some girls say their underwear has disappeared."-

Shizuma smirked. -"Have you checked for them in Tamao-chan's closet?"-

A few moments of silence. -"That's not funny, Shizuma."-

Shizuma smiled briefly. -"I'm sorry, Nagisa. You're right, that was uncalled for."- Even after a year, there was still a measure of rivalry between her and Tamao. Nagisa desperately wanted the both of them to become friends and leave their rivalry in the past, but Shizuma was almost certain that, even though she and Tamao could be on friendly terms, the rivalry between them would never completely go away.

-"In any case, Amane-sempai and Chikaru-chan will be joining us too. Considering what's been happening, we really don't want Hikari-chan and Chiyo-chan walking around in the dark alone,"- Nagisa said. -"Be careful, Shizuma. I mean it, something is very wrong."-

-"I will, Nagisa. Don't worry about me. I'll see you in a couple of minutes. I love you, Nagisa."-

-"I love you too, Shizuma. Please, be safe."-

Shizuma switched off her phone and removed it from the hands-free set as she pulled into the parking lot at the bottom of Astraea Hill. From here it would be a short walk up to the main gate. She'd have to climb over it, but that was something she had been used to from the many times when she'd escaped from school grounds. She pulled the handbreak, took her phone and locked the door to her car.

She'd be staying with Nagisa tonight, sleeping in her bed with her beloved in her arms. She could hardly wait, as she'd greatly missed Nagisa's warmth the whole week.

The path up to the gate snaked all the way along the hill towards the main gate, and it was completely unlit in the darkness. Since no visitors were expected late and the curfew was six o'clock, there had never been any need for lampposts along the route. Shizuma made her way over the darkened path, humming a tune she'd heard on the radio, when she suddenly stopped in her tracks.

Shizuma scanned the forest around her, and looked over her shoulder. An odd feeling emerged in the pit of her stomach.

She was not alone.

She tried to locate the other person around, and finally came to the conclusion that he or she was somewhere behind her, only a few meters away.

Without hesitation, she belted into the forest as fast as her legs could carry her. Normally, when fleeing from someone with possible malicious intent, it would be sheer stupidity to run off into the forest and away from the road. But Shizuma knew this forest like the back of her hand, knew all the secrets and all the shortcuts.

Before long the gate, and safety, came into view. But still, for some reason, the name 'Ellen Ripley' shot through Shizuma's mind as she ran for the gate.

"Giggety-giggety-giggety-giggety-giggety-giggety-giggety-giggety-goo!" she heard behind her as she jumped and grabbed for the bars, hoisting herself up and throwing her body over the gate with near superhuman speed.

Due to her haste to get over the fence, a safe landing wasn't quite on her mind. She slammed into the ground and got the wind knocked out of her, but she quickly recovered and picked herself up.

Behind her, a clang sounded as whomever was following her rammed right into the gate. Shizuma didn't look back and hurried to the dorm.

"Heh, heh, allllriigghttt..." was the last thing she heard before closing the door behind her.

And on the other side of the world, in the heart-shaped bed of a lovely hotel without even a single velvet painting of Elvis Presley on the wall, a starry eyed Tsubomi was enjoying her very first moment of blissful afterglow while a smiling Yaya was lovingly running a hand through her pink hair.

* * *

I wanted a moment to thank you for reading this nonsense I've been writing. This is all I had written and originally, I had decided to end the story here. But I still have three months left in Quahog to work with and plenty of ideas left to work into storyform. Also, the sequel to Endless Love is coming along quite nicely.

In the meantime, I have 12 days on holidays to work out the silly ideas in my mind into a coherent storyline. Though it might take a while for the newer updates to be released (I still need to write them, after all), stay tuned for more chapters here containing: More of the blossoming love between Yaya and Tsubomi, more Yaya-peter bonding, more Stewie-Tsubomi bickering, more ChikaruxShion love, more Chris Griffin antics at Astraea Hill, corrupted Tamao-chan, More Adam West insanity, more exploration of Quahog and Tsubomi's annoyance at it. And whatever else I can think of. :)


	7. Chapter 7 : Who is the ninja!

Hello everyone! It took me longer than expected, but here is the continuation of Everybody Loves Yaya. This chapter is a big Astraea Hill heavy, but it was necessary. More Quahog to come in later chapters. :)

Hope you'll like it!

Oh, btw, I still don't own Stopani or Family Guy. Darn...

* * *

**Everybody loves Yaya**

**Chapter 7 : Who is the ninja?!**

Yaya relaxed gently as she lay on her back in bed and let the morning sun warm her face. It felt so nice. But was even more nice was the warmth of the girl that lay cuddled against her. Tsubomi still slept softly as she clutched onto Yaya. Yaya often gently ran a hand through the long pink hair of her girlfriend while she felt Tsubomi's chest rise and fall with every breath.

Yes, this was so nice. The softness of Tsubomi's skin, the sun warming her face, the comfortable pillow, Tsubomi's hand sliding over her bare midriff, the smell of Tsubomi's hair... Altogether, it was total bliss.

It was only four weeks ago since they had first made love, and the moment they had gotten back from their trip and returned to Quahog, the girls had put the beds together and asked Lois for a single big duvet. Needless to say, all three women were a bit embarrassed about the whole thing, but Peter at least was of service: he practically ran to the closet and threw Yaya a single big duvet, accompanied with a sly wink that seemed to tell Yaya to 'go get her, tiger!'.

One thing that Yaya feared hadn't happened. Just after that had first made love, Yaya wondered how it would affect her relationship with Tsubomi, wondering if it would make them grow apart. Her fears were unfounded, however, since they had never been closer. But that didn't mean they had stopped bickering, because, oh boy, did they still bicker. And over even more insignificant things: like Yaya putting sprinkles on her peanut-butter sandwich (it ruined the taste of both items), or like Yaya going to school on roller-skates (she risked her own life and was a hazard for traffic and pedestrians alike), or like Yaya jumping too high on the trampoline (she might fall off and hurt herself), or like Yaya watching Freddy Krueger movies with Peter (Horror movies addled the brain), or like Yaya singing Tupac Shakur songs (she was promoting racial stereotypes).

And Yaya wouldn't have it any other way.

-"Never change, Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya whispered to her sleeping girlfriend. -"I love you just the way you are."-

Tsubomi stretched in her sleep. She'd wake up soon. On the one hand, Yaya felt sad that the idyllic situation she was in would end. On the other hand, there was a definite chance that Tsubomi might be up for a little gentle romance early in the morning. And why not? It was saturday morning, after all.

Yaya smiled to herself. Tsubomi had certainly developed a taste for lovemaking ever since their first time together. And being the little perfectionist that she was, Tsubomi had been very eager to learn and had been quick study. Yes, this was certainly one time that that stubborn perfectionist side of her nature was actually adored by Yaya. After all, practise made perfect.

-"Yes"- Yaya smirked. -"_Practise, practise, practise, practise... and more practise_."-

-"Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi sighed, her eyes still closed. -"Aishiteru..."-

-"Aishiteru, Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya replied gently, propping the opinionated girl up a little to be able to kiss her. As expected, Yaya felt Tsubomi's daring hands slide over her body as the kiss deepened. Tsubomi had certainly gotten a lot more self confident in bed.

Rumbling, ticking and hammering could be heard from the roof above them.

-"Hm?"- Tsubomi asked after breaking the kiss.

-"Peter-chama said he'd be repairing the roof today,"- Yaya replied.

-"Oh,"- Tsubomi replied.

About two seconds later, a plenthora of dust, wood and roofing tiles crashed to the floor just in front of their bed. In the center of it all was Peter, who dropped to the ground belly first with a panicked cry while still holding on to his power tools.

After living with the Griffins for over four months, the girls couldn't even pretend to be surprised.

"Morning, Peter-chama," Yaya greeted cheerfully.

"Ohayo Gozaimasu," Tsubomi added sleepily.

Peter just lay there for a moment, as if trying to pretend nothing had happened. "So, uh... hi. Uh... whatcha gals doin'?"

"Oh," Yaya shrugged. "Just a little foreplay."

"That's nice," Peter replied. "So, uh... Don't tell Lois about the roof, okay?"

"We won't," Tsubomi replied.

"I mean," Peter said as she finally sat up. "If she asks about the hole... Just tell her some evil looking smurfs did it. Yeah, they smurfed the hole. They completely smurfed up the roof. Bunch of mothersmurfers, I oughta kick their smurfin' asses."

Yaya smiled. "Got it. Evil smurfs. Never trusted those blue little bastards anyway."

"Uhh," Peter said as he picked up Tsubomi's pink umbrella from the side of the desk and handed it to its owner. "If it starts to rain, just put this up. So, uh, I'll just be moseying along, looking for smurf repellant. Yeah... Smurf repellant. That'll learn those little bastards."

* * *

On Astraea Hill, Kizuna, Remon and Chris were just about to let up the kite that Kizuna had made in woodshop class. It was a warm day and many girls from Lulim were flying the kites they had made after class. All in the air were kites of endless different colors and designs. All were in the air except Kizuna's.

Kizuna sighed. She had made the kite a little too big and heavy and she was physically unable to get it off the ground. Both she and Remon had tried to pull it, but both of them combined still wasn't enough. This was where Chris came in.

"Okay, Chris-kun," Kizuna said. "If you can't pull my All-Purpose-Kizuna-Copter into the air, nobody can."

"I'll do it, Kelly!" Chris replied with a hearty laugh. Remon tied the rope to his belt and the both of them held up the heavy kite while Chris started to run. Chris kept laughing as he ran, dragging the kite after him. Unfortunately, the kite, though of the ground, still didn't get very high up into the air. Chris ran past Lulim all the way to the horse track and towards Spica Academy.

A few yards in the distance, Shion stepped out from the entrance and stopped to enjoy the brisk air and the sight of so many kites up in the air above Lulim. When the Laughing Fool passed her, she scowled and was about to hurl an indignant comment after him, when Shion noticed there was a rope attached to his belt. She frowned and looked to her right...

"AAH!" she cried out when she saw a big kite on collision course.

Chris noticed that was a bit more of a drag behind him, which only enticed him keep on running faster and faster and faster. Past the cathedral and Miator he ran, through the forest and past the greenhouse, past the lake until he had arrived at Lulim again.

Chris panted like a mule as he stopped in front of Kizuna and Remon. "So, how high did it go?"

A paled Kizuna and Remon pointed behind Chris. When Chris turned around, he saw a Shion lying stuck between the remains of the kite. Her hair was disheveled, her uniform was caked with dirt and torn, and on her face was a singular horrified expression. Not to mention that she had left quite a long drag-trail behind her.

"My... my kite," Kizuna pouted. And that was enough cue for Chris.

With an angry expression on his face, Chris stalked over to Shion and stood over her.

"Sharon!" he pointed at her. "You broke Kelly's kite! She worked on it real hard and you broke it! You're a mean, mean person, Sharon!"

Shion's expression went from horrified to indignant to homicidal rage in less than 1.45 seconds. Shion slowly rose to his feet and glared at Chris. The glare changed into a sadistic grin as soon as she picked up a large wooden bit of Kizuna's kite. To a now gulping Chris, it was obvious what she was planning to do... or rather, just which part of his anatomy she was planning to shove said piece of wood up..

"AAAH!" Chris cried out. "I thought you were gay! How could you betray Chicky like that?!"

"Stand still and I'll show you just how gay I am!" Shion called back.

"AAHH! You're a mean girl!"

"Prepare to kiss your colon goodbye, you stupid fat son of a bitch!" Shion took up the chase as Chris ran for dear life.

* * *

The two runners passed another girl, who was doing her best to stay unnoticed. Tamao looked on as the two ran on, briefly wondering if she had been spotted. She came to the conclusion that Shion and Chris were too focused on their own problems to notice her and continued on.

Instead she ran straight into Chiyo.

"Onee-sama?" Chiyo asked. -"Are you taking your lunch outside? I thought you'd already eaten."-

Tamao bit her lip for a moment. What to tell this girl? And how to explain that tray of food and drink in her hands? -"Yes, uhm,"- Tamao said. -"I, uhm, I was still hungry, so I, uhm, took another helping, but I'll eat this outside. There's a nice spot at the lake."-

Chiyo smiled cheerfully, and Tamao was relieved that she bought into her deception. -"C-could I join Tamao-oneesama?"- she asked innocently.

Again, Tamao bit her lip. -"You know... I was planning to work on a poem and I don't think... I mean, I'd need to concentrate. Utter silence."-

Chiyo seemed chrestfallen. -"Oh..."- she pouted.

Tamao felt a pang of guilt as young Chiyo looked at her with those big watery chibi-eyes. -"Tell you what, we'll have dinner together at the cafeteria. Just you and me. You like that idea?"-

Immediately, Chiyo's face brightened up as if it was illuminated by a thousand suns. "H-HAI!" she bowed deeply. -"See you then, Tamao-oneesama!"-

Tamao let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding after Chiyo had said her goodbyes and walked off. The blue-haired girl quickly darted into the forest to avoid further confrontations. Carrying the tray of food, she headed off deep into the forest, to a place near the school yet somewhat secluded. It was a place not many students knew about, and even fewer had ever been. Still, it was the place she had to go.

"Sensei?" she called out. After pushing a few bushes aside, she had found the person she was looking for. There, in a small grove, surrounded by a laptop and dozens of pin-up pictures, sat her sensei: Glenn Quagmire.

"Hey there, young grasshopper," Quagmire craned his neck. "I was getting hungry there. And even for food this time. Heh, heh. OH!"

"I hope you approve, Quagmire-sensei," Tamao bowed and put down the tray in front of Quagmire, who immediately took a bun and chewed on it.

"Oh, yes, uhm," Quagmire quickly entered sensei-mode. "You have done well, young grasshopper. Have you been heeding your lessons and all that samurai stuff?"

"Yes, master," Tamao stand down facing Quagmire while he ate the food she had brought him. "I have been practising my excuses, in case of being caught."

"Okay, let's hear them."

"_'Oh, I thought these were MY panties. My mistake_.'"

"Perfect delivery. Very innocent. Very dead-pan. Work on the sad eyes, though."

"_'What's a sex offender_?'"

"Classic!"

"_'No, no, I have a rare disease that causes my hand to wriggle and pinch involuntarily. It only happens when a pretty girl passes by, so take it as a compliment_.'"

"HAH! Nicely done there, grasshopper."

"_'Honestly, I had no idea that boob was yours! Anybody could have made that mistake_.'"

"Who wouldn't fall for that?! Tell me."

"_'Don't worry. You can undress in front of me. I'm blind. So you might as well take it all off, honey_.'"

"Giggity-giggity-goo!"

"_'Don't worry, I only took those pictures to test the new focus lens on my digital camera. I'll delete them when I get home.'_ And _'Whoa, that's the second biggest duck I've ever had in my pants'_."

"Giggity!" Quagmire bowed at a beaming Tamao-chan. "Now, let's continue with today's lesson. But before we do, I have to know. Do you still want to follow the Way? Are you still dedicated to your true goal?"

Tamao nodded. "Yes, sensei," she said. "I know for certain I wish to walk this path. I, Suzumi Tamao, want to be a Pervert."

"Ah, yes," Quagmire said seriously. "To be a Pervert is not a simple thing, young grasshopper. It's not just a hobby. It's not just for a quick relief. It's a way of life! There are endless of failed Perverts walking around on the world. They didn't have the guts, the wits or the dedication to excel! Do you have, Tamao? Do you have what it takes?!"

"Yes!" Tamao said sharply. "I have what it takes to follow the Way of the Pervert!"

"Alright," Quagmire continued. "Today's lesson. Now, a lot of wanna-be Perverts don't think outside the box and go for the traditional implements of perversion, such as the classic binoculars and the raincoat. But a skilled Pervert always goes along with the time. Today's quintessential Pervert also has access to technological means to serve his or her perverted needs. A skilled Pervert had a good quality phone with a cam and knows how to use it without being caught. A skilled Pervert uses the laptop as his base of operations, to download and store the pictures, as well as using it for the many secretly placed webcams he or she possesses. But more on that later. Still, that doesn't mean the Pervert should scoff at tradition. Variety is the spice of life, and sometimes low-tech solutions can bring you a lot of fun. Oh, I almost forgot. Laptops also have the internet. Your internet-mantra, young grasshopper?"

Tamao knew she was being tested. But she had prepared for this and recited the mantra that Quagmire had taught her flawlessly:

_"'The Internet is for Porn. _

_The Internet is for Porn. _

_That is why the Net was born. _

_Porn. _

_Porn. _

_Porn."_

"Giggity-giggity-goo!" Quagmire replied. "Have you set up the webcams I like asked you to?"

"Yes!" Tamao grinned. "They'll never find them! Oh, and I've secured the feed because..."

"... you never know who'll be looking in! OH! Well done, Tamao!"

The two watched the screen for a moment. The webcams had been set up in the girls' shower room at Miator, and the girls from the Kendo club would be making full use of it in about an hour, which left Tamao and Quagmire with some time to kill.

"Sensei?" Tamao asked expectantly. "Did you finish the book I gave you?"

"Yeah!" Quagmire replied. "I mean, I was skeptical at first because you said there'd be no explicit sex scenes, so I thought 'why bother?', but that story was really beautiful. Especially when he forgave her at the end, that was so awesome."

Tamao figured that one good turned deserved another, so in a way of paying back Quagmire for his lessons, Tamao had decided to introduce him to classic literature, starting with Baroness Emmuska Orczy's _The Scarlet Pimpernel_. Apparently, he had been enjoying the book, which Tamao really liked to hear.

Still... Scarlet... Red... Red Hair... Nagisa. Tamao sighed deeply and hung her head.

"Hey, hey," Quagmire put an arm around Tamao's shoulders to cheer her up. "You okay there, grasshopper?"

"I was just... thinking of Nagisa-chan," Tamao said, her eyes downcast.

Quagmire was quick to answer. "Hey, whoa, whoa. Perverts can specialize into stalking one girl, but you'll want to fully understand the basics first before you specialize. Things go wrong when you want too much to quickly. I mean, before you know it, you'll end up married with two kids. Oh, the horror..."

"It's not that," Tamao sighed. "Nagisa... she's with Shizuma-sama this weekend."

Quagmire nodded. "Oh, the silver-haired one," he replied. "Body to die for, but deadly and dangerous. Last time I tried something, she caught on and before I knew it, I had to have a fencing foil surgically removed from my anus at the local ER. She's bad news, Tamao. A good Pervert knows how far he or she can go. I mean, that foil was up there a full eight inches. And all I ever did was grab her ass. Talk about overreacting... I mean, what the Hell. Just a tap on the butt. Just a little one. Does that really warrant having a large piece of steel shoved right up your anus?! I mean, she should have been happy to receive such a fine compliment. Not every ass is worthy of a grab, after all."

Tamao shook her head. "Let's not think about it. Let's talk literature. I think you're ready for Charles Dickens' _Oliver Twist_. Now that's a true classic, Quagmire-sensei."

"First," Quagmire grinned. "Time for a test! Heh. Heh. Follow me!"

Tamao walked along to the edge of the forest, until they were near Spica Academy. They looked upon the school as they poked their heads from the bushes, again Quagmire wearing his perpetual grin.

"You have a test for me, master?"

"You might say it's a bit of a pop-quiz," Quagmire said. "Have you been practising... your moves?"

Tamao gasped, but quickly regained her composure. "Yes, sensei. I will perform any test you wish me to do."

"Alright," Quagmire pointed. "Try them out on... THAT girl!"

Tamao blinked when she saw the girl in question. "H-her? But... that's Kenjou-sama!"

"She's the only girl here. No witnesses, less chance of getting caught."

"Only the chance of her pounding the living daylights out of me," Tamao gulped. "Alright, wish me luck."

"Luck! OH!"

Taking a few deep breaths, Tamao emerged from the bushes and calmly walked over to where Kaname was standing. Apparently, she was waiting for somebody.

"Konichiwa, Kenjou-sama," Tamao greeted gently.

Kaname turned around and narrowed her eyes. -"What do you want, Miator loser?"-

-"Oh, oh, nothing, nothing, I was just wondering something,"- Tamao asked gently, not missing a beat.

-"Yeah? Well, go wonder about something somewhere else, then. I'm busy."-

-"No, no, I... I was just wondering if... I could have your autograph,"- Tamao asked sweetly.

This actually surprised Kaname. -"My... autograph?"-

-"Yes, well, I sorta collect the autographs of the idols at Astraea Hill,"- Tamao said. -"And since you're an idol too, I was just wondering if..."-

Kaname frowned and Tamao knew that she had her now. Playing to her vanity had worked.

-"Alright,"- Kaname replied. -"Got any money?"-

-"500 yen?"- Tamao said and produced the banknote.

-"Ta very much,"- Kaname took the money and scribbled her autograph on a piece of paper. Then, Tamao struck. She fell forward, right against Kaname's body and tried to steady herself while Kaname struggled. This went on for about 10 seconds before Kaname managed to roughly shove the other girl away.

-"What was that all about?!"- Kaname spat.

"Gomen! Gomen!" Tamao mock-grovelled. -"I tripped and fell. I'm so very sorry."-

-"Alright,"- Kaname growled. -"Here's your autograph, now get lost!"-

And Tamao did so. She made her way back to the forest and, after making sure that Kaname wasn't looking, darted back to her hiding space where Quagmire was waiting.

"Did you get them? Did you?" he asked.

Tamao grinned broadly and fished an object from her pocket. She held it out and gently unfolded it. And there it was, large as life: Kaname's bra.

"OHHH!" Quagmire raved. "Girl, you _ARE_ the ninja! Allllriggght! Who is the ninja?!"

"_I_ am the ninja!" Tamao cheered for herself. "I so totally felt her up!" Tamao chuckled. "And she never noticed."

"OH! High five!"

Just as Tamao and Quagmire slapped hands, an angry shout could be heard from Kaname's direction. And a few moments later, she walked along the path, holding her chest and shouting obscenities.

"Oh-oh," Quagmire whispered. "Better cheese it for now."

"Yeah," Tamao gulped. "Better stay away from Spica for a couple of weeks."

"Say," Quagmire spoke. "Aren't the girls returning from Kendo club right now? We still have those webcams. OH!"

"Giggity-giggity-goo!" Tamao exclaimed, her imminent pain at the hands of Kaname temporarily forgotten.

* * *

Amane was enjoying a quiet stroll through the forest, having just spent some time watching some of the lulim third-years flying their kites. After the weird experience of seeing a very disheveled and very angry Shion chasing around the Griffin boy, she had decided to leave the kites for what they were and decided to go for a walk.

When she neared Spica, she checked her watch. Even though it was saturday, Hikari was at the academy doing some left-over paperwork which she had insisted on finishing. It was about three o'clock, so Hikari should be out on her break now. She looked forward to spending some time with Hikari, maybe doing some walking by the lake, chatting, sharing a quick kiss or two...

But when she walked past Spica, there was a sight that made her blink. Hikari was there... with Kenjou. Immediately, her instincts told her to rush up to Hikari and make sure that Kenjou could do no harm. But as she got closer, she noticed that Kaname was smiling... and that Hikari was giggling. They were... chatting?

-"Hi, Amane-chan!"- Hikari greeted gently. Kenjou gave her a curt nod.

-"Hi, Hikari,"- Amane treated Hikari to a quick peck on the cheek while never taking her eyes off Kenjou. -"What's going on here?"-

-"Oh, subtle, aren't you?"- Kaname chuckled. -"Hikari and I are planning to elope and spend the rest of our lives together in a little lovenest on the bahama's."-

Hikari giggled. -"Oh, Kaname-chan, you're so silly. Amane-chan, Kaname-chan has just been helping me spice up that speech I've been working on. And she's been helping me with my paperwork."-

Amane's eyebrows shot up into space. -"Kaname... _chan_?!"-

-"Amane,"- Kaname teased. -"Do try to remember that I am in a committed and meaningful relationship with Momomi. Now, if there's nothing more I can do for you, Hikari, I'll be on my way."-

Amane watched with amazement after Hikari waved goodbye to Kaname, and when said girl was out of earshot, she turned to her beloved.

-"Hikari?!"- Amane nearly shouted. -"What are you doing?!"-

-"Huh?"- was Hikari's response.

-"Need I remind you that this is the girl who nearly raped you on three separate occassions?!"-

Hikari shook her head. -"It's not like that, Amane. She's... she's really changed. She's kind to me and helpful."-

-"People like her don't change, Hikari,"- Amane crossed her arms. -"And if you needed help, you could have asked me."-

-"I didn't want to disturb you,"- Hikari replied. -"Kaname said I shouldn't disturb you either, what with you having so little free time in between Etoile duties, studying and training."-

-"Oh?"- Amane frowned. -"She told you that, huh? So, what has Kaname been helping you with?"-

Hikari shrugged. -"All sorts of things, really. My speech, my paperwork. Oh, and the other day, I ran across some Miator sixth years bullying some Spica first years. Well, they didn't take me seriously when I told them to stop it, but they did stop when Kaname came to back me up. It was amazing, Amane. I think she's really starting to care about others. Maybe something wonderful has come out of that horrible experience she had to go through with Meg Griffin."-

-"I doubt it. There's only one person in Kenjou's world, and that is Kenjou herself."- Amane shook her head. -"What else has she been helping you with?"-

-"Oh, this and that,"- Hikari shrugged. -"She told me some of the Spican rooms at the dorm were having leakages due to bad plumbing, so I allocated some of the school budget to have it fixed."-

-"Hm?"- Amane frowned. -"I hadn't heard that. You used the school budget?"-

-"No, not me,"- Hikari shrugged. -"You know I can't calculate myself out of a wet paper bag. So, Kaname suggested Momomi should take a look at it. She's the top student in Advanced Mathematics."-

-"You let... Momomi... near the school budget?"- Amane blinked.

-"Yeah?"- Hikari frowned. -"So?"-

Amane sighed. -"Let's just... take a walk, okay. I have a headache..."-

-"Say," Hikari said. "Is it just me, or did it seem like Kaname-chan wasn't wearing a bra?"-

-"It's not just you."-

* * *

Elsewhere, Kaname and Momomi were sitting in their brand spanking new queen-sized bubblebath, freshly installed in the deepest of secret. Kaname leaned back and enjoyed the hot water. Next to her, or rather, curled up against her, was Momomi, who was telling a tale of mathematic genius.

-"...so I transferred the funds into a shadow account and made it look as if the money had been transferred into the sports budget, which is such a mess that it's completely impossible to trace now. Nobody is the wiser. Shame I couldn't take more, but that would have left too many tracks. By the way, as as far as anybody knows, we only had our tub replaced because it was leaking. I even had some money left to buy this champagne."-

Kaname smiled and took a sip. -"Nice..."-

-"I admire you, Kaname,"- Momomi said. -"Even as distraught as you were by that American bitch's molestations, your mind keeps seeing opportunities and seizing them."-

Kaname sighed blissfully when Momomi lay her head on her shoulder. -"Let us raise the glass,"- Kaname started. -"To Hikari. Nice girl, but about as sharp as a bowling ball."-

-"To Hikari,"- Momomi giggled as she clunked glasses with Kaname.

* * *

It was monday morning and Lois listened on with a smile. While she was preparing some breakfast, she listened to Yaya and Tsubomi bickering in the living room. As usual, it was a fight over nothing. In this case, Yaya thought the Looney Tunes were a cool to watch in the morning, while Tsubomi maintained that the Looney Tunes was too illogical and senselessly violent to have any educational value at all. Yaya countered that cartoons with educational value were usually more punishment than fun, upon which Tsubomi went off on a long rant on the importance of representing a logical and ordered world to young children, upon which Yaya called Tsubomi a humorless killjoy and upon which Tsubomi called Yaya a short-sighted dimwit.

_'The more they bicker, the more it means they love each other very much,'_ Lois smiled to herself while the debate raged on. It was really rather sweet. Then, the bickering fell silent. Lois stopped what she was doing, listened and couldn't help but smile when she heard the tell-tale sounds of kissing coming from the living room. That's how all their 'fights' ended: with loving kisses.

While Yaya apparently continued watching Bugs Bunny, Tsubomi entered the kitchen to fetch herself some breakfast.

"Ohayo, Lois-sama," Tsubomi greeted gently. "Ohayo, Stewie-kun," she added while Stewie glared at her from his kiddie-seat.

"Good morning, Tsubomi," Lois said as the pink-haired girl took a box of Wheaties and fetched a bowl of milk from the fridge. "Isn't Yaya going to have breakfast?"

Tsubomi shook her head. "She says she isn't hungry yet. And there's still plenty of time to eat something before we have to go to school."

"Oh, yes, yes," Stewie narrowed his eyes. "I know why Yaya isn't hungry. Oh, yes, I really do know why she isn't hungry. My room's next to yours, after all, and the walls are pretty thin. And I know for a fact that Yaya's been eating all night."

"WHAT?!" Tsubomi blushed. "You can't..."

"Oh, yes," Stewie smirked. "Don't think I haven't noticed all the empty cracker packets lying about."

"Oh," Tsubomi sighed in relief. "I thought you meant... Nevermind. But you're right. Yaya always eats crackers in bed, and that's very annoying, especially when you're rolling around in the crumbs all night."

Stewie nodded again. "So, you into spelunking? Exploring damp caverns and all that."

"What?!" Tsubomi blushed again. "What do you mean by that?"

Stewie smiled innocently. "Oh, nothing much. You just seem like the kind of girl who'd like that sort of thing. You know, rock-climbing in caves. Sticking your head up a chasm."

"Oh, oh..."

"What did you think I was asking?" Stewie asked.

"Uhm, well," Tsubomi blushed. "Well, uh, it isn't worth a wooden yen to go into at the moment."

"Oh, alright," Stewie shrugged. "So... did you have your ring polished?"

"WHAT?!"

Stewie frowned. "That ring... on your finger. It looks shinier today."

"Uh, oh, oh," Tsubomi sighed in relief. "I just put it in a glass with Lois-sama's silver shine overnight and it cleaned it up nicely. I love this ring. It was a gift from Yaya-chan when we first started dating. Did you see that pendant that Yaya-chan is always wearing. I gave that to Yaya-chan for her birthday a few days after she gave me my ring."

Stewie rolled his eyes. "How disgustingly romantic."

"Any more questions?" Tsubomi said while she took a spoonful of wheaties. "Because I'm really hungry."

"No, not right now," Stewie told a relieved Tsubomi. Stewie watched the pink-haired girl eat for a while. "So..." he finally said. "Had some oral sex last night?"

A veritable spray of wheaties mixed with milk shot from Tsubomi's mouth and nose.

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then," Stewie grinned. "Hah! pwned!"

"Tsubomi!" Lois rushed up to her surrogate daughter. "Are you okay? Do you need the Heimlich?!"

Tsubomi coughed but shook her head. "No, no, I'm okay..."

"Oh, I'm soooo sorry," Stewie spoke, oozing with fake sincerity. "Allow me to apologize by offering you this cup of tea. It's been home brewn from the stash of special 'tea leaves' Brian keeps underneath his basket."

With some suspicion, Tsubomi took the cup of tea and gently sipped it. Finding the taste good, she quickly downed the entire cup.

"Wow," Tsubomi spoke. "I never knew this place was so... colorful."

Her pupils the size of saucers, Tsubomi held out her hand. -"My fingers... they're moving. Waving... All the colors of the rainbow. With tangerine trees and marmalade skies! Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over my head!"- she spoke in Japanese.

"No speako minimum wage-o, loli," Stewie spoke, and as a very confused Tsubomi stepped out into the yard, Stewie took out his To Do list and scratched out 'Let the loli fly high as a kite'.

"Dammit!" Brian said as he ran into the kitchen. "Where did I put it? I can't believe I lost a hundred bucks worth of pot!"

* * *

Outside, Tsubomi was admiring the pink-white checkered ants that were crawling up and down the lime-colored bark of the meatball-tree outside in the yard. Everything looked so beautiful and serene. Quahog had never looked this... well, _sane_. It was as if the truth of the universe was revealed to her all at once, and Tsubomi could open her eyes for the first time in her life.

Oddly enough, she noticed something was moving at her feet. Tsubomi looked on in fascination when a small mound of earth grew bigger and bigger, only to be acutely startled and yelp out a cry when a large anthropomorphic bunny burst from the mound and looked at her intently. The bunny leisurely leaned on the side of the lawn and started nibbling on a nice carrot.

"Naaaahhh," the bunny started. "'S up, Doc?"

Tsubomi blinked. "Uhm. Genki desu."

"Hey, wait a minute," the bunny started. "You're Japanese?"

-"Uh. Yeah,"- Tsubomi blinked.

"Oh, man," the bunny shook his head. "I knew I should've made that left turn at Albuquerque."

That said, the bunny dove back into the ground never to be seen again. Tsubomi stood above the hole for a moment. -"Alright, Tsubomi. It's not you, it's just this town. Remember, it's not you, it's this town,"- she told herself.

She was again startled when she heard someone tapping against the wooden fence. After turning around, she almost jumped out of her skin when she saw a large coyote standing on the pavement holding a sign. The sign said : "Excuse me."

-"Uh, yes?"- Tsubomi gulped.

The coyote took out another sign. "Do you know the way to the ACME outlet store?"

Tsubomi nodded mutely. -"It's, uhm, three streets from here. In that direction."-

Another sign. "Thank you."

And as soon as the Coyote started to cross the road, he was promptly driven over by a large SUV. An SUV that was being driven by a large light and dark blue bird that turned around and stuck out his tongue.

"MEEP MEEP!" the driver called back, while the flattened Coyote held up a sign saying "ouch!"

Tsubomi was shaking and felt some muscles in her face twitching against her will. -"Hold on to your sanity, Tsubomi. Hold on to your sanity."-

"AAAH!" Tsubomi yelled as she felt two arms encircling her chest.

-"Geez, it's just me,"- Yaya chuckled. -"What's going on? What's that look in your eyes? Are you high?! Oh, my god, you ARE high. Have you been dipping in Brian-sama's stash?"-

Immediately, the younger girl's plight was forgotten as she narrowed her eyes at Yaya. It took exactly 2 seconds for Tsubomi to come down from her trip through sheer indignity alone -"How DARE you even suggest that, Yaya-sempai?! I don't pollute my body with drugs! I don't smoke pot! It addles your brain and atrophies your muscles. Why would I smoke marihuana?!"-

-"Why not?"- Yaya shrugged. -"I have."-

"NANI?!"

-"Sure,"- Yaya replied. -"Nothing much happened, though. Only got a little light-headed, that's all."-

-"H-how?! How did you get your hands on... Did you steal it from Brian-sama? That would make you a junkie AND a thief, Yaya-chan!"-

Yaya chuckled. -"No, silly. I just asked Brian-sama."-

-"You... asked?"-

-"Yes."-

-"And he just... gave it to you?"-

-"Again, yes."-

Tsubomi blinked, then boiled with rage. -"I am going to give Brian-sama SUCH a piece of my mind! How dare he subject my Yaya-chan to that filth?! It's illegal! And you're underage! He's risked the mental and physical health of the girl I love so dearly!"-

-"But,"- Yaya started. -"I asked him for it myself. I didn't like it. I won't try it again. But at least I can say I tried it."-

But the determined Tsubomi had already stalked off into the house. Target: Brian.

"BRRRIIIAAAANNNN-SAAAMMAAAAAA!"

Yaya giggled. War was about to start in the Griffin house and Brian was in trouble. Still, that didn't explain how Tsubomi ended up 'under influence' as well, but she figured that Stewie-kun might have had something to do with it. In any case, the schoolbus would arrive soon and she had no doubt that Tsubomi would be ready to leave at that time, prim, proper and her bookbag packed by then. So whatever happened in the meantime was just for fun.

Ah, life was swell. Still, Yaya figured she'd better intervene the moment she heard crockery being flung from inside the house.

* * *

Lyrics used are from 'The Internet is for Porn' bu AvenueQ and 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' by The Beatles/William Shatner.


	8. Chapter 8 : Of Dinosaurs, dirtbikes and

Hello everyone. Latest part of Everybody Loves Yaya is ready to be released into the wild. I hope you'll enjoy. As ever, I no own Stopani. I also don't own a car. I do, however, own a Masterpiece Megatron. :)

Edit: I found out too late that FF removed the 'equals' symbol from the text. I'm so tired to FF doing that. :( Fixed now.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 8 : Of Dinosaurs, Dirt-bikes and Hentai**

On a fateful saturday morning, the Griffins and their two surrogate daughters were on their way to the festive opening of Quahog's first Museum of Natural History. Not only would there be plenty of items on loan from the Smithsonian, there would even be a whole section purely devoted to the historical items of importance to the city of Quahog itself.

Brian, Tsubomi and Lois were very eager to see the museum. Peter was mildly excited, mostly due to the fact that the museum had its very own special-recipe hot-dog stand, but Stewie and Yaya looked as if they were getting ready to jump out of the driving car to escape what could be, in their minds, a very meaningless afternoon.

In the back of the car, Tsubomi was putting the finishing touch on the Sodoku puzzle she had clipped from today's paper, while trying to ignore Stewie in the kiddie-seat next to her.

"Five!" Stewie smirked. "One! Six! Seven! One! Nine! Two! Three! Two! Nine! One! Zero! One! Nine! Two! Three! One! Four! Three! Two! Eight! One! Seven! Six! Five! One! Two! Nine! Zero! One! Three! Nine! Two! Three! One! Nine! Three! Four! Two! One! Nine! Seven! Eight! Six! Four! One! Five! Five! Five! Six! One! Two! Zero! One! Three! Four! Seven! One! Two! Three! Seven! One!"

A now seriously angered Tsubomi actually jammed her pen through the paper in rage. She gritted her teeth and glared at Stewie, but decided not to rise to the bait "Shut up," she hissed.

"Oh, is that it?" Stewie seemed disappointed. "That's the loli's comeback, then? 'Shut up'? Not even adding a 'you witless fool' or a 'you insignificant insect'? You're really not in form today, I'd say. Oh, yes, yes, I'd say you've got all your three braincells working on producing all that pink hair to keep them warm when winter comes. Oh, yes, yes, I'd say that you've gotten your entire Japanese spirit devoted to trying not to get tentacled by the cosplaying handy-man that comes to our house to fix the sink ever so often and does funny things with his pipe-cleaning hoses. Oh, yes, yes, I'd say..."

"I'd say that," Tsubomi retorted angrily, "that _I_, at least, do not have the need to wear a diaper."

Stewie's eyes grew wide. "Wh-what the deuce?! That is below the belt, you piece of Japanese jailbait for all child molesters looking for something exotic to defile! The diaper is a no-go area!"

"I'm sorry," Tsubomi shook her head. "I see no reason to start a discussion with someone who does both number one and number two in his pants at irregular intervals. I don't have that problem. Because I have control. When I have to go, I just go to the toilet, but you, you lack control over your own bowels. And I don't discuss personal ethics with people who can't control their own bowel movements. If you'll excuse me, I'll go finish my Sodoku."

"Wh... What the d-duece..."

"If you haven't gotten it yet, I'm trying to tell you I'm not interesting in anything that you have to say," Tsubomi said and ignored Stewie further.

"But... I... We..." Stewie stammered. "W-wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

A satisfied smirk crossed Tsubomi's features. "Yes!" she grinned. "Score one for the 'loli'."

"Wow, real Washingtonian hot-dogs," Peter licked his lips as he drove. "I can smell and taste them from here already."

"Just remember," Lois stressed. "We're going there for the culture, not for stuffing your face."

"Come on, Lois," Peter retorted. "Both hotdogs and stuffing one's face are central to American culture. That and Jerry Springer. Did you see the saxophone playing transvestites that date their own sisters last week?"

In the backseat, Yaya inched closer to Tsubomi, until she gently encircled her waist and pressed her cheek against Tsubomi's. "I need a hug," Yaya whispered.

"Yaya-chan!" Tsubomi blushed. "We're not alone!"

"Don't care," Yaya closed her eyes. "And I need a kiss too."

"Yaya-chan!"

Yaya pretended to be hurt. "Awww," she whispered. "I'm being dragged to a boring museum and my own girlfriend won't even kiss me to make me feel better. Come on, kiss me, Tsubomi-chan."

"Yaya-chan! No!" Tsubomi hissed. "You know I don't like kissing in public. It draws too many gawkers. What if someone else drives by and sees us kissing in the backseat?"

"I don't care, kiss me."

"I DO! I won't kiss you! Not now. Yaya-sempai is simply going to have to wait until we get home," Tsubomi said resolutely and crossed her arms in defiance.

"You know you want to," Yaya grinned. And she was right.

Tsubomi blushed, but didn't relent. "No means no, Yaya-chan,". Yaya shook her head but moved to sit in front of Tsubomi, while quickly giving Peter three taps on the shoulder with her free hand and bracing herself.

Peter immediately stepped on the brakes, causing both Brian and Lois to fly forward into the windshield with a yelp, while Tsubomi (was had been smart enough to wear a seat belt) lurched forward and landed right with her lips on Yaya's. Yaya struck immediately and pressed down, locking her lips with Tsubomi's and starting to probe the startled girl's mouth with fervor. Of course, Tsubomi finally did relent and started kissing her and hugging her back. The two girls were completely oblivious to their surroundings while they kissed. That is, until the sippy cup that Stewie threw collided with Yaya's head.

"Yaya-chan," Tsubomi sighed dreamily after Yaya broke the kiss to rub her forehead. "You're incorrigible."

Yaya smiled and gave Peter a thumb's up, which Peter promptly returned. The car started moving again and Yaya and Tsubomi gazed in each other's eyes for a moment, completely oblivious to the ten-car pile up behind them and the approaching sounds of the ambulances on their way to pick up the dead and dying.

"Peter, what the Hell was that?!" Lois said as she was trying to get her head out of the glove compartment.

"Oh, god, is my paw supposed to be at that angle?" Brian stressed as he was neatly folded over the dashboard.

"I had to brake for that pigeon over there," Peter lied. "You know how those pigeons are. You kill one of them, and the next thing you knows, its entire family will be crapping all over your house for the rest of your life," Peter said.

* * *

The griffins finally did arrive at the museum. It was a large new building, with the iconic columns and marble steps that belonged to Natural History Museums. The family bought tickets and Brian bought a program, and was actually wagging his tail while reading through it. A lot of people were there already. They saw Mort fussing over bacteria on his admission ticket, Vern and Johnny, the local vaudeville duo, were anxiously awaiting to let into the museum, while Joe Swanson was demonstrating that the museum's wheelchair ramp was at too sharp an angle by furiously trying to wheel over it and not getting very far.

"This already sucks," Yaya sighed while she showed her ticket to the attendant and was let into the museum with the rest of the Griffins. "I really wanted to go see the Transformers movie. And if a certain somebody hadn't been 'bribed' with the promise of Washingtonian hot-dogs, we'd be watching giant robots shooting the crap out of each other right now."

"Shame on you, Yaya-sempai," Tsubomi lectured sternly. "You can watch giant robots shooting the excrement out of each other when the DVD is released. Now, we are about to embark on an exciting tour along many culturally significant items. You show great disrespect to the culture of our guest-country by acting like this, Yaya-sempai. "

"WOW!" Peter squealed while holding at least five washingtonian hot-dogs. "LOOK! IT'S FONZIE'S JACKET! AND THERE! IT'S ARCHIE BUNKER'S CHAIR! WOW, LOOK, IT'S THE MODEL OF THE ORIGINAL ENTERPRISE! This.. this is the greatest place on Earth. Forget about Disneyworld... This. This is it."

As Peter was clued to the display-cases, Tsubomi was left to blink. "But... these are props!"

"Culturally significant items, ey?" Yaya nudged Tsubomi, who glared back at her.

"Somehow, I was expecting more paintings and sculptures, Brian-sama," said Tsubomi.

"Oh, they have those too," said Brian, "but they also have many cool historical stuff that are not TV-props." Brian led her to a life-sized replica of the Wright Brothers' plane. Tsubomi was visibly awed by the flimsy looking machine, made from wood, cloth and a small engine.

"I'm impressed. I'm surprised this actually flies," Tsubomi said. "You've got to admire the ingenuity of those early engineers. They didn't know what they were doing, but they had a dream and an idea and saw it through. Not many people have those these days."

Surprisingly enough, it didn't take Yaya long to find something she liked. She gaped in awe at the complete skeleton of a Brontosaurus, which length from head to tail and height from head to feet almost couldn't be contained by the largest room in the museum.

"Sugoi," whispered Yaya. -"This is so cool. Look how big it is, Tsubomi-chan! Imagine that walking through the streets looking for food. Wow, how fat must it have been? How much tonnes would it need to eat to keep fed?"-

She got the mental image of a big hungry Brontosaurus dipping his head into the Etoile's greenhouse to eat all the flowers inside and giggled slightly. If Shizuma-sama would still be Etoile, she'd be soooooo pissed off by that and probably'd try to shoo it away by poking it with a broomstick.

"Wow," said Yaya as she moved on to a small family of Tyrannosaurus Rex. "I'd like to have two living ones of those and put them in front of a chariot. Be fun to have in busy traffic."

"I don't know," Lois said. "I'd think it'd cost a lot to feed them. And they have to be on a leash all the time."

"Nah," Yaya shook her head. "I'd just let them run loose and roam free in the city park. And they can just eat all the hentai they come across. Lotsa hentai in Japanese parks."

"Hey, check it out!" Peter called over. Tsubomi pulled a reluctant Yaya from the dinosaur displays to see what Peter was talking about. The gang found themselves looking at what seemed to be a big bomb. Or, at least, a replica thereof.

"Oh, my," Stewie blinked. "Oh my, that IS impressive."

"What is that, Peter-chama?" Yaya asked.

"That, Yaya," Peter said. "Is the Fat Boy. Pride of American ingenuity and all that. It's got an awesome explosive power. They dropped this one of Nagasaki and just, whoosh, like everything was gone."

"Peter," Lois said.

"Yep, dropped it right on top of the Germans and like that, 40.000 nazis vaporized. Yep. 21 kilotons of good old American boom-juice."

"Uh, Peter," Lois started.

"Still, if you stuff some more plutonium in there, you could easily vaporize about 100.000 people and sear all the town's houses off the face of the planet. Oh, and then there's a fireball that can sear the meat right off people's bones. Kinda like in Terminator 2, but with less overacting," Peter added. "And then there's all the fallout and the radiation and the cancer. Won us the war, though. And Nazis are evil, so who cares about them away?"

"PETER!" Lois shouted.

"What?!" Peter shrugged and turned around. He found Lois glaring at him and Brian covering his face with his paw and shaking his head in an exasperated fashion.

Lois then pointed to Yaya and Tsubomi, who had both gone rather pale.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Nagasaki... Japan. Helllloooooo?" Brian sighed.

Peter looked as if he was burning off millions of braincells. "I thought Nagasaki was in Germany."

"Tell me, Fat Man," Stewie asked. "What's it like living without a brain? I mean, I'm sure you have a brain, but there's probably a few wires disconnected up there."

Peter frowned, then looked at Yaya. Then Lois. Then Brian. Then Tsubomi. Then Yaya again. Then Stewie. Then Yaya. He frowned again. They could see him thinking: _'Nagasaki equals Japan. Yaya equals Japan. Tsubomi equals Japan. Yaya Tsubomi Nagasaki equals Japan. Nagasaki Fat Boy equals boom Japan. Boom Japan equals Worried Yaya and Worried Tsubomi. Worried Yaya and Worried Tsubomi equals Angry Lois. Angry Lois equals No Sex. No Sex equals Disgruntled Peter. Disgruntled Peter equals Uzi to Work. Uzi to Work equals Fun Videogame. Fun Videogame equals Japan. Japan equals Where Yaya and Tsubomi live.'_

Then his eyes grew wide.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god," Peter gulped when he finally realized his faux-pas. "Oh, god, I'm sooooo sorry. Well, uh, we Americans with our superior understanding of the atom, asked Einstein to program the neutrons to spare the cute puppies and kittens, but to completely obliterate the tentacle monsters in all of Japan! Yeah... Japanese schoolgirls hate tentacle-monsters, right? So basically, we Americans made sure that all the tentacle monsters in Japan have gone extinct and you can walk the streets in miniskirts without fear for sudden multiple probings from behind."

Brian blinked. "That... that was even more disturbing than the bomb faux-pas."

"Let's just move on," Lois said coldly.

"Can we just go see the dinosaurs again, Peter-chama?" Yaya asked with a little voice.

"YES!" Peter stressed. "Let's all go see the fun dinosaurs! And forget all about the nasty bomb, cause dinosaurs are fun. Heheheheh."

Lois broke the awkwardness by pointing at a large gathering of people in front of a closed set of doors. Mayor West were there, as well as a gathering of news crews. "Look, they're about to open the Quahog section."

"This is Asian reporter Trisha Takinawa live from Quahog's first Museum of Natural History, where Mayor West will soon open the Quahog specific wing of the new museum. We talk now with Dr. Mel Smith of the University of L. I. Fe, who discovered some of the artifacts which will soon be unveiled."

"Thank you, Asian reporter Trisha Takinawa, and a big hello to the people of Quahog. Hi mom! And a big shout-out to my buddy Gryff Rhys-Jones," the chubby historian replied gently.

"Dr. Smith," Takinawa started. "What can you tell us about the crowning glory of the Quahog-specific collection?"

Dr. Smith beamed. "Well, I am proud to say we managed to find an important item that once belonged to Quahog's founded Myles 'Chatterbox' Musket. It is his own chamber pot, as signified by his initials M.C.M. in the rim. It was very difficult to track down, but after many months of painstakingly searching for it, we managed to track it down. Then started the frantic battle to actually get the chamber pot into the country and to Quahog where it belongs, but we stuck in there, held our ground and finally gave the winning bid and..."

"Excuse me," Takinawa frowned. "Winning bid?"

"Err, did I say bid? I didn't say bid."

"I distinctly heard you say bid."

Dr. Smith fell silent.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"You, you did. Where exactly did you find this culturally significant item?"

"Err, um. It was on Ebay."

"Ebay?"

"Yes! Ebay, okay!" Dr. Smith spat. "It was on Ebay for fifty bucks, now leave me alone!"

* * *

In the background, Yaya and Tsubomi were wading through the crowd, with Brian and Peter in tow, until they suddenly bumped into none other than Mayor West. Mayor West frowned and them while Yaya and Tsubomi froze.

"Hm," said Mayor West while turning to Yaya. "You look eerily familiar. Are you my poolboy?"

Yaya blinked. "Uhm, I don't think so. I'm a girl."

"Hm," Mayor West scratched his head. "Are you my poolboy in disguise, then?"

Yaya shook her head 'no'.

"And you," he turned to Tsubomi. "With a scowl like that, there's only one person you can be: The Incredible Hulk!"

Tsubomi glared, first at Adam West for making the suggestion, then at Yaya who was currently lying on the floor doubled over in laughter.

"Oh, my god," Adam West gasped. "I've made her angry! Quick! Security! Tickle her before she turns green and tears the place apart!"

Before Tsubomi could do anything, a group of five muscular security macho men that were easily three times her size rushed her and dutifully started to tickle her sides. Soon enough, Tsubomi was on the ground in uncontrollable laughter while being tickled furiously by the five macho-men. Next to her, Yaya was having a fit of uncontrollable laughter herself, but without outside help.

Lois shook her head. "There are so many things wrong with this picture..."

"There," said Mayor West while security withdrew. "Now don't get angry inside. Save your anger for when the aliens invade, we'll need your strength then, Incredible Hulk. As for you, Japanese poolboy in girl-disguise, I expect you to clean the dead possums from my pool tomorrow. There'll be a shiny nickel for you if you do."

As Yaya and Tsubomi withdrew from the crowd to recover and massaged their aching sides, they came across a second entrance to the quahog section on the other side, away from the crowd. There was no guard, the door wasn't looked and the only thing separating them from it was a red cordon. Brian was already there, taking a swig from his pocket flask.

"Hey, Brian-sama," Yaya winked. "Wanna get in a quick sneak-preview?"

Brian wagged his tail. "Why not? Imagine, we'll be the first in Quahog to see it."

"HEY!" glared Tsubomi as Yaya and Brian climbed over the red rope. "That red cordon is there for a reason!"

-"Oh, come on, that's not going to keep anyone out,"- Yaya smiled. -"Come on, it'll be fun."-

-"No, I will not,"- Tsubomi shook her head. -"Unlike Yaya-sempai, I have respect for the rules."-

-"Yeah, I'm sure the red cordon will love knowing you respect it so much,"- Yaya smirked as she and Brian slipped through the open door.

Tsubomi crossed her arms and looked away. Until, a few moments later, she sighed heavily and started climbing over the red cordon. Someone had to keep Yaya out of trouble, after all.

* * *

Inside, the rather small room, the pickings were rather underwhelming, Brian thought.

"What the hell is this?" he said as he read the plaques. _"'Remains of a chicken bone?', 'The half of an old hammer which belonged to Some Guy?', 'The world's tiniest ball of twine?', 'Authentic Dr. Pepper can crushed against the forehead of Mike Tyson before some fight in the eighties?'. _I mean, come on, it looks like they've raided the trashyard!"

"Considering the smell, I think they really have," Yaya said as she moved to the Chatterbox Chamber Pot, which was on a pedestal in the center of the room. It was a simple brown porcelain pot, wholly unremarkable.

"Ahum," sounded behind them.

Yaya smiled when she saw her girlfriend, scowling as ever. "What?" Tsubomi asked. "Someone has to keep you out of trouble. And if not me, then who?"

Yaya shook her head. "Tsubomi-chan," Yaya smiled. "You're by far the most precious thing in this whole museum."

"Corny, but cute," Brian remarked.

Tsubomi blushed for a moment, but then scowled. "How nice that you think I'm more beautiful than a couple of dusty old bones, a chamberpot, an old bomb and an assortment of TV-props."

Through the unguarded door, a fourth figure emerged. Peter, still chewing on a hot-dog, entered the room and looked around. "Hey, whatcha doing? Hey, what the hell is this crap?"

Yaya chuckled. "The contents of somebody's trashbin. I think they ran out of budget after building the museum. I think they'd have been better off storing some dinosaurs in here. It's too small for the Bronto and the Rexes, but they could put a couple of Velociraptors in here."

"Or a Stegosaurus," Peter said. "I love those guys. They're big, fat, lumbering and awkward. Just like I was in high-school. They're like _this_ big," Peter said while holding out his arms to show the size.

"No, no, Peter-chama," Yaya did the same. "They're like _this_ big."

"I'm pretty sure they were _this_ big," Peter held out his arms.

"No, no, you're thinking of a Triceratops. Those are _this_ big," Yaya said, swaying her arms out, barely feeling that she had knocked something over.

Yaya froze when she heard something shatter on the floor behind her. "Tell me I didn't hear that," Yaya gulped.

"YAYA-CHAN!" Tsubomi wailed. "You broke the Chatterbox Chamber Pot!"

"I... I didn't mean to!" Yaya said while she looked at the broken shards of the once proud Chamber Pot.

From the other entrance, they could hear the crowd starting to gather.

"Oh, god," Peter said. "What do we do now? Oh, I know. We'll say the Chamber Pot was destroyed because... some fat guy farted? Uh, no, no, scratch that. Let's just say Jesus did it!"

Brian rushed up to Tsubomi and Yaya with a bottle of half-filled superglue. "Here. The shards aren't too small, maybe we can put it back together. Quick, Peter! Go out there and stall the crowd, while the three of us put the pot back together!"

As Peter ran off, Tsubomi turned to Brian. "Brian-sama, where did you find that glue?"

"Apparently, it's an exhibit," Brian said while Yaya and Tsubomi were quickly gathering the pieces. "The plaque said that Ronald Reagan used this bottle of superglue to glue his heel back on his shoe when he tripped over a rock that originally came from Quahog."

* * *

Meanwhile, just as Mayor West was getting ready to cut the ribbon, Peter came storming out the other door and stepped in front of the crowd.

"Wait, wait!" he shouted. "I've got something important to tell you."

"Oh, look!" shouted someone from the crowd. "That Fat Guy is trying to distract us from entering the Quahog section. Let's watch."

"Okay," also sounded from the crowd.

Mayor West narrowed his eyes. "Are you here to repossess the giant pair of scissors? I swear, I didn't know the check would bounce!"

"No, no! Look, you people can't go in there, because... because I've only got 15 seconds left to live!" Peter said.

"Peter!" sounded the voice of Lois from the crowd.

"Whoa," sounded also from the crowd. "Let's stand here watch this Fat Guy die first."

"WOW," sounded a kid from the crowd, "This is the best museum ever!"

Back inside the room, the girls and Brian were still frantically gluing together the Chamber Pot.

-"No, no,"- said Yaya. -"This piece goes here. I thought you were such a Sodoku champion."-

-"It's just that,"- Tsubomi looked rather paled. -"We're sticking our hands in something a person pooped in his entire life. I've certainly had my share of indignities ever since we became lovers, Yaya-chan"-

-"But you love me anyway, right?"- Yaya smirked.

Brian coughed. "Less love, more puzzlework!" he said while placing another shard in the correct position.

* * *

"Nope, nope, nope," Peter said. "Still living, still living. God, I am so going to sue that doctor Hartman."

"It's been three minutes! Just die already!"

"We wanna see your corpse!"

Mayor West finally stepped in. "Look," he said. "I'm just going to use this scissors to cut the alien being that's hiding there in form of a red ribbon, if it's all the same with you."

Peter tried to stop them by telling them a brilliant story about the room behind them giving people testicular cancer the moment they'd enter it, but it was to no avail. The crowd marched into the room... only to find the Chatterbox Chamber Pot in perfect condition on its pedestal, being presented to them by two cute Japanese girls with impossibly hopeful smiles and loads of glue in their hair. Behind them, Brian was trying to scratch the glue from his ears.

As the crowd gave the Chatterbox Chamber Pot its non-deserved ooohs and aaaahs, the girls and the Griffins quickly withdrew from the Quahog Section and practically ran all the way back to the foyer.

-"We were so lucky,"- Tsubomi said.

-"We were almost totally screwed,"- Yaya sighed.

Tsubomi scowled at Yaya. -"Why does this always happen to us? Why don't you ever pay attention to what you're doing, Yaya-chan? God, how are we ever going to get this glue from our hair?!"-

Yaya ignored Tsubomi and turned to Peter. "So... can we go see the dinosaurs again?"

* * *

Both Tamao and Quagmire sat nestled in a tree, their legs dangling from a thick branch. Both of them were holding fishing poles and were anxiously waiting for a bite. To pass the time, however, the two chatted silently.

"I notice everybody's pretty good at English here, Tamao," Quagmire said.

"Does that surprise you, Quagmire-sensei?" Tamao asked.

"A little. I've done quite a bit of flights to Japan and other Asian countries, and most of the people have worse accents than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not that really mind, though. I enjoy the challenge of picking up chicks that don't know a word I'm saying. And it opens up plenty of opportunities... Heh heh."

Tamao smiled and fiddled with the line for a bit. "Well, Astraea Hill is a very prestigious school. In theory, only the best and the brightest come to this school, so most students are very well versed in languages. In practise, however, they let in everybody who can pay the tuition-fees these days, so we get some cases of rich and brainless, but they don't tend to last long here."

"See, that's what I'm talking about," Quagmire said. "You speak better English then most Americans I know."

"Arigato Quagmire-sensei," Tamao bowed slightly at the compliment. "I started out learning English and French when I was very young. Even then I wanted to read the classics, Shakespeare, Melville, Dumas, Moliere, Tolkien... But only in their original languages. I felt that many of my favorite books lose something in the translation to Japanese. Hm, you know, I remember struggling with English language after putting the original 'The Hobbit' next to the Japanese translation. It was something like a huge crossword puzzle to figure everything out, but I learned a lot about English from it."

"Oh, hey!" Quagmire shouted. "You got a bite! You got a bite! Giggity-giggity-goo!"

"Eh?" Tamao looked up and gasped when she saw something tug on her line: it was unmistakable that she had caught something. She grabbed the pole tightly and started reeling in her catch, being careful not to put too much pressure on the line to avoid breaking it. And finally, finally, she could admire her catch: a pair of pink panties with frilly lace.

"YES!" Tamao said as she took the panties from the hook. "First catch of the day!"

"Let me see that," Quagmire said. "Oh, I'm sorry Tamao, but these are undersized. I'm afraid you're going to have to throw it back."

"Oh," Tamao pouted slightly. "But... they're so pink..."

"Hey, not to worry, Tamao-grasshopper," Quagmire patted her on the shoulder. "We'll throw them back and they'll grow up to be much bigger and sexier than they are now. Heh heh, alllrright."

"Yeah," Tamao still pouted. "I guess..."

She sighed. Panty-fishing had been a lot harder than she had expected. The tree they were in was right next to the clotheslines were the girls hung their laundry after having used the communal launderette. The wind was blowing and it made it quite difficult to get the hooked line to catch any article of clothing, let alone the panties.

Still Tamao did what Quagmire said. She let her catch lower down into the hamper that was at the foot of the tree and gently knocked it off the hook by having it bump into the side of said hamper.

"Yeah, I read Moliere's L'Ecole des Femmes you gave me yesterday," Quagmire spoke. "Pretty good read, but all that scheming just to get a chick to marry him so he could bone her. I mean, come on, good thing we're in the modern age now. Now you just have to scheme to sleep with as many chicks as possible WITHOUT ending up marrying any of them. HAH!"

"Glad you liked it, Quagmire-sensei. I'll... Oh, you have a bite, sensei!"

"Oh god! Ohgodohgodohgod!" Quagmire grinned like a shark and craned his neck excitedly while he pulled up his line, only to reveal... a huge white pair of underpants, large enough to be used as a parachute. "Hey?! What's this?!"

"Wow," Tamao blinked. "I think they're Sister Hamasaka's!"

"I know she's supposed to be this dried up old religious mummy but... Come on, what the Hell?! At least wear underwear that was made after the nineteen-fifties!" Quagmire complained. Then he grinned and put the oversized underwear on top of his head. "Hey, Tamao, who am I? American Gothic! HAH!"

Tamao giggled slightly in response.

"Okay, now we gotta burn these. Or at least put itching powder in there, or something," he said and unceremoniously tossed the underwear to the side of the branch. "So, how's life in general, Tamao?"

Tamao shrugged. "Grades are good. Clubs are good. Friends are good. All is good."

"Why doesn't that sound convincing?" Quagmire said.

Tamao sighed. "You know me too well, Quagmire-sensei. Nagisa-chan and I were supposed to be going to the movies together. Just as friends. But then Shizuma-sama called and she and Nagisa-chan ended up talking together for hours and there was no time left to see the movie," she sighed. "Isn't it bad enough that Shizuma-sama already took... I mean, does she have to steal our friendship-time together as well?"

"Ah, chin up, Tamao," Quagmire said. "There's plenty of hot chicks around that would love to be with you. Sometimes you look so hard, you can't see what's right in front of you... like that tiny black lacey g-string that you've just hooked your line on! OH!"

"GIGGITY!" Tamao cheered herself.

As Tamao reeled in and inspected her catch, she noticed someone was walking on the path towards the launderette.

"Dammit!" Tamao whispered. "It's Chiyo-chan!"

"Huh? What's she doing here?"

"Probably looking for me."

"Quick, let's crawl up those branches there for cover."

A few moments later, Chiyo stood at the foot of the tree, looking over the field containing the clotheslines. -"Tamao-oneesama?"- she called out. -"Are you here? Where are you?"-

"Don't look up," Tamao practically prayed as she struggled to get her leg up the other branch while her uniform was caught on a small twig, knowing fully well that if Chiyo'd look up, she would not only would she be exposed as a Hentai, but Chiyo would also get a spectacular view of her underwear. "Don'tlookup. Don'tlookup. Don'tlookup. Don'tlookup."

-"Onee-sama?"- Chiyo pouted heavily. -"Where are you? I've been looking all over."-

Tamao's world turned to slow motion when she noticed Chiyo was about to throw her head upwards and frantically tried to pull her leg loose. But before Chiyo could see her, sister Hamasaka's oversized underwear landed on top of Chiyo's head, covering it entirely.

"IYAAAAAAA!" Chiyo screamed and ran off like a headless chicken trying to pull the underwear from her face.

"Nice save, ey?" Quagmire grinned and helped Tamao disentangle her leg.

Tamao sat on the branched and sighed slightly. "I feel sorta guilty now. Poor Chiyo-chan. I should make it up to her later. I know, I'll buy her some of that candy she likes the next time I head into town. I'll go tomorrow."

"Don't you usually got to town with your friend Nagisa," Quagmire asked.

"I do," Tamao seemed sad. "But Nagisa'll be spending the entire weekend with Shizuma-sama. She won't be back till monday."

"Don't worry," Quagmire said. "Your training will keep your mind off Nagisa and on the naked chicks the entire weekend. This just in. I've discovered a tree in the forest that has a clear view into the locker room of the swim-team when you climb to the top. Heh heh, alllrrriiiiggght."

"OH!" Tamao grinned.

* * *

Amane had only just returned to Astraea Hill from a fact-finding tour with a small delegation from Spica to another Catholic school on the other side of the country. One week away from Hikari, and it was agony. Not only because she missed Hikari very much, but also because the students from Mahou high were all... well, rather cliche. They had one brooding pretty girl, a nasty rich Gungaro, a loli who looked much younger than she appeared, a four-eyed book-nerd who obviously had very nasty sexual fantasies, a sporty girl with a hard body and a soft heart, an older girl who acted like a mother hen and loads more, all archetypes. Your standard Japanese high-school, really. Amane found it to be rather frightening that such bland people actually existed. Of course, she knew she wasn't a terribly exciting person herself, but at least she didn't chase around boys in town with a big butterfly net.

She looked for Hikari at her room, but couldn't find her. With her present in hand, a box of fine Belgian Chocolates, she made her way to the horse-pen to find her beloved. In the distance, however, she could hear strange noises. Kinda like... mosquitoes? No... It was an... An engine?

When she rounded about the corner she was hit with a shock that would cause a coronary to a person with a weaker heart. The chocolates fell from her hand as she tried to gasp for air. Immediately, several questions shot through her troubled mind.

1. What happened to the horse pen?

2. What happened to the stables?

3. Why were there big piles of sand where the horse-pen used to be?

4. Why were all these girls gathered around and cheering?

5. Why was there a girl on a dirt-bike driving around a... dirt-track?

And, of course:

6. What the bloody hell had happened here while she was gone?!

She found Hikari apparently cheering at the side of the dirt-track. Amane rushed to her side.

-"Hikari?"- she asked carefully.

-"Oh, hi, Amane-chan!"- Hikari returned the greeting before turning back to the spectacle, just in time to see the girl on the bike jump over a sand dune, soar through the air for a few seconds and landed on two wheels expertly. A collective gasp went through the crowd of collected girls, followed by an enthusiastic applause. Immediately, the girl took another hill and spend several moments in the air before slamming back onto the ground. Even Amane had to admit that was a very impressive move.

-"GEKI!"- shouted Hikari.

-"Hikari,"- Amane grabbed Hikari by both shoulders and spun her around. -"What's going on here?! Where are the horses?"-

-"Huh?"- Hikari said, often glancing over her shoulder as to not miss any of the action. -"Well, we moved the pen and the stables to the other side of the compound. I'm sure StarBride will love her new pen right next to Lulim."-

-"Lulim?!"- Amane groaned. -"God, those Lulim girls mean well, but they feed the horses all sort of filth and spoil them rotten with attention. In a couple of weeks, StarBride is going to be such a fat prima donna she won't be able to jump over a beetle!"-

-"Relax,"- Hikari smiled. -"Enjoy the show. It's Spica's new dirt-bike track."-

-"Whose idea was this?!"- Amane shouted.

Immediately, the girl on the bike sped straight towards them, and at the last moment, made a sharp turn and stopped right in front of the fence separating the track from the spectators... but not before the sudden skid caused Amane to be treated with more than a single mouth-full of sand.

Amane yelped and quickly dusted off her now dirtied uniform. The girl on the bike removed her helmet and grinned at them both.

-"K-KENJOU?!"- Amane spat. -"NANI?!"-

-"Next time, try not to get in the way of the sand,"- Kaname pointed out. -"Shame to ruin your uniform like that."-

Hikari turned to Amane. -"Putting in this dirtbike track was Kaname-chan's excellent idea! She said it would extend our curriculum and make Spica's sports-program more varied. And she even found us a supplier that could deliver us the sand at cost-price. I swear, Spica will really score during the dirtbike championships in Tokyo next fall! Especially if we sent Kaname-chan to represent us!"-

-"Kudaranai!"- Amane practically snarled. "-The only reason Kenjou-san suggested this is so that she doesn't have to travel 2 hours by taxi to the dirt-bike track in town. Plus, she has an audience now!"- she added, pointing to about seventy gushing girls from all three schools. Momomi moved from the audience to stand near to where Kaname and Amane were talking and blew Kaname a kiss.

-"Horses are a thing of the past, Amane-san,"- Kaname said. -"Sad fact, yes, but glue. Oh, sorry, I meant to say _true_. I am in no way suggesting that we should sell your precious horse to the glue-factory, though if you are interested, I could get you a good price for her. I have some contacts here and there. StarBride could be in a whole range of products, from CrazyGlue to German Bratwurst."-

The normally gentle and non-threatening Amane looked as if she was about to explode. -"Horses are NOT a thing of the past! And nobody, and I mean nobody, is eating my horse!"-

-"That's not what I heard," Momomi muttered under her breath, but fortunately Amane didn't hear it.

-"Jealous?"- Kaname winked. -"The way I see it, I've got about 40 horsepower between my legs and you got only one between yours."-

Hikari giggled for a moment. -"She has you there, Amane-chan."-

-"Well, time to get back to the grind,"- Kaname put on her helmet again. -"Welcome back, Amane-san."-

That said, she turned her bike and sped off with full power, again treating Amane to a mouth-full of sand. While Amane was coughing the sand out of her lungs, Chris Griffin, wearing an approximation of the Lulim school uniform complete with checkered lulim-pants, pointed at her.

"Hah hah!" Chris laughed. "That girl is cool because she skidded sand in your face, Annie!"

"Oh, yes," said Momomi, who stood besides him. "I quite concur. Can I just say, Griffin-san, that I find you infinitely more agreeable than your sister."

"MEG SUCKS!" Chris shouted.

"Of that, we are of one mind," Momomi nodded.

Chris scratched his head. "We are sharing one brain? How does that work? I am using your brain right now? Or... are you using mine? Or are we using both... at the same time?"

As Chris and Momomi walked back to the fence to watch Kaname race, the girl in question parked her bike on the side of a hill and lifted up her visor, only to treat Hikari to a sly wink. Amane watched in horror as Hikari blushed... the same kind of blush she had given her those many times Hikari had come to watch her ride StarBride.

-"Hikari, what are you doing?!"- Amane pleaded. -"And... oh, my god, what's that around Kenjou's neck?"-

-"Oh, that's just a scarf I bought for Kaname-chan. Why do you ask?"-

Amane blinked, then grabbed Hikari by the shoulders. -"Hikari,"- she said softly, yet sternly. -"Don't you get it? Kenjou is evil to the core. She is using you, Hikari-chan. She is just using you."-

Amane was startled when Hikari roughly pulled from her grasp. -"No, Amane-san, it's you who don't understand. She's... she's changed, Amane."-

-"You can't be serious."-

-"But I am. She's become a better person, someone who's trying to help me with being an Etoile, someone who drops by my room just to ask me how I am, someone who... doesn't just run off to spend all her time with horses or going on those stupid fact-finding tours and leaves me behind,"- Hikari looked away.

-"Hikari,"- Amane blinked. -"I... I didn't know you... I never meant to leave you behind, it's just that..."-

-"It's okay,"- Hikari smiled. -"I was lonely without you, and certainly without having Yaya-chan and Tsubomi-chan to talk to, but at least I have Kaname-chan now to keep me company. You can find friendship in the strangest of places, Amane."-

Amane stood next to Hikari in silence and thought to herself. Was her beloved Hikari falling in love with Kenjou now? How did this happen? Maybe... maybe it was because she was away from school so much and lately, she had been spending more time with StarBride than with Hikari. She came to the conclusion that she had only herself to blame if she would lose Hikari to Kenjou, which would only cause Hikari severe heartbreak because Amane knew there was no way Kenjou would ever leave Momomi... and definitely not for Hikari. Then, she remembered...

She excused herself and ran back to where she had dropped the chocolates. Relieved to find them still there, she took them.

-"Hikari?"- she smiled and handed her the gift. -"I brought these for you."-

The warmth in Hikari's smile and the light in her eyes proved that there was still hope. She would need to banish Kenjou from Hikari's mind, and found that some severe wining and dining was in order at the very least. She just hoped everything would be okay.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Next update will be for Summer Holiday. :)


	9. Chapter 9 : Popularity

Hello everyone,

Had a bit of a delay, but the new part of Everybody Loves Yaya is ready to be released. It turned out to be a bit longer than expected. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer : I don't own Stopani, and that's probably for the best. If I did, there'd be spaceships, giant robots and cameo appearances by George Carlin and Hans Teeuwen.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 9 : Popularity**

Yaya calmly walked the halls of James Woods High. Morning classes had ended and she was on her way to pick up Tsubomi so that they could have lunch together in the school cafeteria. As she passed the locker-rooms, she reflected how different this school was from Astraea Hill. Even though she had just spent almost five months here, the differences were often still quite staggering.

She remembered the culture shock she had experienced the first day here quite clearly. First of all, it had been so strange to not have to deal with school uniforms. She had had so much fun combining her own clothes to wear to school every day. And, even more strangely, she found a refreshing change of attitude among the students of James Woods High. Much more than the dignified Spicans, these were a boisterous and noisy lot, not afraid to share their opinions even if they were unpopular ones. Due to her very open personality, Yaya found that she fitted right in after she had conquered her Astraea-induced inhibitions.

Another thing that Yaya really enjoyed was the open disrespect to the teachers at the school, both in the hallways and even in the classrooms. This was actually a habit Yaya had gotten into very quickly, much to Tsubomi's dismay. Though Yaya never crossed the line, she certainly tested how far she could go with the teachers, and often displayed a healthy amount of civil disobedience.

She snickered as she opened her locker and tossed a few books from her bag into it. When she'd get back to Astraea Hill, such habits would be very hard to break, meaning that the teachers there were going to have one very rebellious and americanized hellion on their hands.

There were aspects of James Woods High which Yaya didn't find as positive, though. First of all, the curriculum at James Woods was very limited when compared to Astraea Hill. Also, extra curricular activities and club-life was almost non-existent. Oh, there were clubs, but Yaya didn't really have interest in joining them. She had toyed with joining the James Woods High Lesbian Alliance. Though basically everybody at Astraea was into girls, it wasn't something that was openly talked about there. So she thought it'd be cool to join a lesbian group of girls who were open and honest about themselves. Unfortunately she found the atmosphere way too militant for her tastes, especially when some of the members, more specifically the Super Mega Lesbians, accused her of harming 'the cause' because her hair was too long.

The Sempai-Kouhai structure was absent as well. Many of the older students barely interacted with the younger students and when they did, it was usually to bully them around, rather than guiding them or tutoring them.

Another thing she found really strange was the American interpretation of the concept of popularity. At Astraea Hill, popularity was based upon actual talent and ability. Amane was popular because of her talent at horseback-riding. Kaname was popular because, among many other things, she excelled at tennis. Shion was popular because of her position, which she filled very competently and ruthlessly. Yaya herself was popular because of her singing voice.

Not so at James Woods High. The most popular students were also those who were the most shallow, brainless and one-track minded bimbos and bozos one could imagine. How a lame-brained high-school jock or a lip gloss addicted blonde girl who had to repeat two grades became two of the most popular students in this school was completely beyond her.

Oddly enough, because of her open personality and her honesty, there were a lot of students who considered her to be part of the popular crowd. Yaya didn't know what to think about that. She certainly hoped the criteria used wasn't shallowness.

After giving some greetings when passing some people she knew, Yaya arrived at the place where she'd pick up her beloved girlfriend: the physics club. Tsubomi and many of her fellow members had just had a free period and had probably spent the time discussing physics and playing some chess.

Tsubomi had gotten really good at chess. Very much so, actually. Yaya was never really good at chess, so she usually just played some Mortal Kombat with Peter while Tsubomi played chess with either Lois or Brian.

Yaya knocked on the door and entered. The Physics club was located in a small room in the west wing of the school. The room was adorned with posters of Albert Einstein, Newton, Freeman Dyson and the periodic table of elements. A telescope was set up in front of the window, while several experiments were running in the back of the room.

The members of the club sat in a circle, apparently deep in discussion.

".. . But you should be able to get the same result by using a Heisenberg class A particle accelerator," Tsubomi said.

"Ah, true," replied a lisply voiced Neil Goldman. "If you want to spend billions of dollars, of course. Another way would be to just toss the whole mixture into a supercooled beaker of mercury and then pour the whole thing into a series of intravenously placed tubes along the skeleton. That's the best cost-effective way to fuse adamantium to a person's skeleton."

"But if you do that, there is a big chance that you'll end up with a very dead Wolverine," Tsubomi added. "Better to fuse the particles to his bones by having them collide with the tissue at near-light speed. It's much safer."

"Hellllooo," Neil scoffed. "This IS Logan we're talking about. Comic book heroes never die, it says so in the unspoken rules."

"No, this is real life we're talking about Neil-kun," Tsubomi pressed. "If I wanted to, for example, give Yaya-chan an adamantium-enhanced skeleton, I'd be better off putting her inside the particle accelerator, rather than risk her life using your cheap method."

"Ahum," Yaya coughed, bringing Tsubomi and the boys to attention. "Am I interupting anything?"

A chorus of greets (and a liberal amount of oggling) later, Yaya stepped into the room. "Am I getting an adamantium skeleton?" Yaya asked. "And claws too? Be handy to open milk-cartons with in the morning."

"Yeah, that'd be cool," one of the boys announced. "You could be like a superhero with special powers, like Youko from Inukami! Or Mai from Mai Hime! Or Miyu from Vampire Princess Miyu! Or Sailor Mars!"

Yaya blinked. "I have no idea who those people are."

The boys turned to Tsubomi and they received a similar reaction, this time in the form of a curt shake of the head.

"Those are classic cool Anime characters," said Neil. "Come on, you must have heard of them!"

Yaya shrugged. "Sorry, but I really haven't."

"Watching too much TV rots your brain and dulls your soul," Tsubomi lectured. "Besides, Anime is stupid. It just recycles the same over-used cliches and plotlines over and over again."

"And how would you know that without watching it a lot, hm?" Yaya smirked.

Tsubomi blushed furiously. "I, uh, I hear things!"

"Are you sure you're really Japanese?" Neil raised one eyebrow and looked at Tsubomi suspiciously. "You don't like Anime, you don't like gadgets, you don't like robots and you don't like Godzilla."

"She was Japanese the last time I looked. And I looked very thoroughly and from up close," Yaya joked, earning herself a murderous scowl.

"I bet you don't like tentacles either, huh?" one of the boys snickered.

Yaya frowned and placed her hands on her hips. "I don't get it. You're the tenth person to mention tentacles to me today alone. The way I see it, it's you westerners that are obsessed with tentacles, not us Japanese. We never really talk about tentacles at all."

The boys murmured amongst themselves for a moment to process this information.

"I'm here to pick up Tsubomi-chan, Neil-san," Yaya said. "It's lunchtime. Mind if I borrow my girlfriend for a bit?"

And after Yaya and Tsubomi had left the room, the boys looked at each other.

"So..." asked fat Timmy. "Do you think they do it?"

"Oh, yeah," Neil chuckled. "They totally have superhawt yurisecks."

* * *

Oblivious to this lecherous slur, the girls made their way through the hallways towards the cafeteria, passing some of other students who were still pouring over their lockers. Tsubomi walked at Yaya's side, sticking close to her and scowling at boys who looked at Yaya in a way that she considered to be overly friendly.

Yaya herself didn't help much. "Hi Gregory, Hi Jeff!" she greeted two jocks cheerfully. The two jocks smiled back and immediately, Tsubomi hooked her arm around Yaya possessively and glared at the boys. _'This is MY Yaya-chan. You get your own. If you get near my Yaya-chan, I will buy a big gun and shoot you through the knee-caps. This is America, after all, so I can buy big guns in the supermarket. Do you think I'm kidding? I'm serious. Dead serious. You want to find out how serious I am? Just keep on checking out my Yaya-chan, and you'll find out soon enough. That's right, keep on looking. Make my day and ruin yours. That's right, I've got my eye on you. I know where you live. She's a lesbian anyway, so you have no chance, pal! You'll be risking your knee-caps for nothing!'_ was the message conveyed with a single piercing glare.

After the girls got their lunch and took their regular seats in the cafeteria, Yaya let out another wave of greetings to her passing friends.

Yaya chuckled once again. Tsubomi removed a cloth from her backpack, rolled it out and produced her chopsticks. For as long as she had been in America, Tsubomi had refused to eat with a fork. Instead, she had brought her very own chopsticks from Japan which she cleaned meticulously after every meal. Yaya had tried to convince her girlfriend to use a fork or, in some cases, her hands, but Tsubomi was stubborn to a fault. She was probably the only person in the States who ate fries with chopsticks.

But that one of the reasons Yaya loved Tsubomi so much. Tsubomi was strong in her convictions, and almost never budged for the sake of giving in to popular opinion.

-"It's funny, you know?"- Tsubomi said in between. -"My friends always go a bit odd whenever you come in the room."-

-"I've noticed that,"- Yaya said after taking a sip from her juice. -"I think it's something that happens to certain boys of the more nerdier kind when you bring two young lesbians together in one room."-

-"I think you might be right,"- Tsubomi said. -"They always act normal to me until you come round the corner. Then they all turn into Mister Hyde, so to speak."-

-"Normal is a relative term, especially when ascribed to one Neil Goldman,"- Yaya snickered.

-"Oh?"- Tsubomi raised an eyebrow. -"Let's talk about your friends, then. I was having a very deep conversation about Quantum Mechanics earlier. What did you talk about with your friends then, huh? The consistency of lip-gloss?"-

Yaya sighed. -"Don't rub it in. Anyway, those people aren't my friends, they're just people who wanna hang out with me for some reason."-

-"Hm,"- Tsubomi said. -"There's two reasons why Gregory-san and Jeff-san want to hang out with you and they're both on your chest."-

Yaya frowned. -"You may be right. I do like Kevin Swanson-san, though. He's nice. And actually has some interesting things to say. Oh, and I do really like Sarah-san too,"- Yaya said, referring to the president of the James Woods High Lesbian Alliance Club.

Tsubomi smiled and nodded. -"Oh, yes, she's so very nice to us. Too bad the Super Mega Lesbians chased us out of the club. I do wish I knew what this 'menage a trois'-thingy is that Sarah-san keeps suggesting to do with us. I've only just began learning French."-

-"Don't ask me what it means,"- Yaya replied. -"You know I completely suck at French. Next time she asks, we should just smile and nod politely."-

Tsubomi agreed. -"Oh, I'm out of juice. I'll go get some more."-

The second Tsubomi had left, another girl jumped on the now vacant seat like a praying mantis eying her prey. It was Connie D'Amico, a blond seemingly moronic girl who was widely recognized as the one girl who was the most popular in school. A girl everybody wanted to hang out with, even though, according to Yaya at least, she was unintelligent, uninteresting, obnoxious, ugly and annoying. The tall bottle-blond girl eyed her, as if sizing her up.

"Yes?" Yaya asked carefully.

"Oh, you'll do. You'll definitely do," Connie smiled wolfishly. "I have a mutually beneficial arrangement for you, Nanto, which you'll surely jump to accept."

"Uh, what's this about, D'Amico-san?"

"Alright, Nanto, I'll give you the 411," Connie produced a large chart and showed it to Yaya. "Check out my position on the popularity-chart. Oh, I'm still up there on top, but, like, I've started to notice that my rival Stacy and that slut Jennifer are on the rise. Let's just say that their sudden rise in popularity might have something to do with the fact that the entire football-team now, like, knows what the top of their heads look like, if you catch my drift."

"Ew," Yaya replied. "Still, what's that got to do with me, _D'Amico_?"

"Nanto, I want to head them off and secure my position. And if you've been keeping track of recent fashion trends, you know that lesbianism and bi-sexuality is really for the in-crowd right now. I am willing to take you on as a part-time lover. We'll be girlfriends in name only to the crowd here at James Woods."

Yaya blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Being seen with a lesbian girlfriend is good for my, and also your, popularity score. I've chosen you because you are pretty, exotic and many people like you, which would greatly improve my rating. We will have to kiss in public, of course. And, because you're a bona fide lesbian, I will allow you a maximum of three kisses a day and the occasional fondle to meet your needs. In return, you get to ride my coattails. Is it a deal? Oh, and you'll have to ditch the loser you're dating right now, of course."

Yaya sat back and crossed her arms. "Let me get this straight. You want me to become your part-time fake lover, so that I can get 'in' with people I don't want to be around and to gain popularity I don't care about. On top of that, you're suggesting that I should trade in the girl I love more than anybody in the world for someone like you whom I find uninteresting and unappealing? You expect me to trade you in from the girl I am in a committed, loving and, not to mention a very sexually fulfilling, relationship with?"

Yaya could tell that Connie was getting angry that she hadn't agreed to her proposal yet. "Look. Tsunami or whatever her name is, is just a loser! I mean, she hangs out with loser-nerds, she hasn't scored lower than an A in any her tests, and she's totally cramping your style with her nagging. She even actually does her homework! I mean, come on, can't get any nerdier than that! You're better off without her."

Connie actually started when Yaya slammed her fist on the table. "Watch it, D'Amico. You're talking about the girl I love."

"Pfft," Connie shrugged. "What does popularity has to do with love? So, it's a deal, right? Okay, we'll meet up later for our first kiss in front of the gym and..."

"No deal," Yaya nearly growled. "I suggest you roll up that popularity chart, stuff it into a bodily orifice of your choice and get lost, D'Amico."

Connie looked on incredulously, but then glowered. "I was hoping I wouldn't have needed to use this," she said, taking from her handbag a phone which was already hideously outdated by Japanese standards. She punched a few buttons and handed it to Yaya. Curious as she was, Yaya took the phone and saw herself on the little color screen. She was at the museum and it looked as if the camera in this phone had captured a little film of her knocking over a certain antique chamberpot after having snuck into the closed off Quahog seconds moments before the grand opening.

"Caught with your pants down, ey Nanto?" Connie smirked. "Be a shame if this were to become public knowledge, no?"

"So I have my very own stalker?" Yaya nodded.

"Like, duh! Research, of course!" Connie shrugged. "Choosing the wrong candidate could kill my popularity."

"You remind me of a girl from my school. She's called Kenjou Kaname-san," Yaya smiled.

"No doubt she's popular, beautiful and blond, yes?"

"Well, actually, all you have in common are your cutthroat mannerisms. In all other areas, she surpasses you by about a mile. In fact, if Kaname-san ever finds out I've compared her to an ignorant and moronic bimbo like you, she'll probably stuff my head up a toilet and flush it about a hundred times for the insult alone," Yaya answered.

"Enough talk," Connie narrowed her eyes. "So, do we have a deal? Will you dump the loser?"

Yaya handed the phone back to Connie, just in time to see Tsubomi getting back from the serving line with a glass of juice. She stopped next to the table and was just about to ask Connie why she was sitting in her chair when Yaya stood up and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Yaya-chan?" Tsubomi asked.

"Tsubomi-chan," Yaya spoke, loudly enough for the entire cafeteria to hear her words. Every eye turned to her to see what the commotion was about. In the background, Connie smiled a smugly popular smile.

"Tsubomi-chan," Yaya smiled. "I want everyone to know how much I love you. I want everyone to know that I think you're the sexiest girl in the room. I mean it. You're smart, you're beautiful and you never back down from a challenge. Not to mention that you're also a great kisser and an even better lover. I just want you, and everybody here, to know how lucky I am to have you as my girlfriend."

Tsubomi's cheeks grew as red as a beet. -"Y-yaya-chan. You're embarrassing me..."- she whispered, but was awed by the sheer sincerity in Yaya's voice.

"I mean it," Yaya's eyes twinkled. "You're so much more than that dog Connie D'Amico. She wants me to dump you, so that she can take your place."

"WHAT?!" Tsubomi treated Connie to an icy scowl.

"But that's never going to happen," Yaya said, smirking at Connie. "Because she's a lame-brained popularity-minded bimbo with big smelly feet, fake blonde hair, five layers of make-up and the intellectual capacity of a below-average IQ shrimp. She has no true friends and her breath smells so bad it makes the plaster drop from the ceiling. She doesn't hold a candle to you. She is literally nothing compared to you, Tsubomi-chan."

Connie growled in anger when she realized the students in the cafeteria were starting to applaud the couple and were started to laugh at her. _**HER!**_ While Yaya gently kissed the forehead of a severely embarrassed Tsubomi, Connie started to stomp off.

"You'll regret this, Nanto!" she called over her shoulder.

But Yaya was not concerned. "Do your worst," she shot back.

"Nan desu ka?" Tsubomi asked somewhat timidly.

-"Oh, just dealing with a loser,"- Yaya smiled. -"And telling my girlfriend how much I love her."-

* * *

Back at the Strawberry Dorms, Nagisa was rather worried about her best friend. She had been for quite some time now, and was gathering the courage to confront her with it. For the past half hour, she had been pretending to work on her homework, but in reality she was trying to find the right words. She looked over her shoulder and saw Tamao-chan at her own desk, apparently writing.

-"Say, Tamao-chan..."- Nagisa started softly.

-"Hm?"- the blue haired girl replied.

-"I, uh, I've been wanting to talk to you about something, Tamao-chan,"- said Nagisa.

-"About what?"- Tamao asked without looking up.

-"I've... I've been worried about you, Tamao-chan,"- _There... no turning back now._

Tamao stopped writing and put down her pen. But she still didn't turn around.

-"Oh?"- she asked -"Shouldn't you be concentrating on your romantic trip with Shizuma-sama instead?"-

Nagisa froze. There was a coldness in Tamao's voice that pierced her heart. Soon enough, school would be suspended for a week in autumn, and she'd spend that week in the city with Shizuma. Is that why Tamao had been so distant lately? But Nagisa came to the conclusion that that couldn't be the case, since Tamao had been behaving oddly long before she even mentioned the romantic trip.

-"Seriously, Tamao-chan, I'm worried about you,"- Nagisa sighed. -"Please. Could you please look at me?"-

And finally, Tamao did turn around. -"Oh, really?"- Tamao crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. -"I'm flattered that you actually had the time to worry about me, considering you're not here most of the time."-

Stab. Right through Nagisa's heart again.

-"Tamao-chan, what's going on with you?"- Nagisa tried to smile, but failed. -"There's so much underwear in your closet that isn't yours. You sneak out at night and during the day, you're often nowhere to be found. And then there's all those stacks of girl-girl porn magazines underneath your bed."-

Tamao narrowed her eyes. -"Have you been looking through my things?!"- she accused angrily.

Nagisa was quick to defend. -"It's not that! I couldn't help but notice these things. There's so many panties in your closet that it can barely close, and the stacks of magazines are so high that they're raising your bed off the floor!"-

Tamao rose from her chair and glared at Nagisa. -"How dare you, giggity, accuse me of acting giggity. You are one to talk, giggity! There's nothing giggity with me! If there's anything wrong here, giggity, it's with you, giggity. Why don't you giggity mind your own business, giggity? Go giggity Shizuma-sama already and leave me giggity alone giggity. I'm giggity giggity giggity alllrrrrrrighttttt,"- she spat before running into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. The shockwave of that action caused her closet to fly open, causing an avalanche of colored panties and bras to spill forth. Also, her bed slanted to one side, causing a spew of porn to slide all over the floor.

-"T-Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa whispered sadly. She snuck over to the door and felt another stab through her heart when she heard Tamao sobbing softly on the other side of the door. It was then that she came to a decision. She opened a drawer and took a cellphone from it. She gave Tamao some privacy and locked the door behind her to prevent someone from seeing the echi stuff in their room.

She snuck off into a nearby broomcloset and flipped open her phone.

-"_Hanazono_."-

-"Shizuma!"-

-"_Ah, Nagisa_,"- to hear the warmth in Shizuma's voice after Tamao's coldness towards her was good for Nagisa. -"_Good timing. I was about to call you. You should see the hotel I booked. It's gorgeous! Got the honeymoon suite, Nagisa. It has a heart-shaped bed and a jacuzzi! Oh, and the town is so beautiful. There's so many romantic restaurants and so many things to do there. We are going to have so much fun together. I'll come pick you up tomorrow evening. It's about a five-hour drive and..._"-

-"Uhm, Shizuma?"-

-"_What is it, Nagisa?_ "-

-"I... I want to invite Tamao-chan to come along with us for the holidays,"- Nagisa stammered.

Silence.

More silence.

-"S-shizuma?"-

"_Atamagaokashii desu ka yo_."

And there Nagisa had it. **Are you insane?!**

-"_Nagisa_,"- Shizuma continued. -"_This is our one-year anniversary we're celebrating. A romantic holiday for two! Three is a crowd, Nagisa. Oh, wait. Wait, I get it... You're pulling my leg, right? Having a little fun with Shizuma? Well, it worked..._"-

-"It's just that... Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa said with utter seriousness in her voice. -"She's been acting so weirdly lately and... I'm really afraid what she might do if she's left alone here for a week."-

-"_You're serious, aren't you_?"- Shizuma asked. -"_Tell me what's been going on_."-

Nagisa explained everything she knew, from what she'd seen to the rumors she had heard. Shizuma listened patiently to her.

-"... so that's the story,"- Nagisa sighed. -"I... she's my best friend, Shizuma. And I don't know what's going on with her, but something is deeply wrong with Tamao-chan. I don't think she'll do something to herself, but if she does... while I'm away celebrating our love... I'd never forgive myself, Shizuma."-

One the other end of the line, Shizuma sighed. -"_Alright_,"- Shizuma said. -"_She can come_."-

-"She can?!"- Nagisa smiled happily.

-"_If she doesn't come along, all you are going to do is worry about her. But!! The evenings and the nights are ours and ours alone, Nagisa. We can spend the some of the days with her, but I don't want to see her around after dark. Seeing us together doing romantic things will probably do more harm than good. I'll book a room for her on the other side of the hotel as well_."-

-"Why not the room next to ours?"-

-"_Because_"- Shizuma said. -"_If she hears us together, it might be... unpleasant for all parties. Remember, I really intend to celebrate our love by making the sparks fly, Nagisa_."-

Nagisa blushed. -"Wow,"- she said.

-"_I can't believe I'm doing this... You're just too good for this world, Nagisa_,"- Shizuma concluded.

-"You're the best, Shizuma. I'll tell her tonight."-

* * *

Later that evening, Tamao and her teacher Quagmire were sitting in a tree taking turns watching girls undress using the night vision goggles while having conversation.

"... so that's when Nagisa-chan invited me to come along," Tamao said while Quagmire giggitied away. Quagmire handed the goggles to Tamao. "I don't know why she thinks I should come along, but she was quite insistent and... whoa, I never realized Mio-san's boobs were that big. Wow..."

"Let me see, let me see, let me see," Quagmire took the goggles. "WHOA, JAPANESE BOOBS! Giggity-giggity-giggity goo! Anyway, why don't you take the invitation?"

"Do you think I should?"

"Why not? It's a free trip to the city. And... WHOA! Check out that Spican over there! Topless and looking in the mirror. OH!"

"Let me see," Tamao took the goggles and looked. "Oooh, nicccceeeeee..."

"As I was saying, it's a good chance to try out your skills in the wild. It'll help you learn to prowl and pick your targets and there's loads of parks in a city. Being a Pervert in the big city is a whole different ballgame than here, Tamao. Heh heh. It'd be good practise."

"I never thought of it that way," Tamao said.

"You know, sometimes you don't see something until it's right in front of you. And if you like, I'll come along, give you tips and keep an eye on you."

"Would you do that for me, Quagmire-sensei? Oh, wow, Hiromi and Ruri are making out!"

"Let me see, let me see! Giggity!" Quagmire took the goggles and watched. "OH!"

"If you will come along, sensei, then I'll go to Nagisa and tell her I will accept her invitation. In fact, I think I'll go tell her right now. Thank you, sensei, and enjoy the rest of the night."

"Oh, I will," he replied while Tamao started to climb down the tree."Giggity. Kaname and Momomi... ah, there you are, ready to make loovvvvveee. Oh, crap, they've closed the curtains! Don't close the curtains, dammit! Ah, the pure selfishness of it..."

Tamao walked towards the entrance of the dorms and was surprised to find someone sitting on the steps. -"Chiyo-chan?"- she asked. -"What are you doing here?"-

-"Tamao-oneesama!"- Chiyo cried and practically flung herself into Tamao's arms. -"I was waiting for you!"-

-"What? Why?!"-

-"I saw Tamao-oneesama walking through the hallways looking as if she'd been crying,"- Chiyo smiled. -"So I followed her to see if she was alright. But I lost Tamao-oneesama when she ducking into the forest, so I came back here and waited for you. And I was so worried when she didn't come back until this late. I'm so glad to see you, Tamao-oneesama!"-

But the feeling wasn't mutual. -"Not you too! I am so sick and tired with people being worried about me! There's nothing wrong with me! Why don't you just go to bed, Chiyo-chan, and leave me be?"-

-"T-Tamao-oneesama..."-

-"Leave me alone!"- she shouted, leaving Chiyo standing there in the darkness. But as soon as she went up the stairs to head to her room, she already felt her heart constricting with guilt.

* * *

"To the right! To the right! No, to the left. Now up. Up. Down again. Up. To the right. Up," Remon said while Kagome kept walking back and forth between the television set and the make-shift satellite dish which Chris and Kizuna were aiming at the sky.

After Chris had been raving about American television during classes, Kizuna and Remon had decided to see for themselves. And due to good ole Japanese ingenuity, Kizuna and Remon (which ample help from Chris and Kagome) had managed to turn an old zinc washtub, an old radio and a score of old coat-hangers into a satellite dish with matching decoder system, which they had connected to a tv.

Sister Hitomi, head of Lulim and the most laid-back of the three nuns that ran Astraea Hill, having been enticed with the possibility of seeing the latest episodes of 'Lost' before they'd air in Japan if this make-shift system worked, was more than eager to lend them an TV from the school supplies.

-"Do we have picture yet?"- Kizuna grunted under the weight of the zinc washtub while Chris moved to support it with a wooden beam.

-"Yes!"- Remon said.

-"Onshibaru sees dead people,"- Kagome announced matter-of-factly.

Immediately, the four friends dove in front of the television and started to zap.

"What's this show, Chris-kun?" Remon asked.

"That's the Knight Rider," he said. "It's about a guy and his car."

Zap.

"And this one?" Kizuna asked.

"That's Dukes of Hazzard," Chris replied. "It's about two guys in a car."

Zap.

"Onshibaru wants to know what this show is about."

"That's the A-team," Chris said. "It's about four guys in a van."

"I'm starting to notice a pattern here," Remon said. "Americans love cars."

Zap.

"WOW!" Chris raved. "I love these guys! They blow stuff up!"

Two rather nerdy looking individuals, one wearing a baret and the other having a mischievous glint in his eye, appeared on the screen.

_"Hey," said Adam Savage, "Don't try what you're about to see at home. We're what you call experts."_

_"That's right," added Jamie Hyneman. "We do this for a living."_

Exactly 42 minutes and 13 seconds later, an awed Kizuna exchanged a glance with an equally awed Remon.

-"Kizuna-chan,"- said Remon. -"Get the power tools."-

-"For great justice,"- Kizuna whispered.

* * *

-"Did you get it, did you get it?!"- Remon asked excitedly after Kizuna returned from her trip to Spica. With a broad smile, Kizuna produced a small bag filled with black powder.

-"Yeppers,"- Kizuna smiled. -"Kenjou-sama had some gunpowder in supply. I had to trade some rare YuGiOh cards for it, though. But if this works, I'd be worth it."-

-"Really?"- Remon asked. -"Only YuGiOh cards?"-

-"Kenjou-sama told me that they are worth more than cocaine to the right kind of people,"- she shrugged. Between the two of them, Kaname and Momomi practically ran the Astraea Hill Black Market, so it was best they didn't ask too many questions.

The four friends were gathered in a small glen near the lake and just had the last component they needed for their invention: a tree-cannon. After witnessing the Mythbusters turning a regular tree into an awesome destructive force, they just had to try it for themselves. Fortunately, there was no shortage of trees at Astraea Hill. It had just been a matter of finding a properly sized one, putting the chainsaw to it and then using a big oversized power-drill to drill in a hole. In the end, Chris was aiming the cannon by positioning it on a stack of flat shale, away from any buildings and people. All that was left to do was to put in the powder, put in the stone they wanted to fire and light the fuse.

-"Onshibaru wonders if this is wise,"- Kagome said.

-"Is Onshibaru chickening out?"- Kizuna asked.

-"Onshibaru did not say that!"- Kagome added defensively.

* * *

At the same time, blissfully unaware of the dangerous experiment taking place nearby, were two people enjoying a peaceful picnic.

Shion leaned back, letting the sun warm her face as she closed her eyes. It was such a nice day. The sun was out, the birds were singing, and all that could be heard was the water of the lake as a slight breeze made the water clash against the tiny rocks at the side of the lake.

-"Open up,"- demanded Chikaru. Shion opened her eyes to see the lovely visage of Chikaru as she held out a bit of toast with some caviar on top. Shion let Chikaru feed her toast and she lay to her side, on top of the large cloth which held both herself, Chikaru and their picnic basket as they lay in the warm grass. The perfect date.

Chikaru was wearing casual clothes, a lovely long red dress, matching well with her usual red ribbons in her hair. Unlike Chikaru, Shion was wearing her Spica uniform, however.

-"Are you ever going to take that off?"- Chikaru asked. -"It's saturday."-

-"Well,"- Shion said slyly and propped herself up a little. -"There are certain circumstances under which I can be persuaded to remove my uniform. And the rest of my clothes."-

Chikaru blushed slightly. -"Echi! Bad Shion!"-

Shion giggled. -"Sorry. I couldn't resist."-

-"There's one day we both are going to have to take off our uniforms forever, Shion-koi,"- Chikaru said. -"We graduate end March next year."-

Shion nodded. -"I don't really want to think about it yet. Astraea Hill... it's been our home for six years. Our school. The focal point of our lives."-

-"Are you scared of graduation? And what comes after?"- Chikaru asked gently.

Shion was about to give a sharp reply, but softened when she realized just what Chikaru was asking. There was no way she could lie to Chikaru. Chikaru could see through her as if she was... that black see-through nighty that Shion liked to wear for Chikaru sometimes.

-"Terrified,"- Shion answered honestly. -"Here, I'm somebody. I've a position of power. I'm respected. Out there, I'm nobody."-

-"In here, you're my Shion-koi,"- Chikaru smiled. -"Out there, you'll be my Shion-koi as well. Things will be different. And things will stay the same."-

-"You?"-

-"It'll be... strange,"- Chikaru sighed. -"And I'll miss Astraea Hill and all my friends, but... sometimes, I guess, it's just time to move on."-

-"Chikaru, I..."- Shion started, then paused for a moment. She rolled on her back and watched the clouds above them. -"I hope... I hope the two of us... I hope we'll always be together."-

-"We were apart for so long,"- Chikaru smiled. -"Now I can't imagine us ever being apart ever again. And... hm..."-

Shion frowned. -"What's wrong?"-

-"Maybe it's just me, but wasn't there a tree over there?"- Chikaru wondered.

-"It's a forest, there are trees everywhere, Sweetness."-

-"No, I remember there was this tall tree over there. You could see it sticking out above the canopy, but it's gone now. But maybe you're right, I could be mistaken,"- Chikaru shrugged.

-"You? Mistaken?"- Shion smiled. -"Impossible."-

-"Flatterer,"- Chikaru giggled and with one sleigh of hand, pulled one of the red ribbons from her hair. She took the ribbon in both hands and slung it over Shion's head. Chikaru smiled slyly as she used the ribbon to pull the other girl towards her.

Shion took the invitation and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met and before they knew it, the two girls were kissing as if it would be their last kiss. At that moment, Shion realized that she was happy. It was a feeling she hadn't experienced in a long time, but ever since she and Chikaru had gotten back together there'd been no shortage of it.

Though there was almost unanimous support from Lulim, there were some loud voices in Spica who claimed that her relationship with Chikaru could possibly cause conflicts of interest. Shion was always quick to point out that, even though she loved Chikaru dearly, she would represent Spica until the very end and she knew that Chikaru was not the kind of person to use their relationship as leverage.

A gust of wind belt Chikaru's ribbon away from them, until it landed near a tree a few yards away. -"Wait,"- Shion said while she gazed in Chikaru's eyes. -"I'll go get it for you."-

Chikaru reluctantly let her beloved Shion escape from her embrace and watched her lover's graceful stride. Suddenly, however, she was startled by a rather loud explosion in the distance. Before she could find out where the sound had came from, she was aware that there was something heavy flying through the air. Whatever it was, it collided with the tree Shion was standing under, causing a large branch to snap off and fall down.

-"SHION!"- Chikaru cried in terror when heard her beloved's startled yelp just before she was engulfed by falling wood and leaves. She ran to her and started pushing twigs and branches aside. -"Shion! Speak to me!"-

Finally, the tiny girl came in sight. Shion groaned heavily as she tried to move herself from underneath the branch.

-"Lie still,"- Chikaru whispered. -"You might have broken something."-

-"I'm fine,"- Shion bit her lip as she tried to pull herself out. Her uniform was torn and smudged, but otherwise the girl didn't seem to be worse for wear, until...

Chris Griffin, with the Lulim trio in tow, came running towards them. "Hey, Sharon," Chris asked Shion. "Did you see where our cannon-ball went?"

"C-cannon-ball?" Shion frowned.

"From our cool tree-cannon that we just made. Do you wanna see it?"

Shion gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes when pure white unadulterated rage took hold of her. She snapped off a branch with anger-induced super-human anime-girl strength and glowered at Chris.

Chris gulped and started running.

"I just found a cool stick! Wanna see it?! UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL?!" Shion snarled as she chased after Chris.

"AAAAAAAAH! YOU'RE MEAN!"

* * *

As about an hour later, Kizuna, Remon, Kagome were standing with bowed heads in Sister Hitomi's office while Chris (which a huge lump on his head) was standing there as well, generally looking friendly and stupid and was wondering why his friends seemed to be so down. Sister Hitomi sat behind her desk, while Chikaru stood next to her. Sister Hitomi's office was quite different from any other of the school offices. One wall was entirely decorated with gifts of drawings and artworks which current and former students had made for her. The opposite wall was entirely filled up with Sister Hitomi's sizable toy-collection. Behind her hung her most prized possession: a limited edition framed poster of her favorite cartoon character: Soundwave.

"I am very disappointed with you," Chikaru told her friends. "Shion could have been seriously hurt. Where did you get this idea from anyway? What possessed you to turn a tree into a cannon?"

The four friends were feeling quite sad. In a way it would have been easier if their friend Chikaru had simply gotten angry with them.

"The TV did it," Chris admitted.

-"Do you still have the cannon?"- Sister Hitomi asked. -"Can I fire it? Oh, please, please, please, I'll be ever so careful."-

-"Not now, sister Hitomi-sama."-

-"Oh, you're no fun, Chikaru-chan,"- Sister Hitomi pouted. -"Hey,"- she asked Kizuna. -"Is that gum?"-

Kizuna immediately stopped chewing. -"Uhm. Yes. I'm sorry, Sister Hitomi-sama. I forgot I had it in my mouth."-

-"Cool! Can I have some too?"-

-"Not now, sister Hitomi-sama,"- Chikaru said again and started speaking in English. "Now, I have the perfect idea to turn your destructive urges into something more productive. Remember the old boathouse? It's fallen in disrepair since we moved the canoes to the new boat-house at Spica. And we're in luck, because now I'm going to found the Tear-Down-The-Old-Boathouse-Club! And your tree-cannon might even come in handy for that! We'll tear down the building, clear out the mess and plant new young trees in its place. Is that a good idea?"

The relieved girls exchanged a happy look. -"Will you be joining us, Chikaru-chan?"- Kizuna asked.

-"As soon as I make sure Shion-koi is alright,"- Chikaru smiled. -"Oh, and don't forget. I want all of you to write a letter of apology to Shion. She could have been seriously hurt, so do remember that."-

"Hai!" was the general consensus.

-"I will come too!"- Sister Hitomi smiled. -"I want to fire the cannon!"-

Chikaru smiled. So today's incident would be turned into a nice gathering among friends. She was glad sister Hitomi was willing. Of course, Sister Hitomi was often so out of it that Chikaru practically ran all of Lulim by herself most of the time.

Sister Hitomi smiled at the group and immediately did her patented Soundwave imitation. "Lulim: Superior. Spica and Maitor: Inferior."

* * *

Though she had promised not to leave Hikari's side, Amane found that she had been sent on another fact-finding tour. Fortunately, she had been able to limit this visit to about three days, especially now that Kaname and Momomi had their hooks in Hikari. Most of the time she had been away, she had been incredibly nervous. What would she find when she'd return to Astraea Hill. Unfortunately, she didn't have to wait long to find it.

-"What the bloody hell?!"- Amane whispered when she took in the sight of Hikari apparently overseeing the placement of a new statue at the entrance of the school. But she gulped when she realized just where this statue was being placed... it was to be placed on the same pedestal which held the statue of Maria-sama.

Correction: it was to be placed on the same pedestal which FORMERLY held the statue of Maria-sama. Maria-sama herself was nowhere in sight.

-"Hi... Hikari!"- Amane ran up to her lover and fellow Etoile. -"Wh-What... Uh. Explain, please."-

-"Oh, hi Amane-chan,"- Hikari smiled lovingly and leaned against Amane. Unfortunately, Amane was too concerned to return the hug. She noticed the statue was of the famous Japanese writer and poet Natsume Soseki stood ready to be tackled onto the pedestal. Sure, it was a nice statue and the material seemed to be high quality, but still...

-"Oh, we've decided on placing a new statue to greet the students when they enter the school. A famous literary figure should promote learning and entice the students,"- Hikari smiled. -"Natsume Soseki was the perfect choice, really. He's iconic for Japanese literature and..."-

-"Is it a coincidence that he's also Kenjou's favorite poet?"- Amane crossed her arms and shook her head.

-"No,"- Hikari smiled. -"Kaname-chan helped me pick the statue. Doesn't it look nice? And, like Kaname-chan said we'll be the only Catholic school for girls with a statue of Natsume Soseki. It makes us stand out and will impress the visitors."-

-"But... Maria-sama!-" Amane said. -"This is a Catholic school, Hikari. And you're a Catholic too! How can you take this so lightly?! Dammit, Hikari, I'm Shinto and even I'm offended by the removal of Maria-sama!"-

Hikari frowned. -"But we already have a statue of Maria-sama. And it's much nicer and in a much nicer location. And, like Kaname-chan said, we should strive to be welcoming to people of all religions, not just those of the Catholic faith. Let's face it, Amane-chan, the number of actual Catholics in this school can be counted on one hand."-

Amane sighed heavily. -"A certain confirmed atheist told you that, right?"-

-"Amane,"- Hikari frowned. -"Shame on you! Atheists are people too! Even though God will punish them for all eternity in the fires of Hell after they die..."-

Amane sighed again. -"That's not what I meant. Look, Hikari, just tell me what happened to Maria-sama."-

-"Oh,"- Hikari shrugged. -"Kaname-chan and Momomi-sama said they'd take care of everything. They got in some contractors to take away the old heavy statue and..."-

Amane almost started hyperventilating. She rubbed her hands through her hair and shook her head. -"Oh, god, no. Hikari, don't you get it? That was a valuable 150 year old statue of Maria-sama! Wake up, Hikari! They used you again. They flogged it off! You let them flog off the statue of Maria-sama!"-

Hikari looked confused, but realized she was being accused of something and was not too happy about that. -"Amane, what are you saying?"-

At that moment, two other girls rounded about the corner. Kaname and Momomi stopped for a moment to look at the statue and nodded in approval. Amane couldn't help but notice that they were both wearing new expensive clothes... and that Momomi was wearing an expensive looking necklace and diamond rings on all fingers.

Amane crossed her arms. -"I notice you're wearing some new bling-bling there, Kiyashiki-san,"- she stated suspiciously.

Kaname smiled. -"Nice, isn't it? We had a small windfall, you see. Death in the family and all that. Have you seen my new motorbike? Latest model, expensive tires, the works. We're off to the track right now. Later, dude. See ya, Hikari."-

And again the steadfast blush on Hikari's face after Kaname had winked at her. She kept looking at Kaname's back until the girls were out of sight.

-"Look!"- Amane spun Hikari around fiercely. -"I don't care how you do it, but you WILL get Maria-sama back on her pedestal. Where are the sisters? Why didn't they put a stop to this?"-

-"The sisters are at a convention for the rest of the week,"- Hikari challenged. -"Except for Sister Hitomi."-

-"Why am I not surprised?"- Amane sighed. -"Let me guess, Kenjou approached you with this idea of hers the moment the sisters left for that convention. Am I correct?"-

The silence from Hikari was enough answer for her.

-"The sisters will be delighted when they see this statue and hear my explanation,"- Hikari countered.

Amane shook her head. -"No, Hikari. The sisters will delightfully expel you when they see this statue."-

Hikari pouted. -"Sister Hitomi-sama said she liked the statue."-

-"Sister Hitomi-sama doesn't live on this planet most of the time, Hikari-chan!"- Amane snapped. -"Hikari, think! You've been used again. You've got to stop listening to Kenjou!"

Hikari narrowed her eyes angrily. -"Oh, I understand now, Amane. You're jealous. You're jealous of Kaname-chan."-

-"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me,"- Amane countered. -"There's no way I could be jealous of _her_!"-

-"Oh, yes you are,"- Hikari glowered. -"There's nothing going on between me and Kaname-chan. You don't have to be worried."-

And the impossible happened: Quiet, docile and calm Amane lost her temper.

-"I _AM_... worried about you, goddammit! You allow yourself to be used by the likes of Kenjou and you just take it all in stride and think I'm jealous of her?! Dammit, Hikari, you really are st..."- Amane caught herself before blurting out the actual word, but the message came across clearly.

Hikari's eyes watered over as she regarded Amane sadly. -"What were you about to say to me?"- she asked with a tiny voice.

-"Hikari..."- Amane sighed, now calm again. -"I'm sorry. I..."-

-"What were you about to say to me?"- Hikari asked, more forcefully this time.

Amane sighed and tried to put her hands on Hikari's shoulders. The tiny girl pulled away and fixed her lover with an angry glare. -"What were you about to say to me?!"- Hikari spat again.

-"Look, it's not important,"- Amane sighed.

-"It was clear enough,"- Hikari started sobbing and sped off towards the Dorms.

Amane sighed heavily and let herself plop down on one of the benches near the statue. The construction workers were returning from their break to lift the statue in place and Amane watched them work for a while.

_'Oh, yes, wise move Amane-baka_,' Amane told herself. _'If Kenjou could see you now she'd be laughing her ass off. God, I probably sent her running straight to Kenjou to cry her heart out right now.'_

Amane realized that something had to be done to free Hikari from Kenjou's influence. But what? Even after having been together for almost a year, Amane had to admit she didn't know Hikari all that well. But there was one person who did.

Nanto-san.

She had to ask Nanto-san for help. It was the last option she had left.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the States, Yaya was driving back home. As usually, she rode her bike with both bookbags in the basket on her steering wheel while Tsubomi hitched a ride on the back. She enjoyed the feeling of Tsubomi's warmth as the pink-haired girl encircled her waist and leaned into her back.

As she turned into Spooner Street, Tsubomi whispered to her. "So that's what that was all about. But, what if D'Amico-san really does show that movie to anyone?"

Yaya shrugged as she parked her bike next to the garage and let Tsubomi off.

"Don't worry," Yaya said as she and Yaya walked along the house and entered through the kitchen. "It's just a lousy old chamberpot. What's the worst that could happen?"

But as she and Tsubomi walked into the living room, she could see Peter, Lois and Brian were in front of the TV watching the news.

"Konichiwa, minna-san," Yaya greeted.

Brian turned towards her with some concern in his eyes. "Uh, Yaya? You might want to sit down for a moment."

"Huh? Why?"

_"More breaking news on the heinous act of vandalism which has taken place at the Quahog Museum of Natural History earlier this month and which has shocked Quahog to the very core. Even moreso than Diane's horribly failed nosejob," _Tom Tucker of the news announced cheerfully.

_"A movie which surfaced on the internet earlier," _Diane Simmons filled in,_ "shows a girl tentatively identified as Japanese exchange student Yaya Nanto blatantly destroying an item of cultural significance to the city of Quahog."_

The picture changed to a three-second grainy video of Yaya accidentally knocking over the Chatterbox Chamberpot.

"Hey, Yaya!" Peter raved. "You're on TV!"

Yaya sighed. "Oh, this is just dandy."

* * *

Sorry about the cliffhanger. Summer Holiday will be posted next.


	10. Chapter 10 : Everybody hates Yaya

Sorry for the delay in posting, but this chapter took me a bit longer than usual to work on. This chapter is pretty satire heavy and perhaps a bit subtly political in nature. Note: this chapter was written before Abe Shinzo resigned from office, but considering the timeframe of this story, he would still have been in power had this been taking place. Also, the three hentai mentioned in this chapter are on loan from Inukami! Hope you'll enjoy.

Disclaimer : I don't own anything... Not even a soul.

To spyder : Thanks for the compliments! As for the naming of Onshibaru, I honestly don't know which one is correct, but I've seen plenty of different spellings. Even that it's meant to be called Parcival... I tried to listen to Kagome, but I can't make out the word Parcival from her whispers.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 10 : Everybody Hates Yaya.**

Yaya, Tsubomi were sitting in front of the television, transfixed to what was unfolding in front of them. On the television was a special news report about the Chatterbox Chamberpot, a 'priceless' city heirloom bought from Ebay which had been on display in the Quahog museum of natural history. A few weeks ago, Yaya and Peter had snuck into the wing before the grand opening and she had accidentally broken it. She, Tsubomi and Brian had managed to glue it together before Mayor West had opened the wing, and had gotten out unscathed. Yaya hadn't given the incident much thought since then, but a video of her breaking it broadcast on the 6 o'clock news made it painfully obvious that this incident was going to bite her in the ass.

"_Yes, an absolutely heinous act_," Tom Tucker stressed. "_Even more heinous than Diane's badly botched botox treatment. Take it from here, Sharpei Simmons_."

"_Thank you, Tom_," Diane replied. "_I'm sure the viewers will never guess where the real hair begins and the hair-transplant ends. We went to the people on the streets to ask for their opinion on this sad event_."

The picture changed to the street in front of the Quahog shopping center. A strange large man appeared in view.

_"Sir, it has recently become known that one Yaya Nanto, a Japanese foreign exchange student, has purposely and willfully destroyed an object of cultural significance to the city of Quahog. What is your opinion on this matter?"_

_"Duuuuuhhhhh," _said the large man. "_Tell me about the rrraaabbbitttts..."_

An angry looking man with a cowboy hat appeared next.

_"Sir, it has recently become known that one Yaya Nanto, a Japanese foreign exchange student, has purposely and willfully destroyed an object of cultural significance to the city of Quahog. What is your opinion on this matter?"_

_"Yeeeeehhhhaaaaww,"_ shouted the man. _"I say we bring'um out them there pick-up trucks, get us a piece of rope and hold ourselves a good ole lynchin' party. Bring your own beer an' shotguns, folks!"_

Brian sighed while Yaya gulped and instinctively reached for her neck. "Trust them to interview some of the 'good ole boys'," Brian gruffed.

_"Sir, it has recently become known that one Yaya Nanto, a Japanese foreign exchange student, has purposely and willfully destroyed an object of cultural significance to the city of Quahog. What is your opinion on this matter?" _the face-less interviewer droned once more from his cue-card.

_"I think we should invade their country, steal their oil and force them to accept democracy and freedom for all,"_ said one other none-too-bright interviewee. _"I know Japan's a member of the EU or something, but we'll just make war with them too if they look at us funny. That'll teach those commie bastards to come to our country and break our stuff."_

"Who wants popcorn?!" Peter announced cheerfully when he emerged from the kitchen, already munching away. "Yaya?"

An unusually quiet Yaya shook her head meekly and continued watching. As Peter sat down, what he saw on the television make him throw his bowl of popcorn in the air.

"OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! That's Cleveland!" Peter shouted. "Hey, look everybody, Cleveland is on TV!"

"I've noticed," Lois sighed, and removed the now empty bowl of popcorn from her head.

_"What's my opinion?" _Cleveland said in his usual calm demeanor and soft-spoken drawl. _"Well, I suppose we shouldn't get all caught up in hysteria and look at this from all angles and maybe talk to Yaya first. See what happened and work things out. Maybe there's a very reasonable explanation for her actions and..."_

_"Uhm, yes, sir, uhm," _said the interviewer. _"Could you be a bit more angry? Opinionated? Say stuff like 'hang the Japanese girl', maybe?"_

Cleveland frowned. _"Why? I like Yaya. And I really think we shouldn't get all worked up before we even know exactly what happened and..."_

_"Oh, come on, get angry at the Japanese girl already! It'll be good for our ratings!" _the interviewer hissed. Cleveland was about to reply when his cellphone suddenly went off.

"Hey, Cleveland!" said Peter from the couch, holding the phone. "Oh my god, oh my god, you're on TV, Cleveland. You're on TV! I can see you right now."

_"Wha... What the Hell, is this live?" _Cleveland blinked and promptly froze up. _"All those people... looking at me... Oh dear, this isn't too good on my self-esteem at all... My therapist warned me about days like these..."_

"PETER!" Lois shouted and knocked the phone from his hands.

"YAYA!" Tsubomi shouted and slapped Yaya in the back of the head.

Yaya yelped and glared at Tsubomi. "Nanda yo?!"

-"Because you're such an idiot!"- Tsubomi shook her head. -"Why didn't you listen to me? Why did you have to run into that room with Peter-sama? If you had listened to me, this wouldn't have happened!"-

Yaya bit her lip. As much as she wanted to put Tsubomi in her place with a sarcastic comment, she knew that the pink-haired girl was absolutely right. These are the things that happen when one acts without thinking things through first. Trust Tsubomi to push her nose in it.

-"It did happen, okay?"- Yaya replied sharply, but softened her harsh expression quickly. -"We can't change it. We should just... hope for the best, I suppose"-

Tsubomi didn't appear to buy it, but apparently decided to let it go for now and settled into an angry mope. Yaya was in enough trouble as it was.

_"Sad indeed, Tom. Sad indeed,"_ Diane replied_. "Here's a dramatization of the event. We warn you that the following footage might containing shocking images."_

The screen cut to an obvious mock-up of the museum, and there stood Yaya. Or, rather, Tom Tucker in hotpants, tanktop and black wig. An eye-gouger of a moment.

_"Hi, I'm Nanto Yaya and I am evil and Japanese," _Tom Tucker in his Yaya-costume proclaimed as she/he walked on screen. _"Mwuhahaha, I like doing drugs and underage drinking. And I am also a heavy metal fan, mwuahaha. My favorite video game is Grand Theft Auto and like to shoot my classmates with semi-automatic weapons."_

The real Yaya looked on incredulously as she watched this weird incarnation of herself strutting about on screen.

"Wow, Yaya!" Peter gushed. "You're on TV too! There's a celebrity living in my very house. I think it's autograph time now, Yaya."

_"Oh look, there's a priceless item of cultural significance to the city of Quahog and indeed the United States and thus the world in general. I think it will be fun to smash it, because I am evil and Japanese," _said the moustached Yaya-creature.

"Hey!" Yaya shouted at the television set. "That's not how it happened!"

On screen, the eerie Tom/Yaya gestalt mercilessly grabbed the chamber pot and threw it to the ground, stomping on it for good measure_. "There! Take that America! I spit on your values and your morals! I strike a blow for Japan, which secretly hopes to take over the world and spread chopsticks and Kanji everywhere. Our cars are smaller, and our cartoons are much cooler than yours, America!"_

"Oh, this is a sham!" Brian scoffed. "Trust the media to spread these kinds of lies just for rating gains."

_"I spit on your culture, America!"_ Yaya/Tom said and did so. _"And now for the final insult..." _she/he said as she/he started to lower her hotpants.

-"OH, DEAR GOD!"- Yaya wailed as she covered her face with her hands and looked away in terror.

"Oh, yes, yes, well," Stewie smirked. "It IS a chamber pot, after all. I say you did the right thing."

Peter giggled. "Heheheheheh. Wow, that was awesome! Did you really take a poop on those shards, Yaya?"

Yaya blinked. "NO!" she replied indignantly. "I could never... Peter-chama, you were there! You would have noticed if I had..." she blushed, "...done big business on those shards. What makes you think I would ever do that?!"

"Oh, it was on TV just now, hellllooooooo?" Peter rolled his eyes. "Well, you know me and my short attention span. I could have forgotten you did that."

_"Now I am off to form youth gangs and make trouble for the establishment, smoke pot, burn the American flag and shoot a couple of bold eagles while I'm at it. And then I'll go hang with my homies Osama bin Laden, Khaddafi, Kim Il Jung and Skeletor. Mwuhahahahha. Because I am evil and Japanese."_

"WOW! You know Skeletor?!" Peter looked expectantly at Yaya. "Sure, we've all seen him all evilly in Masters of the Universe, but what's he like in Real life? Is he like, all sensitive and stuff and writing girly poetry? Cause I can really see him doing that. Just sitting there writing love-poetry to his secret lover CheeryHoof in the My Little Pony stables. Heheheheheh."

Yaya blinked again. "I don't know Skeletor, Peter-chama."

"But... it just said on TV that..."

"THAT WASN'T ME!" Yaya shouted. "That was some ugly old man in a wig and a miniskirt."

"Huhm. I could have sworn that was you," Peter frowned. "I mean, you know television adds ten pounds."

"Ten **pounds**! Not twenty years and a moustache," Yaya growled.

Tom and Diane appeared on the screen once more. _"Certainly a sick, sick little girl, Diane. Let's hope she gets the help she needs... And all the electroshocks her young fragile body can withstand."_

A knock sounded on the door, which prompted Lois to answer it. Outside stood, or rather, sat Joe Swanson, in his cop uniform. After a greeting, he rolled into the house and looked at Yaya. There was no joy in what he was sent here to do, and that was clear in his voice and expression. "Hi, Yaya. I'm sorry, but... I'm going to have to arrest you."

Yaya sighed and nodded. "I know, Swanson-san. I'll come with you."

"NO!" Tsubomi cried. "You... you can't just..."

"I DID break that chamber pot, Tsubomi-chan," Yaya said. "Hey, it's going to be fine, Tsubomi-chan. I'll just go along and explain everything. Maybe we'll be able to set things right."

The reality of the situation started to sink in. Tsubomi treated Yaya to a soft yet none-too-gentle punch to the chest. "BAKA!" she shouted and started to sob. -"Why didn't you listen to me? Why did you... Why do you always have to be Yaya?! Why do you always have to be rule-breaking, rebellious, infuriating Yaya?"-

-"Because that's the Yaya you love?"- Yaya embraced Tsubomi, and the crying girl held her tightly for a while. -"I'm sorry,"- she sighed. -"I know you try hard to keep me out of trouble. It's not your fault, Tsubomi-chan. It never is."-

"BAKA!" Tsubomi shouted again.

"Yaya," Swanson said sadly. "We have to go now."

Yaya kissed Tsubomi one more time and turned to Joe.

"Alright," Yaya said. "I'm ready."

"Wait!" Lois said as Joe took out the handcuffs. "Are those really necessary, Joe?"

"I'm afraid mayor West was quite insistent," Joe said. "And we'll need to shackle her ankles as well. And attach a steel ball to the chain."

Yaya sighed. "I suppose."

"And a ball-gag."

"HUH?!" Yaya replied.

Joe sighed. "Mayor West's orders. Sorry about this, Yaya, but it's either the ball-gag or this tight-fitting leather harness made from straps that has every bit of skin covered except your chest and groinal areas. I think it's a Japanese straightjacket or something."

"I'll just go with the ball-gag," Yaya said quickly.

"Don't worry, Yaya," Brian said. "We'll figure something out."

As Lois, Brian and a crying Tsubomi followed Yaya and Joe to the police cruiser, Breaking News appeared on the television.

"This just in. We now go live to a press conference by Mayor West," Tom announced. Instantly, the picture switched to a platform on which Mayor West was standing.

"People of Quahog," Adam West said calmly. "We've got her."

The group returned inside, and as an angry Brian and a saddened Lois tried to comfort a crying Tsubomi, Peter cheerfully emerged from the kitchen. "Who wants more popcorn?! Hey, where'd Yaya go?"

* * *

And so, several days passed. Several days without any news. Several days of desperately trying to get to see Yaya or even a sign of what had happened to her. Peter had asked Joe Swanson to find out anything, but even he was drawing a blank. In the meantime, poor Tsubomi was fast becoming a nervous wreck. Eventually, Brian had had enough and decided to go the horse's mouth itself: Mayor Adam West.

After barging into his office being closely followed by an indignant secretary, Adam West looked up from his desk and frowned. "Are you the Gingerbread Man?" he asked suspiciously.

"Uh," Brian blinked. "No."

"Ah, good," West crept over to the window and closed the shades. "He's out there. I know he's out there. Watching. Watching and plotting. Are you a messenger of the Gingerbread Man?"

"No," Brian replied. "I'm just a dog. You may remember me as the dog that held you hostage up here when you tried to ban gay marriage."

"Oh, yes!" West nodded. "I remember now. So, do you know the Muffin Man?"

Brian blinked again. "Uh, vaguely."

"Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man?" Adam West narrowed his eyes. "Well, do you?! Do you know him?! DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?! HE'S HERE, I TELL YOU! I SAW HIM!" Without further ado, he dove under his desk.

"Will you just get up from under there?!" Brian shouted. "By the way, I've heard the Muffin Man lives on Drury Lane."

"Oh, okay," West replied calmly and sat in his chair. "What can do for a fine citizen of Quahog today?"

"It's about Yaya Nanto," Brian said.

"Oh, yes," Mayor West's eyes narrowed. "Her..."

"Look," Brian told Mayor West. "We haven't seen hide nor hair of her for three days and nobody will tell us where she is! You can't just hold Yaya without charging her. She has rights!"

"Does she now?" Mayor West said and promptly produced an action figure. "This is my recently appointed Chief Justice. Meet Chief Justice Megatron, who makes legal policy in Quahog from now on. What's that's Megatron? Uh-huh," he held Megatron next to his ear.

Brian shook his head. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what did he say?"

"'Destroy all Autobots'," West confirmed. "We'll get to that in a bit, Chief Justice. What about Yaya Nanto? Uh-huh. Alright, well, Chief Justice Megatron has come to a decision."

"And?"

"Well, basically, we're legally entitled to hold her at our special facility Exchange Student Bay for at least 99999 years before we need to set a trial date. 9999 years if we can get her flagged as a terrorist. Do you think miss Nanto is interested in becoming a muslim? That would speed up the process considerably."

"Oh, come on, that can't be legal!" Brian stressed. "99999 years? She could carbon dated by then! Oh, let me talk to Chief Justice Megatron."

Brian turned to the toy. "So, uh, chief justice. I'm sure you know that Yaya never meant to harm anyone. Sure, she made a mistake, but she's just a girl, only 17 years old and with a whole life ahead of her. She's got a life in Japan, and she has a lovely girlfriend called Tsubomi who's now about ready for a nervous breakdown. Are you going to deny them both their future together? Surely, not even you, the scourge of Cybertron, could be that cruel. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, my god!" Brian smiled over enthusiastically. "Did you hear that? Megatron just told us to let Yaya go free. I mean, wow, I never expected that."

Mayor West narrowed his eyes. "That's not what he said."

Brian gulped. "Yes, he did. Just... listen... He did..."

West smiled. "Oh, I see, you're confused. Cybertronian is a very confusing language, after all. No, what he actually said, is that you should talk to his assistant," he produced another toy, "Starscream! Megatron's too cool to talk to _you_. Just leave your request with Starscream and we'll get to processing your request in 6 to 8 months from now."

Brian sighed. "Oh, this is pointless... You know what? We're going to write to every newspaper in the country and every human rights organization on the planet to get this heinous treatment of a guest to our country out in the open!"

Mayor West promptly produced two more action figures. "In that case, I'll have have Brawl and Bonecrusher here show you to the door."

Brian looked at him incredulously and sighed. "Nevermind, I'll let my self out..."

"Yeah, you'd better run, Gingerbread Man!" West called after him. "Nice work, guys."

* * *

And so Tsubomi and Brian had started their letter-writing campaign. Tsubomi worked tirelessly every free hour she had to write impassioned letters to politicians, newspapers, tv-stations, every member of the Japanese government, Amnesty International and human rights movements. After Brian had proof-read them (and removed or softened some of the overly impassioned passages), the letters were mailed. Letters, e-mails, phonecalls... Tsubomi was determined to get her girlfriend freed.

As the days passed, Tsubomi's campaign started to generate some heat for the mayor's office. Several large papers had picked up the story, Japan had also started to stir and she had given interviews to several regional television stations. Tsubomi considered it a good start, but that was no reason to sit idle. Yaya wasn't free yet, after all. Right now, she was typing away on the family laptop in her room, working on yet another letter.

"Tsubomi!" Lois called from downstairs. "It's on the news!"

Tsubomi smiled, quickly saved her work and ran downstairs where Brian and Lois were already sitting on the couch. Lois handed Tsubomi a glass of milk which she downed in one drought and plopped down on the couch to watch the tv.

_"Two days ago, the Japanese government had officially lodged a protest against the imprisonment of Yaya Nanto. Japanese prime-minister Shinzo Abe has flown in earlier today to have an emergency meeting with Mayor West,"_ Diane Simmons announced.

"Finally!" Tsubomi crossed her arms. "Things are happening. Abe-sama is finally doing something right for a change."

_"Oh, this just in. Mayor West and prime-minister Abe have come out of city hall and are ready to give a press conference."_

The image switched to a dais in front of city hall, where mayor West and two Japanese men were standing.

_"Honored prime-minister,"_ Adam West spoke while pictures were being taken. _"I humbly apologize for any trouble we might have caused your great volcanic earth-quake prone nation of busybodies. Allow me to offer you this Twinkie as a token of our respect."_

The prime minister took the Twinkie and held it up to the sky. He said something in Japanese, which his translator promptly, well, _translated_.

_"The prime-minister thanks the honorable Mayor West deeply for this gift, because, as he said, the mighty Twinkie is the only thing that can appease the gargantuan kraken that lives underneath Japan. Were it not for your generous gift of this Twinkie, the kraken would rise from the sea and drag Japan to the bottom of the ocean. The Japanese people owe you their lives and thank you for your consideration."_

"What the..." Brian blinked. "He's just as nuts as Adam West is!"

_"I must stress, however, that we must keep Nanto Yaya here for further punishment and/or humiliation," West added quickly._

Abe shrugged. The translator jumped in again. _"You may keep the girl. No doubt she is happy to sacrifice her freedom for the good of Japan and her people. We have the Twinkie, now."_

Tsubomi paled and remained silent for a while... until she exploded.

"Kintama!" Tsubomi shouted at the television set. "Baka yaro! Yariman! Issunboshi! Benjo mushi! Omae o Korosu!"

"Calm down, Tsubomi!" Lois said, guessing that these harshly spoke words wasn't exactly language a girl her age... or any age for that matter... should be saying.

Tsubomi took a few deep breaths to vent her anger, then started sobbing. "He... he sold out Yaya-chan for a twinkie! You can buy a twinkie at any seven-eleven for one fifty! I don't believe this. I... I... As soon as I'm old enough to vote, I'm voting DPJ, you bastard!"

Looking utterly defeated, Tsubomi started dragging herself up the stairs to work on a new batch of letters.

"I'm really worried about her," Lois said. "She hasn't slept for two days. She just sits behind the computer and types and types and types. She hardly talks, except to say how much she misses Yaya or when she wants to read a letter out loud to us."

"I've tried to talk her into getting some rest, but she just refuses," Brian said. "And you just put something in her milk just now, didn't you?"

"Just a little something to help her sleep," Lois said. "It shouldn't take much to push her over the edge. I'll go check up on her right now."

_"This just in. Mayor West has just sighed a bill banning all Autobot figures inside the Quahog city limits. Mayor West has ordered the police to raid the houses of known toy collectors, gather the offending figures and crush them underneath a bulldozer in front of city hall. Though Transformers collectors are in an uproar, Mayor West has proclaimed this a 'great victory for Decepticons everywhere'."_

Brian sighed and clicked off the TV. "That West gets nuttier by the season," he shook his head. "And what about you?" he told Stewie, who was sitting in the corner playing with his chemistry set, apparently trying find the quickest way to dissolve the carpet.

"Hm?" Stewie replied. "What about me, dawg?"

"We're all busting a gut to help Yaya. What are you doing?"

Stewie grinned. "I'm a baby, remember? All I am entitled to care about is my next breast-feeding and my next diaper change. It frees up my moral obligations so I can fully concentrate on obtaining world domination. Don't worry," Stewie grinned. "I just might free Yaya as soon as I am crowned Emperor of All. No promises yet. But I might. If the mood strikes me."

"It must be nice to live in your world," Brian sighed.

Upstairs Lois found Tsubomi already vast asleep. Her cheek lay mushed against the keyboard, causing whatever letter she had been writing to be filled with gibberish. Lois gently picked her up and dragged to to bed, tucking her in for a moment before closing the laptop and turning down the lights.

"If Yaya could see how much you love her, she'd be very happy," Lois smiled. "Well, either that or she'd tell you to lighten up a bit. I mean, come on, one hundred and fifty letters a day?! Are you crazy?!"

* * *

Under relentless pressure, and some idle threats from Brian to rat him out to the Gingerbread Man, Mayor West finally allowed Tsubomi and the Griffins to see Yaya. Oddly enough, Yaya had been hidden in plain sight.

Exchange Student Bay was a small enclosure underneath the highway out of Quahog. It was bordered off by a 2 meter tall chainlink fence with vicious barbed wire on top. Inside were two small tents next to a wooden picnic table. And there she saw: Yaya. She looked to be relatively healthy, but her complexion was somewhat pale. Also, she was wearing a hideous orange colored suit which was about two sizes too large.

"Hm," Peter replied. "Kinda reminds me of Fat Camp. Only without the sadistic and schizophrenic camp councilors."

But that didn't matter to Tsubomi, who rushed up to the chainlink fence and pressed against it. "Yaya-chan!" she shouted.

"Tsubomi!" Yaya returned. As good and as bad as it got, the two girls pressed together somewhat. The both of them desperately wanted to embrace, but the chainlink fence between them was relentless. The girls settled for rubbing hands together and awkwardly kissing through one of the openings in the fence.

"Yaya," Tsubomi said. "I missed you so much."

"How you holding up here, Yaya?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Peter smiled. "You been sittin' pretty? Got any prison-gang tattoos yet?"

Yaya looked back at her part of the yard. "It's not that bad, I suppose. I got my own piece of the yard, my own tent and my own table. Food's not that great, but I'm not complaining. The only thing that's kinda disturbing is that weird Melmacian that they've got locked in here with me."

Yaya pointed at a creature in the corner. He seemed to be a short, furry mammal with a long snout and black doll-like eyes. He seemed to be working out with weights and puffed on a cigarette. "When I get my hands on those Tanners that ratted me out, there's gonna be a funeral in town. Hey! Hey, you! Are you looking at me?! Hey, got any cats? A tabby would be filling right now."

Yaya shrugged. "His name's Gordon Shumway-san. He's nice, if a bit psychotic now and then."

"Yaya-chan," Tsubomi said. "I want you to know, we're doing everything in our power to get you out of here. We've been writing letters to every newspaper there is, and both American and Japanese governments. And Amnesty International and the UN. We'll get you out of here, Yaya-chan, so we can be together again."

"Hey," there was a twinkle in Yaya's eye. "They say if I score points for good behaviour, there might be a possibility for a conjugal visit."

Tsubomi blinked for a moment to process that information. "Na, Yaya-chan," Tsubomi blushed. "Should we talk about this here? Now?"

"Well, now's a good a time as any and... Oh, wait," Yaya said and opened a ratty umbrella. Immediately, a large amount of garbage rained down upon the enclosure. A muffler actually bounced off Yaya's umbrella and landed on the ground with a clunk. Other garbage included cans, pillowcases, empty hamburger packets and plastic bags. "Hm," Yaya smiled while she closed the umbrella. "This happens more often. Trick is to time it correctly. It's rush-hour, which means traffic jam which means angry people throwing their old crap over the railing. Sometimes there's some good stuff, like this umbrella and I think I can use this muffler for my sculpture over there," she said, pointing at a sculpture next to her tent, seemingly made from haphazardly placed cans, bumpers, toilet-seats, empty shell-casings, broken beer bottles and was kept tied together with ropes, plastic bags and gum.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Lois asked. "Something we could bring for you next time we come to visit?"

Yaya smiled. "You could smuggle Tsubomi-chan into my tent for the night."

"Yaya-chan!" Tsubomi narrowed her eyes. "Can't you ever be serious?!"

"No," Yaya grinned. "Oh, and I could also do with a nice hamburger or two. Someone at the kitchen seems to be convinced Japanese girls only eat seaweed."

"We're getting you out of here, Yaya," Brian said. "Tsubomi and I have been writing letters all over the place. Here," he said, producing a copy of the Washington Post. "Check this out, we made first page news in the Washington Post."

"Hm," Yaya read. "'_Innocent Japanese girl foully imprisoned after breaking 5 dollar Ebay trinket'_. Sounds good. Hey, what's that?"

"What's what?"

"It says something about a giant Kraken found to be living underneath Japan, continued on page 37," Yaya frowned.

Brian pointed to the paper. "We've been contacted by a top notch human rights lawyer who's willing to take your case. Tsubomi turned out to be a very convincing letter writer."

Tsubomi beamed slightly. "He said he found my letter moving. I just told him I poured all my love for you into the writing of it."

Yaya chuckled. "Sap!"

"Hey!" Tsubomi narrowed her eyes. But Yaya's smile told Tsubomi to look past Yaya's flippancy and told her that Yaya was deeply grateful.

"Time's up!" called the guard and started herding the others away. Yaya seized the moment to press her lips on Tsubomi's.

-"Hey,"- Yaya whispered to Tsubomi. -"It's going to be fine. I love you."-

-"I love you too, Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi replied softly. -"We'll be together again soon, I swear it!"-

But before Peter could leave, Yaya whispered to him. "Peter-chama?" she asked him. "Can I talk to you for a moment."

Peter turned to the guard. "Hey, uh, I lost my, uh... my liver. Yeah, I lost my liver. I'm gonna look for it here."

"How do you lose your liver?" the guard frowned.

"I'm telling you, it just fell out! I mean, I like need a liver to drink beer and stuff, you know? If I don't find it, someone else might and sell it to another country. Maybe even a foreign terrorist! If you don't let me look for my liver right now, you might as well be a terrorist yourself, eh? So, what do you have to say about that, huh?"

Surprisingly enough, the guard bought the story. Together with his vicious attack dogs, which were actually two old toothless Dobermans called Cheech and Chong, he withdrew to his booth to read the paper some more, giving Peter time to head back to Yaya.

"I... I hate this place," Yaya started sobbing. "I'm so scared, Peter-chama. I'm so very scared. What's... What's going to happen to me?"

The flippant and carefree Yaya that was in front of him was now gone, replaced by a Yaya that was a frightened child.

"Hey, what happened to the other Yaya that was in here?" Peter said. "Are you a pod-person? Have you replaced Yaya? I want the old Yaya back!"

Yaya shook her head and laughed in spite of herself. "I had to be strong," she told Peter. "For Tsubomi's sake. She's more fragile than she seems."

"I should be in here too," Peter said. "It's my fault too... I'll get you out of here, as sure as my name is Jerry Cauldwell!"

"Peter-chama, your name is Peter Griffin, not Jerry Cauldwell" Yaya smirked.

"Just the same!" Peter said. "I won't eat, I won't sleep, I won't cry, I won't die, I won't run, I won't run from dinosaurs, I won't watch TV, I won't drink beer... uh, wait, let's not go overboard here, I won't dance, I won't go to the ballet until I've gotten you out of this stupid prison camp."

* * *

Later that night, Peter had dressed in a painfully tight fitting black ninja costume from Halloween and was about to sneak out of his bedroom carrying a huge pair of wirecutters when Lois stirred in their bed.

"Peter..." a sleepy Lois told Peter. "Are you planning to stupidly break out Yaya, thereby undermining every effort that Brian and Tsubomi have been making so far and making the both of you fugitives wanted in 10 states who'll probably get shot and killed on the run?"

"Uh... No?" Peter replied.

"Oh, that's alright then," Lois yawned and fell asleep again.

It took Peter less than fifteen minutes to reach Exchange Student Bay.

"Alright," Peter whispered to himself. "Now to free our little Japanese Griffin. We'll do it subtly, with a good plan. Like my great-uncle Benjamin Griffin did when he escaped from Alcatraz."

_"Okay, guys, here's the plan," Benjamin Griffin told his fellow inmates as they were gathered in the yard. "Each of us will save up all the toothpicks from our dinner-trays for the next seven years and we'll use those toothpicks to build ourselves a short-wave radio. We'll use that radio to fake a distress-call and lure the coast-guard here. And when the coast-guard gets here, we'll use the radio to send a fake message about the warden's wife and pretend it's from the captain of the ship. So when the ship and the guard towers open fire on each other, we'll make use of the confusion to escape the yard and climb on board the ship, where we'll knock out all the marines. Then, we'll paint the ship over to look like a pleasure-yacht and sail the whole thing straight to Mexico! So, what do you think of that, ey?"_

_"Well," said one of the inmates, "I was thinking we could just build a raft."_

_"Pfft," Benjamin scoffed. "Sure, if you want to __**complicate**__ things."_

Full of confidence, Peter walked over to the chainlink fence which his huge set of wirecutters. Unfortunately, he walked right into the patrolling guard.

"Oh, crap," Peter whispered.

"Hey!" shouted the guard. "What are you doing here buddy?"

"Uh, late night jogging session. Trying to lose some weight and all that."

"Well, yeah, you are pretty fat."

"Yeah, plenty of blubber jiggling around. It's unsightly, so I'm running."

"Then why are you holding that bag of donuts?"

"Hey, running makes me hungry, okay?"

"What's that pair of wirecutters for?"

"What wirecutters?"

"The ones you're holding behind your back?"

"I'm not hiding anything behind my back."

"I, uh, I can see the top sticking out there."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's, uh, a new fashion trend. All models are walking over the catwalk with a piece of hardware in Paris."

"You're not planning to use the wirecutters on the fence there, are you?"

"No," Peter said. And then used the heavy wirecutters to hit the guard over the head.

That said, he dragged the unconscious guard over to the fence and roughly threw him on top of the fence. "Hey, Yaya!" he whispered. "YAYA!"

A few moments later, Yaya emerged from the tent and started incredulously at the guard now covering the barbed wire.

"Peter-chama?" she asked.

"Quick!" he said. "While he's still out, you can use him to climb over the fence to freedom!"

"Uhm," Yaya pointed to his belt. "Can't you just take those keys from his belt and unlock the gate?"

"Pffft," Peter scoffed. "Another person who wants to complicate things. Pfft, women..."

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Yaya quickly crawled over the man's body and to freedom beyond.

"Quick!" Peter pointed. "We'll hide over there, in James Woods!"

As Peter and Yaya made a break for freedom, the second inmate crawled over the body of the unconscious guard. "Awesome!" Gordon Shumway said as he picked up the large wirecutters. "Now to find me them Tanners and get me my revenge! Mwuahahahaha!"

* * *

A few moments later, after finding a quiet spot in the forest and after making sure no one had seen them flee, Yaya had tossed the orange suit in favor of her jeans and her butterfly imprinted t-shirt which Peter had brought. "Thanks. Am I glad to be out of that suit. So, what happens next?"

"What do you mean, what happens next? We sit around here and just wait till the statue of limitation runs out. Then we just walk into town and make obscene gestures to people who can't touch us anymore because we're immune to everything and everybody."

"Peter-chama," Yaya asked. "How long is that going to take?"

"Lesseeee," Peter bit his lip. "We've got vandalism, escape, assault and battery and quite possibly attempted murder because I threw that guard on some barbed wire there. And littering because I left the wirecutters lying on the ground. So, I'm thinking twenty years until we're scott-free."

"Twenty years."

"Yup."

"I'll be 37 by then."

"Yup."

"You didn't think this through, did you?"

"Nope, did _not _think this through..."

* * *

At Astraea Hill, in the air of the Spica Academy for Girls, things were quiet. In fact, according to one person there, things were suspiciously quiet. Shion, council president of Spica, popped her head out of the front door and scanned the path leading to Lulim before popping back in again.

The passing Kaname, who looked surprisingly stunning in her casual wear, passed by and noticed the spectacle with some amusement.

-"Shion-kun?"- she asked. -"Just what are you doing? Come on, one week of holidays and you're in the Academy? Why aren't you out at the lake or in town screwing Chikaru-san or something?"-

Shion ignored Kaname and kept looking.

-"Hello?" Kaname pressed. -"Earth to Shion-kun. Shion-kun, this is your wake-up call. The Eagle has landed."-

-"Huh?"- Shion replied. -"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."-

-"That much was obvious,"- Kaname chuckled. -"So why are you here? And why the Hell are you wearing a uniform on holidays?"-

-"I want to visit Chikaru,"- Shion sighed. -"But I know as soon as I set foot outside, that baka yaro Chris Griffin-san is going to show up and something horrible is going to happen to me. So far I've been dragged along the path, had a tree fall on top of me, had my hair set on fire, got my boots fused to the asphalt in the parking lot and got my nose stuffed full with cotton... don't ask how that happened."-

-"Okay, I won't,"- Kaname replied. -"Look, will you just come out? I haven't seen everybody all day. Most of the girls here went home to their families. Astraea Hill is a big place, especially with most people gone. Nothing is going to happen to you."-

Shion sighed. -"You're right, of course."-

And the moment Shion stepped out the door, Chris Griffin passed by on a skelter, giggling like a little girl. And, of course, he drive right next to the steps leading to Spica. And, of course, he ran through the only puddle there and, as if by magic, the muddy water and sandy blubber ended up all over Shion while Kaname remained untouched by the filth.

-"Wow,"- Kaname bit her lip to keep herself from laughing Shion, who was about to explode. -"What are the chances of that happening, huh?"-

* * *

The silence in the car was deafening. And Tamao found that not even reading Douglas Adams could cheer her up.

Tamao sat in the back of Shizuma's corvette, wondering why she had even agreed to come with Nagisa. Three was a crowd, that much was obvious. Tamao was miserable because she saw Nagisa and Shizuma being so close together. Shizuma was miffed because there was obviously a lot of things she wanted to say to Nagisa, but couldn't because having Tamao in the back kept her from being able to speak freely. And then there was Nagisa, who was feeling miserable because she blamed herself for making her love and her best friend both very unhappy.

It was a downward spiral of blame and self-blame that made this trip a very very long one indeed. For most of the time, Tamao just kept confined to her book, looking over her shoulder every so often to see if the taxi that was behind the car happened to contain her sensei.

Things were better when they arrived at the city and checked into the hotel. It was a small family-run hotel with only a few floors, but it was nice and cozy. In the restaurant, things finally improved... mostly because the three girls finally started to talk. Or rather, Nagisa did most of the talking. Tamao did nothing more than to answer yes or no, or mention a subject for conversation, while Shizuma was more than a little guarded about her words. Still, the conversation was pleasant and the food was good.

After that Tamao had left the restaurant to spend the evening on her own, Shizuma and Nagisa hit the town and could be herself. Though Nagisa was worried about Tamao, the romantic atmosphere in the park they walked through and the closeness to the girl she loved so much overruled those sentiments. Around midnight they lay spent in each other's arms in the soft bed in their room.

-"Hmmmm,"- Nagisa murmured as she nuzzled the nape of Shizuma's neck. -"I'm sleepy..."-

Shizuma smiled as she twirled some of Nagisa's red hair around one of her long fingers and pressed her body against the sleepy girl. -"I'm glad I'm here with you."-

-"I'm sorry, but I had to bring Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa said. -"If..."-

-"Shhhhh,"- Shizuma shushed Nagisa gently with a kiss to the tip of the nose. -"Let's not talk about her right now. Let's just say that I understand and leave it at that."-

-"Do you think... the two of you could be friends?"-

-"No."-

-"That's harsh."-

-"I meant not now,"- Shizuma explained. -"Or maybe just... never. Some things run deep, Nagisa."-

-"I'm just sorry that we can't spend all of our time with just the two of us. You looked forward to it so much."-

-"You're here and I'm here. That's enough,"- Shizuma smiled. Nagisa yawned and it didn't take her long to fall asleep after that. Shizuma watched her for a while before slipping into blissful slumber herself.

* * *

Tamao strolled calmly through a nearby park. She found that she simply couldn't sleep, so she got dressed and went out into the night for a walk. The night was balmy and Tamao felt quite comfortable to be without her coat on.

She sighed as she passed a bench and sat down on it, wondering why she had even agreed to come with Shizuma and Nagisa. She was the fifth wheel, after all. And if hurt her to see Nagisa and Shizuma being so obviously in love and close together.

"Giggity-giggity-goo!" sounded behind her, and Tamao was one of the few women in the world who was glad to hear that being said.

"Giggity, Quagmire-sensei," Tamao said respectfully while Quagmire plopped down on the bench next to her with that perpetual grin and head-bob of his.

"This place is great, Tamao!" Quagmire grinned. "All the office ladies come through her after work to walk to the railway station. It's a goldmine, I tells you."

Tamao smiled, grateful to see a friendly face. "Really? I haven't seen anyone yet. Other than you, of course. If you're in the mood, sensei, I would like a lesson today. It might give me some distraction."

"Okay. Being a Pervert in the city, Tamao, that's a whole new ballgame," Quagmire said. "But you're not alone in this. Us Perverts take care of each other. When you're ever in need of help, and you think a person near you is a Pervert, simply do this," he said, showing Tamao a rather complicated handsign. "We'll practise the Pervert's Covenant a little more later, but know that you're never alone. Perverts are everywhere. Especially here in Japan. Come on, I want you to meet some friends of mine."

Quagmire led Tamao to a secluded area behind some shrubbery where three Japanese men were standing.

"I met these guys at a Pervert convention last year. They're good people, Tamao, each a master of their craft. This is Boss," he pointed to a muscular macho-man wearing only pants and boots, while having his pectorals covered with a tiny pink bra and having a pair of pink panties stretched over his head. "Underwear thief is his game."

"Hey," Boss replied. "And that's **Lingerie Artiste**, thank you very much."

"Sorry, sorry, my bad," Quagmire said and then pointed to a distinguished gentleman who was wearing victorian style clothing, complete with top-hat. "This is the Peeping Doctor. A master of his craft."

"Pleased to meet you, Tamao-san," he reached into his had, produced a flower and handed it to Tamao, who took it and bowed politely.

A tied up salaryman crawled forward. "Oh, Tamao-mistress! Hit me! Punish me! Humiliate me as you see fit! I am your slave forever and ever! Hurt me, Kudasai!"

Tamao gulped and jumped back, but the salaryman was already being held back by Boss. "Chief Clerk," Boss growled. "Snap out of it, man! She's one of us! We don't prey on our own!"

"That's Chief Clerk," Quagmire grinned. "Bit of a masochist, as you can see. Heh. Heh."

"Deepest apologies, Tamao-mistress," Chief Clerk sniffed. "I didn't realize... feel free to correct me if you wish. Painfully. Please?"

"There's no time for that now," Quagmire grinned. "Check out the hot chick on the bench over there. Tamao, this one is yours."

"Hai!"

As Tamao walked up to the lady in question, Quagmire turned to his fellow Perverts. "Alright, guys. This is Tamao's first time in the city and she still has much to learn. Could you please look out of her a little? Keep an eye on her? Make sure she doesn't bite off more than she can chew."

As the three guys nodded, screams of 'HENTAI' could be heard from the bench in the distance. A giggling Tamao ran in their direction, victoriously waving a bra into the air as if it was a flag.

"Heh," Quagmire grinned. "Time for me to go over that office lady, console her and show her around the office, if you get my meaning. Heh, heh, alllrrrrrrriiiigght."

* * *

Amane sighed heavily as she stared at the phone number given to her. As Etoile, it had been easy enough to get into the files and recover the phone number of the Griffins in America, but Amane was still considering if she should to make the call at all.

The rules were that Yaya and Tsubomi had as little contact with Astraea as possible as part of their exchange period. Only in a case of extreme emergency would such contact be allowed. Also, Yaya had signed in for this program to get away from Hikari and not to worry about her or be confront with her.

But, yes, this was an emergency, Amane finally decided. She was certain that Yaya wouldn't want to see Hikari at the mercy of Kenjou's claws. She started to dial and sighed heavily when the phone started ringing.

Her heart skipped a beat when the phone was actually answered. She was about to speak when she heard an angry voice from the other side of the world. "Alright, who's the sad piece of human waste who just knocked me off the modem?"

"Uhm, greetings, good sir," Amane spoke in her best English. "I'm sorry to inconvenience you, but..."

"Who is this?" the voice on the line sounded increasingly hostile towards her. "Are you 'the Man' I keep hearing so much about? So, spying is it now? I'll have you know I have my deathray on hand for research purposes only. For now, that is..."

"Uhm, excuse me?" Amane asked. "The Man? I'm not quite sure what you mean..."

"BLAST! You just made the list, cretin!" the voice replied. "Oh, terrible things are going to happen to you after I put plan XZ-34 in motion. Oh, yes, yes, you'll be laughing on the other side of your face then. Along with all the other prime targets like David Hasselhoff, the writers of Southpark, Nancy Drew and that fat woman Oprah with her corny bookclub. Deep End of the Ocean, my shiny red keister!"

"Griffin-san," Amane broke in. "I would like to speak with Nanto-san, if she's available."

"I say, you want to speak to the pokemon rejects?" the voice asked. "Well, she has her own problems right now. Like one of those girls in those awful girls-in-prison movies from the seventies."

_In the merry seventies, a group of overly cheerful imprisoned girls were giggling as they were splashing themselves with water._

_"Oh my!" said one of the particularly bubbly ones. "I dropped the soap. Whatever will I do?"_

_"Hey, I know!" said another girl, one oddly resembling Pam Greer. "Everybody! Let's les out!"_

_"YAAAAAYYY!"_

_In the background, the hardened blonde sadistic female prison guard of German descent, nodded appreciatively and started unbuttoning her uniform. "It's about time for a shower-orgy. It'll be good to get out of this uniform that's five sizes too small."_

_"Hey, look! It's the guard with her nightstick!"_

_"YAY for Sexploitaition movies!"_

_"Uh, wait," said one of the younger inmates. "Isn't this all just sorta... you know... degrading to women and obviously sexist in general?"_

_The younger inmate gulped as everybody stared angrily at her._

_"Let's whip that bitch with towels!"_

_"YAAAAYYY! Everything goes in the Seventies!"_

"Who is this anyway?" asked the voice.

"Forgive me," Amane spoke. "This is Ootori Amane, a... friend of Yaya's friend Hikari."

"Ah, yes!" the voice replied. "I heard you do weird things with horses."

"Ah," Amane replied. "Yes. I make them jump, amongst other things."

"Hm, yes, that would fit in nicely with what I've heard," the voice said somewhat sarcastically. "The name's Stewie Griffin. But you can call me Overlord Griffin."

Amane frowned for a moment, but shrugged. Perhaps this Stewie was this fat man in the picture that Nanto-san seemed to like. "Alright then, Overlord Griffin-san. I am desperate enough to accept help from anyone, and if you are part of the family that Nanto-san trusts, I will accept help from you as well. It's like this..."

The man called Stewie on the other end of the line listened as Amane explained the situation. At first he seemed rather uncaring and uninterested, but his mood positively went 180 degrees around as soon as he heard the word 'brainwashed'. He continued listening with more eagerness until Amane was finished.

"And that's the story," Amane concluded. "I can't get through to Hikari. Kaname has her completely under her control."

"Hmmmm," said Stewie. "As it happens there's a little experiment I've been just dying to try after I had seen this wonderful movie with that gorgeous Malcolm McDowell. Your circumstances are just perfect for it, let me tell you. Here's what you do..."

Amane listened intently, but a feeling of slow dawning horror crept inside of her mind when she realized just what it was that Stewie was asking her to do.

"Are you sure?" Amane asked. "This is... a little extreme. Though I get what you mean when you say that the only way to beat brainwashing is through brainwashing."

"SILENCE!" Stewie shouted through the phone. "Do you want your brainless oaf of a girlfriend back in your arms or not? Just do the experiment otherwise you'll end up in Lonelytown with all the other sad losers. Yes, yes, Lonelytown... population: You!"

"I'm still not sure..." Amane sighed. "And Hikari-chan isn't brainless, she's just a little bit naive."

"Yes," Stewie snorted. "And Boy George is just a little bit gay."

"But..."

"If you don't do this, you'll end up like... MEG!"

Amane gasped in horror as the image of Meg Griffin-san floated in front of her eyes. "No! Anything but that! I'll do it. I'll do it!"

"Excellent," Stewie said. "In return for helping you, I want to you tape everything from three different angles and keep a log of events. This is an experiment we're running, after all."

"H-hai," Amane sighed. "Thank you, Overlord Griffin-sama."

After hanging up the phone Amane sighed heavily and wondered just what the hell she had gotten herself into.

* * *

Hikari's mind was clouded and was slowly coming to. The last thing she remembered was Amane, looking rather tense as she had asked to come into her room to apologize for the way she had treated Kaname-chan. But just as soon as Amane had entered the room, she had rushed her and put a damp cloth against her mouth and nose. And then... darkness.

-"A-Amane?"- she asked groggily as she saw the blue-haired Spican walking around the room, still out of focus somewhat as she came out of her haze.

Hikari didn't recognize the room she was in. It was cold, damp and yet well lit. A screen was set up in front of her. But Hikari noticed some other things as well. Such as the fact that she was strapped into a large reclining chair... that her head was locked into position as well... and that her eyelids were being kept open by scary looking clamps.

-"A-amane, what's... what's going on?"-

Amane walked over to her with a pained expression on her face. -"Just remember, Hikari. I love you. This is for your own good. I'm doing this because I love you."-

-"A-amane!"- Hikari struggled, but didn't dare to pull to hard because of the clamps near to her eyes. -"Let me go!"-

-"This is the only way to get Kenjou out of your mind,"- Amane sighed and switched on a portable diskplayer. Beethoven's Ninth started blearing through the room, drowning out everything else.

-"No!"- Hikari shouted. -"Kaname-chan! Help me!"-

After Amane clicked on a projector behind her, Hikari was transfixed to the screen and couldn't look away due to being strapped in. She was confronted with a rapid succession of horrific atrocities, mixed with pictures of Kenjou Kaname.

An open mass grave, Kenjou playing tennis, Hiroshima 'survivors', Kenjou in class, the Cambodian killing fields, Kenjou laughing with Momomi, Death in the trenches at the Somme, Kenjou on the roof, shells raining down on London, Kenjou sipping tea, german concentration camps, Kenjou doing track and field, mass executions in the Sudan, Kenjou looking dapper, a girl being set on fire, Kenjou sitting on a log, a mushroom cloud, Kenjou in bikini... and it went on. And on. And on. And on.

"IYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hikari shouted in utter terror while Beethoven's ninth exploded through her eardrums.

* * *

Next update, we'll see how the girls are doing at the beach in Summer Holiday. :)


	11. Chapter 11 : Out in the Sticks

It's been a while, but a new chapter of Everybody Loves Yaya is ready for release now. I hope you'll enjoy it. As for the reviewer who asked what had happened to Meg... well, that'll be revealed in the final episode. :)

**Disclaimer** : I own nothing. Secondly, Avner and Ewalt from Ren & Stimpy fame make a cameo. Also, there is a dead cougar in this story. Just so you know. :)

* * *

**Everybody Loves Yaya**

**Chapter 11 : Out in the sticks.**

Yaya and Peter were sitting in the middle of James Woods, being rather cold, hungry and bored.

"Hey, Yaya," Peter said while leaning against a tree. "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling rather cold, hungry and bored."

Yaya propped herself up against a stump and stretched. "Me too, Peter," she said. The past hour, she'd been trying to piece together everything that had happened to her. Through no fault of her own... well, that wasn't strictly true: there was a little fault of her own. Not much. Really. Not much. But in any case, rather than being in a warm bed doing many naughty things with her cute girlfriend Tsubomi, she had ended up being holed up in the forest wearing clothes too thin to keep the cold out and had spent half a day trying to convince Peter to stop poking the dead cougar that they found with a stick.

So far, there was no sign of any police trying to track them down. But she supposed she had to be grateful for small mercies.

"How long do you think we've been here now?" Yaya asked.

"Well, uh, lessee," Peter bit his lip while he crunched the numbers. "Carry the one, the moss is on the north side of the bark, it's been 37 years since Star Trek was cancelled and Lando Calrissian is still coolness himself. So, factoring in all those things, I'd have to say fifteen years."

Though Yaya's expression clearly had 'that's pure 100 bullshit' written all over it, sixteen years of living in Japanese society couldn't easily be ignored and prompted a more polite answer. "Uhm, are you sure that's right, Peter?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, if we really had been here for fifteen years, you'd have a full long beard, wouldn't you?" Yaya tried. "And my hair'd probably be a lot longer."

"Hmmm..." Peter crunched the numbers again. "Hadn't thought of that. In that case, I have absolutely no idea where I am or what my name is."

"Your name is Peter Griffin, you're in the middle of James Woods and you have no idea when or where we are."

"Well, you didn't have to put it as harsh as that," Peter crossed his arms.

'"I'm sorry, Peter," Yaya sighed. "I'm just worried. How long are we going to have to stay here? What are we going to eat?"

Peter jumped up with his patented 'I have an idea that's just about crazy enough to work'-expression. "Okay, Yaya," he said and tossed a fallen tree branch to her. "You take this treebranch and stand over there. Be ready to strike, be ready! For when I shout the secret word, animals are going to be running in all over the place. Be sure to get the small ones, Yaya. Only the small ones. Better to avoid the lions and the elephants. And when the Hyena's come and try to steal your catch, we'll just wrestle them for it!"

"Uh... nani?"

"Okay, get ready," Peter took a deep breath and let out a mighty shout. "JUMANJI! JUMANJI!"

Nothing. Only the sounds of crickets and hooting owls in the distance.

"Jumanji?" Peter tried again.

"Peter, nothing's happening," Yaya said, stick still at the ready. "How long am I supposed to stand like this?"

"Any minute now, any minute now," Peter said. "They're coming... they're coming..."

Nothing.

"Dammit!" Peter sighed. "No use. They must have somehow figured I'm not Robin Williams."

Yaya dropped the stick and turned her nose to the east, sniffing softly. "Peter, do you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

And then it hit him. It was meat. More specifically, a barbecue sausage.

"Oh, yeah," Peter sniffed. "I'd say, Frankfurter Wiener. 40 pork, 42 assorted meat by-product and 18 chemical preservatives. Roasted on... hm, 2004 graded charcoal, a very good year. Only minimal barbecue spirits. It'd say three clicks north-east over that ridge. Sweeeetttt..."

Upon closer investigation, the wieners belonged to a family of four, enjoying the night sky and barbecuing outside of their mobile home. Mother and children were playing a board game while father was minding the grill. It was a small mobile grill with wieners roasting on top of it and beside it was a table filled with breads, sauce and more wieners yet to be cooked.

A small distance from the family, two heads popped up from the bushes.

"Oh, god, look at those," Yaya licked her lips hungrily. "Yummy. Just thinking about wrapping my lips around that succulent meat and having it slide into my mouth and roll my tongue around... Uh, why are you looking at me like that, Peter?"

Peter bit his lip. "Oh, uh, nothing... Nothing."

"Peter, there's clearly something on your mind."

"Uhm, Yaya? Just a question. Are you sure you're gay?"

"Ey?" Yaya frowned. "Why would you say that? I... Oh. Ooohhh..." Yaya blushed red as a beet.

"I mean, I heard you talking about that meat and, well, it sounded sorta... heterosexual."

"I'm still gay, Peter," Yaya stressed. "Not a straight bone in my body."

"Are you sure? Because the way you were talking about that meat..."

"I'm SURE, Peter."

"I mean, I'm just saying, that's all..."

"Well, say something else, then!" Yaya all but snarled.

"Because, if you have doubts about your sexuality then I think Tsubomi has a right to know if..."

"Peter!" Yaya hissed. "Just focus on the meat, okay?"

"I thought I was!"

"PETER!"

"Sshhh," Peter said. "I have an idea. Remember that dead Cougar we found?"

"The rotting carcass you kept poking with a stick?"

"Yeah, hang on while I go get it."

* * *

A few moments later, the nice family were all sitting around the camping table playing The Game of Life when suddenly, a dead cougar leapt from the bushes and landed straight on top of their gaming table.

"AAAHHHH! Zombie-cougars!" shouted one of the kids while the mother screamed in utter horror and the father was running into the mobile home to get his shotgun.

Meanwhile, in the confusion, Yaya and Peter made off with the barbecue. With Yaya running up front and Peter holding it from the back, they ran as quickly as they could with the still burning barbecue, trying not to spill any of the roasting wieners. Also, Yaya was holding a bag of bread in her mouth while Peter had thought of tossing the rest of the wieners in with a bag of sauces which he held in one hand, while holding another bag of coals in his mouth.

They ran and ran and ran, until they were certain there was no one on their tails. They set down the blazing forest-fire machine and put the food down.

"Peter,"Yaya panted. "It's a good thing I'm not Catholic or I'd be going to Hell for this."

"God, I'm dying here," Peter panted and sweated. "I should really eat less fatty foods and go on a diet. But first let's dig into these fat-dripping artery clogging wieners, eh?"

"Deal!"

* * *

After having dug a small hole to place the barbecue in, the two of them had a nice campfire. Their bellies were full and their bodies were warm. Yaya relaxed in front of the fire while holding one of the last wieners over the fire with a stick. Having her belly full and her body warmed by the proximity of the fire had improved her mood considerably. The young Japanese girl gently finished off the last wiener and lazied about with Peter, chatting softly.

"My first love?" Yaya told Peter. "Kawatsuka Usagi. An older girl. Fifth year Spica. Ace tennis player. Sparkling purple eyes, gorgeous long green hair. God, I worshipped the ground she walked on. I was only a gushing first year at the time, so she treated me like crap and I just kept coming back... I washed her clothes, bought her lunch and was basically her slave. But whenever Usagi used to kiss me, it was as if all time stopped, you know? We first made love about a month before I'd enter the second year, and it was heaven. Or at least it was for me... Usagi had the habit of making appointments in her calendar book for all our lovemaking after that so that it wouldn't conflict with her training schedule. I took it all in stride, I suppose. But when the new year started, she transferred to another school. I didn't even know until she was already gone. I wrote her dozens of letters, but I never got any reply. I got a new roommate in my second year, Hikari... and we know how well that ended."

Yaya threw a stick in the fire and watched in catch fire. "My lovelife started off kinda sucky, but now that I'm with my Tsubomi-chan, everything is looking up. Uh, Peter? Are you listening?"

Peter blinked. "Uh, what? Sorry, I was just thinking about Cougar. I mean, we just left him there with those maniacs, Yaya! How could we do that to Cougar? He had so many peaceful days of rotting in the sun ahead of him."

Yaya shook her head and laughed in spite of herself. "I'm pouring my heart out here talking about my first love and all, and all you think about is your dead cougar?"

"Sorry, sorry," Peter said. "First loves, ey? Well, my first love was the Black Pearl, which is why it hurt so much when that blaggard Hector Barbossa stole it and put me on an island in the middle of nowhere with a pistol and just one bullet. And after I had to make a deal with Davy Jones where I promised 100 years of servitude on The Flying Dutchman to get the Pearl raised from the depths, to boot. Luckily, I escaped the island by strapping a couple of sea turtles together to make a raft and..."

"Peter," Yaya interrupted with a giggle. "That's not you, that's Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Really?" Peter rubbed his chin. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Yaya shook her head. "We had a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon last week, remember? Tsubomi-chan had this whole rant about the historical inaccuracies of the films, as well as the 'unwholesome effect on youth' this movie would have because of its general positive portrayal of pirates, and I told her to sit down, shut up and enjoy the movie. Remember? She spent the entire Dead Man's Chest glaring and sulking and refused to snuggle up against me again until At World's End. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah, now I remember!" Peter said. "Lois thought you looked so cute together. Hot is more like it. Shows what women know."

"I was luckier than most, I suppose," Yaya smiled. "My parents have been very supportive of my relationship with Tsubomi. Heh, you know, Peter? They say they're kind hoping that Tsubomi will be a good influence on me. That she'll keep me down to earth and out of trouble."

"When we met Tsubomi's parents, they told me the opposite. They're hoping that I could teach Tsubomi to be more loose and have more fun, If even our parents think that me and Tsubomi go well together, I see no reason to argue."

"Yeah, it's like me and Lois," Peter said. "And mister Pewterschmidt is always so good to me. This one time, he let me play with his vicious attack dogs. But I guess I played sorta too rough because I had to get fifty stitches. And then there was the time he let me fire the clay pigeons, but I guess his aim was a little off because he hit me right in the ass. That jurt like hell too. And then there was the time he said he'd give me a twenty if I'd coat my hand with honey and stick it into a bee's nest. Heheheheh, easiest twenty I ever made!!"

"That doesn't really sound all that supportive, Peter."

"Ah, he loves me in his own way."

* * *

Eventually, the night continued. The food was gone and the fire had started dying out while Peter and Yaya tried to catch some sleep. Their rest was rudely disturbed, however, when a car drove across a dirtpath off the main road next to the hillock they were camped on. While Yaya rubbed her eyes and tried to adjust to the darkness, she noticed a porsche was parked nearby and its occupants were not coming out.

"Peter! Peter, wake up! Oh my god," Yaya said as she watched the car windows starting to fog up. "That's Connie D'Amico's car. That's the bitch who ratted me out! And by the look of things, she's in there with a meathead from the football team. Stupid bloody fake fashion-lesbian. It's girls like her that ruin it for the rest of us."

"You mean, she's that girl who got you in jail, you separated from Tsubomi, Quahog up in hysterics and me into trouble for stupidly busting you out of that illegal prison camp?"

"That's the one, yes," Yaya said. "And she also has the IQ of a shrimp."

"Actually, I've heard shrimp are pretty smart," Peter said. "You can train them to ride unicycles, ride cars and all other circus stuff."

"I thought that was fleas."

Peter narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, she probably has those too. Let's go get her."

Yaya grinned evilly. "Do you think we can still find that dead cougar?"

Moments later, Connie and a generic meatheaded jock from the football team were making out in Connie's expensive car, getting to the point of no return, when suddenly a dead cougar with several shotgun blasts in his belly and a large tiretrack all over his back came flying through the windshield and onto the backseat. Connie and her date screamed like headless chickens and while the jock was struggling with the corpse, Connie jumped in the front seat and put her foot to the peddle to drive off in a fit of panic.

Driving a fast Porsche over a muddy road wasn't as easy as Connie expected, especially in her panicked state. She swerved left and right until she was headed right towards a small cliff. Coherent enough to realize she wasn't going to make it, she yelled to her boyfriend for the both of them to jump out. The car with the cougar inside flew over the cliff and landed 50 feet below into a rocky outcropping.

While Connie wailed about the loss of her expensive car, Yaya and Peter watched said car explode from a distance.

"Peter-chama," Yaya said and placed her hands on Peter's shoulder. "Cougar died the way he lived."

"I know," Peter said, but soon cheered up. "Besides, how many dead cougars can say they've been cremated in a 90000 dollar coffin, eh? Eh?"

"Peter," Yaya whispered while she watched the car burn. "Blowing up Connie's car just made me realize we can't just sit around here. We'll have to do something to get out of this mess. Take action! Redeem ourselves!"

"That's a very Japanese thing to say," Peter replied. "I got it! We'll find Brian! He always knows what to do. Like the time he got me out of that DUI ticket when I was driving home dead-drunk from the clam?"

"Did Brian-sama convince the police officer to let you off with a warning?"

"Are you nuts?" Peter replied. "No, Brian bit the cop in the hand and we drove off like a bat out of hell."

"Tsubomi-chan. Tsubomi-chan and Brian-sama will know what to do. But how do we get into Quahog?"

Peter smiled. "While it so happens to be my great uncle Reddick Griffin built an escape tunnel in and out of Quahog in case of attack by hordes of flying monkeys after seeing the Wizard of Oz. The monkeys never showed up, but the tunnel is still there."

"Clever," Yaya said. "But how will I get around? It's not like I blend in."

"Easy," Peter said. "We disguise you as **MEG**!"

"Why don't I like this idea?" Yaya-soon-to-be-Meg frowned.

* * *

"Alright," Yaya said as she came out of the room. She was wearing fake glasses, a red woolly hat, a red printed shirt and rather unremarkable jeans. "How do I look?"

"Still way too pretty, but you pass," Peter said. "Try to look a bit more pale and soulless, kinda like Professor Snape while he's having the runs. Oh, and smear more of this mayonnaise on your face."

"Do I have to wear this 'Sperm dumpster' T-shirt?" Yaya asked. "It sorta sends out the wrong message. Isn't it weird for a heterosexual boy to wear this?"

"Huh?" Peter asked. "You're supposed to be my daughter Meg and trust me, nobody's more desperate than she is."

Yaya blinked. Then looked at the family picture on the wall. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a bit. I thought you had two sons. Chris and Meg, right?"

"Yeah, but Meg's a girl."

Yaya looked at the family picture again. "Are you telling me... that... that's a _**GIRL**_?!"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Uh, Peter, do you remember asking me if I was sure I was gay and I said I was sure I am gay?"

"Yeah?"

"Now I'm not so sure anymore."

"Holy crap, Meg is scaring a perfectly good lesbian straight and she's not even here! We need to get you to Improved Meg immediately!"

A few moments later, a very nervous Yaya was walking next to Peter (in his all-encompassing disguise of a fedora hat and nose-glasses). Yaya had stuffed most of her long black hair into the red hat and tried to act as Meg as much as possible. When they rounded about the corner, they came across a group of Hillbillies cheerfully building a gallows on the lawn of the hotel where they were staying.

"Oh crap," Peter whispered. "I forgot there was a hick convention in town. They're probably here for the Garth Brooks concert."

"Uh, Peter... is that my mug-shot they're holding?"

Though Yaya kept her distance, Peter stepped a little closer to the hicks.

"Hey, Ewalt," said a tall hick with a cowboy hat. "I'm bored."

"Avner..." replied a short bald hick. "You smart enough to be bored?"

"So, uh," Yaya spoke, trying to twist her voice enough to sound like a boy. "What are you fine fellers up to here?"

"Havin' ourselves a hangin' party, o'course, hayuk-yuk," Avner replied. "See, there's this here scoundrel that escaped? And these liberal po-lice are too busy playing with confiscated toys, so we's takin' the law in our own paws!"

"Hey, Avner," said Ewalt. "What's Japanese mean?"

Avner bit his lip. "Uuuuuh. Errrr... I think they's from Delaware or somethin'."

"Oh. Yankee scum."

"A-yuk," Avner replied. "There's nothing worse than a goddang Yankee."

Yaya gulped. "So, uh, hypothetically speaking, what would you do to this girl if you find her?"

Avner and Ewalt, as well as several other hicks perked up considerably and broke out in a song.

_"Oh, the Lord loves a hangin'._

_That's why He gave us necks._

_It tightens up our vocal cords_

_And loosens up our pecs._

_So if you are a horse thief_

_And guilty to the bone,_

_Go ahead and blame a friend_

_And you won't hang alone._

_It may be hard to swaller,_

_But you'll be three feet taller._

_No finer way to entertain your friends..."_

Yaya was to nervous to notice one of the passerby's while the hicks were still singing. Unfortunately for Yaya, the passerby was Neil Goldman, the nerd who had a long-time crush on Meg.

"Meg!" Neil lisped through his retainer. "Oh, be still my greasy heart, for you have returned from Japan earlier than expected! Oh, have you came back for me? Have you come to release my aching heart from the agony of your absence."

"Uh, Neil, uh... hi," Yaya said.

"You sound different, Meg."

"It's, uh, all the Japanese food I ate."

"You look sorta different too. I can't believe it, you actually became prettier."

"Uh, thanks... It's all because of Japanese food..."

"Actually, your eyes look very different too."

"Man, I really love that Japanese food!" Yaya said nervously.

"Unless Japanese food is a fast acting mutagen," Neil said when he suddenly lurched forward and yanked the hat and glasses from Yaya's face, causing her long hair to spill free. "You're Yaya! IMPOSTER! Why do you toy with my heart so..."

But Neil Goldman's heartache was abruptly silenced by a vicious left-hook from Yaya, which knocked him out cold before he hit the ground. "Take that, you dweeb!" Yaya shouted.

Meanwhile, Avner and Ewalt were staring intently at the picture. Then at Yaya. Then at the picture again. Then at Yaya getting very nervous. Then at the picture again. Then at Yaya looking for a quick escape. Then at the picture again. Then at Yaya's back as she ran away quickly. Then at the picture again. Then at Yaya as she was now a block away. Then at the picture again. Then at Yaya as she was about to round about the corner with Peter in tow. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street. Then at the picture again. Then at an empty street."

"Duuuuuhhhh... GIT HER!" Ewalt shouted.

"Git who?"

"Uuuuh... I forgot."

"Hey Ewalt."

"Yes, Avner?"

"Ye think we'll ever find that there Japanese girl?"

"Nah. She's probably back in Delaware or something."

* * *

Kenjou Kaname had just parked her dirtbike in the shed and removed her helmet. Her suit was covered in sand and her body had withstood a rather intensive workout. A shower and a hot bath would be in order when she'd get back to the dorm.

Kaname strolled back to the dorm, enjoying the sun on her face while whistling softly, when she suddenly came across Hikari, who oddly enough looked as if she were a paralyzed deer starting into the headlights of an oncoming truck.

-"Hello, Hikari,"- Kaname greeted friendly, loathing herself for doing so and only because her current scheme demanded it.

-"Uh, Hikari-san?"- Kaname frowned when she saw that Hikari was frozen in utter horror. -"Are you listening to me?"-

Hikari raised her hand meekly, and slowly, very slowly, pointed a finger straight at Kaname.

-"Hikari-san?"- Kaname asked again, wondering if Hikari might be having a seizure of some sort. -"Are you alright? Should I call for the nurse?"-

"**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**!" Hikari screamed like a chicken about to get her head cut off and sped off with a pace that would humble Niki Lauda. An expression formed on Kaname's face that didn't have a home there very often: one of utter bafflement.

-"Problem, Kenjou?"-

Kaname spun around and found Amane standing behind her, looking rather smug.

-"Hikari... she just ran straight up that tree..."-

-"Uh-huh. Life's so precious, isn't it?"-

-"Where did you come from by the way? Hiding in the bushes?"-

-"Yup,"- Amane grinned. -"Right on the first guess. So, I suppose this ends your vicious plans to exploit Hikari, doesn't it? See ya around, chummmmppppp."-

Kaname blinked when she watched Amane stroll off into the direction to which Hikari had ran off to. -"Well,"- she scratched the back of her head. -"That was unexpected."-

* * *

The setting was perfect. A romantic restaurant, a private booth and violin music in the background. Shizuma had enjoyed a wonderful meal and wonderful conversation with Nagisa at this private spot. Just the two of them, celebrating their love. And for Shizuma now it was time to make her move. She gently took Nagisa's hand and gazed deeply into her eyes. As predicted, Nagisa blushed as their eyes locked.

Perfect. This was just perfect. All she needed to do was to take the ring from her pocket and offer it to the love of her life.

-"Nagisa,"- Shizuma's voice caught in her throat. -"I..."-

-"Hm?"- was all the response Nagisa could croak out in the face of such overwhelming romantic beauty.

-"Nagisa, I..."- Shizuma sighed as she watched into Nagisa's expecting eyes. -"I... I... just wanted to say that... you make me happy. You make me so very happy."-

Nagisa's face was brightened by a smile that could met the polar icecaps, and a blush to match. Shizuma took a moment to rub her beloved's cheek. -"Nagisa,"- she asked. -"Could you excuse me for a moment? I'd like to, uhm, powder my nose. It'll take a while for the lobster to arrive anyway."-

Nagisa agreed, thankfully, and Shizuma soon found herself in the bathroom, her heart pounding. She opened the faucet and splashed some water in her face. -"Coward,"- she told her own reflection in the mirror. What was the problem? She knew what she wanted, why didn't she just ask?

She fished a package out of her pocket. In the package was one of the most expensive engagement rings in Japan. Tonight, Shizuma had intended to ask the person she loved most in the world to share the rest of her life with her... but she chickened out at the last moment.

Perhaps it was for the best, she considered. Though plenty of upper classmen at Astraea Hill were already engaged, she felt it probably wouldn't be fair to overly complicate Nagisa's life as much as it already was. They spent all the time together they could, but the reality was that Shizuma lived a long way from Astraea Hill and they could only spend weekends together. And next year, Nagisa'd be graduating... she was only seventeen, after all. Soon to be eighteen, sure, but still. And she hadn't even met Nagisa's parents yet.

And then there was the little matter of one Suzumi Tamao. She knew exactly what was going to happen: the moment Nagisa had recovered from the shock of being asked to get married, she'd call everybody she knew and the first one she'd tell would be her best friend Tamao... and that girl was volatile enough as it is at the moment.

Next year.

She'd ask next year, just before the graduation ceremony. She didn't know if she was trying to mask her own cowardice with excuses, but for now it seemed the most reasonable course of action. She did know that she needed some air right now.

Thankfully, the toilet wasn't anywhere near the private booth, so she could slip out unnoticed. She'd only be gone for another minute or so and the cold air would do well to get the cobwebs out of her head. She stood near the entrance of the restaurant, located just outside a lovely park. She let her hair blow in the wind for a moment and closed her eyes.

She grinned to herself. Even though there wouldn't be a proposal today, she was determined to make it up to herself by making sure that she and Nagisa wouldn't get _**any**_ sleep tonight.

After politely refusing an offered cigarette from a man from the restaurant who had come out for a smoke, Shizuma was about ready to enter the restaurant again, when she noticed a familiar figure standing near the edge of the park. Her curiosity was piqued, and she careful moved a little closer to the figure, making use of the shrubbery to hide herself from sight.

Her suspicion was confirmed. The girl she saw was indeed Tamao. Tamao had snuck off earlier tonight and now she knew it had been to go to the park. When she came closer, she saw that Tamao was talking to somebody: a westerner with a strangely formed chin and a craning neck. She gasped when she recognized the westerner as the same hentai who had felt her up some weeks back.

"So, what's the haul this evening, young grasshopper?" the westerner spoke.

"See this, Quagmire-sensei," Tamao replied in English. "Five bra's, six pairs of panties and... five water-based boob-enhancers."

"Only five?" Quagmire asked.

"Yeah, I was surprised too," Tamao said. "I guess that one girl forgot to put it in. Or one boob was bigger than the other."

"Asymmetrical BOOBS! OH!" Quagmire grinned. "High-five."

Shizuma watched with fascination when the two high-fived enthusiastically.

"Check these out," Tamao said and produced a cell-phone. "Twenty five up-skirt shots. Seven Hello Kitty panties, Eleven white ones, Five striped, one quilted and one... invisible."

Quagmire took the phone and grinned. "Heh, heh, alllrrrighhhtt..."

"HAH!" Tamao grinned, mimicking Quagmire. "What about you, sensei?"

"Are you kidding, I got laid five times already. Japanese girls love an American Action-hero accent. OH!"

"What's the plan for tonight, sensei?" Tamao asked. "Another lesson?"

"No, no, I'm meeting a group of girls from the Otaku district for a little cosplay quintumplesome. Heh. Heh," Quagmire grinned and bobbed his head. "Tamao, why don't you go back to your hotel-room to enjoy a well-earned rest? Or, you could try your lesbian suave to get one of those cosplaying catgirls into your bed. I swear, those girls are easy."

"No, no, no," Tamao smiled. "No bedplay for me, thanks. But I'm not tired yet. I think I'll try to to get some more bra's. I've got all primary colors of plain and lace, but I'm still missing a blue lace to complete the set. Oh, and I totally felt up that girl that just passed... and her boobs are 100 molded silicone, let me tell you."

"NO!" Quagmire chuckled. "They looked real to me."

"Those boobs on that teensy waist? Please. The only person with a body like that is Shizuma-sama, and even thought plenty of girls say hers feel natural, I still suspect she had her boobs done in secret."

Shizuma narrowed her eyes for a moment. -'_Hey_,'- she thought to herself while instinctively letting her hands run over her breasts. -'_These are real... which is more than I can say about your hair color, Tamao-san_.'-

"Are you sure?" Quagmire said. "I was only able to feel her up for a couple of seconds before she started attacking me with that foil, but her boobs felt real to me."

"Fake or real, she uses them as her primary weapons," Tamao replied. "'Oh, look at me. I'm an enormous emo-slutbomb. Behold my big boobs and big hair. I have no morals and I do whatever I want, because I can. I've loved my beloved Kaori sooooo much and because she's gone forever, I now need to sleep with as many girls as possible to make up for it. I will do whatever I can, whenever I can, even steal your girlfriend right from under you. And I'm also lazy.'"

Shizuma narrowed her eyes and had half a mind to jump out of the bushes and confront Tamao. But she realized subtlety would be a better course of action here. Also, she wanted to know more about her relationship with that western hentai.

Shizuma looked on in fascination as Tamao and the Hentai Quagmire said goodbye to each other and parted ways as if they were the best of friends. She promised herself that she'd get to the bottom of this... but first, Nagisa was still waiting for her at the restaurant. And right now, Nagisa was infinitely more important than the wayward Tamao.

But Shizuma was also... angry. She didn't give a damn what Tamao thought of her, but for using Kaori's name in vain, there would be a reckoning.

* * *

Chikaru's class had just ended and she had taken her bentobox with her to the edge of the lake. There was a little known secluded spot where she liked to go ever so often on a hot day to sit in the shade and enjoy a soft breeze while looking over the surface of Astraea Lake watching the sun cascading off the surface,

She leant back against a tree and took out her chopsticks. Today's bento looked ever so delicious and she was about to bring an onigiri to her mouth when she suddenly noticed a rustling of leaves.

She looked up and, to her horror, noticed that there was a figure clothed in a long raincoat, a scarf, a hat and sunglasses. Adrenalin soared through her veins... it had been a long time, but in the past perverts had been known to break onto the school grounds. And she was all on her own here, nobody in earshot. She had to rely on herself.

The bento went flying as Chikaru went on the offensive. Though she was no sportswoman, she had followed a few self-defense classes and waited until the man was close enough.

"HENTAI! HENTAI!" Chikaru shouted. The sound would carry across the lake, and hopefully somebody would hear and eventually help would come. In the meantime, Chikaru treated the hentai to a vicious kick to the stomach, showing that he had definitely picked the wrong girl to try to rape.

Chikaru was about to run when the hentai doubled over in pain when she heard the hentai groan in pain... a groan that sounded very familiar. And Chikaru was mortified when the hentai fell to the ground and 'his' hat fell off, revealing blonde hair.

-"S-shion-koi?!"- Chikaru gasped and rushed to her lover's side, sitting her up against the tree and holding her close. -"Oh, god, what have I done? I'm so sorry, Shion. Forgive me."-

-"No, no,"- Shion gasped as she held her painful stomach. -"It's not your fault, Chikaru. It's all Chris Griffin-san's fault. It's always Chris Griffin's fault."-

-"How do you figure that?"- Chikaru said while she started to rub Shion's tummy gently. -"I was the one who kicked you. I'm so sorry, Shion-koi. I'm so very sorry."-

-"If Chris Griffin-san hadn't been here at our school,"- Shion started. -"I could just come here to see you in my normal uniform. But to avoid being seen by that baka gaijin, I had to disguise myself first."-

Chikaru blinked. -"You're kidding. Why would you need to disguise yourself to avoid Chris-kun?"-

-"Because whenever I run into him, something horrible happens to me. I just know it. I just know it!"-

Chikaru laid Shion's head in her lap and gently stroked her hair. -"Silly Shion. Are you sure you're not just seeing things?"-

"Hahahahahahah!" sounded the playful laughter of Chris Griffin as a speedboat, piloted by Kizuna and Remon, shot across the lake. At the end of the speedboat was Chris Griffin, enjoying a waterski. For a moment, it seemed as if the boat would plow right into the shore, but it made a sharp turn at the last moment. The waterskiing Chris slid across the banks, sending a trail of mud and shorewater flying into the air, which promptly slushed all over Shion and only Shion. While Shion sighed and rubbed the mud from her eyes, Chris was already gone.

-"See?"- Shion said. -"Notice how only I got hit and nothing happened to you."-

-"That's, uhm, really quite amazing,"- Chikaru blinked.

-"Not that I want something to happen to you,"- Shion said quickly. -"I swear, if that Chris Griffin-san were to do anything to hurt you, I'd personally throw his sorry ass off the nearest cliff."-

-"That is really rather sweet in a completely demented homicidal way,"- Chikaru smiled. -"Uh, please don't do that."-

-"We'll see,"- Shion narrowed her eyes. -"We'll see..."-

Suddenly, Chikaru folded her arms around Shion's waist and hugged her tightly.

-"Chikaru, what are you doing?"-

-"Hm,"- Chikaru smiled. -"You looked like you needed a hug."-

-"But you got all wet and muddy now too."-

-"Uh-huh,"- Chikaru smiled.

-"But you'll have to hit the showers now too."-

-"Uh-huh,"- Chikaru's smile broadened considerably. -"Together."-

-"I see,"- Shion blushed slightly. -"Devious"-

Chikaru just smiled gently.

* * *

-"Pity about Hikari,"- Momomi said while she sipped a glass of expensive champagne while she and her beloved Kaname were sitting in their bubblebath.

-"Yep,"- Kaname said. -"Well, we had fun while it lasted, at least."-

-"Yup,"- Momomi said. -"We still have our luxurious bubblebath."-

-"We still have all these cases of champagne we've swindled Hikari into ordering,"- Kaname smiled.

-"Yes,"- Momomi added. -"And we still have all the school funds we've embezzled,"- she said, tossing some 10000 yen bills into the air while she snuggled against Kaname. There were plenty, because the entire bubblebath was not filled with water, but rather with 10000 yen bills.

-"Tell you what's the best, though,"- Kaname said as she rose from the bath and reached for a bathrobe. She walked towards an expensive looking laptop connected to a videocamera pointed out of the open window.

-"A laptop, 60000 yen. A digital videocamera, 90000 yen. Watching and taping Amane trying to talk Hikari down from a tree for the past 72 hours... priceless!"- Kaname chuckled.

-"Careful,"- Momomi said as she sat down behind the laptop. -"I'd better expand the memory size here, I want to catch all of this on tape, every single second. We've going to get decades of entertainment out of this one."-

Outside, Hikari was still clutching to the top of the tree, while Amane was still pacing around the trunk.

-"Dammit, Hikari! I'm telling you for the last time, get down from there!"-

-"NO!"-

-"NOW!"-

-"NOOOOOOOOO! Kaname-san might be down there!"-

-"No, she's not. It's perfectly safe. Now get down!"-

-"I can't! If she catches me... she'll chop me up and eat me! But first she'll sexually humiliate me with a rhubarb and a piece of cod!"-

-"Uh... what?"-

-"Don't you get it?! Kaname-san killed Kennedy! She kidnapped the Linburgh baby! SHE IS JOSEPH MENGELE!"-

-"Hikari, that's insane! Kenjou is only 18 years old! How could she have done all those things?"-

-"She's very clever, that's how!"-

-"Hikari..."-

-"No!"- Hikari cried again. -"If she catches me, she'll skin me alive and then put on my skin and dance around the bonfire praising Satan and all his little wizards! Oh, God, help me! Save me, Lord. Save me, Jesus!"-

-"GODDAMMIT HIKARI, get your ass down here right this instant!"-

-"Amane, don't you blaspheme, you hear? Don't you blaspheme! Kaname blasphemes, you know? She wants me... she wants my soul... she wants to drag my soul down to Hell and eat it!"-

-"Oh, that's it. Do you see this chainsaw here? Do you see it? I'm going to pull the ripcord and saw this tree down!"-

-"Amane! You wouldn't dare!"-

-"Oh, just watch me..."-

-"AMANE! This tree is school property!"-

-"See if I care! TIMBER!"-

"IYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!!"

* * *

There. It was so nice to give Kaname and Momomi a taste of well-deserved revenge. :D

Next update will be Summer Holidays. Hopefully soon!


	12. Chapter 12 : Everybody Loves Yaya Again

Hello everyone. It's been a bit long, but the latest part of ELY is ready for public release. Please enjoy! We'll have a mix of slapstick and drama this time around.

Disclaimer : Do I own anything? Nope, still don't. I do own a cute Shizuma/Nagisa miniposter, though.

* * *

Everybody Loves Yaya.

Chapter 12 : Everybody Loves Yaya Again

Yaya had never stopped running through the streets of Quahog after meeting those two rednecks in front of Peter's house. She sheer reality of the mess she had gotten herself into had finally started to sink in when those two idiots had talked about hanging her. The past month she'd gone from a happy-go-lucky highschool student with a cute girlfriend to a convicted vandal who escaped from prison and was forced to hide out in James Woods. And all she did was accidentally break a vase worth less than a buck.

She couldn't go on like this, that much she knew. And for the first time, despite all the fun she had had, she regretted coming to America in the first place. Sure, the country had given her a lot: friendship with Peter, popularity in school, improving her relationship with Tsubomi, giving her the courage making love to Tsubomi for the first time... But apparently public opinion had turned against her.

She passed another block and considered perhaps it was time to turn herself in. The worst that could happen was that she'd be deported and then she'd be back home, which sounded rather appealing right now. Sure, she embarrass her parents, Astraea Hill, her friends, Tsubomi and Hikari by returning in such a way, but that was still better than swinging from a tree.

She rounded about the corner and gasped. There was no escape now... unless...

In the middle of town, in front of City Hall, Mayor Adam West was preparing a grand speech. Together with his Chief Justice, a plastic Transformer toy called Megatron, he had outlawed the ownership of Autobot toys in all of Quahog. The police had been busy gathering up all the Autobot toys and dumping them on a pile. The gathered people and collectors lamenting the loss of their beloved toys, were gathered to watch Mayor Adam West step onto a bulldozer and ceremoniously run over the toys with it.

"People of Quahog," Mayor Adam West said. "Today is a great day for Decepticons everywhere. No longer will these servants of the evil Gingerbread man plague our fair town."

As sad murmurs came from the collectors, Tsubomi and Lois stood in the crowd waiting for Brian to return.

"Why are we even here?" Tsubomi pouted. "Yaya-chan is still out there."

"Brian's still asking around," Lois said. "We should wait until he gets back and we'll go look for Yaya again. Maybe someone here saw her."

"Oh, yes, yes," Stewie grinned. "Maybe one of these fine upstanding citizens last saw her when he left her in a bathtub full of ice after taking both her kidneys. Or maybe one of these yokels has this nice torture basement specifically crafted for sexy Japanese girls with a high pain-threshold. Or maybe one of these people here holds squids for pets which are in need for sexual release. Thousands of possibilities."

Tsubomi narrowed her eyes at Stewie, but her trembling hands betrayed her fear.

"I'm just so afraid of what'll happen," Tsubomi told Lois. "Yaya's all alone out there, and American police are notoriously trigger-happy."

"Ahum," said Joe Swanson, in dress uniform. "Tsubomi, that's just media portrayal. We police officers don't shoot perpetrators unless it's absolutely necessary and... LET'S GET IT OOOONNNNNN!" Joe drew his pistol and fired off eight rounds into the ground. When he was done, his calm demeanor returned and he holstered his weapon.

"Joe, what did you do that for?!" Lois asked.

"That elderly gentleman was jaywalking," Joe said. "Obviously a criminal."

A very pale Tsubomi gulped.

"It's no use," Brian said as he returned. "None of these people has seen Yaya, though one person claimed he saw a flying saucer ferrying Godzilla and Rodan towards the open sea."

"Will we ever find Yaya-chan?" Tsubomi sighed. "Oh, I wish we'd never come to this place."

"Yes, yes," Stewie said, the pitch of his voice going up with every sentence. "I can hear the sexual frustration in your voice. Time to get yourself a new girlfriend, sweetheart. Someone less criminal, maybe? Someone more like your friend Hikari? Who ran off with a horse-riding boy-girl? Someone more like your friend Kagome? Who talks to inanimate objects, maybe? Someone more like your friend Nagisa? Who's denser than granite, maybe? Someone more like your friend Kaname? Who has the habit of raping girls younger than her, maybe? Someone like your friend Tamao? Who follows people around with tape-recorders and measuring tape, maybe? Maybe?"

This went on until Brian slapped him in the back of the head.

"Oh my god!" Brian suddenly pointed to the other side of the square. "It's Yaya!"

And indeed, a rather desperate looking Yaya forced herself through the crowded and jumped on top of the bulldozer.

"Yaya-chan!" Tsubomi shouted. "What are you doing?!"

But Tsubomi's voice was apparently drowned out by the engine of the bulldozer. Yaya randomly pulled on some levers and gauges until the machine sped off, making a nice u-turn around the gathered toys and passing them without hitting any of them.

The crowd quickly parted while the bulldozer sped over the pavement into the suburb.

* * *

It wasn't long until Yaya realized that this was not the smartest thing she had ever done. Driving a monster truck was much easier than driving a Bulldozer. It was going full speed and it didn't have a steering wheel. Rather, it had a complex set of unlabeled levers. Yaya knew she was in trouble when she felt the bulldozer rushing over a set of mailboxes.

"YAYA!" sounded next to her, coming from Joe Swanson who was wheeling the arms off his body. "Yaya! Pull the left lever to stop. The left lever!"

And Yaya almost did. Until she noticed she was headed towards a big house at the end of the street. A large sign in front identified it as the D'Amico residence, where the bitch who ratted her out lived. A wicked grin crossed her gentle features. 'Yare, yare,' she thought to herself. -'Left and right, such a difficult concept, especially when translation is involved. Hidari, hidari... was that left or right? I am so confused.'-

Yaya was faux confused long enough to have the bulldozer plough through the house, destroying walls, furniture, floors and kitschy knickknacks alike while Yaya was neatly protected by the bulldozer's steel roof. The bulldozer rammed through the other side of the house and finally came to a stop after it toppled into the D'Amico pool.

After leaving a trail of destruction behind her, Yaya calmly stepped off the Bulldozer now trapped in the pool without even getting her feet wet.

"Yaya," Joe said as he wheeled through the house, moments before the entire structure collapsed. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Swanson-san," Yaya sighed. "I'm ready to go."

And so Joe and Yaya returned to the flabbergasted crowd of Quahog citizens and collectors, who were busy gathering up their Autobots. The one person waiting for Yaya was Tsubomi however, who flew into Yaya's arm for a long overdue hug and kiss.

After having missed each other for so long, the kiss was nothing less than extremely passionate. But as soon as Yaya broke the kiss...

"BAKA!" Tsubomi shouted and slapped Yaya.

Yaya rubbed her quickly reddening cheek. "Ow, what was that for?"

-"For being such a moron!"- Tsubomi sniffed. -"For scaring me like that! Because I love you!"-

The two girls hugged again. -"Tsubomi,"- Yaya giggled. -"You certainly put the 'tsu' in 'tsundere'."-

-"Ey?!"- Tsubomi narrowed her eyes. -"So, you make me out to be some stupid cartoon character now? Is that what you think of me?"-

-"Tsubomi,"- Joe interrupted. -"Yaya still committed a crime and..."-

"YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!" Tsubomi snarled at him, and looked as if she was ready to explode.

"Y-yes, ma'am," Joe gulped and actually backed off.

Utter chaos was about to break out until a panting Peter came running into the crowd.

"WAIT!" he shouted. "You can't punish this girl!"

Mayor Adam West narrowed his eyes. "Are you the Gingerbread man?"

"Uh, no," Peter said. "Though I've always admired his work. Anyway, you can't punish this girl. So what did she do? Broke some old pot that some old guy used some centuries ago? You want to put her in jail because she broke our cultural heritage? We've been destroying and disrespecting other people's cultural heritage for as long as this great nation has existed! That's what being an American is all about! And I for one am proud to be an American! So who cares if some boring old fart put some boring old paint on some boring old canvas some boring centuries ago? That's old stuff and old stuff is stuff you break and throw away. So Yaya did us a favor!"

"Yaya saved our Autobots!" sounded one of the collectors. "Hurray for Yaya!"

Yaya actually blushed when the crowd started to chant her name. She clutched onto Tsubomi for good measure.

"My god, you're right," Mayor Adam West said. He turned to the toy Megatron, grabbed it, threw it to the ground and started smashing it. "Servant of the Gingerbread man! I trusted you. I TRUSTED YOU!"

Peter, however, was not done with his rant. "So why is some old pot better than some old toilet seat that old man Herbert threw out with the trash? I say it's not! I say we get rid of all that crappy old crud in the Museum of Natural History and put in some things that are really valuable. Things like Star Wars figurines, Babylon 5 collector's plates, limited edition beanie babies and MacFarlane statuettes! I say we head over to the museum right now to trash the damn place. Who's with me? Huh?! Who's with me!"

"First things first. Miss Nanto," Mayor Adam West said. "You have saved me from a trap set by the evil Gingerbread man and for that I will reward you by having," he said, producing another action figure, "my newly appointed chief justice Optimus Prime giving you a full pardon!"

"Yaya-chan!" Tsubomi and Yaya hugged again. "It's over!"

But the chaos remained. The crowd, now all of a sudden brandishing pitchforks and torches, headed to the museum led by Peter. Before too long, priceless items of historical value were being torched, smashed, shredded, mashed, mangled, urinated upon, pierced, stabbed, hit over people's head or otherwise destroyed.

"Peter!" Brian pleaded. "You've got to stop them! They're destroying priceless pieces of art!"

"Nah, this is just old junk, I mean look at this," Peter said. "A picture of some stupid sunflowers by this guy called Van Gagh or something. What a load of crap, even Stewie can draw better than this!"

"Oh, my god," Lois said. "Look at these shards. Don't tell me..."

"Yeah, some old flowerpot owned by some Chinese guy named Ming. Piece of junk. It'll be replaced by this poster of Farrah Fawcett and this wallpainting of Boba Fett made entirely out of macaroni. Now these are special items of value!"

"Hey Peter," sounded a voice with a distinct Texan accent.

"Wow!" Peter said. "Mister president!"

"Thanks for the speech, man," the Texan told Peter. "Now I can rip up the Constitution as much as I want."

"I thought you already did rip it up."

"Yeah, I did. But now, thanks to you, I can spit on it too. Yeah, take THAT Freedom of Speech! Take THAT Due Process! Take THAT Cruel and Unusual Punishment!"

"Peter, stop these people!" Lois pleaded.

"Why?!" Peter said. "Before, this museum was just blech... now it's gonna be cool with all the transformers and star wars limited edition figures here. Out with the dumb paintings and in with the cool Robocop posters!"

But when the crowd moved dangerously close to the paleontology department, it was Yaya who stopped them. She blocked the doorway with determination and shouted : "STOP! Don't hurt the cool dinosaurs!"

"She's right, dinosaurs are cool!"

"Okay, let's go trash the modern art department!"

"Modern art sucks because I don't get it! Let's set it on fire."

After making sure the dinosaurs were safe, Yaya and Tsubomi left the museum together. After taking a moment to watch the fire department rush in to make sure the fires from the modern art department wouldn't spread too far, the two set off into the sunset, free to find their own future together.

Their future together, or a bed to have stupendous sex in to celebrate their reunion... whatever would they would find first. One had to get one's priorities straight, after all.

-"You know what?"- Yaya asked while wrapping an arm around Tsubomi's waist.

-"Hm?"-

-"America's pretty cool."-

-"Hm."-

At that moment, Stewie on a tricycle came cycling by, pulling forward a big filled with priceless artworks. "Hah!" he said, "this'll fund my efforts to conquer the world for months to come! Hah!"

Fortunately, Yaya and Tsubomi were too busy kissing to notice.

* * *

After a long night of being perverts, Tamao and Quagmire had returned to the hotel. Sensei and student were quietly walking through the hallway while softly chatting. Slung over her shoulder, Tamao held on to a small dufflebag filled to the brim with stolen panties and bra's.

"Quite a haul, Quagmire-Sensei," Tamao said.

"Sure is," Quagmire replied. "I think I created a monster here! Heh heh."

Tamao suppressed a yawn. "Sorry, Sensei," Tamao said quickly. "I'm a bit tired."

"Get some sleep, young Grasshopper," Quagmire said. "A good pervert relies on finesse and sharp senses. Go to sleep and recharge those batteries to... Uh-oh."

"What is it, sensei?" Tamao stopped dead in her tracks.

"My pervert-sense is tingling," Quagmire said. "There's someone standing in front of your door."

"Quick, you must hide, sensei!" Tamao whispered.

Just before rounding around the corner, Quagmire dove for a set of strategically placed potted plants. When hidden behind them, he'd been in sight and ear-shot of what would happen in front of Tamao's hotel room.

Tamao in the meantime, carefully approached her hotel room. And there she was: Shizuma was leaning against the wall and was leafing through a magazine. When the older girl noticed Tamao standing there, she put away the magazine and fixed a very intense stare upon her.

Usually, Tamao found Shizuma to be rather hard to read, but from the way she was staring at her right now, Tamao could guess she was not in a good mood.

-"S-shizuma-san,"- Tamao croaked out the words. After she realized she was still holding the duffle-bag, she let it drop to the ground and gently shoved it aside with one foot, hoping Shizuma wouldn't see. -"What are you..."-

-"An Emo-slutbomb, am I?"- Shizuma said coldly and fixed Tamao with a piercing stare.

Tamao almost crumbled over the sheer onslaught of Shizuma's force of personality. She started to realize why so so many girls had fallen for her in the past: Those eyes... those eyes...

Tamao, however, was determined not to fall into the trap. -"Spying on me now, are you?"- Tamao asked softly, head slightly bowed.

-"Hm,"- Shizuma shook her head. -"I won't waste my time on following you around. I just happened to overhear."-

-"Whatever was said, it was a private..."-

-"SAY about me what you want. Think about me what you want,"- Shizuma interrupted sharply. -"I do not care. But, if you once again dare to cast Kaori's name in a negative light again, I swear to you, Tamao-san... You **will **regret it."-

Tamao blushed sharply. She had no defensive, since she did mention Kaori in a negative light. And that was the only thing she regretted deeply. But however she did regret it, she promised herself never to bow down to Shizuma... ever.

She took strength in the fact that Quagmire-sensei was here near her. And then she got a wicked idea. This was the perfect opportunity and she could make her sensei proud.

-"I'm sorry,"- Tamao smiled sweetly and stepped forward. -"I've been a bad, bad little girl."-

Tamao took another step forward, and met Shizuma's eyes. Tamao grinned inwardly: this would be so easy. Snap and run. Snap and run. Shizuma was clearly uncomfortable with Tamao's invasion of her personal space. It would be the distraction Tamao needed.

From behind the potted plants, Quagmire was looking on with growing concern. It didn't help that he had no idea what the two girls were saying as they were speaking Japanese. "No, Tamao. No, don't do it!" he hissed, hoping that somehow Tamao would pick up on the hint. "She knows! Abort! Abort!!"

-"Bad girls need to be spanked,"- Tamao fake-blushed and reached out with one arm while locking eyes with Shizuma. Shizuma, on her part, slowly rose one of her eyebrows... a gesture which Tamao read as confusion.

But just as Tamao wanted to follow it up with a witty 'but you're not the one to spank me! Nyah Nyah!' and run off with a certain article of clothing to show this woman once and for all who was the best, she found that her free hand was suddenly being held tightly by Shizuma.

-"Tamao-san,"- Shizuma said calmly, yet coldly. -"Kindly remove your other hand from the hem of my panties."-

Tamao trembled. It was over before it had begun. She was defeated by Shizuma yet again. It was too much, it was just too much for her right now. She felt hot tears running over her cheeks before she even realized she was crying. Tamao fell to her knees and sobbed, feeling her long blue bangs sticking slightly to the tears on her cheek.

-"Tamao-san,-" she hear and looked up. She saw that Shizuma had dropped down to one knee, and when she locked eyes with her, she saw something in them which filled her with rage.

-"NO!"- Tamao shouted and rose to her feet. -"Don't you dare! Don't you dare pity me. Not you! NOT YOU!"-

-"I know what this is about, Tamao-san."-

-"Really?"- Tamao spat. -"Do you know? Do you know how it felt? It was you she loved. Always you. No matter how hard I tried, she never had eyes for me. I tried so hard to make her notice me, but... I was always the friend, not the girlfriend. And when I thought you had stepped back and I finally had a real chance, you swoop down out of nowhere and steal her from me."-

-"Tamao-san,"- Shizuma said calmly.

-"YOU STOLE HER FROM ME! I loved her before you did!"-

Shizuma nodded and rose to her feet. -"I'm sorry,"- she said softly.

-"Huh?"- Tamao was momentarily confused.

-"I never apologized for I did to you,"- Shizuma said. -"I embarrassed you in front of the entire school by running away with Nagisa. At the time, I felt it was necessary and thought the consequences unimportant. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for dashing your hopes and dreams. You did deserve better."-

-"NO!"- Tamao retorted. -"Don't be reasonable! Don't try to be kind! I want you to gloat. I want to you rub my nose in it! I want to be able to keep hating you! Make it easy for me to keep hating you!"-

-"Believe me, I know what it's like to lose someone you love,"- Shizuma said calmly. -"I..."-

-"It's not the same,"- Tamao hissed. -"I still see her every day. And every day I hear her on the phone with you. She always has a story about something you did or something you did together. I keep asking myself what could have been if only you... I hate you, Shizuma-san, and I hate myself for not being able wish Nagisa all the happiness in the world. I do love Nagisa."-

-"Tamao-chan?"- a familiar voice sounded from behind. It made Tamao gasp and slowly turn around. Her fears were confirmed when she found a very surprised and tired looking Nagisa standing behind them. Nagisa was wearing a Hello Kitty pair of Pajama's, fuzzy bunny slippers and a vest to protect her from the cold drafts.

-"N-nagisa,"- Tamao trembled. -"What are you doing here?"- A more important question 'How much did you hear?' was left unspoken. It was almost too much for Tamao, as everything had just been blown right out into the open.

-"I-I heard the commotion from the other side of the hall and I heard your voice. I... I was worried, but..."- Nagisa sniffed. -"Why did you never want to talk to me about it? Is this why you always rebuffed me when I brought up..."-

-"Nagisa,"- Tamao sniffed. -"I never wanted you to... I promised myself I'd always be your friend but... it just got so much harder as I saw the two of you together more and more. God, I got to learn the hard way how Yaya-chan felt when Hikari-chan only had eyes for Amane-sempai."-

The silence that followed was deafening, and it took all the courage Tamao could muster to ask the next question. -"Nagisa-chan,"- Tamao asked. -"Do you think... you could ever love me?"-

-"Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa whispered softly.

Tamao lowered her head. The hesitation in Nagisa's voice was all the answer she needed. Every last shred of hope and dream was crushed instantly.

-"Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa said, apparently looking at Shizuma and then at her. Tamao didn't know what Shizuma was doing, or what her expression was, and she didn't dare to look. -"I love Shizuma,"- Nagisa said honestly, though Tamao could hear the pain in Nagisa's voice. Tamao couldn't help but smile. Nagisa told her the cold hard truth, but blamed herself for paining Tamao with it. That was the Nagisa she loved but whom could never love her back as a girlfriend.

It was Nagisa who burst into tears now. She rushed forward and grabbed Tamao tightly. -"I'm so sorry, Tamao-chan. I'm so sorry. I should have considered your feelings, but we never really got to talk and now I hurt you and I don't want to lose you, because you're my best friend and I need you."-

Tamao closed her eyes and held the sobbing girl. It felt so right. It felt so nice. One last taste of something she could never have.

-"It's alright, Nagisa-chan,"- Tamao sighed. It was over. Shizuma had defeated her one last time.

-"No, it's not,"- Nagisa sobbed. -"I've been so worried about you! I was too afraid to leave you alone, because I was afraid you'd try to hurt yourself somehow."-

Tamao sighed. -"I... suppose I've been acting a bit unstable lately. I'm sorry to have worried you."-

-"Tamao-san,"- she heard Shizuma, and felt two hands pressing down on her shoulders. -"I think you need to have a long talk with Nagisa. I realize you don't want to hear this, least of all from me, but you've got to let go and move on."-

Tamao was about to give the silver-haired nuisance an angry retorted, but Nagisa stopped her. -"Tamao-chan,"- Nagisa smiled. -"I'll always be your friend, no matter what."-

-"That means a lot to me,"- Tamao sighed. -"It really does. I just wish... I wish..."-

Before Tamao could continue, however, a police officer rounded about the corner. -"Excuse me,"- he said. -"Is one of you Suzumi Tamao-san?"-

Tamao gulped. Had she been discovered in the park? "H-hai?" she said.

-"Pardon to bother you, miss, but do you know this girl?"- he said, and from behind the young policeman, stepped a familiar young girl in tears.

-"Chiyo-chan,"- Nagisa and Tamao both said at the same time and rushed up to their sobbing kouhai.

"Tamao-oneesama!" Chiyo sobbed and held her sempai tightly. "Yokatta!"

Shizuma turned to the police officer. -"What's the problem, officer?"- she asked.

-"Good evening miss,"- said the officer. -"We found this young girl running through the city bawling. We took her to the nearest koban and gave her something to drink to try to calm her down. All we got out of her was the same of your friend Suzumi-san. Dispatch checked with the hotels in town until we found you."-

-"Thank you for your efforts, officer,"- Shizuma bowed politely. -"We'll take care of Chiyo-san from here."-

-"Chiyo-chan,"- Tamao asked. -"What are you doing here?"-

-"Looking for Tamao-oneesama!"- Chiyo sobbed. -"Because I was worried about you. All alone in the big city. I wanted to make sure you'd not be alone and that you'd be safe."-

-"C-chiyo-chan,"- Tamao blinked. -"What on Earth possessed you to..."-

-"Because Tamao-oneesama has been acting strange for the last few months and I was worried,"- Chiyo sniffed. -"But everything went wrong. I left the train at the wrong station and then some man stole my purse and I had no money. I got so hungry and I was too afraid to ask for help because Sister Hamasaka always told us not to talk to strangers. And then it got dark and really cold and some strange men started chasing me because they wanted to dress me up in a moe-costume. And then I ran into a police officer and I knocked him over and I was really scared because I thought he was going to put me in prison. But then they were really nice and gave me hot cocoa and found out where you were and I'm glad to see you're okay."-

-"You... you came all this way and endured all that to make sure I was okay?"- Tamao blushed. -"But... Oh, god, I've been so horrible to you."-

-"That's why I knew something was wrong with you, because normally you would never do that,"- Chiyo said. -"It's my duty as kouhai and friend to do whatever I can to help my oneesama!"-

-"She has you there, Tamao-san,"- Shizuma chuckled.

Tamao looked Chiyo in the eyes and felt something click in her mind. For the first time she saw what a beautiful young woman Chiyo was becoming, in body and soul. Tamao felt deeply ashamed for the times she had snapped at Chiyo, and promised herself to make up for it.

But that was just it... Chiyo looked beautiful to her. A feeling that was akin to butterfly wings tickling her heart swept over her and caused her to blush and turn away. She heard the voice of Quagmire in her mind: 'Sometimes you look so hard, you can't see what's right in front of you...'. She'd been looking so hard at Nagisa, focusing so much on what she couldn't have, that she never noticed...

Tamao shrugged off the thought. The pain of Nagisa's rejection was still too fresh, after all. But Tamao felt there was still hope for her.

-"Arigato, Quagmire-Sensei,"- she whispered while soothing the still trembling Chiyo.

-"Alright,"- Shizuma took a moment to kiss the top of Nagisa's head. -"The three of you have a lot to talk about, it seems. I'll leave you be for the rest of the night."-

-"Yes,"- Nagisa replied. -"A long talk is long overdue. Thanks, Shizuma."-

Shizuma watched the three girls enter their hotel room. Soon enough, she moved back towards the hallway. Yet when she passed the potted plants, she saw a familiar american pervert hunched down behind them.

"You?!" Shizuma narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here?!"

"Uhhhhhhh," Quagmire said, but quick as lightning made a grab at Shizuma and ran off. "Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!"

"Hey, HEY!" Shizuma shouted after him as he waved an article of clothing over his head. "That's my bra! HENTAI! HENTAI!"

* * *

At the Strawberry Dorms, Chikaru was having serious worries about the love of her life. She was sitting in the room of her beloved Shion and her beloved was in a terrible state. Shion's hair was disheveled, her uniform hadn't been washed in days and she had all the shutters down safe for one.

Not only that, but Shion was refusing to come out of her room for any reason. She had cancelled all appointments and let Kaname and Momomi handle all the student council business. And without Shion to keep those two reigned in, a dangerous situation was developing. She might as well have given Kaname and Momomi the key to the castle treasury, as it were.

But more worrying was that Shion's mental health was fast deteriorating. Chikaru was the only one allowed in her room, and on every wall of the room hung dozens of calenders, on which Shion was keeping track just how many days it was before Chris Griffin would be sent home to the States.

-"Another day less. Another day less."- Shion whispered to herself. -"One day closer to safety."-

-"Shion-koi,"- Chikaru said and hugged her beloved girlfriend from behind. -"Listen to what you're saying. You can't keep this up for an entire month!"-

-"Just watch me,"- Shion said. -"All I need is you, Sweetness. And some food every now and then. This is the only place I'm safe. This is the only place he can't get me."-

-"Shion-koi,"- Chikaru said resolutely. -"I promise you this. Tomorrow it'll be weekend and we will go out."-

-"But..."-

-"No buts!"- Chikaru said. -"You and I will go out for a romantic weekend for two, to an onsen nearby. We'll get you cleaned up and we'll get a room with a big bed. It'll be relaxing and just the two of us. God knows we both need it right now."-

Chikaru kissed Shion on the forehead and promised to get her some food. Then, she rushed outside, worried sick about her. She knew it wasn't really Chris' fault, but Shion did perceive it as such. She ran into Chris almost as soon as she had left the dorms.

"Hey, Chicky!" Chris greeted. "I was looking for you!"

"Hello Chris-kun," Chikaru greeted. "Uh, this really isn't a good time," she said, glancing at the open window. "If Shion-koi..."

"Oh!" Chris said and dropped a large piece of fireworks on the ground. "I found this rocket for the fireworks club! Kelly's been looking for some gunpowder and I think we can get a lot of that stuff from here. Oh, and I also found a big magnifying glass for the secrets club!"

Chris held the magnifying glass up high, and unfortunately, it caught a ray of the sun. And before Chikaru could do anything about it, the amplified ray hit the fuse of the rocket. It all happened in slow motion. The rocket shot to the sky and circled back and forth until, against all odds, flew straight into the open window to Shion's room. A sharp explosion followed and arid black smoke and burning pieces of calendar spewed forth.

"SHION-KOI!" Chikaru shouted as she ran back inside the dorms.

"AAAAHHH!" Shion shouts could be heard all through the dorms. "I'm not even safe in here!!"

Chris bit his lip. "I think Sharon'll want to play Hit Chris Over the Head with a 2 by 4 again a little later."

* * *

Shizuma started awake when she heard someone enter her room. She sat up in bed and found a yawning Nagisa headed towards the bed. Well, shuffling more like. Shizuma checked the clock and it was early morning.

Nagisa collapsed on the bed and into Shizuma's arms. The older girl hugged her girlfriend and pulled the covered over both of them.

-"We had a long overdue talk,"- Nagisa said. -"We're still friends. We'll always be friends. I think Tamao will be better now."-

-"I'm glad,"- Shizuma said. -"What happened to Chiyo-san?"-

-"Poor Chiyo-chan,"- Nagisa yawned. -"She fell asleep almost immediately, and later we tried to convince her to get her own room, but she just kept clutching onto Tamao-chan and refused to let go. She's sleeping in Tamao-chan's room now."-

-"Hm,"- Shizuma smiled. -"There's a future for the two of them, I think. I heard it in their voice."-

-"Hmmmm,"- Nagisa snuggled against Shizuma. -"That'd be so nice."-

_Speaking of the future..._ Shizuma smiled. -"Nagisa?"- she asked. -"Will you marry me?"-

No response.

-"Nagisa?"-

Investigation fielded that Nagisa was fast asleep.

-"Get a grip, Shiz,"- Shizuma told herself. -"No impulsiveness today. You already promised yourself to wait until after Nagisa's graduation. But, Nagisa,"- she turned to her love, -"as soon as you graduate, you're all mine."-

* * *

This story's almost done! One more part will follow, which I'll be working on next. :)


	13. Chapter 13 : Home Sweet Home

Hello everyone.

When I first started this story, I thought I was nuts. Now, 13 chapters later, the story is finally done and I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far. I have to say this crossover worked out a lot better than I expected it to be, and I'm grateful for the support all of you have given me and this story during the writing of it. It's very much appreciated. Needless to say I had a hell of a lot of fun with it.

But, even though this story has ended and all plotlines are neatly wrapped up, I deliberately left the ending a bit open so that I can do a continuation of this Family Guy/Stopani experiment if I get more ideas to work out (and I have more ideas. No promises on a sequel anytime between now and april, though). Again, it's been great fun. Be on the look-out for two additional guest appearances. :)

More stories are on the way. Summer Holiday will be continued, naturally, and I've been working on a story chronicling the development of the relationship between Chikaru and Shion, which is something Lestaki challenged me to do some time again. In the meantime, I hope you will enjoy the conclusion of Everybody Loves Yaya. Because everybody DOES love Yaya. :D

Disclaimer : I don't own anything. Though I'm not ashamed to admit that I own the Rozen Maiden Suigintou Pullip doll. And for those of you who wondered what happened to Meg after Momomi mailed her to Afghanistan? Read on...

* * *

**Everybody loves Yaya**

**Chapter 13 : Home Sweet Home**

Ever since the resolution to the 'incident' regarding the Quahog Chamber Pot and the breaking thereof, Yaya had been having a much quieter time in Quahog. The past few weeks have been relatively free of incidents. Well, large-scale incidents that is, since living with the Griffins could be called anything but normal.

The past few weeks, Yaya had witnessed her share of insanity. Peter-chama had brought home a cardboard cut-out of Boba Fett from a Star Wars convention and had treated him as a part of the family until Lois-sama had secretly thrown it away with the trash. As a result, Peter had sit on the lawn in front the house for days waiting for Boba to come home.

Then there was a package delivery with a big E-bay sticker on it for one S. Griffin. Yaya signed for the package, opened it and found it was filled with canisters of weapons-grade plutonium. But Stewie-kun had spirited it away rather quickly, but only after loudly calling Yaya a nosy yuri-worshipping lolicon, and that was the last she had seen of the plutonium.

Nothing compared to dealing with a terrified Tsubomi after she had caught Brian-sama and his dimwitted girlfriend Jillian while they were in bed making love. Even though Brian-sama had later come to Tsubomi and told her that 'what she had seen was a beautiful thing', Yaya feared that Tsubomi had been scarred for life yet again. And the poor thing hadn't even seen Urotsukidoji yet...

But these were all the incidents of note... well, aside from Peter-chama's Miami Vice/Dukes of Hazzard cosplay addiction, Lois' brief infatuation with Furbies and the ICBM Yaya found hidden in the bushes near Stewie's sandbox, of course.

Yaya was now simply enjoying her few remaining days in America and had started the day by doing her paper-route. Of course, she'd spent just a little too much time cuddling with Tsubomi this morning, so it was no surprise she was running late. She started cycling a little faster and throwing the papers to the doorsteps a little faster while she sped over the curb.

In between throwing papers and trying not to his pedestrians, Yaya checked her watch. She sighed when it sank in that she would never make it back home in time to catch the bus to school. And indeed, when she had finished her route and sped on, she saw the back of the bus as it rounded about the corner and she saw a very angry looking Tsubomi standing on the driveway in front of the Griffin house.

-"Yaya..."- Tsubomi started.

-"You could have taken the bus,"- Yaya tried.

Tsubomi held up Yaya's backpack.

-"Ah, there is that,"- Yaya said. -"Well, no use crying over spilt milk. Hop on!"-

-"It doesn't matter,"- Tsubomi said while fastening Yaya's backpack and taking a seat behind her girlfriend. -"We'll never make it in time."-

-"Oh?"- Yaya smirked.

Tsubomi gulped. -"Yaya-chan... don't you dare. I mean it, don't you dare!"-

"Arriba! Arriba! Andele! Andele!" Yaya shouted and sped off. As fast as her legs could provide locomotion, the bicycle raced alongside the curb. While Tsubomi held on to her tightly, Yaya leant forward and put all her strength into her cycling.

She slalomed around a milk van and several slow-riding sedans, finally putting years of rigorous Japanese PE to good use. Tsubomi squeezed her eyes shut when Yaya took a turn at full speed, skidding across the asphalt at a 45 degree angle at the very least. With the smell of burning rubber apparent, Yaya continued straight forward, towards the school.

-"YAYA!"- Tsubomi cried out when she saw that Yaya was picking up speed and headed towards a board that was conveniently placed on the low brick wall that surrounded James Woods High, probably by a couple of a skateboarders.

-"Don't worry,"- Yaya grinned. -"Everything's under control."-

The bicycle hit the plank, and like a much more successful SuperDave, Yaya launched her bike into the air. Tsubomi screamed like a girl being chased by a horny tentacle monster while the bike flew into the classroom through an open window while the teacher was taking roll-call. The bike crashed in the back of class and the two girls rolled over the floor towards the two open seats in the back.

Yaya and Tsubomi quickly sat up straight. "Present!" Yaya called out enthusiastically at the flabbergasted classmates and teacher. Yaya started digging in her bag for her books, when Tsubomi nudged her.

-"Na, Yaya-chan..."-

-"Hm?"-

-"This isn't our class, ne!"-

Yaya blinked.

-"Oh,"- she finally said and quickly put her books away again. "Gomen Nasai!" she told the class and she picked up her bike and left the class together with a rather red-faced Tsubomi to find the class that they _were _supposed to attend.

* * *

"Hehehehehhehehe!" Peter giggled in his own characteristic way while playing the ball back to Yaya. Yaya, in turn, tried to catch the ball to blow it back to Peter.

So far, the two were enjoying the game they made up on the spot : leafblower fussball. Basically, Yaya and Peter were moving a light ball back and forth between two juiced up leafblowers.

"I got it! I got it!" Yaya dove in front of the ball with the leaf-blower, only to overshoot it and letting the ball roll onto the sidewalk in front of the house. "I didn't get it."

"Heheheheheh, two-nil! Oh, yeah, it's Peter-time!"

Yaya switched off her leaf-blower and readjusted the cap she was wearing: a cloth baseball cap with a big Y stitched on the front.

"Come on, let's go play some more," Peter said.

Yaya sighed and looked away. "I'm going home tomorrow, Peter-chama," she said, a serious edge in her voice.

"Oh, yeah, that," Peter sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't remember that. Like 'Oh? Japan? What's that screwy country I never heard of? I lost my memory after hitting myself in the head with a frying pan, so I might as well stay here with the Griffins and never remember Japan or going back there ever again. Oh, hey, country I never knew existed, I don't wanna go back to you because the US is much better and has fattier food."

"I'd love to stay longer," Yaya looked sad. "I miss my friends, but... I sure have a hell of a lot of fun here in Quahog."

Peter sat down next to Yaya... and after some prompting from Yaya, switched off the leafblower that was blasting hot air through their hair.

"It's going to be different," Yaya nodded. "I love the freedom I had here. Just to go home after school and have fun with the family. Just go to school and have fun. At Astraea Hill, you have to be obedient and correct, and wear that stupid white uniform all the time even during your free hours. I don't think I can go back to being a good little Japanese student, Peter-chama. I never really appreciated how much good it is to go home after school, have dinner and hang around the house watching TV, listening to music or playing a video-game."

Yaya looked at the window to her temporary room. "Last night I'll be sleeping in the same bed with Tsubomi-chan. We won't be sharing a room back at the dorms. We're going to have to work something out, because Tsubomi-chan's roommate hates me with a passion. Perhaps... Hikari-chan and I can work something out, since she stays with Amane-sempai most of the time. I... just don't know."

"I know!" Peter grinned. "You can fake your own death! We dressed up a bunch of pillows in your clothes, but you behind the driver's wheel, brick on the pedals and drive you straight into a nuclear power plant. And after the meltdown has passed, nobody will ever know... You'd need a fake name. How'd you like to be called Britney Lohan Griffin? Or Chicky Cool Griffin? Or Batgirl Griffin? You could stay with us forever!"

Yaya smiled. "Actually, I'd sorta like that. But what about Tsubomi-chan?"

"Hmmmmmmmmm, let Peter think," he rubbed his chin. "Ah! Peter has an idea. We'll dress up another dummy in her clothes and have her jump off the Quahog bridge and suffer a tragic skull-smashing bungee-jump accident."

"Hm," Yaya smiled. "Then we could stay here, have fun, freedom and make love every night in our very own room. Tempting."

"Wow," Peter's eyes glazed over. "That's so hot..."

"It'd never work," Yaya said. "Tsubomi-chan is already getting homesick for Japan."

"Hmmmmmm, let Peter think again," he bit his lip. "If we hit her over the head with a piece of wood, she'd probably lose her memory and we can reprogram her like they did in that movie Total Recall. She could be a mysterious pink-haired assassin from the Martian colony with a heart of gold and a gun the size of a bazooka who drives around on a sexy sleek quad-bike and has never heard of Japan!"

"Who's going to hit me over the head?" a scowling Tsubomi emerged from the kitchen and placed her hands on her sides.

"Peter is," Yaya said. "And then you'll be a sexy assassin without any knowledge of Japan whatsoever."

"Rrrriggght," Tsubomi rolled her eyes. "I see the average IQ-level has dropped below freezing point."

"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport, Tsubomi-chan," Yaya giggled. "We're only kidding around."

"Kidding around, ey?" Tsubomi narrowed her eyes. "Shall I tell you a story about Yaya-chan then? A dirty rotten secret. You want to hear it? Here it is: Yaya-chan passes wind in bed!"

"TSUBOMI!" Yaya blushed.

"Flapping the duvet doesn't help, Yaya-chan," Tsubomi looked on smugly and crossed her arms. "Especially not after you've had a curry."

"Oh? Oh? Oh?" Yaya fumed and rose from the lawn to shout at Tsubomi. "And what about all that stuff you do in bed with those carrots?"

"Nani?!" Tsubomi blushed.

"What kind of girl chews carrots in bed?" Yaya said. "I swear, I can hear you crunching away all evening. Who are you? Bugs Bunny? _Neeeeeehhhh, wassup Yaya_?"

"I like carrots!" Tsubomi retorted. "They're healthy and good for your eyes."

"And that's why you eat three pounds of carrots a day?" Yaya smirked. "That's called an addiction, Tsubomi-chan."

-"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"-

-"I DON'T FART IN BED!"-

-"BAKA!"-

-"KISAMA!"-

And as the two girlfriends started rolling over the lawn wrestling each other down, Peter looked on silently.

"Wow," he said. "That's hot."

* * *

Lois noticed how quiet it was in the house without Yaya and Tsubomi with them. The trip to the airport ended with a teary farewell, with Yaya and Tsubomi hugging everybody and promising to stay in touch and write. A very sad looking Yaya had practically demanded the Griffins to visit her in Japan next year during school break, or maybe that she and Tsubomi would be coming back to America the year after that to visit them.

And at the same time that their surrogate daughters had left the country, her son Chris returned. Chris raved about all the friends he had made in Japan. He came back wearing a red kimono and carrying all sorts of Japanese foods, dolls and assorted knickknacks his friends had given him. He had particularly liked a girl named Sharon for some reason, even though from the stories Chris told her, Lois surmised that the girl hadn't been very nice to Chris in return.

Right now Chris was up in his room, apparently acting as a therapist for the imaginary Evil Monkey that lives in his closet. Chris claimed the Evil Monkey was thoroughly traumatized by being bullied by the pink-haired Tsubomi for months on end.

Her immediate concern, however, was her husband Peter.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Peter sobbed uncontrollably as he pressed his face into the pillows of the couch. "I want Yaya! I want YAYA!"

"Hey, Peter," Lois said. "Look what I've got here. You want a lollipop? You want a lolly? Sure, you want a lolly."

"NO!" Peter sniffed. "Go away with your stupid lolly. I wanna play with Yaya again. Waaaahhhhhh... Why did she have to go back to that stupid screwy country? Why didn't you stop her, Lois? If Yaya gets raped by tentacle monsters in Japan, it'll be YOUR fault, Lois! YOUR FAULT!"

"I know you miss your friend, Peter," Lois said. "But she had to go home. But you've still got Brian and Joe and Cleveland and Glenn's back in town tomorrow."

"Quagmire isn't Yaya," Peter sniffed.

"There, there, Peter," Brian said, rubbing his head gently. "Think of it this way: Yaya has gone to a far better place."

"Heaven?" Peter asked meekly.

"Close," Brian said. "An all-girl school."

"Lesbian Heaven?" Peter perked up. "You think she's happy there?"

"Like a dog in a butcher's shop, Peter," Brian said. "Come on, Peter, let's watch some TV. It'll cheer you up."

_"Hi, I'm Tom Tucker."_

_"And I'm Diana Simmons."_

_"Break news today. Osama bin Laden has surrendered himself to American troops in Afghanistan and, in a surprising move, has converted to Christianity. We go live to Asian Reporter Trisha Takinawa on the scene._

_The scene switched to an American army base in the desert where the famous terrorist was being escorted to the brig by two beefy US marines. Three more marines were restraining somebody in the back._

_"Thank you, Tom. I'm standing here at Camp Charlie where the mastermind himself has surrendered quite unexpectedly. Mister bin Laden, do you have something to say about your surprising change of heart."_

_"I don't care, I don't care what happens to me. Just keep her away from me! Keep her away from me! Oh, save me Lord! Save me, Jesus! Oh, all things bright and beautiful..."_

_At that moment the hood covering the second restrained person fell off as she shouted after him. "Don't go! I only want to love you!"_

"Oh my god!" said a flabbergasted Brian. "That's MEG!"

"Who's Meg?" Lois asked.

"Meg?" Peter frowned. "I think you just made up a name that doesn't exist, Brian"

Brian blinked. "You know, forget it. I'm going upstairs."

* * *

"Well," Stewie said as he watched Lois from the top of the stairs. "Those two Japanese nitwits might be done, mommy-dearest, but I have another Japanese surprise in store for you. You there, doll!"

With a dainty stride and leaving a trail of black feathers behind her, a gothically dressed living doll with long grey hair, a malicious sneer on her face and malice in her red eyes made her way to Stewie's side. "Watch yourself, human," the doll threatened. "Treat me with respect."

"Just remember our agreement, Suigintou. We take care of each other's mortal adversary," Stewie said. "And by 'take care' I mean 'horribly murder'!"

Suigintou grinned as she looked at her target. "No concerns, little human. I'll turn your Lois into junk... Fu, fu, fu..."

"Yeah, well, in the meantime, your Shinku has a napalm grenade with her name on it. HAH!" Stewie grinned evilly, and for a moment, Stewie and Suigintou tried to outdo each other in the maniacal sneer department.

That moment, Brian strode onto the overpass from the bathroom. He looked at Stewie. Then at Suigintou. Then at Stewie again.

"I don't even wanna know," he said and started walking down the stairs.

"Yes, walk away, dog!" Stewie chuckled. "I finally found a true equal!"

"So where'd you find this one?" asked Brian while looking over his shoulder. "Toy R'Us bargain bin?"

"Internet chatroom," Stewie shrugged.

"You two deserve each other," Brian sighed and stepped down again.

"Yes, dog," Suigintou said. "Leave with your tail between your legs... and a surprisingly small tail it is."

"HAH! So delightful," Stewie said before high-fiving Suigintou. "Come on, I'll show you my anthrax collection, Suigintou. I have all 27 subtypes!"

"Sugoi!"

* * *

"Well, that's the last of them," Tamao sighed as she wiped the sweat from her brow. In front of her was a huge dumpster, now filled to the brim with girl-girl pornography and stolen women's underwear.

"You got rid of it all?" said Quagmire, whom had helped her move the magazines and clothwork out of her room under the cover of night. Of course, Quagmire was stuffing a few of the more hardcore magazines into his overcoat.

Tamao smiled innocently. "I kept a few of the more tasteful magazines and some yuri manga's for under my mattress."

Quagmire and Tamao moved back into the woods, making sure they weren't seen by any of the nosy students.

"I'm sorry, Quagmire-sensei," Tamao bowed deeply as she and her sensei stood in the woods near the swim team's locker room. "I suppose I just don't have what it takes to be a Pervert."

"Nine out of ten Perverts fail in their first year, Tamao," Quagmire said. "There's nothing to be ashamed about. Hey, you could just settle for being a Pervert Lite, as many Perverts who are in a relationship are. Heh. heh."

Tamao smiled wistfully. "I don't know what'll happen between me and Chiyo-chan. God knows I'm not totally over Nagisa-chan, and I don't think I'll ever be."

"Oh, come on!" Quagmire said. "Do you know how many women are on the planet? No? About 3 billion of them."

His eyes glazed over for a moment. "Oh, wow... 3 billion. 3 billion chicks! AAALLLLRRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!! Uh, oh, uh, sorry. Drifted off there for a moment. Anyway," he said, wrapped an arm around Tamao's shoulders and pointed out to the sea. "Whenever you're feeling down in the dumps, just take a look at that beautiful ocean there and imagine what a beautiful world this is... a beautiful world filled with 3 billion chicks who all wanna have steamy hot sex with you."

"All at the same time?" Tamao asked.

"Sure, why not? Heh, heh, alllrrright."

"Wow," Tamao gasped and closed her eyes to daydream. "Giggity," she concluded.

"It's nice to daydream, isn't it?"

"Quagmire-san, you can have Shizuma if you like," Tamao said, still fantasizing.

"Giggity-giggity-goo!" Quagmire grinned. "Bring on the duct tape!"

Tamao and Quagmire moved back to the dressing rooms. "I guess this is it, Tamao," he said as he started to remove the belt of his coat.

"I suppose," Tamao looked sad. "Can I write to you, Quagmire-san?"

"Sure, why not?" Quagmire said. "I mean, you might not be a full-fledged Pervert, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends. You take care of yourself, Tamao. Now Quagmire's leaving in style."

"Goodbye, Quagmire-san," Tamao bowed deeply. Quagmire nodded, removed his raincoat... and promptly ran into the swim team's dressing room.

"GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GOO!" sounded from Quagmire as he streaked through an army of changing girls, and their screams soon mixed with Quagmires' giggities until he came out the other end, ran back to scoop up his raincoat and kept running towards the exit, waving Tamao a quick goodbye as he passed.

* * *

Amane and Hikari were waiting for Yaya and Tsubomi to come out of the arrival terminal at the airport. As Etoile, welcoming the students or, in this case, picking them up when they returned from a school-related trip abroad, was their duty. Of course, Hikari would have insisted on picking up her friends anyway. As the day that Yaya and Tsubomi would return crept closer, Hikari had grown ever more excited. Amane suspected that Hikari had missed her friends a lot more than she had led on.

-"Hikari,"- Amane stressed as Hikari held up a sign with the Kanji of both Yaya and Tsubomi's names high above her head. -"They know who we are, darling."-

-"Snookie,"- Hikari retorted. -"What if they miss us or get lost? We might end up roaming along the airport for hours."-

Knowing better than to argue with Hikari when she had an idea in her head, she resumed waiting until their friends arrived.

Yaya, surprisingly energetic after a 14 hour flight, pushed a trolley with on it two suitcases and four times as much bags containing gifts, candies and other assorted goods while a rather tired looking Tsubomi was trailing her. The pink-haired girl looked about ready to drape herself over the suitcases on the trolley and pass out.

-"YAYA-CHAN!"-

-"HIKARI-CHAN!"-

Amane winced as the two girls squealed like, well, two young girls and embraced happily. Yaya immediately took hold of Hikari and started swinging her about.

-"I missed you so much, Yaya-chan!"-

-"I missed you too, Hikari-chan, but..."- Yaya smiled. -"I'm over you, Hikari-chan. I am soooo over you."-

Hikari pouted slightly. -"Na, Yaya-chan. You didn't quite have to put it like that."-

-"Gomen, Hikari-chan,"- Yaya hugged her again. -"Didn't mean it that way."-

-"I know."-

-"So..."- Yaya turned to Amane. -"I hear your name is 'Snookie', these days."-

Amane winced at the silly pet name Hikari had deemed to label her with and felt swift action was in order. -"No,"- she replied. -"You did not hear that."-

-"Yes, I did. Just now."-

-"If Nanto-san knows what's good for her, she will never ever repeat that name in public ever again,"- Amane narrowed her eyes. -"Or Nanto-san might find herself stuck in detention for the rest of her academic career at Astraea Hill and possibly beyond."-

-"Nanto-san understands,"- Yaya nodded.

Satisfied, Amane watched on as the two friends chattered, but noticed that Tsubomi had stumbled over to respectfully bow in greeting. Amane bowed in return, but almost yelped when she saw that the smaller girl was about to topple forward and caught her by the shoulders before she would hurt herself. Tsubomi yawned an apology for good measure.

Amane decided to push the luggage while Hikari chatted animatedly with Yaya, who was dragging a tired Tsubomi along to the car. Of course, the car she was driving had been borrowed from Lulim's sister Hitomi. It was a small Suzuki Swift of which the backside was covered with Transformers bumper stickers and of which the interior smelled suspiciously like marihuana.

While Tsubomi lay on the backseat, it took Amane, Yaya and Hikari quite some time to figure out how to fit themselves and the luggage in the car. After some rather bad suggestions, which included strapping Tsubomi to the roof of the car, or simply buying a bigger car on the spot, Amane decided to load the bags into the small trunk and strap the suitcases to the imperial on top of the roof.

And so Amane drove the car back to the Hill. She watched in the rear-view mirror and saw Yaya in the backseat with the head of a sleeping Tsubomi in her lap. Ever so gently, she ran her fingers through Tsubomi's sakura-colored hair. In turn, the sleeping girl looked decidedly comfortable. Amane smiled to herself... the love between Yaya and Tsubomi was apparent. And, even more surprisingly, one of Hikari's hare-brained schemes had finally paid off.

Amane's train of thought was interrupted when Hikari kicked against the gearshift and pressed her butt against Amane's face. -"Hikari!"- Amane scolded. -"Get back in your seat, this isn't safe!"-

Hikari was hanging over the front seat to chat to Yaya and kicked about to keep herself in balance. Eventually, she propped herself up by pushing both her feet into the dashboard and hanging over the seat at her midriff. Amane shook her head. This drive would still go on for about two hours.

Seemingly an eternity later, Amane parked the car in the parking lot in front of the entrance to Astraea Hill. Home, sweet home.

-"I didn't know you could ride cars as well, Amane-sempai,"- Yaya chuckled while Tsubomi let out a yawn. Apparently the nap had done her some good, but she was still quite tired.

-"I am just full of surprises,"- Amane chuckled. -"And... oh..."-

Amane smiled when she noticed Nagisa and Shizuma standing at the side of the gate, saying goodbye to each other until the next weekend when they'd be together again. The ritual was quite the same each monday morning: Shizuma and Nagisa leant against the wall, engaged in a passionate, fiery kiss that would make many a couple jealous.

-"Nagisa-chan,"- Yaya smiled. -"She doesn't even notice we're here. Should I say hello?"-

-"Nah,"- Amane said. -"Nagisa-kun's brain is on kissage overload. Perhaps it would be better to wait till later."-

Just as it seemed that Shizuma and Nagisa would break off the kiss, either Nagisa or Shizuma would draw the other girl in for another round of professional tongue-wrestling.

-"Well, now I know why Nagisa-chan is always late for class on monday mornings,"- Hikari said.

-"Shizuma-sama'd better hurry too,"- Amane checked her watch. -"If she doesn't hurry, she'll miss her Shinkansen to the university."-

As the four girls passed, Shizuma and Nagisa remained oblivious to their presence, only revelling in their love.

* * *

Yaya and Tsubomi slowly walked behind the two Etoiles as they made their way towards the Dorms. It was much a homecoming for them, moreso for Tsubomi. But neither girl could deny that they had had a hell of a lot of fun in America.

Still, the smells of the trees, the crunch of the dirt beneath their feet, the solitude that the Hill offered. It was good to be home. More good news was that they'd be exempt from classes for the next to days to recover from the long trip. Of course, Yaya and Tsubomi were expected to appear in the cafeteria to regale the gathered girls there with tales of their adventures in the States.

-"Ano, Yaya-chan?"- Tsubomi asked.

-"Hm?"-

-"It's kinda weird to be back here. It was nice to live with a family again, even if it was a really weird one,"- her girlfriend said. -"Hey, Yaya-chan? Would you mind if I go visit my parents over the weekend?"-

-"We'll go together,"- Yaya smiled, -"and we'll go visit my parents the next weekend, okay?"-

-"Visiting the parents... I guess we're really a couple then, ne?"-

-"We are,"- Yaya said. -"I wonder why Hikari-chan went all quiet all of a sudden. All I said that the statue of Maria-sama at the entrance looked different."-

-"Amane-sempai sorta scowled at Hikari-sempai for a moment and muttered something about a cheap knock-off which was all they could get,"- Tsubomi said. -"I get the feeling plenty of stuff happened to this place while we were gone."-

-"In the meantime,"- Yaya chuckled. -"We've got about 5 gigabytes of pictures on my laptop to sort through. We'll keep the memories alive, Tsubomi-chan."-

* * *

Elsewhere on the Hill, two lovers lay intwined in each other's arms. In her room at Lulim, Chikaru was held by her Shion while the blonde girl was gently nipping at her collarbone.

-"Hm..."- Chikaru swooned. -"My, you've been so passionate this night. Not that I'm complaining, mind you."-

Shion smiled. -"Chris Griffin is back in the States! I'm free and I had to celebrate."-

-"You were invited to our farewell party for Chris-kun, Shion-koi,"- Chikaru smiled and embraced her lover for a gentle kiss.

-"Forget it,"- Shion said in between kisses. -"I would probably have been blown up, dismembered or shot into space."-

-"It's morning,"- Chikaru whispered in Shion's ear while she rolled on top of Shion and traced a pattern over her lover's chest with her fingernails. -"We're going to be late for class. Us council presidents have to set a good example, remember?"-

-"Screw class,"- Shion said. -"It's not important today."-

-"Yare yare,"- Chikaru chuckled. -"Who are you and what have you done to my Shion-koi?"-

Shion smiled and flipped a giggling Chikaru on her back. The blonde Spican smirked as she held Chikaru in place by pressing down on her wrists and hovered a few inches above her. -"Why don't I show you?"-

Chikaru giggled and wrapped her arms around Shion. Their lips met and just as Shion started to lead a trail of kisses down towards Chikaru's chest the door to the room floor open.

-"YAYA-CHAN AND TSUBOMI-CHAN ARE BACK FROM..."-

A stunned Chikaru and Shion looked in the eyes of an equally stunned Remon and Kizuna.

-"Dammit!"- Shion snarled while both she and Chikaru quickly tried to cover themselves up with the sheets. -"Don't you know how to knock?"-

Remon and Kizuna said nothing. A stream of blood ejected from their noses and they fell backwards onto the ground, revealing a rather unimpressed Kagome behind them. -"Oshibaru wants to know if you are coming."-

-"Not anymore,"- Shion muttered under her breath.

-"Shion,"- Chikaru admonished before turning to Kagome. -"We'll be right along, Kagome-kun. Will you please let us get dressed first?"-

While Kagome dragged Kizuna and Remon out of the room, Shion turned to Chikaru. -"Well, that's it for lovemaking today. I don't know how, but I swear that somehow Chris Griffin is to blame for this."-

* * *

In the cafeteria, Tamao and Chiyo were helping to set up the table for Yaya and Tsubomi to tell her stories. It wasn't much work, just shifting some tables and chairs around. Already, plenty of curious girls of all three academies had gathered before class to hear a few stories that their friends would tell.

In the meantime, Chiyo was arranging some flowers to spruce up the table. Behind Chiyo, Tamao took a moment to quickly take out a tape measure, unfold it and held it against Chiyo's back.

-"Huh?"- Chiyo turned around and found Tamao very innocently scribbling something in a notebook.

Thinking nothing of it, she returned to her floral arrangements. As soon as her back was turned, however, Tamao carefully held the tape measure against the back of Chiyo's head.

-"Huh?"- Chiyo asked again and turned around, once again finding Tamao very innocently scribbling something in a notebook. -"Tamao onee-sama?"-

-"Oh, I wasn't doing anything, just gathering data... precious, precious data,"- Tamao's eyes shone with a dangerous light.

Chiyo frowned, but decided to let it go. Tamao onee-sama was Tamao onee-sama, after all, and she was just happy that Tamao onee-sama was happy.

It didn't take long for the guests of honor to arrive and a chorus of cheers, greets and hugs. Yaya and Tsubomi were seated behind the large table and the girls gathered around and bombarded them with thousands of questions.

-"Did you see the statue of liberty?"-, -"Did you meet anyone famous?"-, -"What's New York like?"-, -"Did you eat American steak?"-, -"Did you miss Japan?"-, -"Do they have Gundam in America?"-, -"Did you meet Snoop Doggy Dog?"-, -"Are all Americans fat?"-, -"Does anyone speak Japanese there?"-, -"What's school like there?"-, -"Did you see any wild animals?"-, -"Are Americans rude?"-, -"Do they have Shrines in America?"-, -"Do they like sushi in America?"-, -"Are you an Tsubomi-chan girlfriends now?"-

The waterfall of questions ebbed when the Etoiles entered the room. Amane scraped her throat, causing the gathered girls to hush. She and Hikari took a seat and she motioned for Yaya to continue.

Tsubomi promptly toppled over onto the table and fell fast asleep.

-"Well,"- Yaya smirked. -"Seeing my dear Tsubomi-chan is out of the count, let me start. First of all, America is great! I've had so much fun there! I made loads of new friends and my best friend there was Peter-chama. He took me to a restaurant where you can eat hamburgers as big as your head!"-

Ooooh's and aaaah's followed.

-"In fact, there was even a..."-

-"YAYA-CHAN!"- shouted Nagisa as she ran into the room. She stopped for a moment to pant before rushing up to her friend and hugging her tightly. -"I'msosorryImissedyouatthegateandI'msogladyou'reback!"- she said.

-"I saw you,"- Yaya grinned. -"You were quite busy. It's good to see you again, Nagisa-chan."-

-"Nagisa-kun,"- Amane said. -"Could you please take a seat? Yaya was about to tell us about life in America."-

-"Gomen,"- Nagisa bowed in apology. -"I just want to tell Yaya about this guy that was looking for her before I sit down."-

-"Huh?"- Yaya frowned. -"A guy?"-

-"Yeah,"- Nagisa said. -"He said he knew you, so I brought him here."-

Nagisa pointed at the doorway, and Yaya's blood ran cold. Standing there, yellow-feathered and eyes filled with rage, was a familiar face from Quahog.

"Holy crap!" Yaya exclaimed in English.

"BACOCK!" Before she knew what was happening, the Chicken Guy was barreling towards her and both of them were flying through the window. They landed on the dirt outside, amongst shards of splintered wood and glass. The Chicken Guy treated Yaya to a few punches to the gut before Yaya was able to break free of his hold. Before the Chicken Guy could get up, Yaya kicked him against the beak. The Chicken Guy recovered quickly and answered with a flurry of punches.

Yaya found out the hard way that the Chicken Guy had improved since the last time they had fought against one another and wouldn't be so easy to take out with a simple karate-chop to the neck this time around. Exchanging kicks and punches, the fight moved from the path outside into the forest. It wasn't long before Yaya broke off a tree branch and hit the Chicken Guy over the head with it. The Chicken Guy caught on and grabbed a piece of wood himself, leading to a frantic tree-branch fencing contest.

It wasn't long until Yaya and the Chicken Guy arrived at the cathedral, punching and kicking all the way. After a rather savage punch to the nose, Yaya wiped the blood from her upper lip and picked up the ferocious pace of the blows. With a couple of moves that could teach the girls from Ikkitousen a thing or two, Yaya kicked and punched her way up the stairway of the cathedral, but ended up questioning the wisdom of that move when they were fighting about 60 meters off the ground.

Disaster struck when the bells at the top of the tower started ringing the full hour. Both Yaya and Chicken Guy held their eyes in pain and lost their balance. The twosome sped to the ground, fighting, kicking, punching and maiming each other all the way down.

They landed on something soft that broke their fall, allowing the fight to continue. The two of them fought on, never noticing the broken body of Miator's sister Hamasaka laying prone on the ground pleading for an ambulance.

More kicks, more punches and still there was no sign of a winner. The two eventually arrived back at the Dorms.

Meanwhile, in the Dorms, Kaname and Momomi were preparing a bath before class. Momomi had already entered the bath and lay stretched with her eyes closed, enjoying the heat. Kaname hummed a tune as she removed her bathrobe and got ready to enter the bath so she could enjoy Momomi.

At that moment, however, to the surprise of both girls, the wall exploded outward. Bricks, plaster and tiles landed in the bath and beyond as both Yaya and the Chicken Guy slammed through the wall. Kaname was momentarily stunned while the two continued fighting on the floor of their bathroom. Momomi started screaming when the Chicken Guy grabbed Yaya and proceeded to try and drown her by shoving her face in the bathwater, which happened a little too close to Momomi for her comfort.

It was then that Kaname got involved. She savagely grabbed the Chicken Guy and threw him out into the hallway.

-"Ah, thanks Kaname-sempai,"- Yaya said as she rubbed her head. -"I was..."-

Kaname's fist against Yaya's jaw silenced her question. And like the Chicken Guy, Yaya found herself lying in the hallway.

-"And STAY OUT, you perverts!"- Kaname shouted after them before slamming the door shut.

"Man," Yaya told the Chicken Guy. "Can I just say that Kaname-sempai has a totally hot body?"

"Buck-buck-BACOCK!" the Chicken Guy clucked with approval.

Again the Chicken Guy was greeted with a kick to the shin and the fight resumed. It wasn't too long before they were rolling down the staircase, fighting all the way, rolling on until they ended up on the very spot where she had started this fight: the cafeteria.

The stunned girls looked on when Yaya finally got the upper hand and pushed the Chicken Guy to the ground. She pressed her knee into her back and grabbed his beak. -"Come on, come on,"- Yaya snarled. -"Let's hear that snap!"-

A harsh crunch followed and an exhausted Yaya returned to the table. She panted, her clothes in tatters, her body covered with bruises and cuts, a blackening eye, a bloody nose and a wounded pride.

-"So,"- she continued panting. -"Any more questions about the States?"-

The girls just sat there, slack jawed and amazed. Chiyo was crying but was held by Tamao.

-"There, there, Chiyo-chan,"- Tamao whispered. -"Onee-sama is here to take care of you."-

It was just then that Tsubomi woke up. -"Hm? Oh, not the Chicken Guy again."-

-"Fraid so,"- Yaya coughed.

-"Poor Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi pouted. -"I'll go get the first-aid kit."-

-"Nah,"- Yaya said. -"I'll be fine, it can wait. How are we going to deal with this mess, though?"-

Tsubomi thought for a moment. -"So you're saying we can cook him?"-

-"Yes!"- Amane rose from her seat. -"Barbecue! I'll wear my hilarious apron!"-

As the girls started getting excited and started swapping possible recipes or speculation on the hilarity of Amane's apron, Tsubomi treated Yaya's wounds and bruises.

-"What would I do without you, Tsubomi-chan?"-

-"Bandage your own bloody body? Seriously, you always do this, Yaya-chan... You throw yourself headlong into these sort of situations and just let me pick up the pieces. I hope you appreciate this, Yaya-chan. You had BETTER appreciate this. God, you can make me so angry at you."-

And as her girlfriend fired off snarky comment after snarky comment, Yaya couldn't help but smile. Last year around this time, Yaya was angsting about being in love with her best friend who only had eyes for another. But now, Yaya felt content. She was deeper in love with Tsubomi than she had ever been in love with Hikari. And even as she was one big bruise and was confronted with an angry Tsubomi, Yaya felt complete.

-"Tsubomi?"- Yaya whispered gently.

-"WHAT?!"- Tsubomi narrowed her eyes.

-"You make me so happy..."-

That was apparently not the reaction Tsubomi was counting on. The pink-haired girl blushed and looked away. -"I, uh. I... Well, I, uh... let's just treat you now, okay?"-

-"Never change, Tsubomi-chan,"- Yaya smiled and embraced the other girl. -"I love you just the way you are."-

Tsubomi's expression softened considerably, her anger fading away. -"I love you too, Yaya-chan,"- Tsubomi said before gently kissing her beloved, if weird, girlfriend.

* * *

Two weeks later, in London, two Japanese girls were making their way through the dreary streets. It was raining cats and dogs, and the two girls walked underneath a big umbrella.

-"Why are we here again?"- Momomi asked.

-"Because the Etoiles wanted us out of the way for a while since Hikari is still scared shitless of me and enrolled us in the Exchange Student program against our will, remember?"- Kaname replied. -"No matter. Think of it as a learning experience before we graduate. And a free holidays."-

-"We graduate in two months,"- Momomi said. -"I hope we have enough study time."-

The two girls stepped in front of a apartment building. It was old and sort of in a state of slight disrepair. It looked small and uncomfortable.

-"Is this the place. I hope not."-

-"Yep,"- Kaname checked the address. -"We'll be living here for the next month or so."-

-"Shit,"- Momomi sighed.

Momomi and Kaname went inside, glad to be out of the rain for a bit. They walked up two stairs to the top floor and found the apartment where their host was living. Kaname took a deep breath and knocked. The door was opened by a friendly looking chap with a big smile, a tweed jacket and a rubbery face.

"Good morning," Kaname spoke in perfect English while bowing politely. "I am Kenjou Kaname and we are the Japanese exchange students who will be staying with you."

Immediately, the friendly chap bowed deeply... unfortunately he ended up accidentally head-butting Momomi.

"Ow!" Momomi yelped and fell backwards. To his credit, the friendly chap bit his lip and quickly helped up Momomi, while avoiding the murderous glares Kaname was sending him. He quickly led the girls inside into the single room apartment. Needless to say, the girls were not happy with the state of their apartment.

"So..."

"Only one room..."

"In this dump..."

"Shit... Say, uh, mister, uhm..."

The friendly chap kept smiled. "Uhm," he spoke with a low voice. "...Bean."

-"This is going to be the longest month of our lives, Momomi."-

-"Kaname, it's a good thing we've brought all our books with us, so we can throw ourselves on our studies and forget all about this miserable place."-

Two months later, Kaname and Momomi graduated cum laude and with the highest end scores in the history of Spica.

* * *

Notes: Naturally, I don't own Strawberry Panic, Family Guy, Suigintou (drat) or Mr. Bean. :) Suigintou and Shinku are from the anime/manga Rozen Maiden and Mr Bean is a creation by British comedian Rowan Atkinson.

The hilarious apron line is lifted from Futurama episode 4 : Love's Labor Lost in Space.


End file.
